by Lane, Cheryl
“Thank you, Madeline. You’re so sweet to say those things. I love you dearly.”
“I’m so glad you found me that day in Chester. I don’t know if I would have ever gotten my memory back if you hadn’t brought me here. Thank you.”
“I’m glad, too, dear.”
Cora called us into the dining room when the eggs were ready, and we went in and had breakfast, joined by Elizabeth. She had dark circles under her eyes and looked pale.
“Are you all right, Elizabeth?” I asked. We hadn’t spoken much at all, so she seemed surprised to hear me address her.
“I’m fine,” she said quietly.
“You do look pale, dear,” Clarissa observed. “Are you ill?”
“I didn’t sleep very well, that’s all. And I’m feeling a little queasy this morning.”
“Why don’t you have some biscuits and then go lie down and rest?” Clarissa suggested.
Edward came in and took food back over to his study with him. I had just finished up my eggs and was wiping strawberry juice off of Lillie’s face and hands, when Ethan came into the dining room, smelling of fresh air and sunshine.
“Madeline, could I speak to you for a moment?”
I met his eyes and stood up. “Of course.”
Lillie let out a squeal, and Ethan walked over and kissed her on the cheek.
“I’ll take care of her,” Clarissa told me, reaching to take Lillie out of her chair.
“Ethan, I have something I need to talk to you about,” Elizabeth interrupted.
“Not now, Elizabeth.” Ethan dismissed her, taking my arm and escorting me towards the hall.
“Ethan, I really must insist that you stop wandering off with…with her,” Elizabeth said. We turned around and noticed she had gotten up out of her chair. She looked very pale.
“Elizabeth, I promise to speak to you later. Now be a good girl and finish your breakfast,” he chided.
He turned back around and led me outside through the river-front door. I thought he handled Elizabeth very well, without getting upset at her. He led me all the way down to the bench by the river. This must be serious, since he was taking me so far away from the manor, perhaps for privacy.
“What is it, Ethan? Is everything all right?”
He took my hands in his and kissed them. “Everything is fine, wonderful in fact. I have begun the process of having my marriage to Elizabeth annulled. I just got back from the Court House, where I signed papers to start the process. Very soon, she will be gone, and you and I can start our lives together again.”
I felt my heart leap inside me, joyful at the thought of that. “Oh, Ethan, that’s wonderful news. I had thought perhaps something bad had happened.”
“I want us to be re-married again, publicly…to let everyone know that we’re back together again.”
“I’d love that, Ethan. Nothing would make me happier than to be yours again, truly.” I meant that in every way.
“You’ll have to go to the Court House to prove that you’re alive. I had to declare you dead before I could marry Elizabeth, so we have to undo that.”
“Oh, I see. That should be easy enough.” So, that’s how he’d been able to marry her.
“You’ll have to find your birth record to show them, if you still have it, and have Jonas testify as to your identity, since he is the closest blood relative.”
“That’s fine. I’ll ride over there today and let Jonas know while I look for my birth record, see if it’s still in the floorboards of the attic where I hid it.”
He smiled, “Don’t go alone.” He looked down then and swallowed. Something else was bothering him.
“What is it, Ethan? What else?” I asked.
He looked back up at me, caressing my hands with his. “You apologized yesterday about being gone so long and missing out on a year together, but that wasn’t your fault. It is I who should apologize to you.” I furrowed my brow, confused, not understanding. He continued, “For marrying Elizabeth. For giving up hope of ever finding you again. I should’ve never given up on my search for you. I’m so sorry. You had the opportunity to marry Jeff but you didn’t. I admire that. I wish I’d waited longer. Just one month longer, you would’ve been here, and we’d still be married right now. And when you remembered me in our bedchambers yesterday, we could have…” He didn’t need to finish that sentence. I knew exactly what he meant. He shook his head. “This whole thing has taught me to have more patience and to never give up hope. Will you forgive me?”
