by Lane, Cheryl
I looked over at Ethan. He had his color back, but tears streamed down his face as he looked from his baby to Elizabeth. He may lose them both. Even though that would make it easier for us to be together again, I found myself hoping that they both survived, if that would make Ethan happy. I hated seeing him in pain. He walked over to Elizabeth, and I moved away so he could have a little privacy with her. He brushed her hair off her face, and picked up her hand and kissed it.
“You should see your little girl. She’s beautiful,” he said to her. I turned my face away, not wanting to see how much Ethan cared for her. Of course, he did care about her. She had, after all, given him another child. “Her biggest fault has simply been that she loved me,” he said, addressing me.
I turned around to see him looking at me sadly. I nodded. “I can’t blame her for that,” I said. “I feel the same.” He actually smiled at me. I walked back over to the baby and the doctor.
“It’s going to take a lot of time and patience, but I think this little girl is going to make it,” the doctor said. “Let’s hope for the best.”
Ethan joined us and watched the doctor rub her lungs and then rub her back. She was breathing again, though she would stop breathing briefly at times. During those episodes, she would turn pale and look limp. Then we could hear her catch her breath and she would have noisy breathing again. Doc washed his hands in the water basin to get rid of the blood and also cleaned up the baby where he’d been rubbing her to get her to breathe.
Ethan walked out into the entrance hall and paced. I followed him and tried to make conversation with him.
“It’s lucky we found the doctor, isn’t it? They both stand a better chance of surviving with a doctor’s care.”
He nodded but didn’t speak.
“That little baby is precious. What will you name her?”
“I…I don’t know. We hadn’t really talked about it. I will let Elizabeth decide when…if she wakes up.” We both knew that might not happen.
Catherine, who had gone to get the doctor something to eat and drink, came back into the house with Ginny. They were both carrying plates of meats, cheese, fruit, and pecans, along with coffee, which they took into the parlor. I followed them in as Catherine took a cup of coffee for the doctor and held the baby while he drank it. Between sips, he asked if we had any nursing bottles.
“I don’t think so,” I told him.
“How about nursing bottles for animals? Something used for horses when the mother is unable to feed her young?”
“Yes, I’d say we should,” I said. He asked me to go get the bottles and asked Catherine to get some glass containers to hold milk in. He was going to pump as much of Elizabeth’s breast milk as he could get out of her for the baby.
I went out to the barn and found the bottles. As I was leaving the barn, William and Jonas came up on horses. They’d been out searching for the person who shot Elizabeth.
“Any luck?”
“None,” Jonas said. “We went as far as the grist mill and asked Mr. Rowland if he’d seen anyone on his property. He had not, nor had Lizzie. We asked if it would be all right to look around the property, and he allowed us to, even joined us in the search. We did find out that someone had been to the toolshed over near the corn field. A fire had been recently set outside the shed, and we found a tin can, a blanket, and a man’s shirt inside.”
“How is Elizabeth?” William asked me. I told them she was still unconscious and that I was getting bottles so that Doc could get breast milk for the baby.
“You shouldn’t be out here alone, Madeline,” William said, looking concerned. “Did you find the bottles?”
“Yes,” I said, holding two glass bottles up.
We all walked back inside the house. Jonas and William attended Ethan, who sat on a sofa in the hall, his head in his hands. I took the bottles into the parlor where Doc had already pumped some of the breast milk out into a glass Mason jar. As he pumped more out, he told me to fill up one of the bottles and give it to the baby, who was being held by Catherine.
“She’s keeping her breath now,” Catherine said to me. “Ethan was holding her while I went to get the Mason jars, but he left the room again as Doc started pumping the milk.”
I filled up the bottle with the warm milk and handed it to Catherine. “Would you like to feed her?” Catherine asked me.
