Voyage to Ayama

by K. A Knight

  “They won’t just believe you, you stupid bitch!” I smile, all the disgust for this man evident in it. I’ve never hated someone so much before. Seeing what he did to them broke my heart. Worse yet was seeing the emotional repercussions. I would take on all the abusive assholes on board to see them smile again.

  “I think they will. You see, I also have a couple of friends higher up. You are a mechanic, right? Well, it seems you are on your last strike there which is shocking, really, seeing as how you only just got promoted. Wouldn't it be a shame if someone found out about how you spend your credits on contraband?” I really owe Lee, I knew he was good for something.

  “No one cares about that,” he growls stepping closer to me.

  “Not always, but add that to the evidence that you have been abusing your sons? Oh, they will want to make an example out of you.” He laughs before descending into coughs, probably thanks to the vintage cigarettes he smokes.

  “Sure, like they will believe some kid.” My smile grows. He obviously doesn't like that and steps closer to backhand me. I flick my head back to him, ignoring the burning in my face and the ringing in my head. I laugh again, the movement pulling on my aching cheek. Damn, he might not be smart, but he hits like a rock.

  “You’re an idiot, see your gonna regret that. Not only do I have this evidence, but I also recorded your confession and you striking me.” He stumbles back, his face paling when he realises the extent of what I will do, what I have already done.

  “Did you think I was stupid enough to come here and confront you without backup? I knew they wouldn't believe me without proof. They have too much to deal with at the moment, and this is more hassle. But if I was to threaten this being leaked… well, they wouldn't want that. It would look bad on them, when at the moment, they need our support more than ever, especially if it was their darling orphan who leaked it.” My smirk is fully grown now, and he looks green.

  “Also helps I have a friend in the upper and one in the guards. They won't be happy when they see what you did to my face.”

  “What do you want?” he asks desperately.

  “For you to be locked away for a long time. For you to never come near your sons again; never even look at them. But I know that no matter what you promise me, you simply won’t keep it. It's in your nature. So, I will give you one chance. They will not be coming back here. They will stay with me. If you report them, or come after them, I will destroy you.” I step closer after every threat I make.

  “You will lose your job, your unit, your credits, your freedom and your passage to Ayama.” Before me, the once big man shrinks, the weight of my threats crushing his shoulders.

  “Okay, okay.” He nods hard.

  “Okay, what?” I say coldly.

  “I won't go near them again or report them.”

  “Good,” I turn to walk away before popping back around to look at him.

  “Oh, and I'll be keeping the recording as well.” I leave him there, looking terrified. I knew I needed to scare him away, in all honesty, I don't know if the uppers would've done anything. They are too busy trying to fight a rebellion but having that threat against him should stop him until something can be done. Feeling pleased with myself, I hum on the way back to my unit. At least now they are safe.

  I'm still humming as I let myself into my unit. It dies when I see the living room. Eldon, Auden, Cain, and Barrott are all sitting there looking tense. Space balls.

  “Hi guys, what’s up?” I ask casually. I watch all their heads snap my way. Barrott growls and races to me when he sees my face, Cain and the brothers a step behind him. Cain looks furious, Eldon and Auden look resigned.

  Barrott gently grips my face and turns it to the side, exposing my burning cheek. I'm betting I've got a nice little handprint.

  “Who did this?” His voice is deeper than I've ever heard it, completely opposite to the gentle way he holds my tender face.

  “Tell us,” Cain demands. I ignore the man vibrating with barely leashed lethal intent in front of me and turn to the brothers.

  “He will never hurt you again.” They both stagger back, looking shocked.

  “Anyone else hungry?” I ask sweetly.

  “You should've come to me,” Barrott shouts. He's pacing in front of me and the brothers as we sit on the sofa. Auden is seated on my left, his hand clenched in mine. Eldon is to my right, holding the ice pack to my face. He worries me the most. He has withdrawn into himself since my declaration. He may be touching me, but he's a million miles away. Cain is sitting on the other sofa, watching it all unfold.

