And in the dark a smile broke out on Doug’s face and after releasing his embrace on Ellen, gently so he didn’t wake her, he rolled over and drifted off to sleep.
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Jack sobbed as he lay awake in his bed. He had heard them talking at the table. Not what they had said exactly, just the quiet murmurings from their conversation and he knew they were discussing him. He knew that his mother was becoming more attracted to Doug. That she was paying him more attention, hanging off every word, looking at him like she used to look at his father. And he knew that it was only a matter of time before he took over. Took the role of his father, and took away his mother from him. And he listened as he lay in bed to the sound of chairs scraping and feet scuffling and the words that had stopped. And he knew they would be going to bed now. That his mother would go to her room and read; read until her book hit the floor with a thud and that Doug would pass his room and enter the spare room next to his and he would hear him coughing and spitting out the window like usual. He slept in the ‘Guest Room’ as his mother liked to call it. But this was no guest; this man who had invaded their home and their lives. Who had killed his dog and who wanted be his father and his mother’s husband. He was the real enemy in Jacks life. Not the Japanese soldier, the prisoner of war living nearby in the bush, trying to survive until the war’s end. No Jack’s enemy was Mister Doug Brown. He was his nemesis. This usurper, this parasite, this evil twin of his father. But his mother couldn’t see it. All she saw was a man, a man that could provide for her and protect her, provide security and furnish her with love. He was to her, the substitute for a husband buried somewhere in Italy. And Jack listened as the hallway door opened and he heard giggling and whispering and footsteps not going past his door, but footsteps, both sets; entering his mothers room and he heard her bed creak and he heard the grunts and the groans. And he got out of his bed and crept to his mother’s room and could see in the gloom, him on top of her, doing it. Doing it like he had heard about, from the older boys at school. Had even seen a photo once, paid a shilling in fact to see it, of a man and a woman doing it. It’s how they made babies he learnt. All that crap he had been told about babies when he was younger wasn’t true. This is how they were made. A man on top of a woman, doing it. And Jack was disgusted by what he saw and he retched and shook all over as he backed out of his mothers room and crept back to his own. He got back into bed and pulled the covers over his head and tried to block out the noises and the vision of what he had just witnessed. And he took deep breaths until his nausea passed. Then he cried, sobbing into his pillow so as not to be heard. And he knew his life as he knew it was over. That this was all somehow worse than his father dying. The fact that she had betrayed his father and betrayed her son and especially that she had betrayed both of them by doing it with that man. And he thought, What if she was to have a baby? And he a brother or a sister born from the evil coupling of these wicked people and he knew that if that was to be so, that if God was to punish him further by creating a sibling, a half brother or sister, a bastard in fact, that he would leave, run away, escape to anywhere. Never to return, and leave his mother to her sordid affair and her despicable family. So he sobbed and shook with emotion, and his heart ached, until slowly but inevitably, exhaustion overtook his mind and body, and he fell into a deep sleep where he dreamt of monsters and ghouls and demons and of being chased by them and running from them but in slow motion like running in syrup. And they caught up with him and they scratched and gouged at him with their clawed hands. They laughed and screamed and one reached into his chest and pulled out his heart. And blood pumped over its scaly arm and body, as his heart was still beating in this thing’s hand as it held it aloft. Then all the creatures ripped at the organ and blood spattered everywhere, over them and over Jack and he reached out and tried to claim back his heart. But he was too late. As the beast that held it in its hands rolled out its tongue and wrapped it around the organ, pulling it into its mouth and the other beasts danced around shrieking and giggling and Jack screamed, ‘NOOOOOOO!’ But no sound came from him and then he looked again and he saw the monster that ate his heart had his father’s face and he asked, ‘Why? Why Dad?’ But his father just smiled then looked away and then vanished before his eyes as the other demons and ghouls and monsters danced and screamed and shrieked and laughed...
