I lift my working hand and look at the bandages once again wrapped around it. My head is pounding, the feel of bullets ricocheting through my skull. “I just want him.” I cry a little, small tears falling.
“Abbi, we’ve tried to find him, but he’s AWOL. You need to focus on you, sweetheart,” Maria tells me, holding my hand close to her. I feel her belly against my side, the twins kicking hastily inside. I rub her bump, feeling comforted by it.
I feel dead inside without my husband, my soul mate here to protect me and guide me, I feel like there is nothing to live for, until those two small babies inside her rounded belly kick me. I giggle a little, tapping the foot protruding from the skin.
“Quit it boys, you’re gonna hurt mummy,” I tell them, kissing her stomach.
“Joe and Melissa want to see you,” Maria tells me, stepping aside so I can see the doorway. Ant stands with Georgia, holding a squirming Melissa.
“MUMMY!” Joseph shouts and runs from beside his auntie to my side. “Mummy, why are you here again? Why are you hurting? We will see Daddy soon and he will make you all better, won't he?” He looks at me with his big bright eyes and smiles softly.
“Yes, baby. Daddy will be here soon to make me better. Mummy just fell and hurt her head and hand. I will be okay. I'm better now your here.” I smile back at him, feeling his warmth within me. He climbs on my bed and snuggles into me, wrapping his small arms around my stomach. He rests his head on my chest and looks up into my eyes.
“Mummy?” Joseph asks, staring at me intently.
“Yes honey?” I answer, stroking his soft hair and his rosy cheek.
“Well, I was thinking and Timmy at school said he was adopted by a nice man and lady and that they are his mummy and daddy by law, or something. So, I was thinking, maybe you could adopt me and be my mummy forever.” He smiles at me and my heart mends instantly.
I cry, tears streaming heavily down my face. They can’t stop, my body is trembling as they continue to stain my bed sheet and hospital gown. “Why are you crying, mummy, do you not want to adopt me?” His little lip pops out, sadness evident.
“God, baby, I want to be your mummy forever and ever. You are already my son, Joseph Leigh Lock and nothing will ever take that away from me, but nothing would make me happier than to adopt you, sweetie.” He sits up straight, kneeling beside me.
“Really, you mean it? You’ll be my mummy forever and adopt me?” He looks so happy, staring at me and practically bouncing on the bed.
“I would be honoured Joe,” I reply and he lunges himself at me, knocking the air from my lungs. My head hurts so much, but with Joe hugging me and kissing my face all over I can’t find it in me to care about the pain.
“You hear that Uncle Ant and Auntie Georgia, Mummy is going to be my mummy forever by the law of the policeman.” In all of his seven-year-old awesomeness he shouts out, causing Melissa to cry out.
“We heard little man, congratulations. You’ll never find a better mummy than her,” Antonio tells him, walking over and giving me Melissa. He bends and picks Joe off the bed. “How about me and you go downstairs and get some food? We’ll bring mummy up some hot chocolate and sweets. What do you say?” he asks my son and Joe leaps from the bed and towards the door.
“By mum, see you soon.” He blows me a kiss and then runs off.
“How you coping, hun?” Maria asks me when the men have gone.
“As good as I can be. I want it to be over, I don't want to hurt anymore. Joe just made me the happiest person alive, gave me something to smile about, but I need Leighton here, Maria. I miss him so much. I just wish I could tell him that I don't care about his flaws, that I don't care what he does. I just want him how he comes and to love him how he is.”
“The man is as stubborn as he comes, Ab. I’ve known him forever and he has always been that way. You’ve just got to let him work whatever this is out of his system. He’ll be back, I know that he will. He loves you and he loves those kids,” Maria advises me and I nod sadly, kissing my daughter. Melissa lays gently against my chest, her head on my breast. She sucks gentle on her thumb, her eyes heavy and closing softly against her blushing cheeks. Her lashes fan out and cast a shadow.
“Maybe,” I reply, lying back myself and resting my eyes.
Leighton
“What do you mean the way I’m supposed to?” I ask him, a little worried about his plans for me.
