by Sarah Price
Sylvia handed Leah the plate she had just washed. “I don’t know.”
“Aren’t you still working there?”
Sylvia shook her head. “Not for two…no, three weeks past. I’ve been helping around here. Planting corn, cleaning house.”
“He’s so young! Do you know what happened to his wife?”
Did she? Sylvia wasn’t certain how to answer that. “I think he said it was an accident. I suppose a car accident. Daed said it was four or five years ago but I don’t know the particulars.”
Leah gasped. “How awful! He must’ve been awful torn up.”
“I wouldn’t know,” she answered truthfully.
They finished the plates, stacking them neatly on the table and began tackling the glasses and silverware. It took them almost an hour to wash everything. As fast as they washed the dishes, more kept arriving from outside. Since everyone ate in shifts, the work seemed endless. After everyone had eaten, it was time to clean the serving bowls. Then there were the dessert dishes to wash. Eventually, a few of the women came inside and relieved the younger women of the duties, shooing them outside to socialize and enjoy the beautiful weather with a plate of food that someone had been thoughtful enough to set aside for them.
Leah and Sylvia walked toward the barn, where the women were still sitting in their circle, talking amongst themselves. Inside the barn, there were men gathered. Sylvia wondered if Jake was among them. However, she knew that it would be improper to join them. So, Lean and Sylvia sat behind the older women, listening to their stories about friends, family, and neighbors while they ate. By 2:30, most of the people had left. Leah said her goodbyes and Sylvia was left alone. She hadn’t been able to see Jake beyond that moment in the barn. It left her feeling emptier than she realized. She was a vessel and he had filled her with the outside world, a world full of feelings than she never knew existed.
Yet, she also knew that tonight was another singing, this time at their own farm. Had he heard? Did he know? More importantly, would he come for her? She didn’t need a buggy ride home, that was true. If she didn’t attend this one, the bishop would surely wonder why, being that she was of courting age. So, when it was time for the youths to gather in the barn, she slipped out of the door and walked across the driveway to join them. Her heart wasn’t in it and she seemed jittery, even to herself. During the a capella songs, she looked at the barn door, wondering if she might see a shadow pass.
“What’s wrong with you tonight?” Leah asked, her voice full of genuine concern. “Feeling poorly still?”
Sylvia shook her head and tried to smile. “Just tired, tis all. Been a long week with the wheat cutting.”
“Ja, understand that,” Leah replied. She fanned herself with her hand. “It’s hot in here. Why don’t we step outside while they are between songs?”
Outside, the sky was dark and the moon was but a slight crescent. Stars twinkled down on them as they stood in the cooler night air. Out in the paddock, the cows grazed, the soft mooing breaking the cicadas’ nightly song. Leah sighed and leaned against the side of the barn. “Strange that widower,” she said.
Sylvia snapped her attention in Leah’s direction. “The widower?”
“Been thinking about that, being so young and all, with a wife that’s gone. Must be powerful lonely.”
She bit her lower lip, wanting to say so much but knowing that she couldn’t. She didn’t want to betray her feelings, not even to her good friend, Leah. “Suppose it must be.”
“I’m surprised the bishop didn’t object to you working for him.”
Sylvia gasped. “Why Leah!”
Leah held up her hand. “I’m not saying people are talking but it sure could have started the story mill. Mayhaps best you aren’t working there anymore, ja?”
No, Sylvia wanted to yell. No, it’s not best! She hated being separated from him, hated not seeing him during the week. The time apart was agonizing, making the bond between them even stronger. In just a few short months, her life had changed. She had always known that she would take the kneeling vow when she found a good Amish man that she was to marry. But now? How could she take the kneeling vow for anyone other than Jake? She’d have to confess to the love she felt. She’d have to confess to the kisses they shared. Despite not having been baptized, the community would feel scandalized by her intimacy with this man. Yet, Sylvia couldn’t stop thinking about being near him again.
“Mayhaps,” she agreed reluctantly.
Chapter Sixteen
By the end of June, the winter wheat was ready to be cut, bundled, and shocked. Sylvia knew that it would be a week of long labor, harder than the weeks she had spent plowing the field with her father and Daniel when they were getting ready to plant the corn. Yet, she also knew that it would be rewarding. It was truly her favorite time of year…a time to enjoy the outdoors, family, and the beauty of God’s world.
The sun was bright and the weather seemed to be working with them. Jonas had heard that rain was forecasted for the following week and he wanted the cutting done early in order to not be too late. It needed time to dry out prior to going to market.
Katie made an extra large breakfast for everyone on the Monday morning when they would begin cutting the wheat. Eggs, sausage, potatoes, biscuits, and gravy. Steve, Daniel, and the boys ate heartily, knowing that they would need the extra energy. Sylvia picked at her food, her appetite having disappeared over the past few weeks.
“Going to be a long week,” Jonas said as he reached for a third biscuit. “Have to beat that rain, though.”