He woke and sat bolt upright, sweating and panting, hearing the first birds of the dawn chorus. And he thanked God that morning had arrived. And as his breathing and his heart rate returned to normal and the sweat dried on his body, he knew that from this day on, his life had changed forever.
CHAPTER TWENTY
J
ack walked past his mother’s room and glanced in as the door stood ajar. He saw she was alone and he guessed that he had left during the night. They would try and keep their relationship from him, keep it a secret. For a while anyway, until they thought he could handle it, until they thought he was old enough to understand probably and had gotten used to the idea that Doug was to be his substitute father. Like that was ever going to happen.
Jack entered the kitchen and filled his haversack with bread, some onions and a couple of potatoes. He cut a large slab of meat off the leg of mutton that was hanging in the safe and wrapped up some butter and cheese which also went into the bag. He cut a large whack of bread and slathered it with butter, and manuka honey which came from their own hives, and gobbled it down. He guzzled a glass of milk wiped his face with the back of his hand and grabbed his rifle from the corner of the room as he headed out the door. On the way to fetch his horse Rosy, he checked the chook house - they were still getting the odd egg even though it was winter - and surprisingly he saw two in a nest. He took both of them and placed them carefully in a woollen hat he had in his bag. He went to the shed, found another saddle blanket and saddled his horse. Hanging over the fence he saw a large piece of canvas that used to cover old Bessie, the farm hack that dropped dead earlier this year when the first frost of winter hit and they hadn’t got round to replacing. He folded the canvas and placed it in front of the saddle as he mounted the pony. And then he was off. Leaving Jess whining and pacing up and down in her pen eager to go with him. “Sorry girl. Not this time. I can’t trust ya around the possums, you’ll wreck the skins,” he said to her. He knew he should’ve done his chores before he left but he thought: Stuff ‘em. They’ll be too into themselves to worry about what I have or haven’t done.
Twenty minutes later he met up with Wiremu.
“My mother knows about us not going to school on Fridays,” said Jack.
“Bugger,” said Wiremu.
“I reckon,” said Jack.
And they crossed the ford in the river.
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They had both woken almost at the same time in the night and they made love again, less frantic this time, more sensual. And after their lovemaking she had asked him to leave. She had thought it was too soon for Jack to find out. Said she would give it a bit longer before she told him about the two of them. He’d agreed. He could wait. No problem. Patience was the key, he had said to her. Patience Ellen. Always worked for him. And she had thanked him for being so understanding and he went back to his cold bed in the guest room. Not caring at all. He had what he wanted and he would just let everything fall into place as it was meant to. All in good time. And as he pulled his covers over his body and closed his eyes again, he fell asleep immediately and dreamed the dreams of a man without a worry in the world.
He awoke as the back door banged shut and in the half morning light reached for his tobacco from his trousers on the floor and rolled himself a cigarette. He lit it and inhaled, grimacing at the early morning taste of smoke in his mouth. After a hacking cough he got up, opened his window and spat the phlegm from his throat and mouth. He watched as Jack came into view, his pony trailing behind and was puzzle
d as he watched him take the canvas cover off the fence and place it on his horse. He scratched his crotch, dragged on his cigarette, realised it had gone out and flicked it out the window. He watched Jack mount the horse then wander down the path and disappear from his view. Then, putting what he had just seen to the back of his mind, he flopped his dick out the window and with great relief, peed on the grass below.
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Again Jack and Wiremu left the pony to graze on the river flats and headed into the bush carrying their bags, the rifle, the axe handle and canvas. They made their way along the traps dispatching the possums as they went. When they came to the end of the line they headed over to Konosu’s camp to find it empty, the fire dead.
“I wonder where he’s gone,” said Wiremu.
Jack said nothing.
“S’pose he could’ve just gone for a walk,” said Wiremu.
Silence.
“Wiremu spoke again. “Might’ve been eaten by the forest demon.”
Silence.
And then angrily, “What’s your problem Jack?”
“Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. You’ve been like this all morning. Your face looks like a thunder cloud and you haven’t said a word.”
