by Libby Drew
“A fact you have some experience with, I understand.”
Her words were a punch in the gut. For several seconds, he couldn’t breathe.
“Saul, what happened to Lisa wasn’t your fault.” She grabbed his hand, holding tight when he tried to jerk away. “You have to let go of the idea that she’s gone because of you. She’s not. She’s gone because of him. And a little bit because of herself.”
“You don’t know the whole story.”
“I doubt anything you say will change how I feel.”
“I was drunk. She needed me, and I was too wasted to even stand, let alone defend her.”
“And how many times before that had you ridden to her rescue?”
He blinked and sat back. Too many to count over the course of five years.
Silvia grabbed his other hand, holding both tight. “You’re one man, not an army. Give her some responsibility for what happened.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? I blame myself for what happened to you and Reegan. What I did, running away like that, was childish and selfish.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was partly.” Green eyes, bright with tears, cut to his soul. “If I want to learn anything, I need to own that, so don’t strip it away from me.”
Like he’d taken it away from Lisa.
Belated insight always cut the deepest. Often because the consequences were permanent, reversing them impossible. For once, Saul didn’t fight the wave of intense sorrow washing over him. God, he missed her so much. He jabbed his fingers against his eyelids. “There are times I want to go back so I could change what happened.”
Silvia’s tears spilled over. “Oh, honey. Don’t we all? And doesn’t that make this technology just about the cruelest thing man has ever invented?”
*
He saw her out the door, across the hall and into the alien-looking parking garage. It felt awkward, escorting her from a space that in no way belonged to him, but Silvia made it easier with her acceptance of Saul’s place in Reegan’s life.
Reegan was sprawled naked on the bed, cookie in one hand, watching tiny holographic football players run across his sheets. When Saul entered, he shut off the game and transferred the tin to the shelf next to his pillow. “Was that fun?”
“Barrel of laughs.” Saul kicked off his shoes and crawled up the bed next to Reegan. “So glad she picked today to stop by.” He buried his head under the pillow, sighing when a warm, heavy hand settled on his back. Reegan’s fingers curled into talons and began to scratch. Up and down. Back and forth. Until Saul’s every breath carried a deep, contented purr.
Reegan nipped the shell of his ear. “She speaks her mind.”
“She’s a cheat. She hits below the belt.” Saul scowled into the pillow.
“What did she want?”
“In a nutshell? To tell me that sometimes good people do bad things. Likewise, bad people occasionally do good things. And that I shouldn’t make judgments when those lines get blurred. Also, I’m a control freak with guilt issues who refuses to let the people I care about take responsibility for their mistakes.”
Reegan laughed long and hard, leaning in to bury his face between Saul’s shoulder blades. “Glad she handled you gently.”
“There was nothing gentle about it.”
Reegan’s fingers stilled. He pressed his palm flat against Saul’s back. “I’d say she nailed you, all the way down to the guilt issues.”
“Thanks.”
“I wish you could let some of it go.”
Saul opened sleepy eyes, meeting Reegan’s frank gaze. He couldn’t let Silvia be the only grown-up around here. “I’ll try. As long as you do too.” He rolled onto his side, facing Reegan. “That jaunter you lost track of who got hurt. That was a mistake too. Let it go.”
“I can’t. I never atoned for it.”
“Then atone. There’s no statute of limitations.”
Brow creased, Reegan ran his fingers over Saul’s face, tracing the fading shadow of a bruise. “I think I did with Silvia, at least a little bit.”
“More than a little bit. Ever heard of transference?”
Reegan flicked Saul’s nose. “It wasn’t all about guilt. Silvia was there during the most formative parts of my life. In a way, she’s my sister. Deserving of all the protection you gave Lisa. Funny, isn’t it? The role a stranger can have in shaping your destiny.”
The words rang prophetic, the sensation powerful enough to raise goose bumps on Saul’s arms. The back of his neck tingled, the same feeling he got when he was being watched.
The hard edges of Reegan’s expression softened. “Come on. Let’s not waste any more time.”
That caused more than a twitch of interest from his body. It shouldn’t have surprised him that Reegan’s voice, that suggestion in his tone, could rouse him, even when he was tied up in knots.
