by Gabe Hudson
But I also fight back like a true savage.
I know the sweet feeling of sinking my fangs into a tentacle.
And I fight with a lust for blood and victory.
I rip tentacle after tentacle out of the wall and then shred them with my fangs and claws. I blast a hundred firebolts. Dozens of amputated glistening tentacles writhe on the floor, unable to put out the flames that cover them.
Now even with all the chaos and flying green tentacles here in the Dungeon, I can still just make out Fribby’s silver body floating peacefully in the Evolution Machine’s stasis pod on the other side of the room.
“Hold tight, Fribby!” I shout. “I’m coming!”
The hideous mouth on the wall snarls, “That’s where you’re wrong, sir. You won’t be saving anybody today. Not even yourself!”
Now the giant mouth on the wall opens wide and this long red tongue comes shooting out of it and then wraps around my scaly neck and cinches itself tight like a noose.
My eyeballs bulge.
I can’t breathe.
I’m seeing yellow dots swim through the air.
I claw helplessly with my talons at the repulsive tongue as it squeezes tighter around my neck.
The tongue suddenly yanks back and I’m whipped off my webbed feet and I go flying headfirst into the open mouth.
I can’t breathe.
Then the mouth closes.
It’s so dark and warm in here.
And that’s when I black out.
Part V
EARTH
[ 63 ]
POOF
Poof.
As soon as I materialize, I know exactly where I am.
It is snowing.
The full moon is high in the sky.
I’m crouched on my muscular haunches here in the forest.
Everything is the same, but everything is new.
That scream is definitely new.
My God. Who is screaming like that?
I cock my scaly green head to listen.
The scream is barreling along on the night wind, slashing at my poor earholes. The scream is piercing and nonstop and it’s coming from deep within the forest. There is so much terror in that scream, it makes my wings shiver.
I mean whoever is screaming like that, they are definitely shredding their vocal chords. Something inside of them is going to burst.
My nostrils flare.
My toe claws shoot out.
I crouch lower on my haunches and gnash my fangs.
Clack-clack-clack.
[ 64 ]
THE METAMORPHOSIS
The snow is coming down even harder now, blanketing the forest.
I tap my powerstaff and pull up my Cadet Profile on the floating screen.
Wow. My data is definitely new.
And the new data can be summed up in three words:
You are mega.
Or maybe four words: Old Gork is dead.
Because as I gape at the floating screen, the data is telling me: You are New Gork. And New Gork is one seriously deranged dragon fiend, in the best possible way.
The data is telling me:
Your days of being Weak Sauce are over.
And as I gape at the floating screen, the data is telling me:
Wherever you are, that is your domain.
And:
And wherever you go, you will be the Ruler of that place.
And I can’t help but think:
Boy, what would Old Gork be doing right about now as he scrolled through this new data?
Well he’d be weeping with joy and gratitude.
And as I crouch here letting the data wash over me, I snort in disgust at the thought of Old Gork and his weepy big-hearted ways.
Because from here on out, as far as weeping over my data goes, I’ll leave that to my enemies.
Because tonight in the forest my Cadet Profile is shining in the air like a searchlight:
CADET NAME: Gork The Terrible
NICKNAME: Big Nasty
CONQUER & RULE SCORE: 1000 out of 1000
RANK: RuthlessBastard
MATING MAGNETISM SCORE: 1000 out of 1000
RANK: ThrobbingWetOvowomb
HEART MASS INDEX SCORE: 1000 out of 1000
RANK: TerrorMachine
CLASS RANK: 1st out of 2358
WILL TO POWER: 1000 out of 1000
STATUS: Seek&Destroy
Dr. Terrible has done something to me.
My BIOCON LEVS are off the charts.
Some kind of metamorphosis.
I am a ruthless heartless bastard who is ranked first in my senior class.
My status is Seek&Destroy.
My nickname is Big Nasty.
My Mating Magnetism rank is ThrobbingWetOvowomb.
Basically, if you have an ovowomb, you will definitely want to mate with me.
You will want to lay my eggs.
I crouch on my haunches here in the forest.
My head feels weirdly heavy, like somebody has parked their spaceship on top of it.
So I flick my powerstaff and the datastream vanishes and now a full-length mirror appears on the floating screen.
The mirror is hovering right in front of me.
And the sight of myself takes my breath away.
What the—?
The scream is even louder now, slashing across the night wind.
But I have more important matters to attend to.
I slowly turn my scaly head this way and that, eyeing my image in the full-length mirror on the floating screen.
There in the mirror I’m standing upright on powerful green hind legs and I look like some kind of regal dragon tyrant. Downright majestic. You can see my hooded green eyes and the giant leathery wings and the thick tail with spikes running along the top of it. I’m wearing my white WarWings tunic and my red cape, and in one talon I casually hold my gold powerstaff.
And my horns. My God.
