by Libby Drew
“You’re blaming me for reacting the way I did to that bullshit story you fed me? Seriously?” Saul’s ire rose. “We’re all on edge, but this isn’t going to wait.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t know.”
“Then let’s get on with it.” He sought Cammie’s gaze across the foyer. “I’m sorry, but I think—”
“Say no more. I know how to make myself scarce.” She patted his arm as she passed, and he told himself he hadn’t seen the hurt in her eyes.
“I like your place,” he blurted.
“Thank you.” She pulled him a few steps down the hall, leaning close to whisper in his ear. “Now pull yourself together. Get your head on straight.”
He recoiled at the scolding. “In what way is my head not on straight?”
“In every way, I’d say.” She set off, her heels clicking on the hardwood, and disappeared through a doorway at the end of the hallway.
Times like these were when the cravings bombarded him. He waited for the familiar rush of self-loathing. The guilt. But the only thing that continued to press in on all sides was a crushing fatigue.
He stalked past a silent Reegan and Silvia and found himself in a cozy living room, complete with matching floral upholstered armchairs, table doilies, and the biggest widescreen television he’d seen outside a showroom. It took up an entire wall, and underneath, in the sleek and unassuming console table, stood a row of DVDs—mysteries, spy flicks and thrillers at first glance—flanked by lucky cat bookends. He fell into one of the armchairs, slouching into the plump cushions.
Reegan filled the doorway, Silvia a smaller shadow behind him. “Talk in here?” he asked.
Saul gestured at the cluster of furniture. He didn’t break eye contact when Silvia slipped past, daring Reegan to shy away from his frank gaze.
He didn’t.
Instead, he shuffled across the room, grabbing Saul’s hand as he walked by.
Even a few seconds in the chair had stiffened his muscles, but Saul came with a grunt. Reegan led him to the sofa, sat and pulled Saul down beside him. “That’s better.”
No teasing in his tone. No wry humor. Only the raw truth, because it was better, being pressed shoulder to thigh. Saul fed off Reegan’s warmth, from the implied strength of his steady presence, then fed it back the best he could.
“Okay,” Reegan said. “You sure you want to hear this?”
No. He wanted to avoid this conversation more than anything in his life. At the moment, all he craved was the slow, inevitable slide toward oblivion that only a bottle of booze could offer. Escapism was an old friend. It singed his inadequacies to ash and let him forget the inconvenient truths of his life.
“Saul?”
He made his himself nod. “I’m sure.”
Silvia had chosen a chair on the other side of the coffee table from Saul and Reegan. Her hands fluttered about her throat, and she wouldn’t meet Reegan’s gaze. So far, Saul had found her to be an engaging mix, both strong and suspicious. Sure of her motives, but on shaky footing. He’d yet to say more than a dozen words to the woman, too wrapped up in her similarities to Lisa to judge anything objectively.
She wore a simple T-shirt and clean jeans, not the clothes he remembered from last night. Borrowed from the shelter, was his guess. She tucked her feet under herself as she settled into the armchair. Her thick red hair had been plaited into a single braid, and it hung over one shoulder. The clothes and hairstyle stripped years from her appearance, and with her flawless skin she could have passed for a teenager. Though Saul hadn’t met many teenagers with such haunted eyes. He watched her gaze drift to the bruises circling Reegan’s neck.
“I can’t believe Emilio did that. I’m so sorry.” She lifted a hand in his direction before dropping it back to her lap. “Are you all right?”
“I’ll live.” Running his tongue across his teeth, Reegan added, “Maybe.”
“I guess I shouldn’t be surprised they found me. Sometimes I think Victor has a supernatural sense about these things. I didn’t mean to bring trouble down on you.” Her gaze shifted to Saul. “Or on you.”
On the couch next to him, Reegan sat bent over his knees, hands clasped loosely together. “What’s done is done. Let’s focus on fixing it.”
