by K. A Knight
“You’re right, pretty lady. Thank you.” I can hear the wonder in his voice but I just shrug, uncomfortable with the praise. Auden leans up and kisses my other cheek.
“She’s right, brother. All we need is each other and it seems our Indy doesn’t care about rank or credits.”
I look at him and see the caring in his eyes. I don’t know how to respond, so I choose to ignore them. Eventually, they go back to watching the film, but I feel something shift with our conversation. I only wish I knew what.
Halfway through the film, the door buzzer sounds. I groan, not wanting to get up. Eldon kisses my cheek and jumps up to get it. Barrott comes in like he owns the place, and ignoring Auden, he sits down where Eldon was. I roll my eyes when he doesn’t say anything and just starts watching the movie. What a cock block. Eldon comes back and grins at me, letting me know he’s not mad, then he sits down next to his brother. There’s a tension in the air that wasn’t there before and half an hour later, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. As I’m coming back, I hear voices, so I stop to listen.
“I don’t want to see her hurt is all.” I easily recognise Barrott’s voice.
“We don’t plan on hurting her.” Eldon defends.
“Good, she’s had enough pain in her life. Oh, and don’t bring what happened to her parents up in front of her.”
My hearts stop at Barrott’s concerned words. I know he’s just trying to protect me, but he’s done the complete opposite. I stop and wait, my heart in my throat.
“What happened to them?” Auden asks confused. I lean my head against the wall. Couldn’t I have just one more night where they didn’t know? I hear Barrott’s inhale when he realises the mess he’s just made. His guilt is palpable, it’s the only reason I do what I do next. I step out into the living room and wait for all three to look at me.
“They're dead,” I say in a calm voice, my emotions controlled inside. Then I step around the sofa and sit back down, eyes on the screen. I can practically hear the gears in their head as they figure it out. They might not have known me exactly, but they will have heard the stories. They don’t say anything and neither do I but, for the rest of the film, my heart is crushed.
Barrott leans into me. “I’m sorry Inds, I didn’t…” He stops, and I ignore him. I’m not mad I just don’t know what to do.
Barrott leaves after the film, I think he still feels guilty. He kisses my forehead and tells me he will see me tomorrow. I just nod at him. The silence is strained after he leaves.
“Good looking?” Eldon asks. I take a deep breath and turn to them. I don’t see pity in their eyes, only understanding, and I’m shocked into silence.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asks. I shrug, not wanting to open my mouth in case it lets the pain I’m hiding out.
“Is that what this morning-“ Auden stops and stares at me in sadness. I start to fidget. I need to get out of here; their sadness is infectious. I go to stand, and Eldon moves to the floor in front of me. He looks up at me through his lashes. He looks so young like that. So vulnerable that I stop and slowly lower myself back down.
“Our dad is an asshole,” he lets me see all his pain and suffering as he speaks. I stare at him in confusion. He keeps eye contact with me even as his face burns red. My confident goofy Eldon disappearing to show me a shy ashamed boy.
“He treats us like slaves, we don’t classify him as our father. We only have each other.” His reaction earlier makes sense and I feel guilty for suggesting he be my servant for a day. “He beats us, not as much anymore because we are too big. But he used to, a lot. He wears this professional version of himself and I hate it. I know the monster within him and no fake smiles and smart words can make up for that. I walk around with these silent scars and I feel like everyone knows, like everyone’s judging me.” He takes a deep breath.
“You never have, even now I don’t see any judgment in you. Just anger on our behalf and that Indy, is one in a million.” He’s right, my anger is rising. I hate their father and I don’t even know him. How could he hurt them like this? How could they turn out so amazing with such a shit parent? The pain and sorrow on their faces only fuels my rage. I go to stand, but he puts his hands on my thighs, trapping me.
“How are you two so happy all the time?” I whisper, needing to know. Auden answers, but I don’t look away from Eldon; caught up watching as each expression crosses his beautiful face. They’re so raw and honest.
