by Woods, Karen
Kevin ran through the early morning streets at speed, he looked like he was suffocating. His breath could be heard as he stopped for rest at a bus shelter. Sitting on the small plastic bench inside it, Kevin held his head in his hands. “I’m such a fucking idiot, I’ve lost it all for nothing.” He cried like a baby. Snot now hung from his nose and he wiped it on his sleeve. The traffic was starting to pick up now and he knew before long the public would be out on the street. He trudged from the bus shelter and made his way back to his home.
Anita kissed Tracy on the cheek; she had her own demons to face and couldn’t stand Tracy’s moaning any longer. When she told her she was leaving, Tracy grabbed her hand and begged her to stay with her a little longer. Her mother broke down and told her she had to go home. She didn’t tell her she had her own problems to deal with.
Everything was a big mess and Anita told her time would heal everything. Anita left her granddaughter in the small cot next to the bed. Tracy hadn’t even named her yet and it was obvious they weren’t bonding. Tracy’s mother left, leaving her alone with the baby for the first time. The baby started crying. Tracy pulled the covers over her head and hid away under the blankets. She was ashamed of her sins.
The nurse returned to the room. She’d been outside telling all the others about Tracy’s mis- fortune. Anita had heard them gossiping earlier and went outside to tell them that they could hear every word they were saying. They didn’t seem bothered that anyone could hear them.
The nurse started to clean everything up. Hearing the small infant crying she went over to the body that lay under the sheets. Lifting the cover up she saw Tracy crying. “Come on love. Your baby needs feeding. Everything will turn out right trust me.” Tracy yanked the blankets from her body.
“I don’t want that baby anywhere near me. Take her away, she’s the reason Kevin’s not here with me. Get rid of her, put her up for adoption, I don’t fucking want her.”
The nurse looked concerned. “You can’t say that, this is your daughter.”
Tracy screwed her face up and looked into the cot at her child. “I feel nothing for her; I’m not going to feed her she can starve for all I care. When can I go home?” The nurse now left the room holding the baby. The way Tracy had looked at her made her think that the baby wasn’t safe left alone with her, so she took her outside to feed her away from any danger.
Tracy saw the nurse leave with the baby. Looking at the open ground floor window nearby she knew she had to get away. Searching the small black sports bag at the side of the bed, she grabbed a pair of knickers and a pair of jogging bottoms. She’d had four stitches in her vagina where the baby had ripped her and she was struggling to bend down.
Tracy stood for a minute with one hand held to her head she felt dizzy. Making her way to the window she dragged a nearby chair and climbed on top of it to make her escape. Tracy could be seen dangling out of the window. There was a small drop outside and it wasn’t dangerous. Her strength was weak and she looked like she was struggling, Tracy was gone.
Anita opened her front door. She could smell the cigarette smoke that meant her husband was up. With caution she made her way into the kitchen. Graham was sat there reading the newspaper. She tiptoed past him. Graham dropped his paper down from his face and turned his head to her. He looked sorry for the way he’d acted the night before. He spoke in a soft voice, “Switch the kettle on love, I’ll make us a brew.”
She looked relieved; she now walked to the table and broke down crying. “Graham I’m so sorry for everything. You’re so right I don’t deserve you. I promise you I’ll change.”
His heart melted, after all he still loved her. “I’m sorry love” he whispered. “It’s just that I can’t take it anymore.”
She gripped his face in her hands, “No don’t you be sorry, I deserve everything you said. Even everything you said about our Sandra. You’re right I haven’t had the time for her.” She kissed his face softly and placed her arms round his neck. “From now on Graham you’ll see just how much I love you and the girls. I’ve just been so wrapped up in our Tracy that I didn’t see what was going on right in front of my face. I love you with all my heart and from this day on, I’ll never treat you bad again.”
Graham sighed and wiped a tear from his eyes. He now stood up and forced Anita to sit down. “Let’s have a nice cuppa, it always sorts out our tears doesn’t it?” Anita was still sobbing but nodded her head as she tried to smile. Graham got two cups from the cupboard. “Where have you been anyway?”