“Of course, Ethan. I understand, and I have appreciated your honesty with me about your relationship with her. Of course, it was natural for me to wonder about your feelings for her, if you really married her just out of sympathy and to give Lillie a mother. You must care about her even a little, to have married her.”
“Only a little,” he said. “But I don’t love her and never did. She simply comforted me when I was in a deep melancholy, over losing you. Once this is all over and we are joined again, I can show you the depths of my love and erase any doubts.”
He let go of my hands, cupped my face in them, and kissed me tenderly. I knew then that I truly had forgiven him for marrying Elizabeth.
“But where will I go, Ethan? You can’t just throw me out!”
I was coming back inside from taking Lillie for a stroll when I inadvertently overheard Elizabeth yelling at Ethan in the sitting room. I closed the carriage-front door quietly and walked by slowly, making eye contact with Ethan briefly, who glanced my way. I gave him a sympathetic look and kept on walking. He didn’t look too happy. Elizabeth had her back to me, thankfully.
I couldn’t hear Ethan’s low response, but I heard Elizabeth’s shrill voice again. “I don’t want to leave. I like it here. I want to be with you. I love you, Ethan. Don’t you care about me at all?”
I froze, my hand reaching down to take Lillie out of her baby carriage, wondering how Ethan really would respond to that question. Of course, I still had nagging doubts, since he had married her. My curiosity got the better of me, and I cupped my ear towards the sitting room to try and hear better.
His voice was quiet, but I heard his response. “I care about you, but I don’t love you. I love Madeline. I have loved her for a very long time. I’m sorry this is troubling for you, Liz, truly I am.” Ethan paused, and I heard Elizabeth sniffling. “I was married to Madeline first. We have a child together. She is Lillie’s mother, and they deserve to be together. We deserve to be together as a family. Do you understand?”
More sniffling. “Yes, but where will I go? I have no family, no place else to go.”
“Mother told me you were welcome to go live with her sister, Catherine. She desperately needs help right now to keep her farm and in the care of her daughter, Virginia.”
I was pleased with what Ethan said about me, and so I smiled. Not wanting to eavesdrop further, I took Lillie in my arms and carried her upstairs. Clarissa met us on the 2nd floor and took Lillie on up to the third floor for a nap.
That afternoon, Lidia and I took a small surrey over to Jonas’s and told him about needing a witness at the Court House soon. He said he could join us and was happy that Ethan and I would be married again. I found my birth record in the floorboards of the attic, where I had hid it in a cigar box that had been left behind by one of the soldiers during the war.
Upon our return to Wellington Cross, I took Cinnabar to the stables and noticed that Blackfoot’s stall was empty, as well as another horse that Elizabeth usually rode, a tan horse named Sandy. I wondered where they had gone and if they were together. Paranoia and jealousy swept through me again briefly. Lidia went off to the kitchen house.
As I was leaving the stables and walking towards the manor, I heard a horse and carriage coming up the drive. Sally and Jack came running around the manor barking. It was Doc Parsons, the country doctor, followed by Zeke on a pale grey horse. As the doctor pulled up close to the stables, he ascended the carriage and greeted me.
“Madeline! Ho
w nice to see you again. It’s been a long time,” he said, taking my hand and kissing it. He had taken care of me when I was confined with Lillie.
Dr. Wyatt Parsons was a short stocky man of maybe 50 with greying hair and beard. He was wearing a tattered black hat and a long black Sac coat over a grey plaid waistcoat and dark trousers. He picked up his Medicine Chest.
“Yes, it has. What brings you out here, Doc?” I asked.
“Apparently Miss Elizabeth has had an accident and fallen off her horse. Do you know where I might find her?”
“No, this is news to me. I’ve just arrived myself.”
“I’ve been meaning to come out and see you, Madeline, since you’ve had amnesia. How have you been doing?”
“Oh, I’ve gotten it all back now, except for the accident that caused me to lose my memory in the first place. Other than that, I’m as fit as a fiddle.”
