CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN.
Great Negative! how vainly would the wise Inquire, define, distinguish, teach, devise, Didst thou not stand to point their dull philosophies. ROCHESTER'S ODE TO NOTHING.
Should you feel half as tired with reading as I am with writing, Iforgive you, with all my heart, if you throw down the book, and read nomore. I have written too fast--I have quite _sprained_ my imagination--for you must know that this is all _fiction_, every word of it. Yet Ido not doubt but there are many who will find out who the characters aremeant for, notwithstanding my assertion to the contrary. Well, be itso. It's a very awkward position to have to write a chapter of sixteenpages, without materials for more than two; at least, I find it so.Some people have the power of spinning out a trifle of matter, coveringa large surface with a grain of ore--like the goldbeater, who, out of asingle guinea, will compose a score of books. I wish I could.
Is there nothing to give me an idea? I've racked my sensoriuminternally to no purpose. Let me look round the cabin for some externalobject to act as a fillip to an exhausted imagination. A little thingwill do.--Well, here's an _ant_. That's quite enough. _Commencons_.
"Home-keeping youths have ever homely wits," they say; but much astravel by land may enlarge the mind, it never can be expanded to theutmost of its capabilities, until it has also peregrinated by water. Ibelieve that not only the human intellect, but the instinct of brutes,is enlarged by going to sea.
The ant which attracted my attention is one of a nest in my cabin, whoselabours I often superintend: and I defy any ant, in any part of the fourcontinents, or wherever land may be, to show an equal knowledge ofmechanical power. I do not mean to assert that there is originally adisproportion of intellect between one animal and another of the samespecies; but I consider that the instinct of animals is capable ofexpansion, as well as the reason of man. The ants on shore would, if itwere required, be equally assisted by their instinct, I believe; but notbeing required, it is not brought into play; and, therefore, as I beforeobserved, they have not the resources of which my little colony atpresent are in possession.
Now I will kill a cockroach for them; there is no difficulty in findingone, unfortunately for me, for they know everything that I have. Therenever was a class of animals so indifferent to their fare, whether it bepaper, or snuff, or soap, or cloth. Like Time, they devour everything.The scoundrels have nearly demolished two dozen antibilious pills. Ihope they will remember Dr Vance as long as they live.
Well, here's one--a fine one. I throw his crushed carcase on the deck,and observe the ants have made their nest in the beams over my head,from which I infer, that the said beams are not quite so sound as theyshould be. An ant has passed by the carcase, and is off on a gallop togive notice. He meets two or three--stops a second--and passes on. Nowthe tide flows; it's not above a minute since I threw the cockroachdown, and now it is surrounded by hundreds. What a bustle!--whatrunning to and fro! They must be giving orders. See, there are fiftyat least, who lay hold of each separate leg of the monster, who in bulkis equal to eight thousand of them. The body moves along with rapidity,and they have gained the side of the cabin. Now for the ascent. Seehow those who hold the lower legs have quitted them, and pass over toassist the others at the upper. As there is not room for all to layhold of the creature's legs, those who cannot, fix their forceps roundthe bodies of the others, _double-banking_ them, as we call it. Awaythey go, up the side of the ship--a pull, and all together. But now thework becomes more perilous, for they have to convey the body to theirnest over my head, which is three feet from the side of the ship. Howcan they possibly carry that immense weight, walking with their headsdownwards, and clinging with their feet to the beams? Observe howcarefully they turn the corner--what bustle and confusion in makingtheir arrangements! Now they start. They have brought the bodyhead-and-stern with the ship, so that all the legs are exactly opposedto each other in the direction in which they wish to proceed. One ofthe legs on the fore side is advanced to its full stretch, while all theothers remain stationary. That leg stops, and the ants attached to ithold on with the rest, while another of the foremost legs is advanced.Thus they continue, until all the foremost are out, and the body of theanimal is suspended by its legs at its full stretch. Now one of thehindmost legs closes in to the body, while all the others hold on--nowanother, and another, each in their turn; and by this skilful manoeuvrethey have contrived to advance the body nearly an inch along theceiling. One of the foremost legs advances again, and they proceed asbefore. Could your shore-going ants have managed this? I have oftenwatched them, when a boy, because my grandmother used to make me do so;in later days, because I delighted in their industry and perseverance;but, alas! in neither case did I profit by their example.
