CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR.
For the execution of all form, observance, ceremony, subordination, and the like, even though, while he compels obedience, he may get himself privately laughed at, commend me to our governor, Don Fabricio.
HUMOURS OF MADRID.
In a few days, Courtenay, with the prize crew of the _Aspasia_, sailedfor Barbadoes in the frigate which had been ordered to receive them fora passage. The frigate was commanded by one of the most singularcharacters in the service. He was a clever man, a thorough sailor, andwell acquainted with the details and technicalities of the profession--aspirited and enterprising officer, but of the most arbitrarydisposition. So well was he acquainted with the regulations of theservice, that he could hedge himself in so as to insure a compliancewith the most preposterous orders, or draw the officer who resisted intoa premunire which would risk his commission.
In a profession where one man is embarked with many, isolated from thepower whence he derives his own where his fiat must be received withouta murmur by hundreds who can reason as well as himself it is absolutelyrequisite that he should be invested with an authority amounting todespotism. True it is that he is held responsible to his superiors forany undue exercise of this authority: but amongst so many to whom it isconfided, there must be some who, from disposition, or the bad exampleof those under whom they have served, will not adhere to the limitswhich have been prescribed. This, however, is no reason for reducingthat authority, which, as you govern wholly by opinion, is necessary forthe discipline which upholds the service; but it is a strong reason fornot delegating it to those who are not fit to be intrusted.
Captain Bradshaw had many redeeming qualities. Oppressor as he was, headmired a spirit of resistance in an officer when it was shown in a justcause, and, upon reflection, was invariably his friend, for he felt thathis own natural temperament was increased by abject obedience. Raynal,I think it is, has said that "the pride of men in office arises as muchfrom the servility of their inferiors or expectants as from any othercause." In our service they are all inferiors, and all expectants. Canit then be surprising that a captain occasionally becomes tyrannical?But Captain Bradshaw was not naturally tyrannical: he had become so,because, promoted at an early age, he had never been afterwards opposed;no one contradicted him; every one applauded his jokes, and magnifiedhis mirth into wit. He would try by a court-martial an officer who hadcommitted a slight error, and on the same day would open his purse andextend his patronage to another whom he knew not, but had been informedthat he was deserving, and had no friends. To his seamen he was aslavish with his money as he was with the cat. He would give a man a newjacket one day, and cut it to pieces on his back with a rope's end onthe next. Yet it was not exactly inconsistency--it was an eccentricityof character--not natural, but created by the service. The graft was ofa worse quality than the parent stock, and the fruit was a compound ofthe two. The sailors, who are of the most forgiving temper in theworld, and will pardon a hundred faults for one redeeming quality,declared that "he warn't a bad captain after all."
His violent and tyrannical disposition made him constantly at variancewith his officers, and continual changes took place in his ship; but itwas observed, that those who had left him from a spirited resistancewere kindly received, and benefited by his patronage, while those whosubmitted were neglected. Like a pretty but clever woman, who is awarethat flattery is to be despised, and yet, from habit, cannot existwithout it so Captain Bradshaw exacted the servility which he had beenaccustomed to, yet rewarded not those by whom it was administered. Allthe midshipmen promoted on the station had to pass through the ordeal ofsailing with Captain Bradshaw, who generally had a vacancy; and itcertainly had a good effect upon those young men who were inclined topresume upon their newly acquired rank: for they were well schooledbefore they quitted his ship.
When Courtenay and his party went on board of the frigate, thefirst-lieutenant, master, and surgeon, indignant at language which hadbeen used to them by the captain, refused to dine in the cabin, whenthey were invited by the steward, who reported to Captain Bradshaw thatthe officers would not accept his invitation.
"Won't they, by God? I'll see to that. Send my clerk here."
The clerk made his appearance, with an abject bow.
"Mr Powell, sit down, and write as I dictate," said Captain Bradshaw,who, walking up and down the fore-cabin, composed a memorandum, inwhich, after a long preamble, the first-lieutenant, master, and surgeon,were directed to dine with him every day, until further orders. CaptainBradshaw, having signed it, sent for the first-lieutenant, and deliveredit himself into his hands.