Anita blew hard from her mouth. “Make them drinks and sit down; I think you should put a drop of brandy in them because when I tell you what’s happened, you won’t believe it.”
Graham placed the drinks on the table. Anita looked at the ceiling and raised her eyes. “Our Tracy went into labour last night. Kevin phoned me about four o’clock in the morning to go to the hospital.” Graham now looked upset that he hadn’t been there with his wife. He tried to apologise but she stopped him dead in his tracks. “The baby’s black, it’s not Kevin’s.” Looking bewildered he asked her what she meant. Anita now told him about the whole experience.
Graham held a smirk for a while and Anita had to remind him that he was smiling. “No love, I’m not smiling, but it’s nice to know that fucker has got his comeuppance.”
“Yeah, but what about our Tracy? She’s heartbroken!” Anita protested.
He tried to see things from Tracy’s point of view but couldn’t help feeling that she’d got her payback too. He jumped up from his chair and told Anita he was going round to see Sandra. After all she had a right to know what had happened and he didn’t want anyone else telling her. Anita told him to finish his brew and said she would come with him to tell their daughter the news.
*
Tracy was banging on the front door of their house. “Kevin I know you’re in there please just let me talk to you.” Her body was knelt at the letterbox and she had her mouth pushed inside it shouting inside. Tracy could hear the window above her being opened. She dragged her body from the floor and stepped back hoping to see Kevin. Clothes were now landing all over her body. She lifted her hands above her head to try and protect herself. Kevin could be seen at the window with a frantic look on his face.
“Here you go shag-bag, get all your stuff out of my life.” Shoes were now being hurled at her from the window. The heel of one hit her on the mouth, her bottom lip was now pouring in blood.
“Orr Kevin my lips cut, let me in, please I need to sort it out.”
“Fuck off you black man’s blanket. You can bleed to death for all I care. Sandra is the one I love not you, so fuck off out of my life, you life wrecking slut!” The window closed. Tracy looked at all her clothing scattered in the garden. She made an attempt to try and gather it together but her body was shaking. Sliding against the front door she tried to get Kevin to speak to her. Over an hour had passed and there was still no reply from him.
Anita and Graham drove to Sandra’s house. Anita hadn’t been there in a long time and guilt was written all across her face. Graham was now singing along to the radio and seemed on top of the world unlike Anita. As they pulled up they could see John walking up the garden path. He turned and smiled at them both. He now waited for them to lock the car up.
“Hiya Nana, what are you doing here?” She hugged him and tried to make light of the matter.
“I’ve come to see my gorgeous grandsons. Why is that a crime?” He chuckled and opened the front door.
“Mam! Nana and granddad are here.” Sandra was upstairs and didn’t know if she’d heard him right. Surely her mother wasn’t here, he must have been joking. She bobbed her head over the landing and looked down. She could just about see a woman’s legs. She jerked her body back out of view.
“Fucking hell, what does she want?” she whispered.
Running to the bathroom she straightened her hair. She looked a nervous wreck. John shouted her from downstairs. “Mam are you coming down? Nana is here and
my granddad.”
“Yeah I won’t be a minute I’m just getting ready,” she replied. Sandra looked flustered as she ran about the bedroom trying to find a clean top. “Fucking hell, the house is a shit tip and she decides to visit me. Just my fucking luck!” she moaned.
Her legs looked shaky as she held the banister heading down the stairs. She wiped the fluff from her black pants as she got to the bottom of the stairs. Her father was waiting for her and hugged her. “You’re mother’s in the front room. I’ll pop the kettle on.” Sandra looked anxious. Had someone died and they were coming to tell her? I mean why else would Stoneheart be here she thought. Stepping into the front room Anita smiled at her. Sandra tried to raise a smile back but it was hard for her. After all her mother had never given a shit about her all the time she was locked up in prison. Sandra spoke in a cocky manner. Her mother didn’t scare her one little bit anymore and she was ready for anything she had to throw at her. Sandra sat down. John could see them both looking nervous and knew it was time to leave. They had so much to sort out and he felt in the way, he went to join his granddad in the kitchen.