Katie nodded. “Be glad to have the wheat cut and sold, that’s for certain.” She nudged Sylvia’s arm. “Feeling poorly, Sylvia? You’ve hardly ate anything.”
Sylvia looked up from her plate. She shook her head and began poking at the eggs. “Sorry Mamm,” she said.
“I asked some of the neighbors to come help. Whitey will be joining us at dinner,” Jonas said as he wiped his mouth and stood up, getting ready to leave the house in order to harness the mules. “Need all the hands we can get, ja?”
Sylvia helped her mother clean the breakfast dishes and set the table for dinner so that Katie had less work to do for the noon meal. Then, she hurried outside to help the men. She was glad that she’d be working in the fields all week. It was a relief to escape the house. When she was outside, she felt much more peaceful than inside. It gave her time to think and reflect.
She hadn’t seen Jake in over two weeks. When she thought about him, she felt her throat start to constrict and the threat of tears peeked at the corner of her eyes. Those two weeks had seemed like two months. And, being that it had been the Sunday service, she hadn’t been able to speak to him. His absence from her life created a hollow feeling inside of her chest. She had never felt so alone and miserable.
Outside, she stood on the edge of the porch for a moment. It was early enough to not be too hot but she could tell that it would be a long day. By noon, the sun would be overhead and the mixture of heat with work would make them all suffer. Her hair was covered with a blue bandana and her work dress already a bit dirty from the morning milking. She walked out to the field to help her brothers and father hook up the mules to the binder.
In the distance, she heard the engine of an automobile and the sound of tires on gravel. She looked up and caught her breath when she saw Jake’s truck pull into the driveway. She glanced at her father who didn’t seem to notice. What was he doing here? He was dressed in work clothes and strode across the field with a purpose in mind.
With her mouth hanging open, Sylvia watched as he walked up to Jonas and shook her daed’s hand. “Glad I’m able to help, Jonas. You just tell me what I need to do,” he said.
The flutters were back inside of her chest. Did that mean that Jake Edwards was going to be helping them with the cutting of the wheat? If so, he’d be there every day that week. She’d be working side-by-side with Jake. She told herself to calm down and slow her breathing before anyone noticed how
excited she had become. Without knowing it, she hand went to her head, smoothing back her hair under the bandana that she wore to cover her head.
“Willkumm,” her father called out when he saw Jake crossing the field. “Glad you could help us, Jake! The more hands, the better.”
He laughed and shook Jonas’ hand. “Seems only fair since you’ve lent me Sylvia and Steve so often.” He glanced at Sylvia. “Although I haven’t seen much of Sylvia for a while. How are you doing?” She didn’t answer, just smiled and hurried back to help with the mules.
A few more neighbors came over and Jonas Jr. took off work from the carpentry shop to help out. Katie watched Lillian’s children so that she, too, could join in the binding of the wheat. With all hands together, it would take four days to cut, bind, and shock the ten acres of wheat. Without everyone’s help, it would have taken almost two weeks. The work was hard under the late June sun but the camaraderie made it fun. Whitey was always good for a few good, clean jokes and Jake shared some of his own stories about mishaps around the farm. He told his stories with such enthusiasm and embellishment that everyone was laughing, including himself, before he got to the end of the stories.
For dinner, they retreated to the house where Katie had a long table set up with food to rejuvenate them for the afternoon work: fresh biscuits, fried chicken, potato salad, and coleslaw. By the time the meal was over, every plate was empty and there was limited time for catching up before the afternoon chores commenced.
Whitey enjoyed a hot cup of black coffee, leaning back in his chair as he looked across the table at Jake. “Well, son, how’s life as a gentleman farmer treating you? You making out OK over there, Englische?” He winked at Sylvia and Lillian.
Jake laughed. “I think you can tell how I’m making out from my stories this morning.” The rest of the table laughed with him. “It’ll come back to me, though, seeing that farming is in my blood. I told the Lapps about how that farm belonged to my grandfather way back. It was only a matter of time before someone came back to give it a try.”
Never one to shy away from an unasked question, Whitey gave a familiar tug at his beard and ventured forward by asking it. “And why exactly is it that you want to give it a try, Englische?”
The laughter died down and everyone seemed to stare at Jake. It was the question of the hour, the one that was on everyone’s lips. No one had been brazen enough to ask yet, although tongues were certainly wagging. Of that, Sylvia was certain. She had not heard the questions or the gossip but it was clear that everyone in the community had been talking about this strange new neighbor who had appeared out of no where to take on the responsibility of rejuvenating a forgotten farm.
For the briefest of seconds, Jake hesitated. Everyone was staring at him, waiting for his answer. He glanced at Sylvia and smiled before turning his focus back to Whitey. “I know plenty of folk have been wondering that same question, for sure. I don’t mind telling the tale…I have nothing to hide.”
He sipped at his own cup of coffee, the pause giving him a moment to figure out how to formulate the words. Everyone was silent, waiting to hear the story. There was a sudden aura of seriousness that fell over the group and, despite trying to act disinterested, Sylvia found herself leaning forward, eagerly anticipating Jake’s next words.