Reegan rose above him, straddling Saul’s body. “Pants first.” He managed the snap and zipper one-handed and urged Saul’s hips off the mattress to slide the garment down and off. There his plan stalled. He sat astride Saul’s thighs, frowning, fingers tracing his hipbone.
Saul found being pinned intensely erotic. Reegan’s muscled thighs squeezed his own, his solid weight a reminder he was Saul’s equal in every way. “Hey.” He splayed his hands over Reegan’s hips. “Come here.”
Reegan came when Saul tugged, pressing him farther into the soft mattress as they kissed. When he straightened his legs, hooking them over Saul’s calves, and pinned his hands to the bed, Saul submitted, going limp and pliant. Reegan gave a pleased groan.
Reegan’s deference in regards to their sex play had been given easily so far, but Saul had suspected he’d happily, eagerly, assume other roles if the mood took him. Like it had now.
Reegan stroked his thumbs over the inside of Saul’s wrists. “Don’t move,” he said before releasing them to cradle Saul’s head in his hands. His kisses became constant, plundering. Saul undulated under him, writhing against the planes and angles of Reegan’s body, until teeth brushed his throat, the bite anything but gentle. “I said don’t move,” Reegan growled.
Impossible. They’d been apart for too long. Saul’s skin tingled, popping with sensation wherever Reegan’s mouth landed. He arched his back, gasping for breath. “Can’t.”
Reegan’s breath floated over his forehead. “Yes, you can.”
Such faith and trust. Saul tried to still, desperate to deserve both.
“Let me have you, baby.” Reegan rubbed over him like a cat, his firm hold a touching counterpoint to his sweet words. “Just relax.”
Saul had never put so much effort into letting go.
“That’s it.” Reegan slid lower to nuzzle his chest. “That’s perfect.”
A warm tongue flicked over his nipple, and Saul’s body seized. “Sorry, sorry,” he panted, trembling with the effort to be obedient.
“You’re doing fine.”
Reegan laid a path of tender kisses along his sternum, and slowly, one muscle at a time, Saul unclenched. He banished it all. Guilt and anxiety. Past, present and future. The next time Reegan’s mouth found a sensitive spot, he didn’t fight, but rolled with the wave of pleasure, hardly aware of the wordless moans spilling from his mouth.
“That’s it.” Reegan’s tongue laved the other nipple. “Perfect. You’re perfect.”
The praise aroused him as much as the teasing touch. He had no idea how much time passed. How long Reegan spent memorizing him. That was his goal, Saul knew, because he had a similar desire to commit Reegan to memory. To create a talisman of his essence should they be left with nothing but memories after today.
When Reegan slid lower and reached to part Saul’s thighs, Saul opened them without hesitating. “Yes,” he said to Reegan’s questioning gaze.
Reegan took him at his word, snagging a small bottle from the shelf where he’d set the cookies. Saul blew out a breath and concentrated on staying loose and relaxed. The mood sli
pped over him much easier than it had initially, even when Reegan rose to his knees and hauled Saul across the sheets.
“Right here, gorgeous.” He pulled until Saul’s legs were spread obscenely and his ass rested on Reegan’s knees. “Hope you’re comfortable. I feel like taking my time.”
“Big words.”
They’d yet to be achieve any control around each other.
“Are you doubting my stamina?” A slickened finger entered him just as a warm fist closed around his erection. The dual stimulation pulled a startled cry from Saul’s lips, and immediately he wanted more, ached for a deeper touch. A shocking realization. He normally never craved to be taken, preferring to control his sexual encounters. But this was Reegan. The man who’d obliterated his steadfast rules. Created new ones from dust. Who challenged everything.
Saul tossed his head against the sheet, arching into Reegan’s closed fist, then back down onto his fingers. “Hurry.”
“Not happening. Stop. Saul, stop. Look at me.”
Saul pried his eyes open. His wanton position barely registered. All he saw was Reegan folded over his lap, eyes bright with passion. He crooked his finger, and Saul’s eyes rolled back in his head. His cock leaped, courting orgasm for a brief second before settling back into its throbbing ache.
