by Molly McLain
“Listen, I know this probably isn’t what you expected, but I’ve been doing some thinking.”
Shit, shit, shit.
“What are the chances you’d do me a favor? Like old times.”
Carissa’s heart hammered so hard in her chest, she thought she might hyperventilate. She felt only a small amount of relief that he hadn’t declared an undying love, but asking for a favor, when they both knew how that request had ended last time, wasn’t much less threatening.
“The State Association ball is in two weeks,” he continued on, his typically cocky grin slightly off kilter. Enough that Carissa felt a little lightheaded, because Reed didn’t typically get nervous. “I was wondering if you’d consider joining me.”
“Why?” she blurted out. Why, in God’s name, would he ask her? What about Heather? Or Jenny even?
He squeezed her hand. “Because you fit in with that crowd. And you have an uncanny ability to keep me from making an ass of myself.”
Not because he missed her or wanted another chance or any of that other nonsense. Thank God.
“I don’t know,” she hedged. How to turn him down tactfully? How to let him know she wasn’t interested without alerting him that there was someone else? That there was Josh?
“Don’t give me an answer now, okay? Just think about it. We’ll touch base again this weekend. That’ll still give me plenty of time to get us a hotel room.”
A hotel room? Oh, hell no.
Chapter Eighteen
A hotel room? Over his dead fucking body.
After a quick trip to the john, Josh approached the bar under the guise of needing another beer, but he stopped cold in his tracks when he heard Fletcher’s last words. He’d missed the prelude, but it didn’t matter—he’d gut the bastard before he so much as got into the same vehicle as Carissa.
“Listen, Reed, I appreciate all the pointers and consideration you’ve given me on the flip over the past few weeks. But I’m not sure a date is a good idea. Even as friends.”
“Come on, angel. You’ve schmoozed these people before. You know what to say, what to expect, how to act like a lady. Simply put, you make me look good. Please?”
Josh watched as Fletcher shifted forward, crowding Carissa against the back wall of the restaurant. His hands clenched at his sides and it took everything he had not to grab the guy by the back of the neck and throw him like a goddamn bowling ball down the bar.
“Reed, I can’t.” Her last words were more assertive than her first, but Josh still heard the discomfort in her voice. He carefully weighed his options: choke his friend and give himself away or let Carissa handle it and draw out their fling a little longer.
“Angel. You thought going out with me was a bad idea before, too. But then you did and we had a great time. You haven’t forgot the Governor’s Gala, have you? The first time we—”
Josh cleared his throat loudly. He hadn’t planned on interrupting, but if he didn’t do something right now, while he was still thinking straight, his fist would do the talking in about two seconds, after his patience burned out. “Everything okay here?”
Fletcher swung around in surprise, eyebrows raised. A gritty scowl quickly replaced the startled expression. “Seriously, bro?”
The muscle in his jaw twitched ominously, and Josh lifted his chin and stood his ground. “Give the lady some breathing room, huh?” In his peripheral, he saw the panic wash over Carissa’s face. The breathy rise and fall of her chest and the flush that took over her cheeks. He hoped like hell she wouldn’t hate him for this.
Fletcher blinked for a moment and Josh could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. But then his face morphed from pissed to something slightly less annoyed. He looked back to Carissa, slid his hands down her arms, and took two purposeful steps backward. “Think about it, okay?”
She cast her eyes down to the floor, not giving him another response. Probably she was trying to avoid additional conflict, but something about the color in her cheeks had Josh curious. Was she questioning her refusal? Regretting it? Would she have changed her mind if he hadn’t stepped in?
“My group just arrived,” Fletcher muttered, looking reluctant to make an exit. His focus shifted to Josh, their expressions mirror images of raw testosterone and brooding male. He gave Carissa a quick wink and cocky, put-on smile. “Y’all enjoy your evening.”
***
“You sure you don’t want a ride?”