Gigantic and terrifying. They must be twelve feet long at least. My new glorious black horns curve up into these fiendish-looking spikes that wink in the moonlight. You can’t help but admire them. With one flick of my neck, I could bulldoze an entire city.
At that moment, an audio feed comes on inside my head and I know it’s Dr. Terrible before he even speaks.
Dr. Terrible’s voice is inside my head.
“Now do you understand, Gork?” says Dr. Terrible.
I gaze at myself in the mirror.
Yes. I understand.
“Tell me, Gork,” says my grandpa. “Think it so I can hear it.”
This is my Designated Foreign Planet.
Earth.
This is the planet I am destined to conquer.
“Yes,” cries Dr. Terrible inside my head. “YES!”
And for a second there I think I can hear Dr. Terrible break down and start weeping. But then the audio feed cuts out.
[ 65 ]
THE KING
The snow has really started coming down.
Everywhere you look, it is covered in white.
Now the wind is moving furiously in the trees, and the trees are shouting:
“Welcome back, insanely scary Gork!
Your life will be epic,
the stuff of legend and lore!
You’ll bravely lead us to victory,
of this you can be sure!
After fighting many a pitched battle,
you will win the Great War!
Before you we bow,
because you are the King now!
Before you we bow,
because you are the King now!”
I snort firebolts out my nostrils.
And I think:
Shut up, you stupid trees.
I can’t even hear myself think.
So just shut the heck up already!
I don’t have time to dwell on this, though.
Because that freaking scream is still shooting through the night wind.
[ 66 ]
THE ROSE
The scream is boring deep into my earholes now, carving them up and making them raw.
I rub my right earhole and when I pull the talon away, I see that it’s covered in blood.
Then, as if in slow motion, I watch as a drop of blood tumbles from my claw and plops into the pure white snow below.
And Professor Nog’s words from earlier echo inside my skull: “When you want to rule over a foreign land, you must first offer it a drop of your blood. Then wait to see if the land gives you its blessing in the form of a sacred bud.”
Now as I stare down at the lone red dot in the snow, a green stalk grows up out of it and then a huge red rose blooms right before my eyes.
I snort blacksmoke out my nostrils.
And then Nog’s voice pops up inside my skull, and he whispers:
“Now listen carefully, young Gork. Here on planet Earth you will encounter many savage foes. So when you find yourself in trouble, call out for this immortal Red Rose. No amount of gold can match this flower’s worth. This is the sacred key which unlocks nature’s kingdom here on planet Earth.”
Here on planet Earth I will encounter many savage foes.
So when I find myself in trouble, I will call out for this immortal Red Rose.
Got it.
[ 67 ]
THE FULL MOON
The scream is even louder now.
By this point it feels as if the wind is holding the scream like a knife and repeatedly stabbing my earholes with it.
And the pain is excruciating.
I tilt my scaly green head back and roar a roar so powerful and deafening that I swear you can feel the full moon shudder up in the sky and go dark for a millisecond before coming back on.
I snort firebolts out my nostrils.
Where is my Queen?
Then I flap my wings and take off, flying in the direction of the scream.
Thwack-thwack.
[ 68 ]
WHERE IS MY QUEEN?
Thwack-thwack.
I fly through the wind-driven snow.
Straight toward the scream.
A dark shadow in the forest.
Then I see it up ahead.
My God.
I close my wings and coast down to the forest floor.
I crouch here on my scaly green haunches in the snow, gaping at it.
The shiny chamber.
It’s shrouded in insanely thick vines. And a wall of dense thorny brush has grown up all around it. But if you know what you’re looking at, you can still make it out through all the undergrowth.
The chamber with the clear door.
A relic from a different era.
My early years were a succession of arrivals and exits through this door.
Back when I had been claw and fang and wing, nothing more.
I snort firebolts out my nostrils.
My very first lair.
After all these years, it is still here.
Where is my Queen?
[ 69 ]
THE SCREAM
The scream is coming from inside the chamber.
My horns are tingling like crazy.
My toe claws shoot out.
I cock my head to listen, and that’s when it hits me.
I’d know that voice anywhere.
[ 70 ]
THE CLEAR DOOR
With one flying leap I launch through the air and then abruptly land right in front of the menacing undergrowth protecting the chamber.
The vines and thorny bushes before me mysteriously begin to untangle themselves like snakes, and then they part to reveal the clear door.
The clear door.
Old friend.
Through the dense undergrowth, I can just make out the letters stamped on the side of the chamber: ATHENOS.
I reach for the door with my bloody talon.
Dr. Terrible pops up inside my head, and says:
“Now do you know where your Queen is?”
Inside the chamber.
“How did you—”
Because you are a ruthless genius.
“No.”
I pause for a moment, considering.
Because I am Terrible?
“Yes, my grandson. All of this. I did for YOU.”
