by Molly McLain
“Nice shot,” came a feminine voice from behind him. And just the sound of that soft, sweet tone had his temperature rising and his blood pumping. He took his time acknowledging her and when he finally did, he wished he hadn’t.
She was absolutely breathtaking.
Her hair fell in loose curls around shoulders left bare by a strapless, pale pink dress—a color that was quickly becoming his favorite—and her face was flushed with a natural glow that didn't need a stitch of additional makeup. He loved that she was confident enough in herself to embrace her God-given beauty and she was all the more stunning for it. She also wore tall shoes that seemed to put her at a perfect height for kissing—not that he'd find out—and every man within twenty feet appeared to be just as captivated by her as he was. It took a concerted effort not to sling his arm around her and make sure every single one of them knew she was taken.
Except she wasn’t taken. And, much as it killed him, this was a good a time as any to start letting her go.
Swallowing down a hefty gulp of resistance, he simply lifted his chin to greet her and stepped away from the pit so Tony could take his turn.
He didn’t miss the flash of surprise, disappointment even, in her eyes. Dammit, he didn’t want to do this.
“How was football?” she asked, coming to stand beside him, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw her sneaking a casual look around at the crowd. Didn’t take a genius to figure out what—or who—she was watching for.
“Hot,” he replied, then took a pull from his beer.
She nodded and he could feel her radiating tension, even though she stood a couple feet away. “You look nice. Handsome," she said quietly and he glanced down at his dark-washed jeans and short-sleeved, plaid button-down, realizing, pathetically, that he'd apparently made a subconscious effort to look good for her. Complete with a splash of aftershave. All of this after having decided they needed to break it off. What is wrong with you, man?
"Uh, thanks."
"Have you seen Reed?"
He ground his jaw and gave his head a brief shake. “Not here.”
“Josh, I heard—”
“Look, I really don’t want to do this right now, okay?” There were too many people and, frankly, he wasn’t even sure what to say at this point.
“I’m scared,” she said quietly and he could relate to the statement so damn much, he almost laughed out loud. “I need to know we’re okay.”
Ah, baby girl. She knew it was coming, didn’t she? And there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to make it easier. He felt like he’d been hit in the chest with the claw side of a hammer, his heart being ripped from his body.
To make matters worse, Fletcher’s sudden appearance in front of them was like a handful of salt to the wound.
Josh wanted to pounce, to roar, to take out all of his frustration and self-loathing on his friend. But the cause of this mess wasn't really Fletcher’s fault either. He'd been just another innocent bystander, caught in the mess that was Josh's stupidity.
“Good God,” his friend said, his smug grin honing in on Carissa and generously looking her up and down. “You are, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman here tonight, angel.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek, blatantly disregarding the warning he'd been given earlier. “And you smell good too." He stuck his nose in her hair and made an appreciative sound. “Save me a dance later?”
The rage boiling up from his gut delayed Josh’s recognition that Tony had stepped forward too, clearing his throat.
“Not until I’ve had mine,” his foreman said, his facial expression hard and unyielding as he leveled with Fletcher. It was a move that took Josh and, seemingly, Carissa by surprise. She stood there looking between Fletcher and Tony, clearly not sure what to make of the pissing match that had ensued. Josh should have said something, should have intervened, cleared the air and relinquished Tony from whatever the hell it was he was trying to do. But he didn’t. Because he was apparently a bigger pussy than even he had realized.
“Let’s grab a drink,” Tony said to Carissa, his hand pressed against the small of her back, guiding her away from Fletcher’s clutches. She went willingly and, though Josh knew Tony was either trying to play interference for him or was simply trying to get Carissa away from any drama that might arise between him and Fletcher, he hated seeing her walk away with another man.
Might as well get used to it, he told himself, because one of these days it’s gonna be for real.
***
Carissa let Tony walk her back over to the bar, where she exhaled heavily, not even aware that she’d been holding her breath.