Saul held his tongue and watched them both. Reegan hadn’t seemed concerned about Silvia corroborating his story. That alone made Saul’s heart pound. He’d reached a point where his feelings for Reegan were clouding his judgment. What he hadn’t decided was if he wanted his story to be true or not. The fallout wasn’t going to be pretty either way.
Reegan blew out a frustrated breath, then paused when Silvia cringed and lifted a hand to massage her shoulder. “Are you all right.”
“Yes.” She gave a jerky nod.
“Did they hurt you?”
“No. I tripped while running that first night. Landed on my shoulder. It still aches.” Halting speech delivered, she lapsed into pensive silence.
Reegan looked to be grasping for words. “I’m betting that’s not the only accident you’ve had since running off.”
“Are we really going to do this here?” Finally, a reaction. Anger flashed in her eyes. “In front of him?”
“He already knows.”
That took the wind out of her sails. She slumped and curled in on herself, drawing her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “You told him? Is that allowed?”
“No, it’s very much not allowed. I’ve kind of been winging it since you ditched me. At the very least, you’re costing me my job here. At the worst, I won’t make it home alive. You owe me the courtesy of listening. By the time I’m done, believe me, you’ll beg to come back.”
Saul’s patience, already pulled taut, snapped. He cleared his throat, and Silvia’s vivid green eyes swung toward him. “Reegan says you’re from the future. That you’ve traveled through time in some sort of machine to get here.” He closed his mouth when he sensed the urge to babble rising. He’d vocalized the crux of the matter. “I need to know if that’s a load of shit, or if there’s any truth to it.” Time to deal with whether Reegan was a crazy liar, or a very desperate sane one.
Silvia’s manicured thumbnail took the brunt of her frustration. She nibbled it and stared at Saul for several seconds before answering. “That’s right. Reegan’s told you the truth.”
He ignored Reegan’s smug smile, which he could see from the corner of his eyes. “Or Reegan’s told me a lie, which you’re perpetuating.”
She continued the stare, wide-eyed with shock. “What purpose would that serve?”
None, so far as he could tell, unless there was some motive he hadn’t sussed out yet. “Can you explain to me how it works? The time machine?”
Silvia’s laugh was deep, rich and tinged with bitterness. It rocked her whole body. “I wouldn’t know where to begin. Science was never my strong point.”
Reegan smacked a palm against his forehead.
She glared at him before continuing. “But ask me anything about English or music, and I’ll blow you away. Did five semesters of literature in one year. Got my parents in real trouble too.”
“Why?” Saul asked.
Silvia twirled the end of her braid in her hand. “They thought I’d hacked the system. You know. Cheated.”
She’d said cheated like it left a sour taste in her mouth. A telling detail.
Reegan peeked at her from between his fingers. “Did you even pass science?”
“I’m not stupid, Dr. McNamara. Some subjects just came easier to me. Most kids are that way.”
Reegan tipped his head, conceding the point.
Saul tried to gather his fragmented thoughts. Every time he tried, his mind shied away from what was increasingly looking to be the truth. “So you’ve traveled here from the future. And people do it all the time.”
“Some people do it all the time.” Her eyes sparked at Reegan. “Those who can afford it.”
“It’s expensive?”
“Very. But the idea is seductive, don’t you think? Is it a wonder people lie, cheat and steal to jaunt?” She turned a sweet smile on Reegan, who frowned back.
“But how?”
Reegan took over. “A miniature particle collider. It creates enough energy to bend the time loops.”
“Time…loops?” A faint nausea boiled in Saul’s gut. Was it even remotely possible that Reegan was telling the truth? The growing evidence had Saul teetering between incredulity and disbelief. “Can you go anywhere?” He swallowed, cursing his dry mouth. “I mean, in the world?”
“There’s a stable geographical area around any particular collider. The larger the equipment, the greater the distance you can travel. Most private outfits can’t afford, and don’t have the power requirements, to operate the size collider it would take to send someone in D.C. to London, or even up the coast to New York. We keep our jaunts local.”