“I’ll go see if Ethan would like to,” I said instead. The three men were still in the hall, and I asked Ethan if he’d like to feed the baby. That wasn’t something that men did very often, especially if the mother’s milk came through, but this was a special case, and I thought perhaps it would help Ethan in this difficult time, since Elizabeth might pass soon. It might also help the baby, since she couldn’t be comforted by her mother at the moment. She would most likely recognize her father’s voice.
Ethan took the baby from Catherine. The baby opened her eyes and looked at her daddy. She had dark blue eyes. I wondered if she would end up having hazel eyes like her daddy or if they would stay blue like her mother’s. Ethan broke out into a big smile. That was good. They would definitely help each other. He took the bottle from Catherine and sat down on a chair while he fed her. She took it instantly, figuring out how to suck quickly. The poor dear must’ve been starving.
“Is the baby going to be all right?” Ethan asked Doc. “She’s awfully tiny.”
“Yes, I believe so. She will need lots of love and attention, and it would also be good to let her sit in the sunlight a few hours every day.”
Doc finished getting as much breast milk out of Elizabeth’s breasts and handed the second Mason jar to me. “That’s all I can get out. She didn’t have that much yet, since her baby wasn’t due for another couple of months. We’re lucky she had any at all, this early. You should find a wet nurse, if possible.” He wiped his brow and finished off another cup of coffee.
I took a good look at the baby for the first time in Ethan’s arms. I felt tears in my eyes…she really was precious. It reminded me of Lillie when she was born. I’d missed so much of her first year of life. I stood next to Ethan and watched him feed her. When I looked into this baby’s eyes, I couldn’t think about all the pain she had caused me, losing Ethan and all. I could only think that she was Ethan’s and that she needed care, needed a mama. She was innocent. I wondered what would happen if Elizabeth didn’t make it. Would I be the one to take care of this little one?
We all took turns holding vigil over Elizabeth and holding the baby through evening and into the night. When the longcase clock in the hall chimed at two o’clock in the morning, the doctor announced that Elizabeth’s heart beat had stopped and pronounced her dead.
“I’m truly sorry, Ethan,” Doc said. “There’s nothing else I can do for her.”
Ethan furrowed his brow and ran his hand through his hair. He pursed his lips as he walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek, picking up her hand. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth,” he said quietly. “Sorry that you won’t get to take care of your baby. I shouldn’t have let you leave the house alone.” He was obviously blaming himself for her death.
“Ethan, don’t…” I said, touching his arm. “Don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do this.”
“No, but I was supposed to be taking care of her. She was mad at me, now I know why, and it was my fault. I should have made sure she wasn’t listening to me talking to Mother. I had no idea she knew. She wouldn’t say why she was upset. She simply asked me not to see you again and then said she needed to go for a ride on her horse. I didn’t know she had even left the plantation until you and Catherine arrived. She liked to take rides around the fields. I thought she just took her horse out. I shouldn’t have let her, in her condition, and being upset.” He turned to leave the room, but I still had my hand on his arm.
“Nonetheless, it is still not your fault. It’s more my fault than yours. I’m the one who lied about this baby,” I said, motioning to my lower abdomen. Realization hit me. It was my fault that Elizabeth w
as dead. My lies about my own baby caused her to be upset enough to come see me once she learned the truth, and as she was leaving, she was shot and later died. “She wouldn’t have been over here if it weren’t for me.” Ethan said nothing but pulled away from me and left the room tersely. I knew not to let his coldness affect me, as he’d been through much. I let him grieve on his own.
I looked at Elizabeth, realizing she would not see her little baby, would not get to hold it or take care of it. I felt pity for her. I was glad we sort of made peace before she passed. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I shouldn’t have lied to you before. Please forgive me.” I patted her pale, cold hand. Her baby was going to need a mother; perhaps I could do that for her, and for Ethan. I felt obligated to her since she’d come over here because of me.
The doc finished cleaning up and said, “I’m going home now, but I’ll return in a few hours to check on the baby. She should stay here for the night. Do you have a cow, by chance?”