“Feel that?” Reegan asked.
“Yes.”
Reegan hauled him closer. Another finger joined the first, moving in that same maddening way, and heat gathered low in Saul’s stomach, spreading to his balls as it crackled and flared. He hissed, batting at Reegan’s arm. “Enough. Get on with it.” He wasn’t going to come like this, not until he had what he wanted.
Reegan absorbed the blow without a flinch. “Nope. You’re not ready.”
“Reegan.” Saul curled up and grabbed his wrist. “Do that again, and it won’t make a difference. Now come on.” He lay back, sprawling over the mussed sheets. “I can take it.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. I need something to pull me back, anyway.” He braced himself on the mattress and pushed off Reegan’s lap. Off those teasing fingers. Then he lifted his legs, grasping each behind the knee, and spread himself wide. “Please don’t make me wait.”
“Christ. As if I could when you look like that.”
Reegan didn’t have a tentative touch. Nor was it firm. He tested and retreated. Pushed for more only when convinced Saul was ready, measuring every reaction as though the world hinged on Saul’s pleased sighs.
Never had he felt so cherished. He gathered that close, even as he urged Reegan to move faster, fingers scratching across his straining thighs. “Come on, come on.”
Reegan’s gaze never left his. He yanked Saul even closer, folded him nearly in half, snapping his hips in a punishing rhythm.
Staking his claim. An unnecessary act, and if Saul could have found the breath to tell him so, he would’ve. Reegan already owned him.
The new position sent the head of Reegan’s cock bumping against his prostate on every thrust, eroding Saul’s control and starting the inevitable spin to climax. He moaned, grabbing clumsily for the loose fist Reegan still had wrapped around his cock. “Please.”
Reegan shuddered. He stuttered to a stop, but Saul’s shout of denial had him speed up again. Teeth clenched, eyes clamped closed, he stroked Saul’s cock in time with his movements, sliding his fingers down the length with every forward snap of his hips.
“So close. Come on.” Saul lent a hand, circling Reegan’s fingers and urging him into a tighter hold.
Once more, Reegan slowed and stopped.
Dizzy with lust, Saul raised his head high enough to glare. “What are you doing?”
“Need to stop or I’m gonna come.”
Saul’s cock jumped in Reegan’s fist. “You need to move. Now.” He wriggled under Reegan’s weight. “Fuck me.”
A string of colorful curses exploded from Reegan’s mouth. With an animal-like growl and no preamble, he threw everything he had into the request, carrying Saul across the mattress with every lunge.
It didn’t take long after that. A few seconds. The sight of Reegan losing control launched him to the crest of the wave and over the other side. Muscles locked with pleasure, he sensed Reegan tense above him. Felt him tip into an orgasm he’d been holding back for too long, triggering another round of weak twitches from Saul’s cock. Reegan rode through his climax, then collapsed, babbling words Saul couldn’t quite catch into the plump feather pillow. He cradled Reegan close as his rapture faded to a sleepy bliss.
Ages later, his heart regained its sedate pace, and he opened his eyes. Reegan lay crumpled half on top of him, one arm splayed over the mattress, the other buried in Saul’s hair.
Saul had never cared for this part before, the aftermath of sex. Possibly he’d been trained to dislike it by the men he’d slept with, because he recalled a time, long ago, when he’d craved this intimacy. The precious letdown from climax. A heavy, solid body in his arms, holding him possessively.
He couldn’t imagine sharing it with anyone but Reegan. “I don’t want to leave,” he whispered, shutting his eyes, breathing in Reegan’s scent.
Sighing, Reegan lifted his weight and shifted away. Cold air rushed in and stung Saul’s skin. “We’ve done everything we can. Don’t lose hope yet.” Reegan’s fingers walked over Saul’s stomach.
“I’m trying.”
Next to the tin of cookies, Reegan’s comm tablet gave off a soft ding. They both lifted their heads and stared. Neither moved to pick up the message. Reegan’s fingers continued their intimate dance while Saul stared at the ceiling, memorizing the moment.