Saul blinked at the explanation that rolled off Reegan’s tongue. “I can’t get my head around this.”
“Don’t feel bad. Did your parents think they’d be able to take a vacation to a space station ten years ago? I’m sure the idea seemed like pure science fiction. But that’s a reality now, isn’t it?”
A very recent reality. But yes. Saul rubbed at the ache in the back of his neck. “Time loops.” The more he said the words, the more like gibberish they sounded.
“Right. Time loops. And for the uninformed among us—” Reegan turned his attention to Silvia, “—they’re not very flexible, which is what I need to explain to you. Listen.” He shook a finger at her. “You can’t stay here. You could try, but I can pretty much guarantee you wouldn’t last the week. Eventually, your presence will trigger a potential paradox, and you’ll be eliminated. The Novikov Principle? Does it ring a bell?” His face softened when her eyes filled with tears.
Silvia pressed her palms to her forehead. “It does vaguely. I told you I wasn’t much of a science student. But I did some research before trying this. Bought paper money on the antique black market. Found someone to help me unlock the tracking bracelet. Nobody I dealt with ever let on it was a fool’s errand.”
“Why would they? If they’d ‘fessed up, they wouldn’t have gotten paid.”
She smacked her fist against the chair’s arm. “And it was all for nothing. Less than nothing. Now I’ve put you in danger too.”
“Forget about that for now. Listen, I’m not saying it wasn’t a good idea. Getting away from that prick. This just wasn’t the way to do it.”
“But I’ve tried every other way.” She faded into the cushion, the smattering of freckles across her nose standing out against her pasty complexion. “Dr. McNamara—”
“Reegan.”
“Fine. Reegan. You don’t understand. Most everyone I’ve turned to has betrayed me. My husband is charming. And charismatic. And actually, he’s kind to most people. Others don’t see the side of him that I see. They love him, and nobody wants to believe he’s cruel and threatens me, and sometimes…hurts me. I went into this marriage handicapped to begin with. Very few people thought Victor should lower himself to marry me, either because of how I made my living or because of where I came from.”
Saul waved a hand in the air. “Wait. Where did you come from?”
“The same place I did.” Reegan looked from one to the other when they turned to him in surprise. “The poorest res district in the city.” A wry smile split his face. Almost shy, he glanced at Silvia from beneath lowered lids. “Block 13K. Our building had been light gray once, but the roof tar had washed over the sides by the time I was born. The place looked like hell with shit on top. We had one thing other people didn’t. There was a fountain in our quad. The city hardly ever turned it on, of course. Too much wasted water. But sometimes on the Fourth of July—”
“—they’d turn on the biggest jets, and we played in the water and watched the fireworks over the city.” Silvia clapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry. I don’t remember you.”
Reegan acknowledged that with a shrug. “I was pretty forgettable. I was studying at Georgetown when you were singing at the Tabby Kitten too. Didn’t believe my eyes, at first. But you are rather unforgettable, and after one night I knew I’d found the little ginger troublemaker from 13K. Good to know some things never change.”
“Wait.” Silvia’s gaze turned inward. “McNamara. I remember you now. You’re Payne’s brother.”
“Yeah. He lived up to his name too. As far as little brothers went.”
Silvia brushed a hand across her cheek. It drifted to her thick braid. “He liked to play with my hair.”
Jaw tight, Reegan nodded. “He’s gone now.”
Saul didn’t fight the compulsion to offer a comforting touch. He slid his hand over Reegan’s knee and got his fingers squeezed in return.
The gesture didn’t go unnoticed, but Silvia made no comment. “I’m so sorry. May I ask…?”
“Malawi. He was part of the first wave.”
A broken sound flew from Silvia’s mouth. Reegan’s words had meaning Saul couldn’t understand, but he recognized the reference from his years in combat. A chill passed over him. Reegan was talking about a war. One that had yet to occur.
Silvia’s answering bark of laughter rang with vitriol. “Payne deserved so much more. Oh, Reegan. They brainwashed us all, didn’t they?”