[ 71 ]
BACK INTO THE CHAMBER RETURNING, ALL MY SOUL WITHIN ME BURNING
As soon as I step inside the chamber, the screaming stops.
It’s dark in here. And foggy. There are these thick clouds floating through the air. Everything is the same, but everything is new. The fog is new. But I can still see things.
I mean those same two dragon skeletons are still sitting there erect in their chairs. Each of them has a gold crown setting on their skull.
My parents.
Now that I’m older, I can see the chamber for what it truly is. And here in the lair, the small screen is set up in front of these skeletons, still flashing the words:
DESTINATION: PLANET EARTH
This is the aftermath of my parents’ failed Fertility Mission. Because my ignorant father tried to take shortcuts by using time travel to get to their Designated Foreign Planet.
And back when all this happened, I was just an egg onboard their spaceship as it hurtled toward Earth.
But how did I survive the crash?
And now, at this moment, a very strange vision comes into my mind:
The vision is of a patch of blue tranquil sky.
Then a black rectangle appears in the patch of sky.
Now the spaceship ATHENOS comes hurtling out of the black rectangle. The spaceship is covered in flames. The black rectangle vanishes. Now the blazing spaceship plunges toward Earth.
Suddenly the clear door of the spaceship opens and two talons frantically toss a big egg out into the air.
Mother.
The egg falls through the air. Falls through white wispy clouds.
Tumbles downward, spinning. The white shell glints in the sunlight.
Then falls through treetops. Bounces off of tree limbs, but never breaks.
Falls all the way down.
Bounces when it hits the forest floor.
Rolls to a stop in a bed of moss.
Now the egg trembles.
And a tiny black beak pecks a hole in the shell from the inside.
Then another hole.
I remember how the sunlight poured down into those holes and made my little eyes blink like crazy.
In the distance, a fiery explosion rises up out of the forest.
Mother and Father gone now.
So, for just a few sacred seconds, all three of us were alive at the same time here on Earth.
The explosion causes the forest floor to rumble and shake.
And so begins my life as an orphan.
Now the tiny black beak pecks another hole in the shell.
I remember how my little lungs in my chest were heaving because of how hard I was working, and I felt dizzy.
Another hole.
And now I am the only Survivor.
The only thing left from—
But at this moment my vision is interrupted by Runcita Floop, who comes dancing up to me out of the fog.
“I’m so glad you’re finally here!” purrs Runcita. “I was starting to wonder when you were going to show up. Wow. Look at your horns! They’re gorgeous!”
My Queen-to-Be.
My Luscious is here in the chamber.
Just as I knew she would be.
God bless you, Dr. Terrible.
[ 72 ]
RUNCITA
Runcita dances in close to me on the tips of her red toe claws.
“I want to lay your eggs, Gork,” she purrs. “Together we will conquer planet Earth and then raise a Colony.” Now Runcita is gyrating her scaly green body like she’s feeling real juicy, and her thick tail is waving back and forth like she’s aiming to hypnotize me. It’s as if she is possessed.
And that smell.
A super strange and dense aroma fills the
lair, tickling my nostrils. It’s a kind of luscious funk smell. And it’s definitely sexy. The smell makes me feel like I’m soaking in a lava bath filled with some sort of luscious oils.
Runcita keeps pushing her glorious scaly green ass up into my groin as she dances. I feel my hormones rumble and dark clouds appear on the horizon of my mind. A powerful bolt of lust ripples through my haunches.
My nostrils flare.
This is her Mating Dance.
And that’s what this luscious oily odor is.
Dr. Terrible has done something to her. Induced her body into its Mating Cycle.
Dr. Terrible pops up on the audio feed inside my head, and says:
“You’re wrong. I didn’t do anything to her. This is all natural. Just seeing you like this, it made her go into heat. That’s how it is for us Terribles. Get used to it.”
At that moment, the piercing scream inside the chamber starts back up.
[ 73 ]
THE FOG
There he is.
I can see him through the fog.
The screamer.
He is screaming so loud that something inside of him is going to burst.
Just his silhouette in the mist.
His glowing yellow eyes.
Standing maybe twenty feet away.
Dean Floop?
But he looks different.
I move in closer to get a better look.
And this is the gruesome part.
Seeing Dean Floop up close like this.
Seeing what Dr. Terrible has done to Dean Floop.
Then, at that moment, Dean Floop—or what’s left of Dean Floop—well he looks right at me and starts screaming even louder.
“Now THAT,” says Dr. Terrible inside my head, “is definitely NOT natural.”
[ 74 ]
DEAN FLOOP
A wolf.
Just seeing him like this, it’s insane.
He is a full-grown wolf, standing upright on his furry hind legs.
And he is screaming like a lunatic.
“Don’t think about it. Just blast him with a firestream,” hisses Dr. Terrible inside my head. “KILL him.”