“My mom won’t love my baby as much as she loves theirs.” Normally, I’d feel foolish for even uttering such shit. Hell, under any other circumstance, I would’ve realized what I had said and immediately attempted to retract it before he could pick up on any ounce of truth to my words. But not this time. Not while he kept me safe in the cage he’d offered with his body in the dark room. And certainly not while he ran his fingers along my face, drying my tears.
He didn’t speak, just dropped his forehead to mine and trailed his touch from my cheeks to my stomach, making sure to pay special attention to all the important parts along the way. And then, with his palm flat against my abdomen, he held me by the back of my neck, pulled me closer, and covered my lips with his. It was dark, not an ounce of the faint moonlight from the window reaching us. But even still, he knew exactly where my mouth was. He didn’t miss the mark. And after the most intense kiss I’d ever experienced—which didn’t last nearly as long as I would’ve liked—he pulled away just enough to speak.
“Everyone will fall in love with your baby,” he whispered while rubbing his thumb back and forth along my lower stomach.
I froze, silently freaking out. Every muscle in my body became rigid, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find the strength to speak. There was no way he knew. No way. But I couldn’t come up with any other explanation as to why he would’ve said that. Why he would’ve continued to touch me the way he was.
“Pretend with me,” he begged, his voice even softer than a moment ago. While his body held on to the dominance from before, he sounded more like the teddy bear side of him. And what was worse, there seemed to be aspects of all his personalities with me tonight—the best friend wanting me to play along, the hero wanting to save me.
Thankfully, the only one missing was the one that resembled an older brother.
I didn’t need to ask, but I did anyway. “Pretend what?”
“This . . .” he whispered, holding my stomach as if I were round with child. “Pretend it’s real, that everyone was excited for you tonight at dinner. Excited for your news.”
There was a good chance this might prove to be the worst idea ever—worse than the first time around—but I couldn’t stop myself from giving in. “Our news, Aaron. Everyone was excited to find out that we are having a baby.”
In an instant, my feet were off the floor, and I was in his arms, traveling through the dark room. And when my back met the mattress, he wasted no time fitting between my legs while owning my mouth.
Never in a million years would I have thought a man would get aroused over this.
But oh boy, was he turned on. And that passion hit me in the right spot with every roll of his hips. Each thrust. It brought me higher and higher, never wanting this moment to end. And as though I was testing him, I muttered, “I was worried you wouldn’t want the baby.”
Aaron stilled—not the reaction I wanted. But then he changed the game. Flipped the script. Revised the plan. “Why wouldn’t I want a little girl with red hair like yours? Or a little boy with your sass and determination? Shit, Kelsey . . . I’d take as many as you’d give me.”
Fuck all the things. All the damn things.
“A little girl with my red hair and your green eyes.” The faintest glow of night that drifted through my bedroom window called my attention to the smile on his face. “Or a little boy with my sass and your smarts.”
“Yes, please,” he whispered across my lips before sealing his words with a kiss.
My dress came off easily, and at first, I was terrified he’d see my stomach and realize this wasn’t an act. I prayed it was too dark to see anything, and if he touched me, he wouldn’t notice the softness that had settled along my waistline over the last two weeks. I didn’t have the typical bump yet, which was the only reason I hadn’t stopped this—the idea of him noticing anything was nothing but paranoia.
Which was proven when he made his way down my chest to settle between my legs, lips hovering over my belly button. “God, you’ll look fucking amazing with a round stomach.” He circled my navel with his tongue, uttering sexy yet scary things against my skin. “If I had my way, you’d never wear clothes at home. You’d watch TV, make coffee, fold laundry, and brush your teeth completely fucking naked so I could see every inch of your body—knowing you were giving me the greatest gift.”
I pushed up on my elbows to see him better, and when he glanced up, his eyes twinkling in the haze of night creeping past the blinds behind me, I couldn’t stop myself from tracing the lines on his face with my fingertip. “Either you’re an amazing actor, or you’re a special breed.”
There was also the possibility that he was certifiably insane. Pretending to be married to someone and going along with the act that you’re expecting a child together is odd enough. But as a sexual kink? Something wasn’t right about that. Then again, I couldn’t say much since I was in the role right there with him.
Soft laughter filled his words when he asked, “A special breed?”
“Yeah. What guy gets excited about finding out he’s having a baby with someone he’s not even with?” I no longer knew what was make-believe and what was real, and a very large part of me didn’t care.
Aaron was quiet for a moment, and then he climbed on top of me again, pushing me onto my back once more. As he hovered over me, he gently grazed my face the way an artist painted the lines and angles of a model. “Don’t think about it, Kelsey. Don’t ask questions; don’t pick this apart looking for explanations. Just go with it like you did last time.”
“Last time I was drunk.”
He stilled, as though he was unsure how to proceed. “Do you want to stop? We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I was just trying to give—”
I grabbed his face and brought his mouth to mine, silencing him. It didn’t matter how fucked up this was, or how either of us would feel in the morning. I needed it. I needed him. And I wasn’t about to let him put a stop to it now.