“That’s good to hear,” he said, smiling. “I’m sure you’ll get that memory of the accident soon, as well. Something will trigger it.”
Ethan raced towards us on Blackfoot from over near the field of lavender and sunflowers.
“I’ll take you to her, Doc,” Ethan said. “Ride with me. You won’t reach her with a carriage.” He looked at Zeke. “We’ll need you to come, as well.”
The doctor mounted the horse behind Ethan, awkwardly holding onto his Medicine Chest. “I’ll tell you all about it later, Madeline,” Ethan said to me as they rode off.
Chapter 15
Intimacy
I was in the sitting room later, playing fun lively songs on the piano for Lillie when Ethan came into the house through the carriage-front door, holding Elizabeth in his arms. She had her eyes closed, her hair a tangled mess, and her dress was soiled with what looked dark red blood. Doc Parsons hurried in after them. They came into the sitting room, and Ethan carefully placed her on the sofa.
“Madeline, if you don’t mind, I need some privacy so I can examine Miss Elizabeth. She’s fallen off a horse and is complaining of stomach pains.” Doc said.
“Of course,” I said. I picked Lillie up and joined Ethan in the hallway. Ethan shut the door. We went into the parlor, and he told me how Elizabeth had gone out for a ride and had fallen off her horse out on the other side of the vegetable garden. She had been found lying on the ground by Zeke, who had gone out to check on the vegetables.
“Like the doc said, she’s complaining of stomach pain, and she has blood on her dress down here.” He motioned down towards the private area. I had seen that much myself as he brought her in. “She yelled out in pain every time Doc touched her stomach. He said she must have some internal injuries somewhere.”
Clarissa came into the room, and Ethan relayed the story for her. As I listened to it again, for about half a second, I wondered if Elizabeth hurt herself on purpose to get Ethan’s sympathy, the way she got his attention after breaking her foot. But I had seen blood, so surely she wouldn’t hurt herself that badly just to get attention.
Lillie was starting to get fussy, so I took her upstairs to the nursery on the third floor. I changed her soiled stockinet, and then picked her up and walked around, looking through the other rooms on this floor. I walked through the privacy door to the bedchamber, looking longingly at the bed I had shared with Ethan. I wandered out into the hall and crossed over to the sitting room where Ethan and I used to sit and have coffee in the mornings together at daybreak. Fanny used to bring that up on a tray with some scones or biscuits. Fanny…I still didn’t remember what happened to her on the day of the accident.
There was an antique sofa in the sitting room, which was beige with a rose-printed pattern, placed under a small side window. A small round table was beside the sofa, draped with a beige crocheted cover that Clarissa had made as a wedding gift, topped with a rose-colored glass oil lamp. Against the wall near the hall door was a tattered trunk with a few books stacked on top, including one of mine, “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen. The walls were the same kind of wallpaper as the bedchamber. There were paintings of roses on the walls beside lacy white curtains on the windows.
I pulled back the lace of the bigger window that looked over the river to find an etching in the glass with the initials EW + MW, written like a math problem. Ethan and I had etched that after we were first married, using my wedding ring. A door on the opposite side of the room led to another smaller room, which was empty. We had planned for that to be Lillie’s room as she got older, and use the nursery for more babies as they came along. Eventually, if we had enough children, we had planned to use this sitting room as a bedchamber, as well. I looked forward to having more babies with Ethan.
I took Lillie back over to the nursery and sat in the rocker with her, rocking and humming softly while she watched me, feeling a cool breeze through the open window next to us. The tall trees outside the window provided a respite from the heat. Lillie’s eyelids began to droop and finally closed as she fell asleep. I continued rocking slowly and felt my own eyes close, enjoying her closeness and not wanting to leave her.
I wondered what was going on downstairs with Elizabeth. I hoped she was okay, but I couldn’t help but wonder if her accident would somehow hinder her leaving soon and my impending re-marriage to Ethan. That was selfish of me, but still, I wanted nothing more than to stay in these rooms as Ethan’s wife and Lillie’s mother. I was ready to begin – again – my life as Madeline Wellington, and I couldn’t bear the thought of anything preventing that.