  “And what would you have done? There's nothing you could do.” Barrott yanks on his hair.

  “Fucking hell, Indy I would have…” He trails off in a mutter. It must be bad if he’s swearing.

  “I couldn't allow him to hurt them anymore. What sort of person would that make me? I had to do something.”

  “But confronting him, someone you know who drinks and likes to beat on boys twice your size?” Auden flinches at Barrott’s harsh words.

  “Yes. I knew my plan would work,” I say smugly.

  “What if it didn’t? Someone who is willing to hit his own sons is willing to do anything and you just threatened everything he cares about. What if he flipped and killed you!” He screams the last at me.

  “It was a risk I was willing to take,” I shrug and he stops in front of me, chest heaving, his face red from anger.

  “You have serious balls, speed demon.” I look at Cain as he offers me a smile. “Proud of you.”

  I smile back. Barrott turns his anger on him, and to Cain’s credit, he doesn’t even flinch.

  “You are condoning this?” he snarls. Cain only leans back, crossing one leg over the other.

  “No, but I will support her. Yes, I wish she had come to one of us beforehand, but I know she did what she thought she had to do. Are you telling me you wouldn’t do something if you found out someone was hurting her?” Barrott fumes, pacing the living room. I let go of Auden's hand and stand before Barrott. I see the wildness in his eyes, I know it’s because he couldn’t protect me, my surly shadow. I stop his pacing by stepping in his way.

  “I'm okay. Really. It wasn't even that hard. I had to do it, they're like my family. I wouldn’t be me if I stepped back and did nothing.” He frowns, but listens to me.

  “I know you're mad. I'm sorry I didn’t come to you before, but I thought you might stop me. I had to do this.” He stares at me, his face stricken.

  “You thought I would stop you?” he whispers.

  “I thought you would try and change my mind. I knew following the rules on this one wouldn’t work. Could you have promised me that if I reported it, the guards would have taken the time and had manpower to do anything?” I see the answer in his eyes, even if he doesn’t want to say it

  “I couldn't take that risk,” I say softly. His face shutters.

  “So, you risked yourself instead?” he growls.

  “Yes. I would do the same for anyone, Cain and you included. I would do worse to make sure you were safe. I would do anything in my power, just like you would for me.” I say the last without any embarrassment. His face softens, and he leans his forehead against mine, obviously forgetting about our spectators.

  “I'm supposed to protect you. I’m supposed to stop anything from hurting you ever again. I can’t go through that again with you,” he mutters brokenly. I suck in a breath, knowing he’s talking about my parents.

  “I don’t need you to protect me all the time, I just need you to support me. I need you here, with me. To always have my back,” I whisper back. He takes a few deep breaths and closes his eyes, getting his emotions under control.

  “Okay, but I'm still mad at you. It’s a good thing I love you.” I start to nod and then stop, frozen in shock. He obviously realises what he said and watches me carefully before pulling away and clearing his throat. He steps back and the usual Barrott returns, no ounce of softness or weakness on his face. He�
�s got to be talking about as a friend, right? There’s no way Barrott feels the same way I do?

  “You will all stay here.” He strides away without waiting for a response.

  “Where are you going?” I ask.

  “You just said what you would do for anyone who hurt me, do you not think I would do the same?” He's gone before I can respond.

  I turn back to the others. Auden and Eldon aren’t looking at me again. Cain stands and moves in front of me.

  “I'm going to get us some food.” He flicks his eyes to the brothers knowingly and I nod. He kisses my cheek. “You’re amazing, babe.” he whispers and then he's gone like Barrott.

  I stand there, unsure.

  “Are you mad at me?” I whisper, all my confidence is gone. Auden's head snaps up. He goes to speak, when Eldon interrupts.

  “Yes,” he's glaring at me. Auden looks from his brother to me. I step back in hurt.

  “Why?” For some reason, I want to cry. I don’t mind Barrott being mad at me, it's our usual, but the thought of these two being mad or even worse, disappointed in me, does me in. Eldon stands abruptly.