It didn’t take long for his pants to land on the floor, or for his shirt to fly across the room.
It took even less time for me to forget this wasn’t real—well, except for the baby.
I awoke the next morning with Aaron on my mind. Well, not just Aaron, but all the things he had done to me last night. I just lay there with my eyes closed, recalling every touch, every word, every thing he’d made me feel.
Of course, the pessimistic side of my brain told me he hadn’t meant any of it. It had been a fantasy played out—pretend. Make-believe. It’d been nothing more than a role he’d acted out, a way to calm me down and get in my pants.
But the other side, the one filled with ridiculous dreams and outlandish hopes—thanks to the bun in my oven throwing my hormones all out of whack—refused to believe that last night wasn’t real. It refused to believe that the way he’d looked at me had all been an act. Or that the words he’d whispered had lacked all sincerity.
That was . . . until I rolled over and found the other side of the bed empty.
There was a chance he’d gone back to his room after I had fallen asleep last night. Maybe he’d worried about whether I wanted to wake up next to him, so he decided to take the safe route and sleep in his own bed. There were a hundred possible reasons why he wasn’t next to me. He very well might’ve stayed all night and gotten up early for work. The only way to know for sure was to talk to him.
And this was the biggest reason I had wanted to stay anonymous with him the last time. It would be stupid to carry on as if last night hadn’t happened. No matter how hard a person tried, no one would be capable of forgetting the things we’d said to each other. In a way, I had confessed everything to him. I’d told him I was pregnant and he was the father. Now . . . if only I could figure out how much of his reaction had been an act, and how much had been genuine.
After getting my feelings and worries out on paper—which had become my therapy these days—I got ready for work. Today was an office day, so I didn’t have to be there until ten.
Granted, I was the boss, so I could’ve shown up whenever I wanted, or not at all. But since I expected everyone else to arrive by ten, I felt obligated to do so as well.
Only two rings filtered through the speakers in my car before Tatum’s voice filled the empty space around me. Except rather than starting off our morning conversation with idle chitchat, I blurted, “I’m going to tell him today about the baby.” I’d spoken so fast all my words ran together. It was as though I’d held on to a secret for too long and couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Wait. What? Tell who?”
“The . . . uh, stripper. My baby’s daddy. Sperm donor. Whatever you want to call him.”
“You found him? How?” It wasn’t until right then that I realized just how little I’d filled her in on regarding this baby. Normally, I would’ve felt like a shitty person keeping such important details from my best friend, but that wasn’t the case this time. I would’ve felt worse having to lie to her longer than I already had to.
“As ironic as it is . . . I ran into him.”
After a few moments of silence, two beeps resounded through the car’s speakers, signaling the line had disconnected. I had just turned onto the bridge that took me from Samson to Langston, where my office was, so I assumed I had dropped the call. But before I could try her again, my phone rang.
But this time, it was a FaceTime call.
“I’m driving, Tatum. I don’t really think this is very safe.” I held the device against the steering wheel so I could focus on the road without her having to look up my nostrils from my lap. It was the best I could do.
“Sorry, but you’re going to have to start over, and I need to see your face when you do. It’s the only way I can tell if you’re messing with me or not. Your voice doesn’t give much away. So tell me again . . . how’d you find him?”
“Are you alone? Or is Jason home?”
“It’s Tuesday. He’s at work.”
“Good. Just checking. I wouldn’t put it past you to trick me into spilling the beans.”
Tatum sighed, which diverted my attention to the screen. Her sad eyes were distracting. “How much longer are you gonna wait before you tell your family? You don’t have to keep it a secret, nor do you have to do this alone. Your family—especially your mother—will be happy no matter how it happened.”
“I’m just not there yet. Not to mention, you literally just told them last night.”
“So? I had a reason to keep it under wraps. I didn’t need any negativity surrounding my wedding, and whether anyone means to or not, questioning our decision to get married so quickly is hurtful. And it’s even worse when it’s behind our backs.”
“And you don’t think it’s any less hurtful for them to talk about me behind my back?” Thank God for traffic lights. I came to a stop, able to give my full attention to Tatum.
“Waiting until you’re too big to hide it anymore won’t change the fact that you had a one-night stand with a stripper whose name you didn’t even know. You’re nine weeks, Kels. Too much longer, and they’ll figure it out for themselves. I realize I don’t know your mom as well as you do, but I’m willing to bet she’ll be more hurt if she finds out any other way than from you.”
“You waited until you were twelve weeks, so can you allow me that same time span?”
The light changed to green, and as I slowly crept forward, easing into an even acceleration behind other vehicles, I regarded her through the phone’s camera, awaiting her response. Finally, she nodded and added, “Take as long as you want. I’m just being selfish, wanting the family to know there’ll be two babies.”
“I get it. And I want that, too. But honestly, if I say anything in the next couple of weeks, it’ll look like I’m trying to rain on your parade. I’d rather let them smother you with excitement before adding more to their plates. Lord knows my family doesn’t need overstimulation.”
She laughed, which drew a smile to my own lips. “Okay, so get on with it. How’d you find the stripper?”