“Just feel like crap is all.”
“Why do you have a sore gut?”
“Nah.”
“A headache?”
“Nah.”
“Toothache?”
“Nah.”
“Sore throat?”
“Nah.”
“Are your knees sore?”
“Nah.”
“Your arms?”
“Nah.”
“I know. Has your dick fallen off?”
Jack smiled. “Not that I know of.”
Wiremu grinned. “Have you checked lately? I’ve heard they can fall off when you least expect it.”
“Nah, but I noticed yours lying on the ground back there. I was going to say something but I know you never use it anyway. I heard you sit down to pee,” Jack grinned back.
“Nah, that’s not the reason, Jack. The reason is that I had two dicks, one spare. So I let that one go and kept the bigger of the two.”
“I would hope so ‘cause the one I saw was real small, like a baby earthworm it was.”
Wiremu looked concerned. “Well, that couldn’t have been mine Jack ‘cause my spare was way bigger than that. Like a totara log it was. You sure it wasn’t yours you saw? You still haven’t checked whether you’ve lost it or not.”
Jack, laughing now said, “No, I’m sure it’s not mine. I mean it had your name on it and everything. It said ‘Wiremu’s Dick. If found please don’t laugh but return to loser.’”
“Bloody cheeky honky!” And Wiremu dived on Jack knocking him to the ground. They wrestled for a while, laughing while they were at it, until Wiremu got the better of Jack and sat on his chest and held his arms flat.
“Give up or I’ll goobie on ya!” Said Wiremu as a string of spit from his mouth hung suspended over Jack’s face.
In between giggles Jack said, “Okay, okay I give up. Get offa me ya fat hori!”
“Sorry Jack but that’s not nice so you’ll have to take your punishment!”
And as Wiremu was about to release a gob of spit a voice interrupted them.
“Good morning Jack and Mu,” said Konosu.
Wiremu sucked the saliva back into his mouth and jumped off Jack. They both stood and brushed the leaves and dirt from their clothes and hair. “Gidday Konosu,” said Jack.
“Tena Koe,” said Wiremu. “Where ya been?”
“Just watching, Mu. Hiding and watching. I had to make sure that you didn’t have a change of heart after you left yesterday and decided to tell someone about me. I was checking that no one else was with you.”
“So you don’t trust us?” Said Jack.
“We are talking about my life here Jack, and my survival. You are only young and have been taught what is right and wrong and to always obey your parents. The right thing to do would have been to tell your parents or another adult about me. We are after all, meant to be enemies.”
“Yeah so you don’t trust us!” Said Wiremu accusingly.
Konosu held up his hands with his palms facing them. “I do now. I apologise if I have offended you but I had to be sure. What I am trying to say is that I would not have blamed you at all if you had informed somebody. And what I would also like to say is that I am very grateful that you haven’t told someone; that you have stayed true to your word.”
Jack said, “Yeah well, we didn’t actually give you our word that we wouldn’t tell, but I think it’s best for everyone that we do keep this to ourselves.”
They all nodded their heads in agreement and then Wiremu said, “Let’s get a brew on!” And they sat round the fire while they drank and shared Jacks food.
Jack mumbled, “The eggs and onions and whatever else is left over is for you Konosu. And I have this as well, for your shelter if you want it.” And he showed him the canvas cover.
“Thankyou so much Jack and Mu for your generosity. I don’t know how to repay you but I will somehow, some day. I swear on my father’s life I will repay you.”
Wiremu said, “Ah forget it Konosu. It’s nothing.” Jack just stared at the fire, his mind somewhere else.
“No it is something. And I am extremely grateful and I am now optimistic that I will survive this war. And not only survive it, but I will do so with my faith in mankind restored thanks to you two...” He looked at Jack. Concern was showing on his face. “Jack what is wrong. You don’t seem to be very happy today,” he said.
Wiremu answered. “That’s what I said earlier but he wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong. Me. His best mate for goodness sake!”