“You’ll see kid, sometimes we need an outlet to the pain and hate inside of us, this club can provide that for you.” I already know that, hence the reason I visit weekly and I am one of the top Dom’s here.
“I have been using that as my outlet for god knows how many years Marcus. This isn’t news to me,” I inform him as we exit the car and walk the gravel to the entrance. We sign in and enter through the double doors to the main communal area.
“Time for some difference.” He almost whispers, but loud enough for me to just make out his frightening words.
I look around the place, the same intoxicating scent of sweat and sex filling the air, those mesmerising bodies displayed and being cherished by their Doms. Their pleasure-filled cries echoing through the grand room. This is where I will always belong. Without a place like this to control my urges I would be doomed forever.
I am excited to get back into things, it has been far too long since Abigail and I have been intimate in this way and my body isn’t doing well with the withdrawals. She is like my drug, every taste of her a fix, and every time I taste her sweet essence I’m left wanting more, wanting to kill for more of her.
“Where’s Delilah? She’ll do perfectly,” I tell him as my eyes roam the area. She is guaranteed to be here, she always is. She practically lives here; trying her best to get away from the shit life she lives. Here she will get the love and encouragement she needs, from people who feel the way she does, who need the same level of intense kink she does.
“You won’t be needing her tonight Leighton, that’s not why we are here. There is one thing I know that will help you but you have to let yourself open up to it.” My eyes narrow in on his face, wondering what on earth he is insinuating.
“If I'm not here to do kink, what am I here for?” I ask, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.
“Oh, you’ll be participating in kink, Leighton. But let’s just say, the roles are reversed for tonight.” Marcus looks at me possessively and I begin backing away, towards the exit.
“Not happening.” I rush my words out, almost panicky. I have never, repeat NEVER, let another person dominate me. Even though, in the alleyway it had felt somewhat refreshing and arousing to let Marcus instruct me, there is no way I am letting him do it here, in the place people see me as the ultimate Dominant. No, no way on earth, it isn’t going to happen under his roof.
“You’re telling me that I think I have a way to get you under control, to get you back to the person you were, get you closer to your wife and your family and you’re refusing to try? Are you that much of a coward Leighton, that you won't submit to someone, even if it will save you?” Marcus looks me dead in the eye, no intimidation from my death glare.
“I can't,” I reply, looking to the floor and clenching my fists. Angry tears are filling my eyes, my embarrassment and hate at the world flooring me. I want to fall to my knees, beg God or whoever else is controlling my life, to let me go, to release the chains that are holding me captive. I need my family, I need to see my son and my daughter, to hold them and make sure they are safe. But with this beast inside of me, that is breaking free more and more, I can’t risk being around them. They don’t need to see me violent and aggressive, they don’t need the upbringing my siblings and I have had, witnessing my father in his blind rage.
I will never, no matter how angry I am, lay a finger on my wife or my children, they are my life and will always be my life. Now, I have to find a way to be theirs, I need to be the reason they live and breathe, like they are mine.
“Why
? You think it’s going to make you less of a man, Leighton? Think people will look at you differently because of it? Look around you, arsehole, how many men do you see around you, on their knees submitting to another man or a woman?” I lift my head and look around the area. This world, this crazy taboo world in which I have been living for god knows how many years, is filled with the most unusual and peculiar things someone can ever see. It wouldn’t be weird for me to be submitting to another person, it would be quite normal. Even the toughest and roughest of Doms have experienced submitting, fuck, it is part of our basic training.
If they can’t take what they will give, then they don’t do it, simple as. Now, it is my turn to submit. If I want my family back, want my beautiful wife back, I need to calm these cravings and find an outlet, because dominating her beautiful body, clearly isn’t working as effectively as I need it to.
“Leigh, come on man, I know you can do this. You’re strong and you have something to fight for. I think, if you let yourself give up the control, let someone else guide you, you might be able to push a little of this animal out. I think it will help. Do you trust me?” Marcus questions, his eyes staring intently at me.