“So to what do I owe the honour?” Sandra laughed nervously. Anita cleared her throat, how had she let things get so bad between them? She moved over next to Sandra and hugged her. You could see Sandra felt uncomfortable and pulled away from her. Anita felt embarrassed but what did she expect.
“I’m sorry love,” Anita spoke in a low tone. Sandra didn’t trust her and treated her like the enemy.
“Sorry for what? Not being a mother?”
Anita dropped her head down, she felt ashamed. “Yes love and I’m sorry for not sticking by you when you needed me most.”
Sandra looked around the room. Was someone playing a prank on her? She searched the room for the TV crew? “Mam stop fucking about. Am I on TV or something? This isn’t like you. You’re scaring me.”
Her mother stood up and paced the front room floor. “I want us to be friends, I know I have always favoured Tracy and I’m sorry for that.” Sandra started to listen. Grabbing her cigs from the table she inhaled deeply as her mother continued. “Tracy has wronged you and I should have sorted it out there and then.” Sandra nodded in disbelief as Anita continued. “Well our Tracy has got her payback now and I’m sure she won’t be anywhere near Kevin again.”
Sandra sat forward in her chair as she stubbed her cig out. “Why have the lovers had a tiff or something?” Sandra asked in a sarcastic tone. She now watched Anita sit back down.
“The baby’s not Kevin’s… she’s black.” Sandra took a minute to take it all in. Had she heard her right? She asked her to repeat herself.
“I said the baby is Reggae Ronnie’s from down the pub. You know the one who does the music for all the disco?” Sandra hesitated, she looked in deep thought. She knew who she meant straight away. Bursting out laughing she rolled about on the sofa.
“So you’re telling me Tracy has got a black baby and it’s not Kevin’s kid?” Anita nodded. “Fucking hell there is a God.” Anita knew she wouldn’t get any sympathy out of Sandra for Tracy and let her have her moment. Sandra was dancing about the living room and she ran into the kitchen to tell her son.
She bounded off to tell John but he looked at her as if she’d lost the plot. Explaining it to him again, he too laughed out loud. “Fucking hell, get her on that Jeremy Kyle show with that story, it’s mint!” Graham gave a snide smile to his daughter. She knew without him saying that he felt the same way. Anita now joined them and she too couldn’t help but laugh at the whole episode. She now sat at the table and laughed as she told them all about Kevin’s face when he’d seen the baby for the first time. Sandra was smiling from head to toe. She ran to the phone and relayed the news to Maxine. Everyone could hear her laughing her head off at the other end of the phone. Sandra knew that within the hour everyone would know Tracy’s story. Maxine had told her straight that she couldn’t wait to spread the news.
Sandra returned to the table and sipped her coffee. The table had heard so many secrets in the past and as her hand stroked over it she knew it would have been laughing its head off at the latest news.
Paul now entered the house. Seeing his grandparents there he looked shocked. He was ready for trouble and if his Nana said one word against his mother he was throwing her out of the house. He called John into the hallway.
”What’s going on?” John filled him in and Paul told him what he’d planned for his Nana if she was starting any trouble.
“Nar she’s being alright, honest her and my mam are getting on great.” Paul walked in to meet them with caution on his face. Anita smiled at him. Sandra stood up and ran at Paul.
“Tracy’s had a black baby. It’s not even your dad’s kid.”
Paul fell about laughing. He forgot that his grandparents were there and screamed out. “Serves her right, the slapper” Anita didn’t stick up for Tracy and Sandra wondered what was responsible for the big change in her. She’s also noticed that she was treating her father differently as well. Had she had a breakdown or something because this definitely wasn’t the mother she knew.