He looked up from his coffee cup and sighed. “I worked in finance on Wall Street but spent the weekends at our family house in Connecticut. Had horses out there.” He looked over at Jonas. “When my grandfather left Leola, that’s where he went. Connecticut. He started a wonderful horse farm. There’s nice land there. He bred standardbred horses. Sold many of them right back here to his former brethren.” He took a deep breath. “I’m the last of the family and was torn between the country life and the finance district. When my wife was killed in an accident…” He sighed, pushing his cup forward on the table. “Well, let’s just say that there’s no amount of work or wealth that is worth that type of sacrifice. I couldn’t go back to the city. I walked away from the job and focused on the farm but it was still surrounded by the hustle and bustle of city life, I suppose. Now that I look at it, I returned to my roots for the very reason that my grandfather left.” He looked up. “To find myself.”
“And have you, Englische?” Whitey asked.
Jake raised his eyebrows. “That is the question, isn’t it?” He glanced around the room. Everyone was watching him. His eyes lingered briefly on Sylvia’s. “I think so.” He smiled and looked back at Whitey. “And if not, I’m well on my way.”
Jonas cleared his throat and placed both hands on the edge of the table. “Well, Jake, if you believe in the good Lord, He’ll take care of you. He’ll show you the path.” He paused. “And that path, right now, is leading us back into the field so that we can finish cutting and binding that wheat to feed His children.” Everyone laughed, the somber moment graciously broken.
During that week, despite the hard work, Sylvia found herself looking forward to each morning. Knowing that Jake would be there made the day extra special. She took extra care with her appearance, despite wearing her old work clothes. If anyone noticed the extra spring to her step and sparkle in her eyes, no one mentioned it. She tried not to engage too much with Jake in the field. But, sure enough, when he arrived, he always had a kind word for her and, as often as possible, would help her with the task at hand.
On Wednesday, she found herself working alongside Jake when the others were further away. He spared her a smile and a wink. “You getting along alright, dear Sylvia?”
She glanced around, making certain no one could hear them. “Ja,” she answered, feeling shy in his presence once again.
“I was hoping to see you later.”
She shook her head. “I can’t do that, Jake.”
Shrugging his shoulders, he asked, “Why not?” He lowered his voice and leaned closer to her. “Let everyone go to sleep then slip out. Just for a short while, Sylvia. I need to see you.” He glanced over his shoulder before he added, “Just to talk to you without worrying that anyone will hear us.”
It seemed so simple to him. In truth, Sylvia knew that many Amish youths would sneak out when the lights were darkened to spend time with their sweethearts. But it wasn’t something she had ever thought to do. “Please don’t…” she started. But then, her heart began to flutter as she remembered their kisses. She needed to see him just as badly as he needed to see her. “I can try,” she relented.
Later that evening, Sylvia waited patiently for her parents to close their bedroom door for the night. When she thought she heard the gentle sound of her father snoring, she figured that it was safe. Quietly, she climbed down the stairs and left the house through the kitchen door. He had told her that he would be waiting for her, down by the mailbox. Sure enough, when she walked down the lane, feeling both scared and exhilarated at the same time, he was leaning against a tree by the end of the driveway.
Seeing him standing there, his body just a dark shadow in the night, made her uncomfortable. She wasn’t certain how to greet him. The last time that they had been alone had been the night had kissed her so passionately when he brought her home from the singing. Part of her wanted to run into his arms but that wasn’t something she was comfortable doing. So, when he reached out his hand for her, a simple gesture that seemed safe enough, she found herself taking it into her own.
He made the decision for her by pulling her into his arms. A startled gasp escaped from her lips but he didn’t try to kiss her. Instead, he only held her tightly. There was something about being pressed against his body, her cheek against his shoulder. She relaxed, shutting her eyes and just breathing. She could smell him, the familiar scent of work mixed with cologne. It was a fresh smell that caused her pulse to quicken once again.
“Sylvia, it’s not the same when you are not there,” he murmured into her ear.
There was no response that she could give. It wasn’t likely that she’d be returning to help him in the near future…if ever. She suspec
ted that her mother would make certain of that.
Jake took a deep breath. “I need to know something, Sylvia.” He pulled away so that he could look down into her face. “Would you answer me one question? Just one?”
The intensity of his expression caused her to reply with a solemn nod. “As long as I can, Jake, I will answer.” Whatever was so important to him, she knew that she must give him that much.
“Do you have the same powerful feelings about me as I do about you?”
It was a question that she asked herself every day for weeks. What were these feelings that she had for Jake Edwards? In the beginning, she wasn’t certain that he had any feelings for her, other than just being friendly. After all, he was Englische and she didn’t interact with them enough to know how they behaved. But he had made it increasing apparent that his attraction was of a much more intimate nature. Despite that, she didn’t know what he actually felt.
“I don’t know how to answer that, Jake.” When he didn’t respond, she continued slowly. “How can I say I feel something like you do? You are asking me to presume to know how you feel.”