*
Brainwashed? Reegan hadn’t ever looked at it that way. Not in any conscious sense. It wasn’t as if they’d been kept captive as children. Their lot had been cast by their parents, and wasn’t he proof—wasn’t Silvia as well—that kids who wanted more, and worked for it, could claw their way free?
His brother hadn’t been blessed with Reegan’s brains. Instead, he’d possessed courage and loyalty and a blinding sense of righteousness. It had led him to war and then to death. One of several hundred killed in the first African offensive.
“It wasn’t a perfect childhood, but we did okay.”
“We were labeled and classified from the day we were born. And the only reason you and I and your brother were set free was because we played their game.”
“Christ, Silvia. You make it sound so sinister. Everyone had the same chance to study, do well in school, work, try to go to college.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m sorry. I’m sure to someone who made a success of themselves, it might seem like that. And for a long time, I believed it too. We’re watched, you know.”
“You and me?”
“All children are monitored through the cyberschool system. You think everyone gets the same education?”
Reegan’s temper started to fray. “Of course not. Look, this isn’t news to me. I wrote lessons for the cyberschool. It’s normal to deliver curriculum based on aptitude. The more challenging material is offered to the students who have proved they can handle it.”
“That’s right.”
“And you’re saying that’s wrong?”
“I’m saying it’s misused.”
“How?”
She lifted her chin, defiant. “What if I told you that profiles for children with lower IQs or chronically below-average grades are deliberately altered so that they don’t qualify for secondary educational benefits.”
“I wouldn’t believe you.”
“Why not?”
He swallowed back his first reply and took a close look at her face. Not a hint of deception. “How could you know that?”
“Have you forgotten who my husband is?”
Reegan threw up his hands. “What would be the point? The best candidates get hired. That’s a selection process that happens naturally.”
“We have the right to choose how we want to spend our lives. Not everyone who’s good at math wants to be an accountant. And those who might struggle with that subject but enjoy it shouldn’t be shut out of that vocation.” She paused, but Reegan had nothing to say. When that became obvious, she continued. “We have no business manipulating people’s live
s. Everyone deserves a chance at something bigger, even if they might never be a superstar. Reegan, we’re taking away their ability to try.”
“I never pictured you as a conspiracy theorist.” Agitated, Reegan shot to his feet and paced to the window. Despite the pressing need to escape, he found himself lingering over the view. Aside from the panoramic views that first night on the Mall, this was the first time he’d been able to appreciate an entire neighborhood at a glance. Cammie’s building stood on a gentle rise, overlooking the surrounding streets. With only the streetlights to showcase the space, it radiated a false sense of peace.
Silvia joined him at the window. With a slow, easy grace, she undid her plait and shook out her hair. “Things are much different here, aren’t they? People live a life of their own making. Not one chosen and guided by others.”
Despite his efforts to stay aloof, a pull of shame warmed his face. “You’re making it sound like some kind of police state.” He found Saul’s gaze. “It’s not like that.”
“You’re right.” She pressed a finger to the glass. “But we’re leaning that direction. We’re too efficient. Too mechanical. Too inhuman. People aren’t machines. We can’t treat them like they are. What about Payne? Was it fair to stuff his academic profile with subject matter relating to the glory of war? He was a gifted artist, you know.”
Reegan regarded her oddly. “I don’t remember that.”
“I’m not surprised. Art mysteriously disappeared from his class load around the time he started getting big, strong and fast.”
Could that be true? Reegan struggled to recall his own experiences as a cyberschool educator. He’d supported the tailored lesson plans. They had untapped potential.
Which was Silvia’s point.
“This is what we were working to change, Victor and I. We weren’t trying to overthrow the government. Start a revolution. We just wanted to give our children the right to choose.” She turned and leaned against the pane. “I wish so many things. That I could call Victor a monster and walk out the door and never look back. But he believes in this too. Reegan, we can make a difference for these kids. They don’t have to be like Payne, brainwashed into believing that they only have one choice.”