Rain rested his hand on the gearshift. “Adrenaline will do it, sure. But from what I’ve gathered, you don’t always have to be in danger. It’s more like, you have to let your body take charge and get your mind out of the way. You have to not try so hard, stop thinking about it directly. Just let go into whatever it is you’re doing and suddenly”—he snapped his fingers—“your brain and your body start working together and your arms and legs simply know what comes next.”
I tried to understand this. “Sort of like the Protection Apps built into our code at home?”
He nodded. “That’s a pretty good analogy, actually.” He glanced at me. “What do you turn into when you’re afraid, Skylar?”
His question surprised me. It was so personal. I took my eyes off the road, staring at my hands clasped in my lap. “A panther. You?”
Rain hesitated. “A tiger.”
My mouth opened. “But you were always killing tigers when you were gaming. I saw you do it just before I unplugged. You didn’t even flinch. I could never kill a panther, not even if it attacked. It’s like, when I look at one, I almost see myself.”
“I know.” He shrugged. “It was the same for me with tigers.”
“But—” I started, then stopped as it dawned on me what he was saying. “Oh.” I felt a pang of sympathy for Rain. Thought about him sitting on that ice ledge, his legs dangling over that vast abyss. He really wasn’t as carefree—and careless—as everyone thought.
Rain got quiet. I let the subject drop.
The scenery zoomed by outside the window. It wasn’t the same as flying on the Apps, or traveling on a train at home—not as fast or quite as free—but it was better in a way. There was something about watching the Real World at this speed, seeing how the sun made its way over the horizon and across the sky, that I didn’t want to spoil with any more words. Doing these things in the real body made everything different. More whole. More vivid. More alive.
“Being in this car is pretty great,” I admitted after a while.
Rain’s eyes were still on the road. “I’m glad you like it.”
I started to relax. It was ironic: the farther we got from the city, the closer I felt to finding my family. Joining Rain’s cause was taking a giant step toward getting to them by enlisting his help and his resources. Hiding in the Keeper’s mansion got me nowhere, and to allow myself to be shut away because a few politicians thought I was pretty enough to sell was ridiculous.
I glanced at Rain and caught him looking at me. His admission that he saw himself in a tiger, yet his impulse was still to kill it, almost made me want to reach out and take his hand. I turned away instead, staring out the passenger side window. After another few miles, Rain pulled off the highway and wound down a narrow lane, walled in by tall, dense, leafy trees. By now, the sun was high. Nothing but green and the road stretching ahead of us. Rain rolled down the window and stuck his left arm outside. The wind struck my face and twisted through my hair. His hand seemed to rise and fall in the air as though it kept rolling over some invisible object.
“Go ahead,” Rain said when he realized I was watching him. “Try it.”
I rolled down my window and pulled the hair away from my mouth. Then I stuck my arm out, mimicking the movement of Rain’s hand.
I started to laugh.
It felt as though my hand was moving over and under bubbles, the air pushing it up and then letting it down again. I decided to stick my head out next. I couldn’t help it. The warm wind struck my face and my ponytail flew outside the car, trailing behind me. A feeling of pure joy flooded me. The smell of the air was green and humid, heavy with the scent of summer flowers and grass, and I loved it. I shifted position so only my arm was outside, resting along the bottom of the open window.
Rain smiled. “It’s good to see you enjoying yourself.”
“I am,” I admitted. “But are you ever going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Almost there,” was all he said.
Soon the landscape changed, becoming more barren, the trees spaced farther apart. Instead of dirt among the plant life there was sand, its grains spilling across the road. The ocean was all around us in New Port City, but the elevation was so high the ocean felt far away, inaccessible. But sand meant it was close. The potholes in the road got worse and worse until the car was bumping over them nearly constantly. The street widened into a parking lot. Dunes reached up in front of us, sea grass growing along the hills. “Are we near the beach?”
“Yes,” Rain said.
My heart grew wings and I thought it might fly from my body. “You’re taking me to the ocean?”
Rain parked the car and turned off the engine. “In part.”
I threw open the door and got out. I’d always thought that if I ever saw the beach again it would be with my family, that I’d be holding the hands of my mother and my sister as we walked along the sand, like when I was small. Even though they weren’t with me, that didn’t quell my excitement. “How far away are we?”
“Over here.” Rain beckoned me up and over the sloping dune.
I took off my shoes.
My feet sank and slid into the shifting grains, and I remembered my game of Odyssey with Inara. Real sand and real dunes were different. Each grain was so clear to my eyes, the heat from the sun burning the bottoms of my feet. The hurt was strong but not unwelcome. As we climbed higher, I caught the sound of crashing waves. “The ocean,” I cried, and went faster. “It’s right here!”
Soon I reached the top.
Rain was only a few steps behind me.
I blocked the bright glare of the sun with my hand. A wide beach lay before me. White sand as far as the eye could see to both the left and the right, and after it, deep-blue ocean. A wave crashed into the shore, then another, the surf sizzling as it flowed over the wet sand. I took a deep breath, inhaling the briny smell, the air sharp with salt and seaweed. The breeze was hot with summer.