The tension between Josh and Reed was obvious, and Josh had been ready to burst from his skin. Not himself at all—not that she’d expected him to be. She’d put him in the awful position of potentially losing his oldest friend, because she hadn’t listened to her heart.
She needed time alone with him. Needed him to know that she would do whatever she had to do to fix this. She’d even break the news to Reed. She was the one, after all, who’d involved him in the first place. Far as she was concerned, it was her responsibility to make this right.
But she didn’t want to do any of that until she told Josh how she felt about him. Which meant she needed to talk to him ASAP. Before everything went to hell.
“You okay?” Tony asked, his hand sliding from her back to her arm.
She shook her head. “No, but thank you for this.”
“He cares about you.”
I know. But I feel like everything’s about to fall apart.”
Tony’s fingers squeezed around her wrist. “Let the dust settle. Give him some time.”
“We’ve lost too much time already,” she muttered. Three years of precious, wasted time.
He nodded. “I know. But trust me on this, okay? I’ll do what I can to help.”
“Why would you want to? In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever given you a proper apology.”
Tony shook his head, his eyes cast to the asphalt. “No, I’m the one who should apologize. Listen, Car, I know you’ve got a lot on your mind right now, but I need a woman’s opinion on something. Maybe we can help each other tonight?”
Curious, she quirked an eyebrow. “I’d welcome the distraction.”
“Great. Let’s get that drink and I’ll tell you everything.”
An hour later, Carissa blinked at the picture on Tony’s cell phone, shocked. “Oh my God, she’s beautiful.”
“Her name’s Brianna. She’s two months old today.”
She glanced up from the adorable, dark haired baby girl to the man sitting beside her at the picnic table. “She looks just like you.”
Tony’s eyes swam with emotion. “She does, doesn’t she? Probably could have done without the paternity test, but unfortunately the legal system doesn’t work that way. Didn’t help that Shannon and I weren’t together anymore. Or that I was clueless about her pregnancy.”
“Have you talked to Dan at all? Maybe he has some pointers?”
“No, I have an attorney, and from what he’s told me, the judge in Adams County is pro fathers’ rights. He also convicted Shannon of her four DUIs, so I’m not expecting there’ll be much debate.”
“You think you’re ready to be a fulltime dad?” Carissa’s belly stirred with warm adoration. Tony was the first in their social circle to become a parent. She’d always known she wanted children, but the prospect always seemed so far off in the future. Now, it was right in front of her and it surprised her how comfortable she felt with it.
Tony nodded. “I have to be. My little girl needs a dad. Hell, she just needs a parent right now.”
“When do you go to court again?”
“The final paternity hearing is next week, but I talked to Shannon’s mom yesterday and she invited me to come over and visit. She said she wants Brianna to get to know me so when I get custody, it’s less traumatic and I’m more prepared.”
“She’s not upset that you’d be taking her gran
ddaughter away?”
“She was diagnosed with breast cancer the day Shannon went to jail. Neither of them will be able to provide the care Brianna needs and she seems to have accepted that. Shannon, on the other hand...”
“She should have thought about that before she got behind the wheel of her car, completely wasted. She’s lucky she didn’t kill someone.” The last words burned in Carissa’s throat. “She’ll get no sympathy from me. Ever.”
Tony nodded, then slid his arm around Carissa’s shoulders, giving her a friendly, understanding squeeze. “So you’ll go shopping with me then? All I know is I need diapers and formula and lots of pink clothes.”
Laughing, Carissa shoved him away. “You’re definitely gonna need all the help you can get.”
“I know!” he chuckled. “God, this is so crazy. Me, a dad. Josh gave me a lot of shit when I first got the paternity summons, but you should have heard him the other day when I got the results. I think he even referred to himself as Uncle Josh.”
The smile faded from her face and Carissa glanced down to the table, so many thoughts going through her head, making her dizzy. What was Josh doing right now? Was he even at the dance anymore?
