The doorbell rings. We both start walking downstairs. Mum gets to the door first and as she opens it my eyes meet the unfriendly gaze of two policewomen. My knees cave in as I lower myself onto the stairs.
‘Ms. Walker?’
‘Yes.’
‘We’re here to have a chat with your daughter, Hannah, please.’
‘Yes, come in. I was told you were on your way. That’s Hannah.’
Why can’t I pass out now so that they have to leave me alone? What’s that in her hand? Shit, what if it’s my hair bobble? What if she asks me if it’s mine, what do I say? If they show mum she’ll know everything. They walk passed me towards the living room whilst introducing themselves to mum.
‘Hannah, come here please.’
All this stress really can’t be good for me. I can barely walk on my legs. I sit down next to mum. Only one of the officers talks to me. The other one is probably there to interpret my body language.
‘I’m so sorry about your friend. And I’m even sorrier that I have to ask you these questions at a time like this. But the fresher things are in your memory, the better for everyone. Do you understand?’
I feel like they can see right into my thoughts, ‘Yes.’
‘Hannah, your friend died of a puncture wound to her head. She either fell, or was pushed-,’
Shit!
‘-into a bit of a ditch which was filled with builder’s waste. Unfortunately, her head landed on a six inch nail.’
My eyes are streaming with warm, salty tears but I’m not making any sound.
‘Are you okay to continue?’ She looks at my mum. I nod yes.
‘The Coroner has given his initial impressions of how she died. He thinks it would’ve taken quite a while for Katie to bleed to death, what with the puncture wound being so small. That means there was a window of opportunity for whoever was there with her, assuming there was someone there, to get help.’
‘What?’
A barely audible whisper comes out of my mouth. My chest caves in as I expel every last breath. She was dead. She was dead straightaway, I was sure of it. Or was that why her eyes were staring at me? Was she trying to tell me something? My stomach feels like its convulsing. My heartbeat is so loud in my head. So I killed my friend twice; by pushing her onto the nail and by not phoning for help. I’m even more evil than I thought I was.
‘Why are you telling her this? Don’t you think that’s too much detail for her?’
My poor mum. She has no idea I sat and watched the blood leaking from Katie’s head. She doesn’t know that I watched Katie’s body go from pink to blue. She wraps her arms around me for support, but I have to push her away. I shouldn’t be comforted; it’s not right. I don’t want to feel the warmness of her arms around me one minute and then feel the coldness of not having them there when she recoils in horror. The policewoman makes me look at her as she builds up to her most important question.
‘Hannah? This is very important. Do you know who Katie was out with yesterday?’
I can’t maintain her gaze. I look away. As my mouth opens, I honestly don’t know what’s going to come out.
End of the Road
‘Stop screaming at me for Christ’s sake, I’m trying to drive!’
‘I’m not screaming at you, you bloody idiot, I’m disagreeing with you.’
‘Well if you carry on disagreeing you can get out of the car.’
‘Oh yeah, like you’re gonna stop in the middle of a motorway and kick me out.’
‘Don’t tempt me.’
Silence prevails. Both the driver and passenger relent for a moment’s peace. Alan’s hands are clenched tightly around the steering wheel and, gradually, as the silence continues, he starts releasing his grip. The impressions left by his fingers make him realise just how angry his wife makes him.
‘God!’ he mumbles under his breath whilst shaking his head. Mandy glares at him.
‘What’s the matter with you now?’
‘There’s nothing wrong with me, love.’
‘Oh, but there is with me? Is that what you mean?’
Alan takes a deep breath and tries to resist answering her. He turns his attention to the wet darkening motorway and the few and far between fellow midnight drivers. Mandy gets her mobile phone out of her handbag and starts texting someone, whilst sighing dramatically. Not only is the light from her phone distracting for Alan driving, but her keypad tone is switched on, so every button she presses makes an irritating noise.
‘Jesus Christ, only morons use key tones. Turn it off will you?’
‘No, why should I? It’s my phone. I can do what I want with it.’
Alan fidgets in his seat as if he’s finding it hard to get comfortable. He guesses she’s probably slagging him off in a text to her friend, which makes him wonder why he’s bothering to drive three hundred miles down to Cornwall on a Friday night to spend the whole weekend with her. It’s supposed to be time away from the kids and their increasingly stressful home life, but there are so many of the kid’s toys in the car, they might as well be here with them. Although Alan loves his children, he relishes time away from them and secretly resents them for what they’ve turned his wife into. She used to care about her appearance but she hasn’t even had her highlights touched up in over seven months. He also blames the kids for aging her. Mandy’s phone beeps and she quickly reads her friend’s response. She laughs to herself, obviously trying to annoy Alan. When he doesn’t rise to it, she looks insulted.
‘I need to use the next services,’ says Mandy.
He doesn’t respond. If she can’t be bothered to say please, then he can’t be bothered to acknowledge her.
‘Hello? Did you hear me?’
‘Of course I did. Why are you being such a bitch?’
‘What? That’s a bit harsh.’