I continued to rock, eyes shut and half asleep, until I felt a rough hand touch my face softly. My eyes fluttered open. It was Ethan. He bent down and placed a soft kiss on my brow. I smiled into his troubled amber eyes, which looked like they’d lost their usual warmth and light. He tried to smile, but it failed to reach his eyes. He looked down at Lillie and softly kissed her cheek.
“Is—” I started to speak, but Ethan put his finger to my lips to quiet me. He lifted Lillie from my arms and placed her in her bed, and then took my hand and led me out into the hall and down to the sitting room. We opened the windows up to let in a breeze, leaving the door open so it would stay cool in the room.
We sat down on the sofa together, and he took me in his arms. His glorious arms. I wanted to stay there forever. I was happy to be in his arms in our bedchambers, and it made my soul surge. Yet at the same time, he seemed upset, and it troubled my soul to see him that way. I had the foreboding feeling that some bad news was coming, from the look in his eyes and the way he was holding me now, like he was holding onto me for dear life.
“What is it, Ethan?” I dared to whisper. I felt him tremble beneath my arms. “Ethan?”
“I can’t talk about it yet,” he whispered. “Just let me hold you for a while. Please?”
I nodded, and drew closer to him. I felt him tremble again, and realized he was crying. I had never seen him cry like this before, not since he lost his little brother Godfrey when we were young. He didn’t even cry about the war or about his bad dreams he often had. I tried to look at his face, but he wouldn’t let go of me. So I just held him and let him get it out, whatever it was he needed to get out. I didn’t know what else to do, how else to comfort him.
I could only imagine what upset him so much to the point of crying. It had to be something to do with Elizabeth, I felt. I wondered if she had died. If so, he must care about her more than a little to be so upset. I couldn’t imagine what else could be causing him such heartache, but it saddened me. I felt his pain in the pit of my stomach. After just finding each other after a year of being apart, we were so happy, ready to begin again as husband and wife. I hoped nothing would get in the way of that.
After holding me a while, he let go, sighed, and wiped his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Maddie.” His eyes were red, his face wet from the tears. I reached into my dress pocket and pulled out my embroidered “MW” handkerchief to finish wiping off his tears. I now remembered that this handkerchief had been a gift from Ethan when we were married. I had three more of them i
n the top drawer of the chest across the hall. I slowly and meticulously dabbed his skin to rid it of his tears, the evidence of his anguish. All done, I lay the handkerchief the arm of the sofa and smiled at him tentatively.
“You know, you can tell me anything, Ethan,” I encouraged.
“Not now. I don’t want to think about anything right now. I only want to be with you.”
He smoothed my hair away from my face, rubbed his thumb across my lower lip, and then kissed me with fervor and passion. It was unexpected. It took my breath away.
“Maddie…I want to love you so badly,” he gasped between kisses.
I suddenly ached inside for him. He kissed me desperately, his strong arms pulling me hard against him. Then he gently eased me back against the couch and leaned over my bosom, still kissing me. His arms began to caress my arms and then my midriff. I knew where this was leading. I’d been here before…with him. The longing inside me was about to burst, when he started gently caressing one of my breasts. I caught my breath and then let it out in a gasp.
He stopped and looked at me.
“Ethan,” I said hoarsely. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“I don’t care right now. I only care about you. Please, Maddie.” His eyes pleaded with mine.
He stood up then, walked across the hall, and I heard him start to close doors. He closed Lillie’s door quietly, and I heard him close the privacy door to the nursery. Then he appeared in the doorway of our bedchamber across the hall and stared at me, beckoning me to come to him silently. My breathing became labored while I debated what to do, when he walked back to me in the sitting room and pulled my arm to join him. I stood up and let him tug my hand, following him into the bedchamber. Once we were inside, he closed the door to the hall and turned the key to lock the door.