"Now, Freddy," the old lady would say, giving her spectacles apreparatory wipe, as she basked in a summer evening's sun, after a fiveo'clock tea, "fetch a piece of bread and butter, and we will see theants work. Lord bless the boy, if he hasn't thrown down a whole slice.Why do you waste good victuals in that way? Who do you think's to eatit, after it has been on the gravel? There, pinch a bit off and throwit down. Put the rest back upon the plate--it will do for the cat."
But these ants were no more to be compared to mine, than a commonlabourer is to the engineer who directs the mechanical powers whichraise mountains from their foundation. My old grandmother would neverlet me escape until the bread and butter was in the hole, and, what wasworse, I had then to listen to the moral inference which was drawn, andwhich took up more time than the ants did to draw the bread and butter--all about industry, and what not; a long story, partly her own, partlyborrowed from Solomon; but it was labour in vain. I could notunderstand why, because ants like bread and butter, I must like my book.She was an excellent old woman; but nevertheless, many a time did Ihave a fellow-feeling with the boy in the caricature print, who issitting with his old grandmother and the cat, and says, "I wish one ofus three were dead. It an't I--and it an't you, pussy."
Well, she died at last, full of years and honour; and I was summonedfrom school to attend her funeral. My uncle was much affected, for shehad been an excellent mother. She might have been so; but I, gracelessboy, could not perceive her merits as a _grandmother_, and showed agreat deal of fortitude upon the occasion. I recollect a circumstanceattendant upon her funeral which, connected as it was with a subsequentone, has since been the occasion of serious reflection upon the triflingcauses which will affect the human mind, when prostrate underaffliction. My grandmother's remains were consigned to an old familyvault, not far from the river. When the last ceremonies had been paid,and the coffin was being lowered into the deep receptacle of generationswhich had passed away, I looked down, and it was full of water, nearlyup to the arch of the vault. Observing my surprise, and perceiving thecause, my uncle was much annoyed at the circumstance; but it was toolate the cords had been removed, and my grandmother had sunk to thebottom. My uncle interrogated the sexton after the funeral service wasover.
"Why, sir, it's because it's high-water now in the river; she will beall dry before the evening."
This made the matter worse. If she was all a-dry in the evening, shewould be all afloat again in the morning. It was no longer a place ofrest, and my uncle's grief was much increased by the idea. For a longwhile afterwards he appeared uncommonly thoughtful at spring tides.
But although his grief yielded to time, the impression was not to beeffaced. Many years afterwards a fair cousin was summoned from theworld, before she had time to enter upon the duties imposed upon thesex, or be convinced, from painful experience, that to die is gain. Itwas then I perceived that my uncle had contracted a sort of_post-mortem_ hydrophobia. He fixed upon a church, on the top of ahill, and ordered a vault to be dug, at a great expense, out of thesolid chalk, under the chancel of the church. There it would not onlybe dry below, but even defended from the rain above. It was finished--and (the last moisture to which she was ever to be
subjected) the tearsof affection were shed over her remains, by those who lost and lovedher. When the ceremony was over, my uncle appeared to look down intothe vault with a degree of satisfaction. "There," said he, "she willlie as dry as possible, till the end of time." And I really believethat this conviction on his part went further to console him than eventhe aid of religion, or the ministering of affection. He oftencommented upon it, and as often as he did so, I thought of my oldgrandmother and the spring tides.
I had an odd dream the other night, about my own burial and subsequentstate which was so diametrically opposite to my uncle's ideas ofcomfort, that I will relate it here.
I was dead; but, either from politeness or affection, I knew not which,the spirit still lingered with the body, and had not yet taken itsflight, although the tie between them had been dissolved. I had beenkilled in action; and the first-lieutenant of the ship, with mingledfeelings of sorrow and delight--sorrow at my death, which was a tributethat I did not expect from him, and delight at his assumed promotion,for the combat had been brought to a successful issue--read the funeralservice which consigned me and some twenty others, sewed up in hammocks,to the deep, into which we descended with one simultaneous rush.
I thought that we soon parted company from each other, and, all alone, Icontinued to sink, sink, sink, until, at last, I could sink no deeper.I was suspended, as it were: I had taken my exact position in the scaleof gravity, and I lay floating upon the condensed and buoyant fluid,many hundred fathoms below the surface. I thought to myself, "Here,then, am I to lie in pickle, until I am awakened." It was quite dark,but by the spirit I saw as plain as if it were noon-day; and I perceivedobjects in the water, which gradually increased in size. They weresharks, in search of prey. They attacked me furiously; and as theyendeavoured to drag me out of my canvas cerements, I whirled round andround as their flat noses struck against my sides. At last theysucceeded. In a moment, I was dismembered without the least pain, forpain had been left behind me in the world from which I had beenreleased. One separated a leg, with his sharp teeth, and darted awaynorth; another an arm, and steered south; each took his portion, andappeared to steer away in a different direction, as if he did not wishto be interrupted in his digestion.