“Not all the world is shit, Indy, just because one person is. We make sure to find the laughter in life. It’s the only way to push the darkness back.” I look from brother to brother, my resolve to keep them away crumbling like my heart. It aches for their lost childhood and the pain they endured. I look back at Eldon and know he will answer any questions I have, holding nothing back. He would lay his scars bare and suffer through the memories if it would help.
How can he do this? How can he share his pain so freely? I know he’s doing it to make me understand; to offer his support. I just don’t get how he can sit there, the pain and anger so clear on his face, and offer me his deepest secrets, but something in me softens at him for doing this. We might not have the same lives, and there are things they will never understand about my loss, and things I will never understand about their pain, but we share a common theme. We are all orphans in one way or another.
I lean forward and hug him.
“You are always welcome here,” I whisper. Auden shuffles until he sits behind me, wrapping his arms around me and his brother, offers his support in silence.
“It’s okay, we don’t see him much-”
I stop him with a playful growl. “It’s nice having you here. It’s so quiet all the time, you two fill it up.”
Auden squeezes me harder. “Then you will never get rid of us.”
I smile into Eldon’s shoulder and let them hold me as the pain runs through us all, and at this moment, it lessens a bit. They didn’t run, and they didn’t judge, they understand, and it helps.
“Hey, good looking, I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!”
I groan out a laugh as Eldon shakes with silent laughter in my arms.
“You must be a campfire because you’re super hot and I want s’more,” Eldon says around a laugh, making me giggle in between them.
They spend the night again. We all lay cuddled on the sofa, me in between them. I hold Auden as he trembles and cries out in his sleep and Eldon holds us both. I understand the way he watches his brother now, always trying to protect him. It’s clear Auden still suffers, Eldon too although he tries to hide it. Their breathing eventually evens out and I make a promise to myself then and there that their father will never hurt them again and that if I ever see him, not even Barrott will be able to stop me.
DAY 917
Over the next couple of days, we fall into a routine. I go to flight training and then I hang out with Effie during the day, the boys with us. At night, they come to my unit and we talk and laugh. They always stay over. One night, they insisted I go to bed instead of staying curled up on the sofa. I did, but Auden’s whimpering woke me, so I crawled into their makeshift bed on the floor and held him.
Barrott keeps his distance and I’ll admit, it hurts. I don’t know if it’s because of the guilt he feels, or if he’s busy. Every time I see him, his eye bags are bigger and the lines of exhaustion on his face are wider.
I’m just walking back from training when I spy him leaning against the hall wall with his eyes closed. I step closer and gently shake him. His hand reaches out and grabs my arm, halting my movements. His eyes slit open, and when he sees it’s me, he relaxes his grip.
“What are you doing Indy?” Even his voice is tired.
“I could ask you the same thing.” I look at his clothes, they are a rumpled mess, it’s so unlike him. “You need to sleep,” I state sternly, concern lacing my words.
“I will, I’m just on my way there now.” His eyes slide shut again. I stare at him be
fore sighing, grabbing his hand, I pull him along.
“What are you doing?” He grumbles, but stumbles after me. I ignore the sparks shooting from our clasped palms.
“You won’t make it back to the guard’s quarters, so you can sleep at mine.”
He tries to protest, but I just ignore him. I drag him inside my unit and push him down on the sofa.
“Sleep,” I command. He smiles dopily at me.
“You're cute when you're bossy.”
My stomach does a flip, but I ignore it. I grab his legs and swing them onto the sofa. I unlace his boots and pull them off, putting them on the floor next to him.
“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” I scold.
“Work,” he says simply, his eyes are closed now. I start to stand to leave him to sleep when his hand grabs mine.
“Stay, please.”
I hesitate before sitting back down.
“Missed you,” he mutters, his voice is slurred. He must be really tired.
“I’m right here.” He opens one eye a slit and then yanks me on top of him. I grunt when I hit his solid chest. I try to wiggle away but he spanks me. I stop in shock and stare at his smirking face.
“What the hell, Barrott?” I moan.