  “You put yourself in danger. You left us here sleeping and went to him. You knew what he was capable of and you went anyway!” My eyes fill with tears at each angry word.

  “Do you know what it was like waking up with you not in my arms anymore? Then you appear all happy with yourself with his handprint on your face!” he snarls. Auden stands slowly.

  “Brother-“ He is cut off by Eldon.

  “No. We never asked for your help!” The tears drip down my face, but I start to get angry. I wipe them away with the back of my hand, not wanting them to see me weak.

  “I know you didn’t. I couldn’t stand-“

  “It wasn't for you to stand,” he shouts. “You do not need to be in everyone’s business.” He storms off upstairs and I'm left with Auden. I look at the floor, the tears steadily falling. He wraps his arms around me.

  “Thank you,” he whispers. I grab his shirt and hold on, using him as my anchor while my heart aches.

  “But Eldon-”

  “He's mad that he wasn't there to protect you. He needs to cool down. He always tries to get between me and the blows. He thinks it's his responsibly, so the idea that you took a hit for him will break him. He’s blaming himself right now for telling you. Without that, you might not have been struck.” I breathe in his scent and burrow into his chest.

  “I don’t know how we got so lucky to have someone like you fighting for us, but never doubt our gratitude or feelings for you.” I nod in his chest. He squeezes and steps back.

  “Now, go see my brother before he destroys himself.” I look at him in shock.

  “But you just said he needs to calm down,” I say softly.

  “If there is anyone who can face his anger and self-hate, it's you. You just took down my father and soothed Barrott, you can handle him. Don’t let him push you away. He needs you, Indy. He won't admit it and he will hate himself for the weakness, but he needs you. Like I needed to hold you to see for myself you were okay; so will he.” He smiles gently at me and pushes me towards the stairs. Following his prompts, I slowly drag my feet as I head to see his brother.

  I hesitate at the doorway. Eldon is sitting on my bed, his head in his hands. I breathe in and bolster my courage. He needs me. Even if it hurts me, I'll be there for him. Even when his anger is like a sword to my heart. I've never been so scared, not even when I faced the track or flew for the first time. The idea of losing him... I shake my head. It would kill something in me. In the short space of time I've known them, they have become part of my everything. I sit lightly next to him, my leg pressed against his, offering my support silently. I wait. I know he needs time, so I sit there patiently.

  “I can't lose you,” his whisper breaks halfway through, sending a stabbing pain through my chest. What else can you do but feel the pain when the one you care about does? Then I run his words through my head, it's not what I expected him to say. I stand up and he lifts his head. I kneel on the floor before him, between his parted legs. His face is streaked with tears and it makes my heart clench.

  “You won't, not ever. You're stuck with me.” I grab his legs and squeeze. His stares at me, looking so vunerable it sends my heart into overdrive, not in the least bit ashamed by his tears.

  “But I nearly did, and I didn’t even know.” I lean my head against his leg. He runs his hand through my hair and I close my eyes.

  “Promise me, Indy, promise that you won't do anything like that again.” His voice is stronger. I open my eyes and let him see the truth.

  “I can't promise that. What I can promise is next time, I'll try to come to you beforehand.” He watches my face.

  “Did I scare you?” he asks quietly. The change in conversation takes me a second to catch up.

  “No, why?” I'm hoping I look as confused as I feel.

  “I have my father's anger, Indy. I've always known it. I can usually push it down, but when I saw your face, I couldn't.” Ah, so that’s what was bugging him. Not that I pushed too much, but that he didn’t like his reaction.

  “You would never hurt me, Eldon,” I declare, my voice strong, sure with the truth.

  “You don’t know that,” he says softly, almost afraid to give the words life. Like letting out his darkest fear might make it real. But there's one thing he forgot. I don’t run from things that scare me, I run to them.