Far off in the distance I could see the faint outline of skyscrapers.
Rain joined me on the dune’s crest. “So what do you think?”
“I think I can’t believe I’m at the beach. A real beach!”
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
I tore my eyes away to look at him. “It’s strange to see you care about things,” I said. “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings,” I added quickly. “I’m just being honest. You always seemed so bored by everything at home.”
“I know,” was all he said.
Then he kicked off his sandals and headed down toward the water.
I followed him, shedding clothing as I went. It felt so good to have the air on my skin. Without thinking I pulled off the tunic I wore. Underneath I had on the tiny tank top and leggings the Keeper had given me to wear. I loved the feel of the breeze swirling along my stomach.
We stopped at the high tide line. Rain dug his toe into the wet sand. He gestured at the clothing draped across my arm. “I’ll hold that for you if you want.”
I handed the tunic over. Noticed how Rain averted his eyes. “Thanks.”
The sun shone warm on my skin as I stood before the surf.
I smiled—I couldn’t help it.
Then I walked into the water, unafraid, and dove under.
22
A body knows
AFTER MY SWIM, Rain and I walked the beach.
There was nothing but sky and ocean and sand. Not another soul in sight. No sign of life, other than the occasional bird flying above or a crab scuttling across our feet. The sun and the heat dried my skin and the wind tangled my hair in knots. I didn’t care. I loved how the long black strands were taken up in the breeze and drawn against the wide blue summer sky, as though they had a life of their own. I loved the randomness of the movement, my inability to influence or stop it from happening with an App. I enjoyed the feeling of being unable to control my image, my body, the landscape.
“See that house?” Rain pointed to a gray structure in the distance that seem
ed only a tiny speck. It rose up from the place where it was nestled in the dunes. “That’s where we’re headed.”
I’d dried off enough by now and slipped my tunic over my head. “I’m ready. Let’s get started.”
“Good,” he said.
The gray house got bigger as we approached, so big I realized it was another mansion, though very different in style from the one where the Keeper lived. More rustic. My strides got longer. The sand under my feet was packed from waves pounding it incessantly. It made my body itch for movement. I turned to Rain. “Let’s test out your theory again.”
His eyebrows went up. “What were you thinking?”
“That I would beat you in a race,” I said. “I was fast at home.”
The left side of his mouth turned up. “You might be a little rusty.”
“Let’s see about that.” I tapped my chin, thinking. “Last one to the gray house—”
“Has to sit in the passenger seat on the way back to New Port City,” he supplied.
My jaw dropped. “Seriously? You’d let me drive?”
“Only if you win. Well, and after a little practice in the parking lot.”
I laughed. “It’s a deal, obviously.”
Then I took off into a run.
“I didn’t say go,” Rain protested from behind me.
But I didn’t care. I was too busy concentrating on putting one leg in front of the other. At first, my speed was disappointing. I stumbled in the hard sand and swerved left and right. It wasn’t long before Rain had overtaken me, and when I looked ahead I saw that he wasn’t even trying.
“Don’t baby me,” I called out to him.
He glanced back, then sped up, the gap between us widening, the house getting closer.
I tried to “let go,” as Rain had put it, remembering how when I’d been gaming back home, everything was so automatic. I remembered, too, how fear could propel me, how it had taken over and helped my real body do all sorts of incredible things when I’d woken up on the cliff. Finally, I stopped thinking. Let my legs do what they longed to.
I began to fly.
My strides were long and fast, my feet beating the sand, my tunic whipping against my body. Rain’s lead grew smaller. I pumped harder. I was getting closer, but so was our destination. A series of wooden slats set into the sand took shape. They cut the dune in two, leading straight up to the house. Rain swerved toward them and I followed. We sprinted up them, Rain tagging the wall of the house first. He turned to greet me as I arrived, a smirk on his face. I didn’t care. All that mattered was what I’d proved to myself on both land and sea: with or without danger, I was fast and I was strong, and with a little more time, I would beat anyone in a race. I couldn’t wait to see what else my body could do.
“I guess I’ll be driving us back,” Rain said between breaths.
I managed to smile, despite the way my lungs were gulping the air. “Next time, you won’t have it so easy.” My hair was stuck to my neck. I was dripping with sweat. “I could use another swim. We should have raced first, then jumped in the ocean.”
Rain nodded toward the house. “You can shower inside.”
I looked up. It was three stories tall, the roof flat and covered in solar panels, with windows facing out to the ocean. They shined black in the sun, so I couldn’t see through them. Like everywhere else, long, thin windmills rose high like palm trees all around. From the beach, the house’s size was deceiving. This close, I could see that it stretched back and back and back—I couldn’t even tell how far. Part of it seemed to dip underground, the roof descending until it was covered by sand and sea grass, parts of it peeking up in places throughout the dunes, all the way to the trees by the road. It was designed to blend in to its oceanside location, as opposed to sticking out. Unlike the other mansions I’d seen, it hadn’t yet fallen into disrepair. Someone had taken good care of it over the years. “What is this place?”