Jack looked up, glanced at Wiremu, then at Konosu then back to the fire. He said, “Just some stuff that’s happening at home is all.”
“What? That joker who’s moved in with ya causing problems again?” Asked Wiremu.
“Yeah sort of.”
Konosu smiled and said, “Jack sometimes it is better to share a problem with others you can trust. Often when you share, a solution can be found or the problem just won’t seem as big as it first appeared. We are here to help Jack and you can trust us. Both of us.”
“Yeah I know. It’s just that you probably won’t understand. It’s sort of complicated.”
“Try us Jack. Granted I don’t know you nearly as well as Mu but we can help you I’m sure. Even if we just listen to you, it can help relieve the burden you are carrying on your shoulders right now.”
“Okay, alright...Chuck another brew on Mu this may take a while,” said Jack. And he lifted his head and stared between Wiremu and Konosu looking at nothing, trying to gather his thoughts. He took a deep breath and began. “I guess it started when my dad left to go overseas, to the war...”
And Jack opened up and let it all pour forth as he relayed his feelings to them. He told them how much he missed his father and how he found it hard to cope without him and how he felt when he heard he’d been killed. He told them what his mother was like when she heard about his father’s death and then how she had changed when Doug had come along and now his mother no longer understood him. He told them how he hated Doug and how he had killed his dog and how his mother wanted Doug to be his new father and with embarrassment, he told them how he had discovered them ‘doing it’ last night. He had laughed a bit and cried a bit and shouted and whispered and mumbled and shook his head and gestured with his hands to describe the events and all the while his friends listened to him and nodded and said ‘Mmm’ and ‘Ah’ and ‘Oh’ and offered comfort and assurance and a little bit of advice until Jack finally came to the end of his story. He had vented his feelings, his emotions on display, his hate, his love, his wanting, his dreading, his afraid of the unknown laid out before his friends to see and comment on. And he felt drained and light headed but sati
sfied like you do after achieving a challenging goal or finishing a marathon and he lay back and looked through the leaves of the treetops to the clear blue sky and said, “And that’s why I’m pissed off.”
Wiremu wiped the last of the tears from his eyes and said, “I’d kill him Jack. I really would. After what he did to your dog and now what he’s doing to your mum, we’ll if I was you, I’d kill him!”
Konosu held up his hands and said, “No! That is so wrong Mu! That is not the answer. It is not helping at all.” And he shot a glare at Mu who stared back with wide eyes surprised at his reaction. Konosu continued. “Sorry Jack but we are only seeing this from your point of view. And while I do sympathise with you and what you have gone through, I feel you need to look at this whole situation from another angle.” He paused and looked Jack straight in the eye. “Do you love your mother Jack?”
“Um, yes of course I do.”
“Of course you do. Why wouldn’t you? After all, she has raised you Jack. She has fed you and clothed you and provided you with shelter and love and protection. She would die for you as most mothers would die for their sons. And yet today you talk as if you despise her? You despise her because she wants what is best for you and she wants what is best for herself? To me that is nonsensical. She needs to be loved by another Jack. It is what a normal and healthy adult needs. The love of another human being. Not just the love that you can give, but a physical and sexual love.” Jack’s face reddened and Wiremu giggled. Konosu continued. “And she needs the companionship and conversation of an adult. It is just the way it is Jack. Believe me. I pine for it every day. Remember it is not your mother’s fault that your father died. Do not blame her. And it is not this Doug’s fault that your father died either. Do not blame him. Blame the war Jack. Hate the war. For the war has created all your troubles Jack. Not your mother. Not Doug. They are trying to live their lives the best they know how, and in difficult times. Forgive your mother Jack, and forgive Doug, because you are not only making their lives miserable with your hatred and pettiness but also you are tormenting yourself with your blindness. You lack the ability to see a life other than your own, to consider the feelings of others, to be happy for the people close to you, who despite what this terrible war has dished up to them have finally found some happiness in their lives.”
Fathers Page 17