“I told you—I ran into him.” Knowing her next question would be where I’d run into him, I decided to beat her to the punch. At least this way it kept me from having to make something up. “I was on my phone, and when I looked up, there he was. We’ve seen each other a lot over the last several weeks, and I slept with him again.”
“You did what?”
Telling her I’d jumped into bed with the stripper who had fathered my child was my get-out-of-jail-free card. And I knew it, too. It was enough to keep her from questioning me about things I wasn’t ready to answer, and at the same time, it kept me from having to lie.
“You hooked up with him again? Why? And why haven’t you told him about the baby yet?”
“It’s complicated. I honestly did try several times to tell him, but each time I opened my mouth to spit it out, I got interrupted by him or someone else. If it wasn’t that, there was some reason that kept me from saying anything, until I finally gave up. After that, I felt like it’d be best to wait and see how things went. The last thing I want to do is scare him off with news like that, and I kinda wanna get to know him a little better. He’s really not that bad of a guy. And he’s not at all dumb like I thought.”
“So then why tell him today?”
I took a second to formulate the perfect way to explain this. “We talked last night, and the topic of babies came up. He wasn’t at all freaked out by the idea of having a kid with me. I think that was what I needed, maybe what I was waiting for all along. A sign to let me know it would be all right. That he wouldn’t run off and ruin everything.”
“Well, that’s good. Although, I’m not sure how you got into that kind of conversation. Then again . . . this is you we’re talking about. I don’t understand half the things you do—such as sleeping with a stripper to begin with.”
My office wasn’t too far ahead, so I kept my eyes on the road, refraining from looking at Tatum as I responded. “It started by me expressing how upset I was over my mom’s reaction to your news.”
“Why were you upset? Is that why you left?”
Pulling into the parking lot, I sighed and took my time answering her. “It’s stupid, Tatum. I realize these damn hormones make me crazy. But when I saw her get all excited, I thought to myself . . . she won’t act that way for me when I tell her. I know she says she wouldn’t care how I got pregnant, but I’m not stupid. She would, whether she wants to admit it or not. And then there’s my dad. He looked all happy last night. When I tell them about me, I’ll have to see the disappointment in his eyes—not the joy you saw. And let’s not forget Marlena’s comment about how I don’t have to worry about giving Mom a baby because she can fuss over yours. As if kids are replaceable and hold no value.”
“Wow, I didn’t even hear her say that. I’m sorry, Kels. But honestly, I don’t think you’ll have anything to worry about. You don’t have to tell them who the father is if you don’t want to, or even how you got pregnant to begin with. No one needs to know it was a one-night stand. Hell, if you can keep them from finding out . . . you don’t even need to tell them he’s a stripper.”
“Don’t worry about that one, Tater. They will never find out that part.”
“So you’re telling him today? When?”
My chest tightened, and my ears began to ring. Clearly, I was nervous, no matter how many pep talks I’d had with myself since waking up this morning. I just had to bite the bullet and get it over with, knowing and trusting it would all work out in the end.
“After work. I shouldn’t have too much to do today, so when I leave here, I’ll go see him. I figured it’ll probably be best if I give him some time to digest it before . . .” I cleared my throat, correcting myself before I gave too much away. “Before I see him tonight. If I see him tonight, that is.”
“Oh, do you have plans with him later?”
I pulled my lips to one side and glanced out the window, wondering how I could word this for her without saying too much or being too vague. “W
e don’t necessarily have plans, but in the event he comes over to watch a movie or something, I just want to be prepared. You know?”
“Yeah, that makes sense. Well, good luck! You’ll have to let me know how it goes. I’ll be anxiously awaiting a phone call this afternoon. And if you need a pep talk beforehand, you know how to find me.”
“Thanks, Tater. You’re the best.”
A giant smile stretched across her face. “I do what I can.”
I disconnected the call, took a moment to pull myself together, and then went to work.
Surprisingly, it ended up being a busier day than I’d expected. Normally, Tuesdays were planning days. We had the schedule of upcoming open houses, as well as a list of future projects that would require more time and effort. It was basically the day we went through the inventory catalog and paired furniture with certain projects so we knew exactly what we’d need and have it ready ahead of time. But today, on top of my typical agenda, I also had a crisis with a builder to diffuse. And by the time I finished rearranging my entire calendar, it was almost five.
There went my early day . . . up in flames.
One of the reasons I’d decided to talk to Aaron today about the baby was because I figured I’d be done with work around four, which would have left me with time to stop by his office on the way home. I didn’t want to tell him about it at the apartment, where neither of us really had anywhere to go in the event it didn’t pan out the way I hoped. This way, he’d have time to wrap his mind around being a father before leaving work, giving us a better chance at discussing everything without the initial shock I was sure he’d feel.
Luckily, as I passed his office, I noticed his truck in the parking lot. There was only one other car, so I assumed that meant either he was with his last patient or the only people left inside were him and his receptionist. I was willing to take my chances.
My heart thundered inside my chest as I parked my car.
While walking toward the building, my throat nearly closed up.
And when I opened the door, the world began to tilt.
The Secret Baby Page 15