"Ferguson!--Bradly!" cried the first-lieutenant, entering the gun-room,with the paper in his hand, "here's something for all three of us,--apositive order to dine with the skipper every day, until he gets tiredof our company."
"I'll be hanged if I do," replied the surgeon. "I'll put myself in thesick-list."
"And if I am obliged to go, I'll not touch anything," rejoined themaster. "There's an old proverb, `you may lead a horse to the pond, butyou can't make him drink.'"
"Whatever we do," replied Roberts, the first-lieutenant, "we must act inconcert; but I have been long enough in the service to know that we mustobey first, and remonstrate afterwards. That this is an unusual order,I grant, nor do I know by what regulations of the service it can beenforced; but at the same time I consider that we run a great risk inrefusing to obey it. Only observe, in the preamble, how artfully heinserts `appearance of a conspiracy, tending to bring him intocontempt;' and again, `for the better discipline of his Majesty'sservice, which must invariably suffer when there is an appearance ofwant of cordiality between those to whom the men must look for example.'Upon my soul, he's devilish clever. I do believe he'd find out areason for drawing out all our double teeth, if he was inclined, andprove it was all for the benefit of his Majesty's service. Well, now,what's to be done?"
"Why, what's your opinion, Roberts?"
"Oh, mine is to go; and if you will act with me, he won't allow us todine with him a second time."
"Well, then, I agree," replied the surgeon.
"And so must I, then, I presume; but, by heavens, downright tyranny andoppression."
"Never mind; listen to me. Let's all go, and all behave as ill as wecan--be as unmannerly as bears--abuse everything--be as familiar aspossible, and laugh in his face. He cannot touch us for it, if we donot go too far--and he'll not trouble us to come a second time."
Their plans were arranged; and at three o'clock they were ushered intothe cabin, with one of the midshipmen of the ship, and Jerry, who, as astranger, had been honoured with an invitation. Captain Bradshaw, whoseproperty was equal to his liberality, piqued himself upon keeping a goodtable; his cook was an _artiste_, and his wines were of the very bestquality. After all, there was no great hardship in dining with him--but, "upon compulsion!"--No. The officers bowed. The captain,satisfied with their obedience, intended, although he had brought themthere by force, to do the honours of his table with the greatesturbanity.
"Roberts," said he, "do me the favour to take the foot of the table.--Doctor, here's a chair for you.--Mr Bradly, come round on this side.Now, then, steward, off covers, and let us see what you have for us.Why, youngster, does your captain starve you?"
"No, sir," replied Jerry, who knew what was going on; "but he don't giveme a dinner every day."
"Humph!" muttered the captain, who thought Mr Jerry very free upon soshort an acquaintance.
The soup was handed round; the first spoonful that Roberts took in hismouth, he threw out on the snow-white deck, crying out, as soon as hismouth was empty, "O Lord!"
"Why, what's the matter?" inquired the captain.
"So cursed hot, I've burnt my tongue."
"Oh, that's all?--steward, wipe up that mess," said the captain, who wasrather nice in his eating.
"Do you know Jemmy Cavan, sir, at Barbadoes?" inquired the doctor.
"No, sir, I kno
w no Jemmies," replied Captain Bradshaw, surprised at hisfamiliar address.
"He's a devilish good fellow, sir, I can tell you. When he gets you onshore, he'll make you dine with him every day, whether or not. He'lltake no denial."
"Now, that's what I call a damned good fellow: you don't often meet achap like him," observed the master.
Captain Bradshaw felt that he was indirectly called a _chap_, which didnot please him.
"Mr Bradly, will you take some mutton?"
"If you please," said the master.
"Roberts, I'll trouble you to carve the saddle of mutton."
The first-lieutenant cut out a slice, and taking it on the fork, lookedat it suspiciously, and then held his nose over it.
"Why, what's the matter?"
"Rather high, sir, I'm afraid."
"Oh, I smell it here," said Jerry, who entered into the joke.