“No,” I told him. I had hoped we would have obtained one by now, but we had not, nor had the Wellingtons. “One of us could go to the O’Loughlin’s and acquire some,” I suggested.
Doc said that was fine, or if anyone had any goats, goat’s milk was fine, as well. So the baby would have to drink animal’s milk, or else Ethan would have to find a new mother who could act as a wet nurse. It didn’t seem right somehow, and I began thinking about my own breast milk for my baby. My milk wouldn’t come in for a while, but perhaps when it did come in, I might be able to feed both babies.
Doc covered Elizabeth up with part of the blanket and told us to go into another room and leave her in peace. He said that he would come back later in the morning after getting a few hours’ sleep and prepare her for burial. Before leaving, he told Ethan out in the hall to think about where he wanted her buried, and to acquire a casket for her. I could tell all of this overwhelmed Ethan again, as he ran his hands through his hair and followed Doc outside on the porch, listening to more instructions.
After Doc left, I came out into the hall and closed the parlor door, leaving Elizabeth’s body in peace. Ethan came back into the hall and closed the carriage-front door. “You should go on home and get some rest, Ethan,” I told him. “Tell your mother and father what’s going on here. Catherine and I can take care of the baby. Perhaps you might find some stored milk in the milk house for the baby before you come back in the morning,” I suggested.
He nodded his head. He looked tired and dazed. “I want to say ‘goodbye’ to Elizabeth first.”
He went back into the parlor alone while I stood in the hall with Catherine, who held the baby. Through the partially open door, I heard him thank Elizabeth for the baby, telling her that he would take good care of their little girl and her horse. I got choked up. Ginny had gone up to bed, and William had gone over to the bachelor’s quarters. Jonas kissed Catherine softly before retiring upstairs himself.
“I’ll take the first shift,” I told Catherine, reaching for the baby. “You get some sleep.”
“No, you are with child, Madeline. You should go on upstairs and sleep. I could take the baby to my bed and rest and watch her.” I tried to protest, but she insisted. “Ginny can help me. You need your rest. You can take care of her after a few hours’ sleep.”
I relented. “All right. I’m going to walk Ethan out first.”
Catherine took the baby upstairs, and I went back to the parlor to check on Ethan. He was just coming out into the hall as I was about to go in. I stepped back to let him out into the hall. He looked haggard.
“I’m so sorry, Ethan, really I am.”
He closed the door and took me in his arms. I closed my tired eyes and breathed a big sigh. I was glad to be able to give him comfort, glad that he was letting me.
“I feel sad, mostly because she won’t get to raise this baby…and this baby won’t ever know her real mama,” Ethan said softly into my hair. “She was really happy about having a baby.”
“You can tell your baby all about her mama,” I said. “Just like I’ve been telling Lillie every day, stories about you and me, so she would know that even though we weren’t together, we loved each other and her very much.”
He slowly pulled away from me slightly and looked at me. “You’ve been talking to Lillie about us? Every day?”
“Yes.” I could tell he was touched by that. He looked at my lips like he wanted to kiss me, but then he turned to look at the parlor door where his dead wife lay.
“It’s okay to grieve for her, Ethan. I understand.”
He nodded, looking back at me. He took my hands and kissed them, a pained expression on his face. “Thank you for all you’ve done…for me, the baby, and Elizabeth. I know it must be hard for you. You’ve helped me a lot, more than you know.”
“I’m happy and pleased to help you, Ethan.”
He had a ring in his hand, which he showed me. It was silver with a raised ruby. “This was Elizabeth’s. My father gave it to me when we were wed. It was another ring that belonged to his mother and that he thought she should have it. I’ll save it for the baby now, I suppose.”
He turned to leave. “I’ll return in a few hours,” he said. He opened the creaky door in the silent house, and walked slowly out to his carriage, where the horses were still tied up. I watched him leave, locked up, and then went upstairs.