‘No it’s not! We’re supposed to be on our way to a relaxing break away from the kids, to spend some time together for a change, and time away from my job, but you’re ruining it for me. Do you think I like living like this? With your constant bitching and moaning? You think the whole world revolves around you, and I’m just your skivvy; driving you and the kids wherever you want to go.’
Mandy doesn’t speak straightaway. She’s surprised by his reaction and the despair on his face. For the first time in months she looks at him properly and notices the wrinkles on his forehead and how the sparkle in his blue eyes has been replaced with a grey hue. She wonders if she’s the cause of this. She’s so used to moaning and winding him up that she assumed he didn’t mind it and that he just expected it from her. She’s been vaguely aware that since their marriage she has taken their relationship for granted. But that’s because she thinks the whole point of marriage is to be with someone who will always put up with you. She has to put up with the kids, so Alan should have to put up with her. However, she hadn’t realised how stressed he is and how her behaviour might be pushing him over the edge.
‘I’m not trying to ruin this weekend, and you’re not my skivvy. If I could contribute to the driving I would but I’d be a terrible driver, you’ve said so yourself. Let’s just stop at the next services, have a coffee and a break. I could do with using the toilet.’
Alan reluctantly agrees, noticing how she couldn’t quite manage an apology.
‘It’s about thirteen miles ‘til the next services so remind me when we get nearer.’
‘Fine.’
They continue in silence, their thoughts working overtime. As the night closes in around the motorway, rain begins to fall, quickly becoming heavy. They’re driving on a long stretch of straight road, and, as he’s an experienced driver, Alan stays in the fast lane doing eighty miles per hour. The sooner he can have a beer, the sooner he can start relaxing.
A bright flash ahead of them alerts Alan to the fact that his concentration has waned as his thoughts took over.
‘Bloody idiot, why would you use your fog lights when you’ve got oncoming traffic and it’s not even bloody fo
ggy? He almost blinded me.’
‘How much longer ‘til the services?’ asks Mandy, coming out of her own sleepy haze.
‘I don’t know. I haven’t seen a sign for a while. They must be close by now.’
‘I could do with stretching my legs.’
‘Well I’m going as fast as I can!’
‘I know, I know! I’m just saying; you did tell me to remind you. God, you’re so touchy.’
‘That’s because you have such an accusing tone of voice.’
Mandy puts the radio on to stop any further argument. Their car stereo can only pick up an obscure local radio station, so they drive along for the next twenty minutes listening to bland pop music. Then, at half passed the hour, the news bulletin starts.
Reports are coming in of a crash on the M5 between junctions 7 and 8. All we know so far is that two cars have collided and delays are expected. We’ll bring you more as we have it.
‘God, aren’t we on the M5?’ asks Mandy.
‘Yeah but we must’ve passed junction 8 by now because I remember seeing junction 7 a while back.’
‘Good. I don’t want to get caught behind the crash if they close the motorway to clear it up. I hate sitting in traffic jams. I just want to get there now.’
Alan tries to ignore her disrespect for the crash victims.
‘If people can’t drive in the rain why do they go on the motorway in it? It’s ridiculous,’ she continues.
‘They could’ve crashed for any reason you know, not just because of the rain,’ says Alan.
‘Here we go,’ she sighs.
‘Well you don’t drive so it’s easy for you to judge them isn’t it? Their car could be faulty, or the other driver could’ve been drunk or drugged up. Or they could’ve been swerving something on the road.’
‘God, I wish I hadn’t said anything now.’
‘Yeah? Well I wish we weren’t bothering with this stupid weekend away when you’re in this kind of mood. I can easily turn back you know.’
Mandy turns the stereo up to drown out Alan’s voice. Normally he’d retaliate by turning it off, but he’s hoping it’ll stop her talking. He wonders how their relationship turned into this argumentative existence. When they first met, their difference of opinions on almost everything kept their relationship lively. Everything, even their arguments, seemed fun. Then as soon as Mandy gave birth she changed beyond recognition; she stopped wanting to go out or pursue her hobbies. She had no interest in him until she wanted to get pregnant again. Now she surrounds herself with single mothers who seem eager for her to join their predicament so they can all bitch about the male population. Just thinking about it makes Alan decide that this holiday will be make or break time for them. By the end of the weekend he’s going to know whether to keep trying, or whether to leave her. Based on the journey so far, it’s not looking good.
The news comes on again. Mandy turns the volume down slightly.
The Highways Agency has confirmed reports of a crash on the M5 between junctions 7 and 8. A silver BMW has collided with a blue Rover. The motorway has been closed in both directions. There was just the driver in the BMW but two people in the Rover. Firefighters are using hydraulic cutting gear to remove the BMW driver. The ambulance crews are currently trying to help the two Rover passengers, but we have been told they are in a critical condition. Police say road and weather conditions are treacherous because of the heavy rain.