"Indeed! Steward, remove that dish; fortunately, it is not all ourdinner. What will you take, Mr Bradly?"
"Why, really, I seldom touch anything but the joint. I hate yourkickshaws, there's so much pawing about them. I'll wait, if you please;in the meantime, I'll drink a glass of wine with you, Captain Bradshaw."
"The devil you will!" was nearly out of the captain's mouth, at thisreversal of the order of things; but he swallowed it down, and answered,in a surly tone, "With great pleasure, sir."
"Come, doctor, let you and I hob and nob," said the first-lieutenant.They did so, and clicked their glasses together with such force as tobreak them both, and spill the wine upon the fine damask table-cloth.Jerry could contain himself no longer, but burst out into a roar oflaughter, to the astonishment of Captain Bradshaw, who never had seen amidshipman thus conduct himself at his table before: but Jerry could notrestrain his inclination for joining with the party, although he had noexcuse for _his_ behaviour.
"Bring some wine-glasses, steward; and you'll excuse me, gentlemen, butI will thank you not to try the strength of them again," said CaptainBradshaw, with a very majestic air.
"Now, Mr Ferguson, I shall be happy to take a glass of wine with you.What will you have? There's sherry and Moselle."
"I prefer champagne, if you please," answered the surgeon, who knew thatCaptain Bradshaw did not produce it except when strangers were at thetable.
Captain Bradshaw restrained his indignation, and ordered champagne to bebrought.
"I'll join you," cried the first-lieutenant, shoving in his glass.
"Come, younker, let you and I have a glass cosy together," said Jerry tothe midshipman, who, frightened at what was going on, moved his chair alittle further from Jerry, and then looked first at him and then at thecaptain.
"Oh, pray take a glass with the young gentleman," said Captain Bradshaw,with mock politeness.
"Come, steward, none of your half allowance, if you please," continuedthe impertinent Jerry. "Now, then, my cock, here's _towards_ you, and`better luck still.'"
Captain Bradshaw was astonished. "I say, youngster, did CaptainM--- ever flog you?"
"No, sir," replied Jerry, demurely, perceiving that he had gone too far;"he always treats his officers like gentlemen."
"Then, I presume, sir, when they are on board of his ship, that theyconduct themselves as gentlemen."
This hint made Jerry dumb for some time; the officers, however,continued as before. The surgeon dropped his plate, full of damascenetart, on the deck. The first-lieutenant spilt his snuff on thetable-cloth, and laid his snuff-box on the table, which he knew to bethe captain's aversion; and the master requested a glass of grog, as therotgut French wines had given him a pain in the bowels. CaptainBradshaw could hardly retain his seat upon the chair, upon which hefidgeted right and left. He perceived that his officers were behavingin a very unusual manner, and that it was with a view to his annoyance:yet it was impossible for him to take notice of breaking glasses, andfinding fault with the cookery, which they took care to do, sendingtheir plates away before they had eaten a mouthful, with apparentdisgust; neither could he demand a court-martial for awkwardness or wantof good manners at his own table. He began to think that he had betterhave left out the "_every day until further orders_," in the memorandum,as rescinding it immediately would have been an acknowledgment of theirhaving gained the victory; and as to their going on in this way, to putup with it was impossible.
The dinner was over, and the dessert placed on the table. CaptainBradshaw passed the bottles round, helping himself to Madeira. Robertstook claret, and as soon as he had tasted it, "I beg your pardon,Captain Bradshaw," said he, "but this wine is corked."
"Indeed--take it away, steward, and bring another bottle."
Another was put on the table.
"I hope you will find that better, Mr Roberts," said the captain, whoreally thought that what he stated had been the case.
"Yes," replied the first-lieutenant; "for the description of wine, it'swell enough."
"What do you mean, sir? Why, its Chateau Margaux of the first growth."
"Excuse me, sir," replied the officer, with an incredulous smile; "theymust have imposed upon you."
Captain Bradshaw, who was an excellent judge of wine, called for aglass, and pouring out the claret, tasted it. "I must differ from you,sir; and, moreover, I have no better."