An hour and a half later, Josh held open The Lodge’s front door, letting Carissa and Maddie pass by into the warm, breezy evening while his brother took care of the tab.
“Thanks, but no thanks,” Carissa said, giving Maddie a polite smile as she held her hand against her stomach and groaned. “I ate too much. I need the exercise to keep my ass from looking like the Titanic.”
Josh grunted to himself, as he hung back by the door waiting for Dan, completely in awe of the silly conversations women had with each other.
“Oh, whatever. Your ass is to-freaking-die-for. Right, Josh? Tell her she’s got an amazing ass.” Maddie stared at him expectantly.
He couldn’t help but grin. “You definitely have an amazing ass, Carissa.”
“What?” His brother’s fiancée recoiled in disgust, then stomped over and shoved a finger in his face. “Seriously? Don’t look at her ass, okay? That’s just nasty.”
Hell yeah, it was nasty. Especially when those sweet little cheeks were naked and in his hands. He glanced down at his boots, knuckled his nose, and passed Carissa a secretive smile. She bit her lips together to keep from smiling back, her purse clutched in her hands in front of her, all prim and proper and totally put-on.
Fortunately, they were saved from further awkwardness when Dan emerged from the restaurant and pulled Maddie to his side. “Thanks for coming out tonight, guys. We’re still on for football Friday afternoon, right?” he asked, looking to Josh.
Josh tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels. “Looking forward to it.” He only had about a month’s worth of aggression and tension to work out. Sex with Carissa had helped burn off some of it, but then he’d gone and gotten tense all over again...for having sex with Carissa. And now this new development with Fletcher? Hell, he didn’t need a football game—he needed another weekend of drill. Or maybe another deployment.
“Me, too,” Dan replied. His smarmy, one-sided grin had Josh’s eyes narrowing curiously, but then his brother shifted his attention to Carissa. “And you’re going to break an ankle in those shoes. Come on, let us give you a lift.”
“Nah, I’m looking forward to the walk. But thank you. For the offer and for dinner.” She angled her chin over her shoulder, her eyes sparkling beneath the moonlight. “I’m gonna head out.”
After a quick exchange of goodbyes, both women walked off in opposite directions, Carissa toward her apartment and Maddie toward the car.
“You didn’t take my advice,” his brother said lowly, when the ladies were out of earshot.
“None of your business, bro.” Josh lifted a shoulder.
Dan chuckled. “Wow.”
Wow didn’t even begin to cover it. “I know what I’m doing. She does too.”
His brother shook his head. “I didn’t miss the altercation with Fletcher earlier. You’re playing with fire, you know that, right?”
“I’ve already been burned. The damage is done.”
“Right,” Dan grunted. “I’ll be happy to remind you of that logic in a week or so when Fletcher catches on and kicks your ass.”
“Let him try.” He had a few reasons to be pissed off too. A good ole’ throw down might do them both good. “Look, I appreciate your concern, but this is between me and Carissa.”
“I might be able to understand that if you’d just friggin’ own up to whatever’s going on between you two. Why the sneaking around? This avoidance shit isn’t like you at all, man.”
Didn’t he know it. This whole thing with Carissa was unlike him. “Obviously
it is, because it’s exactly what I’m doing.” He shrugged again and took a couple steps backwards, toward his truck on the far end of the parking lot. “I gotta go. Thanks for dinner.”
Dan muttered something under his breath, but Josh kept walking. He didn’t need his brother’s lecture when he’d spent the past few days feeding himself the same lines and the same self-reprimanding warnings. Yeah, this thing he had going with Carissa was complicated. Crazy even. But he couldn’t get past how fucking good it felt.
He rounded the back end of his truck, headed for the driver’s door when he saw her standing there, barely visible in the shadows. The beat in his chest kick-started and he felt the hot pull of desire stretch from his jaw all the way down his torso, easing away his tension.