“Hey, you owe me a dance.” Tony prodded her in the side.
Carissa shot him a sidelong glance. “I owe you?”
“Just play along, huh?” He angled up and off the picnic table, pulling her to her feet as well. The band began to play an upbeat country tune and he waggled his eyebrows.
“A fast song? You can’t be from around here,” she teased, a small smile returning to her lips.
“I’m high on life right now. Enjoy it while it lasts.”
Chapter Twenty-four
Standing in the shadows alongside the dance area, Josh watched as Tony tugged at Carissa’s hand and dragged her out on the floor for yet another twirl around the asphalt. This time it was a slow one and it was a song that made him think of her every time he heard it.
He hadn’t wanted to draw any attention to them tonight and he knew their time was still limited, but he couldn’t stand being apart from her any longer.
Dumping his beer into the trash, he pushed through the couples pairing up to dance and tapped Tony on the shoulder. “I’ll take my girl back now.”
He heard Carissa’s quick intake of breath, as Tony looked over his shoulder, gave him a crooked grin and stepped aside without a word. For a long moment, he and Carissa stood there, staring at each other, seemingly at a crossroads with whether or not they should actually take such a risk in front the entire town.
Her eyes went damp with emotion and, her bottom lip trembling, she came to him, her arms sliding around his waist, her face buried in his chest. Her hands fisted in his shirt when he folded his arms around her shoulders and held her closer than was probably platonic.
“Come on, babe, not like this. Not here,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
“He knows, doesn’t he?”
He hesitated before answering. “Probably.”
“God,” she groaned and gave a muffled sob into his shirt. But the reaction lasted only a minute before she pulled in a deep breath, sniffed back her tears, and looked up at him, determination replacing defeat. “I’m going to talk to him.”
“What? No. No, you’re not.” He set his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eye. “You leave that to me.”
The clearing of a throat nearby caught his attention and when he glanced up and saw Mark giving him a dirty look over both Carissa’s shoulder and that of Ally, the sheriff’s on again off again fling, he was reminded that the dance floor was not the place for such a conversation.
“Come on,” he said, taking her hand and quickly leading her out of the crowd. He felt the curious eyes watching them, but sooner than later, they’d hear the sordid rumors anyhow, so what did it matter?
They continued walking until they reached her car, about a quarter mile from the event, but the music still rang loud in the air. The warm night breeze blew Carissa’s hair across his bicep and he shivered. He couldn’t wait any longer.
Pressing her against the vehicle, he crashed his mouth down to hers, desperate to taste her one last time. “Please know I don’t want to do this,” he muttered against her lips, before he deepened the kiss and wove his hand in her hair, the silky strands wrapping around his fingers.
She gasped and tried to reach for his shirt, but he abruptly broke away and held her off, staring at her while they both fought for air, which seemed like an impossible feat in that moment. His chest burned like hell, but he had to do this. Had to push past the urge to be selfish and protect her instead.
“We can’t do this anymore,” he said and the flash of shock across her beautiful face only added to his guilt. “Baby girl—”
“No.” She pushed him hard and it reminded him of her reaction the night of Dan and Maddie’s party, all spitfire and attitude, though he was pretty sure this time she was more hurt than angry. “I know what you’re trying to do and I’m not going to let you.”
“Carissa, you deserve better than I’ve given you. You’ve gotta know that,” he pleaded. “You deserve to be happy. Always. And someday you’re going to find a man who treats you like a queen from day friggin’ one. Not like a convenient go-to-girl or like some shameful little secret. I want more for you than that.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her tongue in her cheek, nodding. But he saw the tears in her eyes. Saw the crack in her shell. “What about what I want? I mean, I know I made a huge mess of this, but—”
“This isn’t your fault—it’s mine.”
“I was a willing participant. I knew just as well as you what the repercussions might be and, before that, I’m pretty sure I was the one who got involved with Reed.” She choked a bit on her words, then shook her head, her face pinching as she tried to fight off her emotions. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “You deserve better than me.”