Once in my bedchamber, I quickly changed clothes and fell into bed, lamenting Elizabeth’s demise, and wondering what was going to happen in the future for Ethan, the baby, and me. Sleep came quickly.
Chapter 35
Visitations
I awoke to the sun shining. Catherine had let me sleep in. I quickly dressed and went down the hall to her bedchamber, finding Ginny holding the baby in her arms, her eyelids drooping. She was sitting up on the bed beside Catherine, who was sleeping. I didn’t want to wake Catherine, so I silently took the baby from Ginny, and then she slid down on the bed and went to sleep herself.
I took Ethan’s baby downstairs to get the breast milk in case she was hungry. As I was carrying her, she started crying. I wrapped the blanket around her tighter and whispered to her, hoping to comfort her so she wouldn’t wake everyone else in the house.
The blanket felt wet, and I realized we hadn’t found any cloths for her little bottom. I got my mother’s shawl to use as a clean blanket and went to the storage area beside the fireplace in the great hall and got a linen cloth. I then took her to the master study, laid her down on one of the leather chairs, and tried to pin the cloth on her; she protested loudly. Her lungs were certainly working now. I closed the door to help muffle the noise. Once her cloth was pinned, I wrapped her up in the shawl and took the bottle to see if she would feed. She did; she took it hungrily, finishing the second Mason jar of her mother’s milk. We would need that cow’s milk or a wet nurse soon. I patted her on the back and hummed softly to her. She fell back asleep soon after.
Not long after, Doc Parsons knocked on the door, and I let him in to examine the baby. He said she was doing well. He went to the parlor and prepared Elizabeth for burial. I didn’t want to watch. I’d seen enough death in my lifetime. As I was walking down the hall, there was another knock at the door, and I let Ethan, his mother, and my Lillie in. Ethan was holding Lillie, and he smiled at me and the baby. Lillie exclaimed and was surprised to see the baby. She reached out of Ethan’s arms for me.
“Aw, let me see the baby,” Clarissa said, reaching for the tiny baby in my arms. The happy grandmother was all smiles. I handed her the baby and then took Lillie in my arms. She looked back at her grandmother with the new baby.
“Baby,” I said. “Isn’t she a sweet little baby?”
Lillie tried to say “baby”, which sounded more like “bebe”.
I closed the door to the parlor where Doc was working on Elizabeth, and we all went into the dining room and sat down. I wished I had thought to make some coffee; I’d have to do that soon, and get something for us all to eat. I didn’t know how long Ethan and his
mother would be here. They may take the baby on home with them soon, or they may stay all day, depending on what the Doc said about how soon the baby could travel the short distance to Wellington.
Ethan was carrying a carafe of milk, which was taken from the milk house.
“I see you found some milk,” I said, making conversation with Ethan.
“Yes, just this much.” He sat it down on the dining room table.
Clarissa handed the baby to Ethan, and I let Lillie down on the floor. She walked over to her daddy and the baby, curiously. Clarissa asked me to go out into the great hall for a moment.
“How are you, my dear? Did you get enough rest last night?”
“Yes, Catherine and Ginny watched the baby while I slept.”
“That’s good. I wouldn’t want you to put your own baby in jeopardy.” I guided us into the master study so we could sit down in chairs and talk.
“Madeline, I know that your baby is Ethan’s; he told me.”
I was a little surprised at her bluntness, but I nodded. “Elizabeth told me that she overheard him telling you. That’s the reason she came over here to talk to me…about the baby and Ethan. She was upset, but Catherine helped us to both calm down, and we sort of made peace before she went outside…before she was shot. Oh Clarissa, it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t lied…” I put my head in my hands.
“Now don’t go blaming yourself for that. Whoever shot her – that’s who you can blame. You couldn’t know that a bullet was waiting for her outside those doors. Why, it could have been you or Catherine that got shot! Maybe it was just her time to go.”