*
Tracy made her way back to the hospital. She couldn’t leave her child there. She’d tried to but her heart was calling her back to see her baby daughter. Blood was trickling down her legs and she knew if she didn’t get back to the hospital soon, she would surely collapse. Her head was all over the place and her world had fallen apart right in front of her very eyes.
Walking back into the labour ward her body fell onto the floor. The midwife pressed the emergency buzzer as soon as she saw her. Within seconds the medical team were around her. They took Tracy’s lifeless body into a nearby medical room. The doctor examined her and told everyone she was haemorrhaging. They quickly put her on a bed and within seconds they were pumping blood into her. Her face was grey and her eyes looked vacant as she stared into space. The doctor spent at least twenty minutes attending to her. Once he’d finished he sighed with relief. This woman was lucky to be alive.
*
Kevin sat in his bedroom. He played his “Take That” CD at full pelt. “Back for Good” played out loud as he cried his eyes out. Lay on the bed he held his stomach. He couldn’t think straight and his face looked white. Standing from the bed he looked from the bedroom window. His eyes cast over Tracy’s clothing in the garden. He could see a few neighbours looking at them and gossiping. As they looked up towards the window he jerked his body back and hid behind the cream blinds. “Nosey twats!”
Returning back to the bed he searched for his shoes. He couldn’t stay in the house a moment longer. He felt as if he was going mental. Grabbing his keys from the side he headed down the stairs. Walking out from the house he could feel the glare from two women who were stood at their fences. Lifting his head up to face them he shoved his two fingers in the air. “Get a life you nosey cunts” he shouted. The two women huddled together, one of them returned the fingers back at him as he set off at speed down the road.
“Give me a double brandy,” Kevin moaned at the barman. The man was in his forties. He turned to the bar to get his order. He’d seen heartache lots of times in the past and this man was definitely a candidate for it. Placing his drink onto the wooden bar Kevin handed him a ten pound note. The man watched as he necked it back and slammed the glass back onto the bar. “Same again mate.” The barman shook his head he knew it was going to be a long night and sighed.
Kevin continued drinking until he was smashed out of his face. He was sat in the corner of the pub drowning in self pity. He heard laughter and noticed Maxine and Zac coming into the pub. Maxine noticed him straight away and he could see her nudging Zac in the waist.
Zac ordered drinks for them both and Maxine couldn’t help but rub salt in his wounds. Walking towards Kevin she was grinning from ear to ear. Seeing her feet on the floor near him he struggled to raise his head. “Hello Kevin, are you celebrating the birth of your baby?” she now giggled and held her head back. “Are
you fuck celebrating, I mean how could you celebrate the birth of another man’s child that you thought was yours.”
Kevin darted his eyes at her, “Fuck off will you. I just want to be left alone”
“Oh I’ll leave you alone Kevin, but I’ll leave you with this. You’ll end up a lonely old man. You’ve lost the best thing you had in your life, I hope you rot in hell you tosser.” Kevin’s fist could be seen clenching on the table but Zac came to her side just in time. Kevin let his grip go because he knew he’d be fighting a losing battle.
Zac smiled at him with a cocky grin. He could see his pain and didn’t want to stick the boot in. “You live and learn don’t you mate.” Kevin didn’t reply and his head crashed to the table. Maxine and Zac went to sit on the other side of the pub but Kevin could still hear Maxine’s loud laughter. He knew he was the centre of all her jokes. He drained his glass and staggered out of the pub.
Kevin started walking home. The rain was now hitting his face hard and it felt like he was being slapped on the side of his face with each droplet. His legs were struggling to carry him and a few times he fell to the floor. No one came to help him and he remained there for over five minutes. Lifting his face up from the mud he used a nearby tree to help him up onto his feet. He fell back down a few more times but eventually he managed to stand up. Kevin now walked along Fernclough Road with thick mud smeared all over his face and his clothing. He looked like he’d been fighting. He just wanted to go home and go to bed. He dragged his legs as if they were lumps of lead. Once Kevin found his key he fell into the house. He kicked the door shut behind him and lay where he fell for the rest of the night.
*