Alan listens intently, but Mandy is staring into space. He realises how ignorant she can be. He doesn’t see a way of staying with her without telling her exactly what he now thinks of her. It’s unlikely she’ll want to stay with him once she knows. He wonders if the two passengers of the blue Rover were arguing like they have been, as that’s definitely enough to cause a crash. As Mandy hasn’t learnt how to drive, she doesn’t care how stressful driving a long distance on a motorway can be. Alan’s hands start clenching the steering wheel again as he winds himself up thinking about her. Holding in his true feelings is getting to him. Something definitely needs to be said once they arrive at their hotel. The motorway is so quiet that they speed along unhindered, continuing their journey in silence, both dreading the moment when they arrive, and the inevitable conversation that will follow. An unscheduled news flash on the radio interrupts their thoughts.
More from the scene of the crash on the M5 now; one eyewitness has said there are Winnie the Poo toys all over the road, but no children are thought to be at the scene. We’ll keep you posted.
Both Mandy and Alan’s blood runs cold. They look at each other but say nothing. Mandy turns around to look at all their children’s Winnie the Poo teddies on the back seat. After a few minutes of silence, she speaks first.
‘Blue Rover; two people; Winnie the Poo teddies; and the same part of the motorway as where we’ve just been?’
Alan doesn’t speak, he just keeps driving.
‘And where the hell are the next services, Alan? You must’ve gone passed them?’
Alan speaks slowly, ‘I haven’t gone passed them. But I have been driving in a straight line for about forty minutes with no road signs, no junctions and no other cars around us.’
‘So, what are you saying?’ whispers Mandy, almost inaudible.
‘I don’t know.’
Goosebumps cover Alan’s body, making him shiver. Mandy starts trembling.
‘Come on!’ says Alan, ‘This is ridiculous. Do you seriously think that was us involved in the crash? It can’t be; we’re here! I’m still driving the car! It’s still raining! You still need the toilet!’
He looks across at Mandy who is shaking her head.
‘No I don’t. Oh God, oh my God, oh Jesus. What’s going on?!’ Mandy’s breathing becomes fast and shallow and her voice changes pitch.
‘Calm down love.’
Just then, some headlights in the distance come into view. Alan notices the car first.
‘Look! There’s another car!’
‘Oh, thank God.’
A car approaches in the near distance, heading in the opposite direction. As it continues passed them their temporary relief turns to horror as they realise it’s a silver BMW.
‘Jesus Christ! I’m pulling over.’
He puts his indicator on, even though they are alone on the motorway, and tries to turn the steering wheel left. But the steering wheel won’t move and the indicator turns itself off.
‘What the hell? I can’t turn it.’
He tries taking his foot off the accelerator but the car keeps going at the same speed. Mandy’s eyes and mouth are expressing horror at seeing the BMW. Alan has to shout at her to get her attention.
‘Use your mobile! Phone someone; see what happens.’
Mandy’s shaking hands select her mother’s phone number from the phone’s menu. She presses the ‘call’ button. The line goes dead before it starts ringing. She tries again with the same result.
‘No signal,’ she whispers.
‘Shit!’
They sit staring at the road, their minds working overtime.
‘Do you remember the bright flash that you thought was someone’s fog lights?’ whispers Mandy, ‘That could’ve been the crash?’
Alan doesn’t respond.
‘The news said the passengers are in a critical condition. So technically, we’re still alive.’
‘Jesus Christ, this is unbelievable. Turn the radio up.’
Mandy slips her hand into his and holds on tight. They carry on driving, on a straight road and unaccompanied, waiting for the next news bulletin, trying to make sense of everything.
At half passed the next hour, the news comes on the radio. Alan turns to face Mandy, who is no longer in the car.
‘What the? Mandy?’
He turns right around in his seat to see if she moved to the back seat while he was going over everything in his head, but she’s not there either.
More from the scene of the crash on the M5 now where two cars have collided. The latest news is tha
t the driver of the BMW has been airlifted to hospital and is said to be in a ‘serious but stable condition’ with injuries described as ‘life-threatening’. The driver of the Rover is too injured to be moved so the ambulance crew are still working on him at the scene. Unfortunately, his female passenger has died of what are thought to be massive internal injuries. Chief Inspector Rob Johnstone had this to say, ‘The investigations are at a very early stage and it's quite difficult to say at this moment in time what caused the accident.’
We’ll keep you updated.
Alan’s body freezes in disbelief. Eventually, his emotions give in under the strain and he starts sobbing at the wheel, not looking or caring where the car is taking him. Thoughts of how to tell the children their mother has died fill his head, followed by feelings of guilt for planning to leave her.
As time passes, Alan sits back in his seat completely helpless over his situation, awaiting his fate. Darkened trees and overhead motorway lights flash past the car over and over again.
The next news bulletin includes an update on the crash, but there’s no-one in the car to hear it.
Unfortunately, it has been confirmed that both people in the Rover have died. Police will be contacting relatives with the terrible news within the hour.
Delusion
To be honest, I’m not very fond of my own company. Its only when I’m alone that the conversations start. I’ve told the staff this, so I don’t know why they keep me locked alone in this room. If they want to help me they can cut my skull open and take the people out of my head. At least then I could rest. I’m sure all I need is a week of silent, good quality sleep.
End of the Road: An anthology Page 2