I can feel my pulse hammering away, my blood pumping fiercely through my body. I am sweating, little droplets falling rapidly down my face. Do I trust him? Do I trust a man I have known for all of a few weeks to bring me back to earth and back to my family?
He has yet to steer me wrong, he has been there, relentlessly helping me in the past few weeks. Through his guidance and help, I have calmed down a little but it is still potent inside of me, like a venom attacking every system inside, breaking me down piece by piece. I need it gone, I need to banish it from me so I can live and breathe again.
I look at him, taking a frightened breath.
“Okay.” I nod lightly, looking to the floor. I can’t stop the fear of failure inside of my head.
“Okay?” he asks for confirmation.
“Yes, okay. I’ll do it, I’ll do anything,” I repeat, my body trembling. “I have to get back to her, I need her Marc.”
“Good. Let’s start.” I can hear the happiness in Marcus’ voice, he is going to enjoy this.
There is no way in hell I will ever be able to tell Abbi how I overcame the demons inside. She will laugh at me; see me as a weak man.
“Submit.” I hear Marcus say in a deep, barrelling tone. I take an encouraging breath, feeling the oxygen flood my system and giving me strength.
I exhale and drop to my knees. I keep my head bowed forward, staring at the floor. I hear the footsteps as they sound around me, the gasps of people recognising who I am. Marcus’ boots circle me, over and over again, analysing me. “One would think you do this often, Leighton. You are a natural, you’re body responds perfectly and your posture is admirable.” He isn’t laughing at me, but I know inside he is enjoying this, enjoying getting a grown man to submit to him.
This isn’t sexual for him, I know he isn’t interested in men. Regardless of the intense kiss in the alleyway, regardless of the fact he is hard, it is more the dominating that affects him. I know there is no position in his sexual life for my desires or me.
“Stand,” he orders me and I stand, standing straight with my hands behind my back, the way I always have Abigail stand. I look down once again, keeping my eyes to the dark floor.
I inwardly hope he will move us, take me to somewhere more secluded and private. The humiliation alone makes me want to cower and sink within myself. “Come. Follow me,” Marcus asks and I look up to see him moving across the room. I follow him, keeping behind him the entire time. I keep my arms behind my back, submissively, steering left and right when he does.
His eyes focus in on a wall, shackles in the corners. “Stand by the wall, assume the position,” he requests, waiting until I follow his orders. Embarrassment floods me as I walk to the wall and stand still. “Remove your clothes, Leighton.” I hiss a breath inwards, fear overtaking me.
“Marcus.” I beg him, looking into his eyes.
I berate myself as I watch him walk to me. He clasps my shoulder, digging his long fingers into the pressure point there. My shoulder drops down, trying to alleviate the pain. “Try again, Leighton.” He grits his teeth at me and I inwardly groan.
“Sorry, Sir,” I answer, bringing my hands up to unbutton my polo top. Pulling it over my head, I smile when the warm air hits my bare skin. “Good. Now the jeans.” I breathe in heavily again, unbuttoning and unzipping the denim. I push them down my thighs and over my feet.
Naked. I am stood butt naked in the middle of ‘The Den’. I can feel eyes burning holes in my naked skin, but I have to do this, I have to fight for what I want in my life. “This isn’t going to be a sexual experience for you, Leighton. You are going to experience pain, enough pain to drive this anger and hurt away. I won't harm you, however, but I will make you bleed your soul out to me.”
I nod, unable to answer through my fear. Nobody has intentionally hurt me since my father had. Nobody has gone out of their way to humiliate me and damage me. Will this really work? Can Marcus seriously banish my sins away?
“I am going to shackle you to the wall now, you will not be facing me, you will face the wall and allow yourself to feel and allow yourself to forgive. Turn around now, Leighton.” I do as requested, turning to face the cold concrete. It is dark, which to my surprise relaxes me. How am I relaxed at all, with my arse on show for everyone to see, for everyone to talk and laugh about?