“Hey,” he said, stopping only when he was standing right in front of her and close enough to feel her breath on the front of his t-shirt.
She bit at her lip and gazing up at him coyly from beneath her eyelashes. “We made it through.”
“We did,” he said, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on the fast pulse in her neck.
She looked around him, presumably checking to make sure they were alone, then launched herself into his arms.
He groaned, caught her without effort, and then turned and pressed her against the side of his truck. Their mouths and tongues met in a hot, tangled mess and her legs went around his waist, her fingers frantic in his hair.
Déjà vu hit him like a wrecking ball. McCauley’s parking lot. Three years ago. A dress. Torn panties. The hottest, most public sex he’d ever had.
But this wasn’t midnight. And, while it was a Tuesday night, the parking lot of The Lodge wasn’t nearly as empty or as seedy as McCauley’s.
“Damn, babe.” His fingers dug into her ass as he pulled away and rested his head against hers, breathless and praying for willpower.
She licked her lips, her chest heaving against his. “Thank you for earlier.”
His eyebrows lifted. “You’re not mad?”
“No.” When she shook her head, her ponytail swung from side to side. “I told Reed no and I meant it. I’m not interested.”
Halle-fucking-luiah. “He said you didn’t want to go out with him before either.”
“I didn’t.”
“Then why did you?”
“Does it matter?”
He gulped and shook his head. “Not anymore.”
And he was pretty sure he meant it. He didn’t like that she’d been with Fletcher, but there was nothing he could do about it now. He’d have to be satisfied with knowing he was the one she wanted right now.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I didn’t know...” She waved her hand between them, then tipped her head to the side, frowned sadly, and sighed.
Yep, he got it loud and clear. And he had his own apologies, too. Not telling her how he felt right away, for one. He’d had the opportunity and he’d pushed it aside, assuming she wouldn’t be interested in waiting for him to come back from the desert. For a while, he’d even been sorry he hadn’t told Fletcher about his past with Carissa. But right now? He had everything he wanted in his arms. And he wasn’t sorry one damn bit. “I hear ya, babe.”
“But this is fun. This is good. Right?” She flexed her hips against his to make her point and, yeah, it was good. More than good.
“Yes, but it’s not going to be fun or good if we get caught.” Fletcher was still in the restaurant and they were in the middle of town. He took her mouth in another searing kiss before lowering her down the ground. She gripped his t-shirt and clung to him until she had her footing again.
“We didn’t care about getting caught that first night,” she said quietly, smoothing her hands over his chest.
“Back then we had nothing to lose.”
***
Carissa put the cap back on the toothpaste and shut out the bathroom light before padding barefoot to her bedroom. Anxious for a good night’s sleep, she slid the window open to let in some fresh air and slipped into bed.
But the flash of red from her cell on the nightstand had her reaching out in the dark and thumbing to the message.
Cade. Trying to be patient, but you’re killing me. Please call. Soon.
Ugh. Pushing upright again, she leaned back against the headboard and closed her eyes, releasing a breath she felt she’d been holding forever.
Almost three years ago, she’d cut her ties with Lincoln and struck out on her own. In the process, she’d left behind a small array of friends and family. Namely her brother and her father. She hadn’t meant to cut Cade from her life, but she’d been so angry when he’d taken their dad’s side. She’d felt so betrayed.
She hadn’t intended to break away entirely from her father either. She just couldn’t handle his drinking anymore. Couldn’t take the 2 a.m. “taxi” calls from the bar or the “Sweetie, I need you to get some money from the bank” calls from the county jail.
The morning after and sometimes the in-between stages of buzzed and wasted were worst of all, because that’s when her father mourned the loss of her mother. The love of his life. His reason for waking up in the morning. Gone. Her life taken from them all in the blink of an eye by a driver not all that different from her father on any given night of the week.