"Then I'll trouble you to pass the port, doctor, for I really cannotdrink that stuff."
"Do you drink port, Mr Bradly?" said the captain, with a countenance asblack as a thunder-cloud.
"No, not to-day; I am not well in my inside: but I'll punish the portto-morrow."
"So will I," said the surgeon.
"And as I am not among the privileged," added Jerry, who had alreadyforgotten the hint, "I'll take my whack to-day."
"Perhaps you may," observed the captain, drily.
The officers now began to be very noisy, arguing among themselves uponpoints of service, and taking no notice whatever of the captain. Themaster, in explanation, drew a chart, with wine, upon the polishedtable, while the first-lieutenant defended his opinion with pieces ofbiscuit, laid at different positions--during which two more glasses weredemolished.
The captain rang, and ordered coffee in an angry tone. When theofficers had taken it, he bowed stiffly, and wished them good evening.
There was one dish which was an object of abhorrence to CaptainBradshaw. The first-lieutenant, aware of it, as they rose to depart,said, "Captain Bradshaw, if it's not too great a liberty, we should liketo have some _tripe_ to-morrow. We are all three very partial to it."
"So am I," rejoined Jerry.
Captain Bradshaw could hold out no longer. "Leave the cabinimmediately, gentlemen. By heavens, you shall never put your legs undermy table again."
"Are we not to dine here to-morrow, sir?" replied the first-lieutenantwith affected surprise; "the order says, `every day.'"
"Till further orders," roared the captain; "and now you have them, forI'll be damned if ever you dine with me again."
The officers took their departure, restraining their mirth until theygained the gun-room: and Jerry was about to follow, when CaptainBradshaw caught him by the arm.
"Stop, my young gentleman, you've not had your `whack,' yet."
"I've had quite sufficient, sir, I thank you," replied Jerry; "anexcellent dinner--many thanks to your hospitality."
"Yes, but I must now give you your dessert."
"I've had my dessert and coffee too, sir," said Jerry, trying to escape.
"But you have not had your _chasse-cafe_, and I cannot permit you toleave the cabin without it. Steward, desire a boatswain's mate to bringhis cat, and a quarter-master to come here with seizings."
Jerry was now in a stew--the inflexible countenance of Captain Bradshawshowed that he was in earnest. However, he held his tongue until theoperators appeared, hoping that the captain would think better of it.
"Seize this young gentleman up to the breach of the gun,quarter-master!"
"Will you oblige me, sir, by letting me know my off
ence!"
"No, sir."
"I do not belong to your ship," continued Jerry. "If I have done wrong,Captain M--- is well known to be a strict officer, and will pay everyattention to your complaint."
"I will save him the trouble, sir."
Jerry was now seized up, and every arrangement made preparatory topunishment. "Well, sir," resumed Jerry, "it must be as you please; butI know what Captain M--- will say."
"What, sir?"
"That you were angry with your officers, whom you could not punish, andrevenged yourself upon a poor boy."
"Would he?--Boatswain's mate, where's your cat?"
"Here, sir;--how many tails am I to use?"
"Oh, give him the whole nine."
"Why, your honour," replied the man, in a compassionate tone, "there'shardly room for them there."
Jerry, who, when his indignation was roused, cared little what he said,and defied consequences, now addressed the captain.
"Captain Bradshaw, before you commence, will you allow me to tell youwhat I will call you after the first lash?"
"What, sir?"
"What!" cried Jerry, with scorn,--"Why, if you cut me to pieces, andturn me out of the service afterwards, I will call you a paltry coward,and your own conscience, when you are able to reflect, will tell you thesame."
Captain Bradshaw started back with astonishment at such unheard-oflanguage from a midshipman; but he was pleased with the undaunted spiritof the boy--perhaps he felt the truth of the observation. At allevents, it saved Jerry. After a short pause, the captain said--
"Cast him loose; but observe, sir, never let me see your face againwhile you are in the ship!"
"No, nor any other part of me, if I can help it," replied Jerry,buttoning up his clothes, and making a precipitate escape by thecabin-door.
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