“Good man. Well done.” Marcus praises me and I smile a little at his rewarding words. Slowly and efficiently he chains my ankles and wrists to the restraints, making sure they aren’t too tight or loose. My head is so close to the wall, I want to rest my forehead against the cold brick to try and alleviate a little of the hot tension inside of me.
I feel warm cover my back. “Forget anybody is here, Leighton. It’s just you and I, just the two of us exorcising your demons. Allow yourself to feel, allow every whip and lashing to open your soul up and let the bad slither away. It will help. Relax yourself and embrace the pain. Relish in letting go, wallow in allowing another to support you and keep you grounded. I will keep you safe, Leighton, I promise you.” I feel his erection hot and heavy against my back, pushing me into the wall. My face presses against the smooth concrete, cooling me.
“Oh, and Leighton, don't think the erection is because I’m into you. I do not have sex with men nor do I like them. I am simply aroused by somebody submitting to me, allowing me to dominate them. Now, I am going to start light and work upwards. You ready?” he asks me, chuckling a little at my shaking body.
Am I aroused, scared, nervous? I have no clue, but restrained and bearing all to this man who assures me he can help, I feel vulnerable and volatile.
“Yes, Sir,” I reply, clenching my fists as I prepare for the first thing.
A flogger hits the backs of my thighs gently, a soft thud sounding around. It is bearable, even as it continues to attack my skin, covering my arse, back and legs in a pleasant tingle. I can see why Abigail enjoys the flogger so much; it is somewhat relaxing. “I can tell you’re enjoying this one, your body is humming Leighton, and you are releasing this remarkable groan every time I hit you.”
I groan again, embarrassed that my body is reacting to this.
“Argghhh!” I scream as the flogger changes to a cat, the nasty thongs smashing against me. They whip through my resolve and straight into my pain threshold. I clench my fists tighter, agony flooding me.
“Feel it. Allow it inside of you,” Marcus instructs.
“FUCK YOU!” I shoot back, rewarding me with a further ten lashes, my skin raw and probably bleeding. “GO TO HELL, ARSEHOLE!” I continue screaming as tears fill my eyes. How does Abbi do this all the time, without so much as blinking?
“I'm already there, wise-arse, trying to drag you out. Now brace yourself, because this is going to sting.” This isn’t already stinging? I’d love to str
ap this bastard down and take a cat o’ nine tails to him.
Fire, it burns through my back, slicing through my skin as the tip of the whip thrashes against me. I allow the tears to fall, angry and bitter against my cheeks as I struggle in the bonds that hold me. My soul begins to shatter. “Please. Stop,” I beg, my chest heaving a sob that wants to be released. I need Abbi, she will make the pain go away, she will save me.
“Getting there, but not close enough,” Marcus sadistically replies. I hear the slice through the air, then the crack like thunder, as the tip breaks the sound barrier and splits my skin. I am sure it has cut me open, leaving me to bleed out. My heart is certainly aching, crying and pleading for my wife to come and save me.
Sagging in my restraints, I take blow after blow of the whip as it slowly kills me. “Please,” I mumble out, spittle falling from my lips, my arms hanging a little painfully.
“Just a few more, Leighton,” Marcus answers, dropping something to the floor.
I hear a ‘WOOSH’ in the air as something wisps around me.
A cane. A mother-fucking cane. I brace myself, knowing no matter what I do, this will hurt more than anything I have ever felt.
It hits my skin, setting off an atomic bomb against my flesh. Lightning strikes attack me, burning every pore on my aching being, splitting through my body and straight to the core of me. “Feel and forgive yourself.” I hear him instruct me through the relentless strikes against me.
The only thing I can feel right now, is my heart breaking. I can’t feel the outside pain anymore, my body is becoming numb, but inside my heart and soul I am shattering open, my wall crashing down. “You can feel it can't you? You feel the pain?” Marcus asks me and I know he is referring to the internal pain, not the blisters and welts on my flesh.
Whoosh after whoosh hits me, but I feel none of it. I can only feel my heart crashing to the floor as I imagine the pain I am causing Abigail and my family. I feel a raw hate for myself and for the animal that is controlling me.
Durability (The LockDown Series Book 3) Page 15