Rain wiped a hand across his forehead. He beckoned me to a shady spot under the eaves. “It’s called Briarwood. It once belonged to my grandfather.”
My eyes widened. I was standing in front of the former house of Marcus Holt, the founder of the App World. How surreal.
“This is where all the seventeens gathered after the border closed,” Rain went on. He smiled. “There’s a surprise waiting for you inside.”
“What kind of surprise?” I asked warily.
“A good one,” Rain said. “Promise.”
I followed him through a tall metal door cut into the side of the building. We entered a brightly lit hall, the gray slate tiles on the floor cold under my bare feet. I glimpsed the beach through a darkened window, but otherwise we might be anywhere. The air inside was cool, so it was impossible to know that on the other side of these walls was the blistering heat of summer. Recessed lighting lined our way as Rain led me around the corner and down another corridor to a second door. It was made of plain, dark wood. The design was simple—without any embellishments. Rain opened it and went inside. I stood there a moment before I walked in after him.
I found myself standing on a wide balcony that spanned the length of a cavernous ballroom. But, like everything else here, this one was far different from the one I’d seen at the Keeper’s mansion. Big, but plain. There were no chandeliers or frescoes.
I joined Rain at the railing.
Then I looked down.
There was a crowd of people spread out across the floor. They stopped what they were doing to watch us. They definitely hadn’t been engaged in the dancing for which this space was originally intended.
Some of them stood on thick mats, with padding on their elbows, knees, and fists. One person held a ball in the crook of his arm and another group was gathered inside a series of rings that lined the outside of the room, their chests rising and falling quickly, out of breath. A large area was set up as some kind of obstacle course, with barrels and walls and hurdles, and the entire right wall had been redesigned for climbing.
The ballroom had been transformed into a kind of training gym.
There were as many boys as girls, if I had to guess, with every color of skin imaginable. Almost all the girls had hair as long as mine, but a few had cropped it so short it was difficult to tell their gender.
Then my eyes landed on one boy in particular. He was taller than the rest, almost impossibly so, his skin even darker than my Keeper’s. There was something familiar in his face, the way he looked up at me, that revealed his identity.
“Adam?” I called out.
He raised his hand. “Hi, Skylar,” he called back.
I looked at Rain.
He shrugged. Then smiled. “Surprise?”
I ran down the center staircase that led to the floor. Adam met me at the bottom. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”
“I feel the same way,” he said.
My face only reached the top of his rib cage. “You’re a giant.”
“Yeah.” His voice was deeper. “I was a little surprised about that myself.”
I glanced behind him, remembering that everyone else was standing there, watching. A girl approached us. She was tiny, her skin brown, but a different shade from Adam’s, her eyes wide and as black as her long wiry hair.
Adam turned to the girl. “Skylar, meet Parvda.”
“Hi,” she said softly.
“You found her,” I whispered.
Adam had love in his eyes as he took Parvda’s hand in his, hers so small it seemed to disappear. “When I woke up, Parvda was with me. Not exactly the Keeper I was expecting.”
“I’m so happy for you.” My voice cracked. “And it’s so nice to meet you.” I reached out my hand to Parvda and she clasped it.
Tears pressed at the back of my eyes. I was truly happy for them, that they’d found each other again in this world just like Adam had wanted, but I was also jealous. Sylvia had gotten left behind and I hadn’t managed to see my family at all. Out of the three of us, only Adam had gotten what he’d wanted. I t
ook a deep breath and willed the tears to stay put. Soon, I reminded myself, searching the space until I found Rain again. He was climbing down the stairs to join us, his footsteps ringing out against the wood.
“You were right,” I said when Rain reached us. “This was a good surprise.” I stood there, thinking, a lump in my throat. “But why did Adam get to wake up here, with Parvda, and I didn’t?”
“Adam wasn’t on the New Capitalists’ radar.”
I sighed and looked around. People were whispering and pointing. “So these are the seventeens who have banded together? The ones who got left on this side of the border and didn’t choose to join the New Capitalists?”
Rain watched me as he said his next words. “Yes. They witnessed what you did on the cliff. They saw how you fought back. The fact that you could fight. It made everyone, myself included”—he blinked—“realize that maybe we aren’t so powerless to Real World politics. Maybe not to App World politics either.”
I glanced at Adam. He nodded. I watched as one boy ran on a track that circled the gym, and a girl scaled the climbing wall to my right, grabbing at the handholds, occasionally slipping but managing not to fall. “They’re testing their skills,” I said to Rain. “They’re testing this theory about the plugs altering brain chemistry and how this might affect our bodies.”
Rain joined me in watching the activity in the gym. “That’s the idea,” he said. “But we can talk more about it later. There are a few other things I need to show you.”
The crowd parted as we moved across the gym, everything coming to a halt once more. All eyes were on us as we walked toward a door at the far end of the room. No, all eyes were on me. There were whispers as we passed.
“I can’t believe that’s really her,” said a girl to my left, loud enough to hear.
“She looks different this close up,” said another wearing elbow and kneepads, her long blond hair in a ponytail high on her head. “Not as pretty.”
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