"Help yourselves, gentlemen, help yourselves," mentally exclaimed I;"but if Mr Young is correct in his `Night Thoughts,' where am I tofumble for my bones, when they are to be forthcoming?" Nothing was leftbut my head, and that, from superior gravity, continued to sink,gyrating in its descent, so as to make me feel quite giddy: but it hadnot gone far, before one, who had not received his portion, darted downupon it perpendicularly, and as the last fragment of me rolled down hisenormous gullet, the spirit fled, and all was darkness and oblivion.
But I have digressed sadly from the concatenation of ideas. The antmade me think of my grandmother,--my grandmother of my uncle,--my uncleof my cousin,--and her death of my dream, for "We are such stuff asdreams are made of, and our little lives are rounded with a sleep." ButI had not finished all I had to say relative to the inferior animals.When on board of a man-of-war, not only is their instinct expanded, butthey almost change their nature from their immediate contact with humanbeings, and become tame in an incredibly short space of time. Man haddominion given unto him over the beasts of the field; the fiercest ofthe feline race will not attack, but avoid him, unless goaded on by themost imperious demands of hunger; and it is a well-known fact, thatthere is a power in the eye of man, to which all other animals quail.What, then, must it be to an animal who is brought on board, and is inimmediate collision with hundreds, whose fearless eyes meet his in everydirection in which he turns, and whose behaviour towards him correspondswith their undaunted looks? The animal is subdued at once. I remembera leopard which was permitted to run loose after he had been three dayson board, although it was thought necessary to bring him in an ironcage. He had not been in the ship more than a fortnight, when Iobserved the captain of the after-guard rubbing the nose of the animalagainst the deck, for some offence which he had committed.
"Why, you have pretty well brought that gentleman to his bearings,"observed I: "he's as tame as a puppy."
"Tame! why, sir, he knows better than to be otherwise. I wish the_Hemp'rer of Maroccy_ would send us on board a _cock rhinoceros_--we'dtame him in a week."
And I believe the man was correct in his assertion.
The most remarkable change of habit that I ever witnessed was in awether sheep, on board of a frigate, during the war. He was one of astock which the captain had taken on board for a long cruise, and beingthe only survivor, during the time that the ship was refitting he hadbeen allowed to run about the decks, and had become such a favouritewith the ship's company, that the idea of his being killed, even whenshort of fresh provisions, never even entered into the head of thecaptain. Jack, for such was his cognomen, lived entirely with the men,being fed with biscuit from the different messes. He knew the meaningof the different pipes of the boatswain's mates, and always went belowwhen they piped to breakfast, dinner, or supper. But amongst otherpeculiarities, he would chew tobacco, and drink grog. Is it to bewondered, therefore, that he was a favourite with the sailors? That heat first did this from obedience is possible; but, eventually, he was asfond of grog as any of the men; and when the pipe gave notice of servingit out, he would run aft to the tub, and wait his turn--for an extrahalf-pint of water was, by general consent, thrown into the tub when thegrog was mixed, that Jack might have his regular allowance. From habit,the animal knew exactly when his turn came. There were eighteen messesin the ship; and as they were called, by the purser's steward, orsergeant of marines, in rotation--first mess, second mess, etcetera.--after the last mess was called, Jack presented himself at the tub, andreceived his allowance.
Now, it sometimes occurred that a mess, when called, would miss itsturn, by the man deputed to receive the liquor not being present: uponwhich occasion the other messes were served in rotation, and the one whohad not appeared to the call was obliged to wait till after all therest; but a circumstance of this kind always created a great deal ofmirth; for the sheep, who knew that it was his turn after theeighteenth, or last mess, would butt away any one who attempted tointerfere; and if the party persevered in being served before Jack, hewould become quite outrageous, flying at the offender, and butting himforward into the galley, and sometimes down the hatchway, before hisanger could be appeased--from which it would appear that the animal waspassionately fond of spirits. This I consider as great a change in thenature of a ruminating animal as can well be imagined.
I could mention many instances of this kind, but I shall reserve themtill I have grown older; then I will be as garrulous as Montaigne. Asit is, I think I hear the reader say--"All this may be very true, butwhat has it to do with the novel?" Nothing, I grant; but it has a greatdeal to do with _making a book_--for I have completed a whole chapterout of nothing.
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