“Shh, I’m trying to sleep,” he warns and then closes his eyes. I lay there, not daring to move. His breathing evens out and he’s snoring before I can count to thirty. He must have been so tired. I know I can’t stay here like this, the boys and Effie will be looking for me, not to mention if he wakes up like this, he will blame me and get uncomfortable.
I daren’t move in case he wakes, so instead, I lay there for a while memorising the feel of his body beneath me. After a while, I sigh and make myself slip out of his arms. He grumbles and tries to grab me before turning over and going back to sleep. I look at his handsome face and then move some of his hair away from his eyes. I wish Effie was right about him liking me. With one last glance at my sleeping shadow, I slip out of my unit and head to the dining room, trying to ignore the feeling of his arms and body wrapped around me.
When I reach the dining room, I don't see anyone, so I sit at our table. I just sit and watch people for a while until a tray is dropped in front of me with a bang, making me jump. Auden grins and sits next to me with his own, Eldon sits on my other side with one. I grin and start eating, looking around for Effie. Auden tries to snatch my pudding and I slap his hand with my spoon and glare at him. He sticks his tongue out at me, and when he turns back around, I snatch his bread. He turns to me with narrowed eyed but grinning. I just shove the bread in my mouth, daring him to do something. He leans forward, a strange look in his eyes, when I hear Effie’s voice. I frown and look around. She’s trapped in the walkway between tables by Chrissy.
This girl just doesn’t get it. I stand and stomp over to her. Chrissy’s friends see me and back away. My face burns with my anger. The feeling of the brothers’ story comes rushing back only, adding fuel to the fire. Chrissy puts her face right in Effie’s and then laughs when she flinches.
“Stupid stuck up virgin,” she mocks.
Oh, hell no. I walk faster, my eyes narrowed on her.
“Why don’t you just do us a favour, and just disappear.”
I don’t bother stopping. I grab her arm and twist it behind her, slamming her down to the table in front of where she’s standing. I look at Effie and wink. I see the tears in her eyes and my anger doubles. I breathe deeply, trying not to take this too far. I glare at Chrissy’s friends.
“I ever see you going in on Effie or anyone else again, we are going to have a problem.” They nod and scatter. I look back at Effie, ignoring Chrissy’s wiggling beneath me. She is swearing and trying to move. Luckily, Barrott taught me some moves a while ago to protect myself.
“Hi, babe, why don’t you go sit down.” I turn back to Chrissy. People are standing watching us now, most are teenagers as the older people tend to have their dinner later to avoid all the classes coming out. I lean over her, pulling her arm up, making her swear louder.
“You are going to listen, and you are going to listen good this time. I ever see you near my family again, I will break this arm. You ever so much as look at her and I will make your life hell. I don’t know what your problem is, but you leave Effie out of it. Understood?” She swears again, trying to get free. When she realises she can't, she stops and breathes heavily underneath me. I add a bit more pressure and she shouts.
“Okay. Fine, let me go!”
I give her arm another pull, just for good measure and then let her go and step back. I don’t turn in case she tries to come after me. I wait. She straightens and whirls to me, hate in her eyes. Her face is red with a faint imprint from the table, I just wait. She obviously decides it’s not worth the hassle and storms off. I turn back to Effie with a smile, she just shakes her head at me, but her tears have gone.
“Amazing, have I told you how hot it is when you get all riled up?” Cain’s voice nearly makes me groan. I ignore him, grab Effie’s arm and gently tug her to the table. Auden and Eldon are standing in the way, obviously trying to decide whether they needed to help. I just nod at them and they sit back down. Effie sits down, and I sit next to her. Cain leans over the table towards me.
“So, speed demon, when are you going to get all riled up for me again?” I grit my teeth and flip him off. He laughs, but flops down on the free chair at our table. This time I do groan.
“You okay Effie?” His usual attitude disappears as he offers her a friendly smile, she smiles back at him and nods. He turns back to me, his smirk in place.
“You coming to the party tonight?” My eyes are drawn to his lips and I quickly look back up, but it’s too late. He caught me. He doesn’t say anything, but his smirk grows.