Between the ages of eighteen and twenty-four, she’d unintentionally become his caretaker. Making sure his bills were paid, that he had food in this stomach and clean clothes on his back. All the while going to college and graduating, starting her master’s program, and then landing her first honest-to-goodness job. Thank God for Maddie and a handful of other girlfriends, who’d kept her sane and ensured she didn’t get sucked completely into the abyss of her father’s disease and devastation.
But friends could only do so much, and six and a half years of trying to live her own life while keeping her father’s afloat eventually took its toll.
Visiting Maddie in River Bend had been her breaking point. Seeing her friend so happy. So in love. Living the life Carissa wanted for herself. It was like the cold splash of water to the face she’d needed to come out of the fog and see clearly.
She’d decided then that, while her father may have given up on his dreams, she wasn’t going to give up on hers.
And then Josh had walked in. Literally. All smart and sexy and confident and amazing. Her ideal man in every way imaginable. She’d chalked the encounter up to fate and went with it.
In a way, he’d been her rebound. Her first selfish indulgence after so many years of putting someone else’s needs before her own. But that night in River Bend, she’d put herself first and she’d reached out and she’d taken what she wanted.
Josh was right. That night, she’d had nothing to lose.
But, despite his accuracy, the comment still sat unsettled in her stomach. What did it mean for what they were doing now? That something had changed? That they had something to lose?
The thought both terrified and excited her.
There’d been something different about Josh from the beginning. So unexpected and powerful and it had given her the strength to make an even bigger decision—to leave Lincoln and start over. She hadn’t been fool-hearted enough to think she’d move to Cameron County and they’d be together. She knew he was leaving for deployment and she was pretty sure he wasn’t in a frame of mind to make any kind of promises. He just made her feel stronger than she had in a long time and she’d hoped they’d at least remain friends. She remembered thinking she needed more people like him in her life.
But that had been such a crock of shit.
The truth was, a piece of her had gone to Afghanistan with Josh. And for so long she’d tried to pretend that hadn’t been the case. It wasn’t until she and Reed had went their separate ways that she let herself acknowledge seeing that little part of herself reflected back at her whenever Josh was around. When he’d throw a smile her way or when he’d laugh. When they’d accidentally brush past each other and touch.
Hell, whenever they shared the same air space she’d seen it. Felt it.
And now? When they were together? When they were alone? She sucked in a deep breath and sighed. She hadn’t felt that whole in years.
Hearing from Cade after all this time was much the same. She’d started to see glimpses of a person she hadn’t known in a very long time—the Carissa she’d been before her mother died and before her father fell apart. The sunny, optimistic girl who had faith in everyone. The girl who wasn’t afraid to take chances or risks. The girl who believed that love was a more powerful healer than a wicked destroyer.
As scared as she was to get hurt again, her heart had already made up its mind—she wanted to let people in again. She wanted to let go of the bitterness and the resentment. Wanted to fill the void in her chest that walking away from her family had created. Wanted to savor every second of being with Josh, because nothing in life had ever made her feel better. Higher. Happier.
Only he hadn’t signed up for that kind of role in her life. And, though he’d given her an awful lot of himself over the past couple weeks, she suspected she’d already taken more than he’d intended to give. His strained confrontation with Reed tonight was a prime example.
She looked at the phone in her hand and sighed.
Her brother, however, was another story. He was offering and she was tired of denying herself the things she wanted most in life.
She dialed the phone and stuck it her ear.
Chapter Nineteen
“I used to love fairs as a kid. Especially the snow cones and the bull riders.”
Josh chuckled as he slowed up in the bumper-to-bumper fair traffic late Wednesday afternoon, waiting patiently behind a mile long line of vehicles, nearly all of which were signaled right, toward the Adams County fairgrounds. He snuck a glance at Carissa, resting her chin in the palm of her hand, the reminiscent adoration in her eyes giving an innocent hue to her pretty face.
“Was your family the type to fair hop? Or did you hold out all year, waiting for the fair closest to home?”