Jaw tight, expression carefully blank, Reegan reached toward the table. “Ready?” At Saul’s nod, he thumbed open the controls and expanded the message. The official NTTA logo hovered in the air for a moment before Ann Silas’s head appeared.
“Greetings from the NTTA. Mr. Kildare, it is my pleasure to inform you that your request for asylum in the year 2145 has been granted.”
The message continued. In fact, Silas’s disembodied head droned on for several minutes with an endless list of details. Buried in Reegan’s embrace, face pressed to the warm skin of his neck, Saul didn’t hear a word.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Saul watched Reegan close the door behind the last jaunter and turn the lock. It engaged with a satisfying click. They’d juggled a full schedule all week. This was the first night in seven that Blast in the Past had been dark and silent before nine. The lights had faded, then gone out as guides and tourists separated. The only thing making a sound was Maxie’s aquarium bubbler, its plop plop plop drifting down the long hallway to the front doors.
Saul pushed off the frame, meeting Reegan halfway across the glossy granite foyer of Blast in the Past. He flicked the edge of Reegan’s hat. Olive green today. His Walmart find. “As hot as it was, you still wore that.”
“It’s a thing. Brings me good luck.”
Saul stripped it off, running a hand through Reegan’s sweat-damp hair. He’d waited all day for a moment alone, losing each opportunity to one mini crisis after another. One good thing had come of the chaos. Maxie had left early, leaving Saul to handle any post-jaunt trouble that Reegan might have cooked up. His track record in that regard still outpaced any other guide on the payroll.
He set Reegan’s hat on one of the hooks by the front doors. “Come sit down for a minute. I need to talk to you.”
Saul took his hand and led him to the main jaunt room, the same one he’d emerged into last year after surviving the trip from 2020. “How was tonight?”
Reegan ducked down for a bottle of water from the cooler behind the bar.
“No problems?” Saul narrowed his eyes at the answering silence. “Reegan?”
Slowly, like a rabbit emerging from his den, Reegan’s head appeared over the top of the bar. “A tiny one. I handled it.”
“How tiny?”
Reegan covered a wince in his water bo
ttle. “We were challenged by a sentry.”
“What?”
“It was no big deal. Don’t go crazy.”
Saul grabbed Reegan when he got close and pulled him onto the sofa. “You don’t get to say that to me. I told you going into situations like that alone is insane. You need someone with you.”
“What situations?”
“Dangerous ones.”
Reegan arched his back into a stretch and linked his hands behind his head. “According to you, a trip to the zoo would be dangerous.” He kept his tone light but sincere.
So Saul had a thing about Reegan’s safety. It would have been childish to pretend otherwise. This was the second close call in as many weeks. Reegan had brushed the first one off too. Eventually, his luck was going to run out, and Saul wasn’t going to be sitting idle when that happened. “I want to start going with you.”
“Out of the question.”
“Reegan.”
“No. We beat the odds once. I’m not letting you back in that portal unless I’m completely sure you’ll come out again.”
Efforts to deflect Reegan’s stubbornness rarely succeeded. Saul tried anyway. “Maxie did some research. There are one or two precedents, you know. Others like me. He said it should work. You need the backup.”
“Maxie can kiss my ass. Let him experiment on his own…”
Saul rubbed away the smile that quivered on his lips. “His own…?”
“Please don’t push this. I’m not going to risk you. Never again.”
The stormy expression on Reegan’s face convinced Saul to leave the topic alone for the moment. Nearly a year into their relationship, he’d learned to pick his battles. He took Reegan’s hand, stroking over the knuckles with his thumb. “Got a visit today. From a lawyer.”
Reegan froze mid-stretch. “Someone else who wants to exploit your amazing, and might I add, very romantic story?”
“Funny.”
“Hey, you have a fan base. Live with it.”
Their story had attracted a fair amount of interest. Being connected to Silvia, to Victor D’arco and a different century had made Saul an overnight sensation. That fame had bubbled over into a sharp rise in business for Blast in the Past. Maxie had promoted Saul to “new best friend” within weeks. Reegan hadn’t been stung. Much. He and Maxie were finding their way back to each other. Slowly, but surely.