“Maybe,” I say, leaning back. His legs touch mine under the table and I don’t bother moving away.
“Come on, speed demon, we have good times there.” I can feel the brothers looking at me, but I just stare at Cain.
“I might, I’ve got dinner with Effie tonight; our usual weekly one.” I hope sharing might make him go away.
“Sure thing Indy, I’ll see you there though.” Cain winks and then saunters off. I look back at Effie who is grinning now.
“Shut up,” I tell her. I look at Auden and Eldon and see they are both looking at their food, their eyes tight and lips turned down in a frown. I shrug and then start eating.
“I haven’t seen Barrott today?” Effie says while I’m chewing.
“Yeah, he’s been working a lot. I found him nearly passed out in the hallway.”
“Do you think it has anything to do with…” She looks around and lowers her voice “those Saviour people?” I sigh.
“Effie, they’re just rumours.” I smile gently at her. I know they aren’t, but she doesn’t need spooking.
“Yeah, we heard about them below,” Auden adds. I nod. Who hasn’t? Although, it would make sense they would target below more. More oppressed people, more fodder for their rebellion. The only reason I know it’s true is I overheard Barrott one night. I asked him about it, he begrudgingly told me that it was true. There is a rebellion on-board the ship called The Saviours but apparently, they just want to cause trouble. He wouldn’t tell me anymore, but I always make sure to keep my ears open. After all, what are they rebelling for?
“So, are you going to the party tonight?” Effie asks, eagerness in her voice. I groan, knowing what that means.
“If I have to.” She wraps her arms around me.
“Thanks, Inds.” She jumps up and heads off.
“Can we come?” Eldon asks, there’s an odd note in his voice.
“Duh, I was expecting you to.” They offer me big smiles, the first I’ve seen of them today, dimples and all.
“Meet me at my unit tonight after evening meal,” I smile and head off as well.
I spend the afternoon in the simulator again, I daren’t go back to my unit. By the time evening meal rolls around, I’m actua
lly excited for the party. It’s been a month or so since I’ve been to one. I head to Effie’s unit. You’re supposed to eat in the dining room, but every now and again you can take food to your unit. Me, Howard, and Effie have a private meal together every two weeks.
I don’t bother buzzing, I just scan myself in. Their unit is smaller than mine, with only two bedrooms and a living room/dining room combo. I spot Howard dishing up food at the dining table and head his way with a genuine smile. He smiles when he spots me and puts the food down, holding out his arms. I let him hug me and step back before I can get sentimental. He looks at the table, then back at me.
“Thanks for the credits Indy.” His voice is full of gratitude. I just nod, it’s not like I need them. I won’t use them when I get to Ayama as I’m coming back, so it means they get a better life. He never asks where I get them, I think he knows I will never say. He’s not stupid though, he knows it’s not legal. I sit down, and he serves me a plate.
“Where’s Effie?” I ask. He nods upstairs and then I hear her skipping down.
“Sorry was picking my outfit out.” I almost moan. Effie’s a shy girl until she’s had a drink. She doesn’t often go to parties but when she does, she makes sure to get very drunk. I always end up dragging her home as she cries, apologising every two minutes.
The meal is nice. We keep the conversation light, but I see the strain around Howard’s eyes. He’s been working too much, I asked him why once. He said more and more things are breaking, something to do with accidents. What he didn’t think I heard was his mumbled ‘accidents my arse’
I make my excuses and head back to my unit to get changed. My heart falls when I see that Barrott has disappeared, I guess he has to work. I pull out some jeans and a shirt, then hesitate. I haven’t dressed up in a while, and every girl likes to look nice sometimes. I dig out a skirt and slogan t-shirt and add my only pair of high heeled boots. I tell myself it’s because I want to, not because of who’s going. I even do something with my hair, adding serum to it to make it long loose waves, not its usual mess. I don’t bother with makeup though. I look back in the mirror, admitting I look good. My legs are long and look good in the skirt, the shirt is loose enough over my breasts to not make them look ridiculous, and it shows off my slender waist.