  “I do. You might yell, you might even make me cry, but you would never lay a hand on me. That I know for sure. We all have anger, Eldon. I do; probably more than most. Losing my parents and then having to put up with everyone’s reactions; it changed me. I snap easier, my anger is so volatile. I do stupid stuff, but it's about acknowledging it, and controlling it. I’ve only just started to acknowledge my reckless side, but now that I have, I understand why I do it. It makes me stop and think through things before I do them.” He nods.

  “Auden is softer, he never let the hate build in him,” he offers sadly.

  “So? Everyone reacts differently. I'm so goddamn happy with who you both are. You amaze me, that even after everything, you can laugh and joke and the men you have become? You are amazing. Both of you.” I reach for his hand and still it, gripping it in mine. Showing him that I will lend him my strength when he has none.

  “You mean it?” His voice is vulnerable.

  “Always. When I look at you, I don’t know how I got so lucky enough to have you in my life. Yet no matter how much I push, or how much you find out about me, you stick by my side. I don’t know what I would do without you two. Before you came along, I was just existing. I’d stopped living, really living. Too afraid to let down my walls, then you two come in with your dimples, and contagious laughter, and changed everything.” I offer him my heart and hope he doesn’t stomp on it. He looks at me like I’m the light in his darkness.

  “We are the lucky ones. Thank you for doing that for us. I didn’t react well, but I truly am thankful. You changed us too, you might not see it, but I do.” I smile at him and he smiles back. I stand up and crawl onto the bed behind him.

  “Hold me?” I whisper in the darkening room.

  “Forever.” He curls up behind me and eventually, Auden comes in. He nods at his brother and offers me a brilliant smile and climbs in front of me. I hug him to me and I fall asleep in my favourite place, between two of the pieces of my heart. If only it wasn't split into four...

  Someone shakes my shoulder. I groan and bury my head into something warm.

  “Indy, wake up. You need to eat.” I open one eye and look at Barrott’s face.

  “Come on,” he whispers gently. I manage to get both arms out from around Auden and offer them up to Barrott sleepily. He smiles softly at me and shakes his head. He grabs my wrists and tugs until I’m standing at the edge of the bed. I hear a groan behind me.

  “Food time boys,” I yell and then jump up, wrapping myself around Barrott. He grunts, but catches me,
holding me close. I look at the brothers as they both sit up instantly and eye me and Barrott up.

  “Food?” Auden says happily. I grin and turn to Barrott, I kiss his cheek before hopping down and racing to the kitchen. Cain grins at me as I check out the food on the table. He grabbed enough for everyone. It’s a strange mix of people for dinner, but it’s the best one in a long time. We all sit around talking and joking and even Barrott joins in. I grin as I look around my makeshift family, all that’s missing is Effie. I might have some things to figure out, like my feelings for each of them, but here and now, just being together is enough.

  DAY 920

  They all stayed over at my unit last night. With me sharing the bed with the brothers and Barrott insisting to sleep on the floor. Eventually, Cain gave in and slept on the bedroom floor as well. Cain had left by the time I got up. I find Barrott in the kitchen, going over something on the comm unit.

  “Morning,” I mumble tiredly.

  “Morning.”

  I round the table and sit down opposite him. He doesn't look up, which makes me frown.

  “Everything okay?”

  He nods before going back to looking at the unit.

  “Oo-kay.”

  He sighs before pushing the unit away and looking at me. His eyes pierce mine, like a blow to my heart. There is so much swirling in them, I don’t know where to begin.

  “Barrott, what's wrong?” He looks down at the table; this silence is so unlike him. Standing, I round the table to his side and put my hand on his shoulder. He puts his hand over mine.

  What the hell…

  Using my foot I press on the switch just above the last rung on the chair, it instantly drops into some grooves in the floor making it easier to move. Using my foot still, I push the chair out and plop myself into his lap.

  He grunts before his arms hesitantly wind around me. He pulls me closer and leans his head on mine as I snuggle into his chest. Breathing in his scent, I offer him comfort and wait to see if he will tell me what’s wrong.