“I gave you no reason to wait around. And I get what happened with you and Reed. I don’t blame you for that.” He stalked forward and tried to smooth her tears away with his thumbs, but she shook off his touch.
“Then why are you doing this?”
“I had the chance to tell Fletcher today and I didn’t. I chickened out. Again.” He fisted his hands at his sides, so pissed at himself. “You wanna know why? Because I don’t want this to end, babe. Because I love being with you and I don’t want to share what we have with anyone else.” He swung a hand back toward the dance. “They’re going to ruin it for us when they find out. They’re not going to understand what we’ve been through. All they’re going to see is that we snuck around. That I didn’t man up when I should have. They’ll call it betrayal. It’ll never be okay. Even if we tried to ignore it all, someday you’ll realize you want more than the half-ass way I’ve treated you. Hell, baby girl, I hope that day comes sooner than later, because you deserve so goddamn much more than me.”
“But I want you.”
“Maybe right now. But people like Maddie and Fletcher aren’t gonna be shy about reminding you how much better you could do. And you know what? They’ll be right.”
She shook her head. “That’s the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. I don’t care what anyone else thinks or says. All that matters is how we feel about each other and, through all of this, that’s been the one constant we’ve had. Three years ago, I fell for you and, standing here in front of you now, you are still the man I want. I love you, Josh. Don’t you know that by now?”
Jesus Christ. He covered his face with his hands and cursed. She loved him. Yeah, he supposed he knew, but still... “Carissa, I don’t want to be like your father, taking so much from you and then breaking your heart.”
She shook her head. “Not possible.”
“Babe.”
“Everything you’ve taken, I gave willingly. I haven’t been blind. And even if you do break my heart, loving you for a little while will be worth it. You’r
e a risk I’m willing to take.”
He dropped his hands and tipped his head to the side, holding her gaze, his emotions pouring from him with every shaky breath he took. He loved her strength, knew it would help get her through.
“I get that you’re scared,” she continued on. “And that’s okay, because I am too. But I realized something about myself this past week, thanks to you.” She reached out to take his hand and he let her. God, he was so pathetic. “I’m done running when the going gets tough. You know why? Because love is worth the heartache. I might’ve been too scared to follow my heart before, but I’m not that wounded girl anymore. This time, Josh, I will wait for you. As long as it takes.”
“Carissa, please—”
“Well, isn’t that the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard?”
The hairs on the back of Josh’s neck stood and he instinctively shoved Carissa behind him as he spun to face their intruder.
“And here I thought she was doing the inspector again.” Alex Kelly chuckled from a few feet away, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans like he’d been standing there awhile. His grin widened. “Or maybe you’ve both been double dipping, Car. Two friends at once. Hell, sounds like fun to me.”
Josh gave a low, provoked growl. “Get the fuck out of here, Alex. This isn’t your concern.”
“Public property, man. I’ve got just as much right to be here as you and your whore.”
Josh leaped forward, but Carissa caught his hand and tugged him back. “Don’t,” she warned. “Please.”
“Aaw,” Alex sounded. “If I would’ve known there were benefits to working for you, I might’ve tried a little harder, Car.”
Grinding his jaw, Josh shook off Carissa’s grasp and stalked forward until he and Alex were nose to nose.
“Ooh, the Marine’s got balls after all, huh?” Alex bumped his chest against Josh’s, then reached up and pushed him backward.
Oh hell no. Josh launched himself forward so fast the other man didn’t have a chance to prepare. Both went flying through the air, landing on the ground with a heavy thud. Josh grabbed Alex by the front of his shirt with one hand, his other fist clenched and ready to relocate the asshole’s teeth to the back of his throat. But Alex got off the first hit, connecting with Josh’s cheekbone and jarring his face to the side. He wasted no time returning the favor however, cracking the other man’s nose and sending a spray of crimson onto the grass and down the front of Alex’s shirt.