by Sarah Price
“Truth is that I told him…I wanted to see you,” he said without looking at her. “No, that’s not it. I needed to see you.”
“I see,” she said shyly.
“You doing alright?”
She nodded, choking back the tears that threatened to surface. There were too many people around. She couldn’t risk a scene by crying.
He leaned closer to her and lowered his voice, even though no one was around. “Could we meet later? Go somewhere for a while?”
“I…I don’t know,” she stammered. She had never thought about sneaking out of the house. She knew other Amish youth did it but that was never anything she had contemplated. Meeting Jake at her parents’ farm was entirely different than going somewhere with him. “I wouldn’t know how,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.
He traced her cheekbone with his finger. “I hate to be the one to remind you that you are, indeed, an adult. You simply walk out the front door.”
She laughed, despite herself. “It’s not that easy, Jake.”
He held her chin in his hand and, just briefly, lowered his lips onto hers for the softest of kisses. “Find a way. I’ll be waiting at the end of the lane at nine. Take as long as you need. I have something for you…” He leaned down, brushing his lips against her cheek before he straightened up and took a step backward.
“Jake…”
He reached out and touched her hand. “It’s been a long few weeks, yes?”
She nodded, not trusting her voice.
“Go back to your people, Sylvia. Try to smile and think about later tonight. We have much to talk about, I suspect.” Without caring if anyone could see them, he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. She shut her eyes and surrendered to the tears. He gave her an encouraging smile as he reached out to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “None of that, dear Sylvia.” Then, he backed away and headed toward the doorway. “Until later, yes?”
Sylvia watched him leave. A few minutes later, she heard a car engine start and heard it drive away. She stayed in the mule shed, thinking about what had just happened. He had found her. He had actually taken the time to find her, tucked into the winding roads of Lancaster County. And he was coming back tonight for her. She knew that she would be waiting for him. More importantly, she knew that she would go with him wherever he took her.
Chapter Eighteen
Shortly after Shana and Emanuel retired, Sylvia slipped out of the front door. She shut it quietly behind herself and hurried down their driveway. It was only quarter past nine. She was certain he would still be there. The night was dark and the moon was just over the horizon, looming larger than usual. The cicadas sang their evening chorus in waves throughout the fields. She had always loved the cicadas, listening to them when she slept as a little girl. Tonight, however, she felt as if they were singing just to her as she walked down the driveway, marching her along, keeping her company, guiding her to where he would be waiting.
In the pale white glow of the moon, she saw him standing by the mailbox. Seeing him waiting hit her like a lightening bolt. There was no more doubt; there were no more questions. She found herself running toward him, the pain of the past weeks of separation vanished as he greeted her with arms wide-open. She fell into his embrace, collapsing against him. She didn’t care that he held her tightly or that he pressed his lips passionately against hers. She was beyond caring. The loss of time apart had led her to this moment. Indeed, the more they were separated, the more she realized how much she loved him.
So, as they stood at the end of the driveway, she felt herself melt into his arms, folded neatly against his body. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, the perfect fit. That was when the tears came and she began to cry.
He pulled back and wiped her tears away. He didn’t ask what they were for or why she was shedding them. He already knew. He had parked his truck further up the road and he lifted her into his arms, carrying her to it. She pressed her face against his neck, sobbing quietly. She didn’t know where he was taking her and, for once in her life, she simply didn’t care. So it didn’t surprise her when he took her back to his farm.
It looked different at night. There were no lights burning so everything was dark. The light from the moon cast long shadows on the floor. Outside the windows, there was a blue tint to the fields. Sylvia had never been in his house at night. She felt out of place as Jake led her inside. But, to her surprise, he didn’t stop in the kitchen. It felt as if she was floating above, watching the scene unfold. She felt a complete disconnect with her body when, without so much as a word, he took her hand and slowly led her upstairs. She hesitated for a moment but, when he turned to look at her, his eyes meeting hers, she followed him, knowing that whatever was to happen was God’s will.
He led her to the bedroom and, when he opened the door, she gasped. The room was lit with glowing candles. He beckoned her to come forward into the room, pulling lightly at her hand. He motioned for her to sit down while he closed the door behind himself. When she finally sat down on the edge of the bed, she noticed the bouquet of white carnations on the dresser. In the center of the bouquet was a single red rose. He reached for it and knelt before her, handing her the rose. Not knowing what else to do, she took it and held it awkwardly in her hands. It was different than the roses that grew at her mother’s farm. It was more delicate and sophisticated.
“It’s beautiful,” she said softly.
“Sylvia,” he started. He waited until she looked at him. “We come from different worlds, I know that. But we have to find a way to merge them.”
Her heart pounded inside of her chest. She wasn’t used to this. It wasn’t real. She had to blink, wondering if she was dreaming. “Jake?”
“This isn’t going to work, not the way that it is right now.” He wrapped his hands around hers. “I can’t be separated from you anymore. And, if your reaction tonight is any indicator, I think you feel the same way.” The flames from the candles flickered and cast dancing shadows around the room. It felt as if the room was spinning ever so slowly like a carousal. He cleared his throat and squeezed her hands gently. “Sylvia, when we talked that night at your father’s farm, you said that this was either something or nothing. I want to assure you that this is, indeed, something.”
“And then that means…” she started softly.
“Yes, that means that we have to make a big decision. Are you willing to make a big decision, Sylvia?”
“I…I don’t know, Jake. What is the decision?”
Jake took a deep breath, hesitating just momentarily before he spoke. “I want you to marry me,” he said.
The words sounded foreign to her. They rang in her ears. “Marry you?” she repeated.
“You don’t have to answer me right now. I know that there is a lot to consider. But I want it out there, on the table. That is my intention and my promise to you.” He pressed his hand against her cheek. “But you have to know where I want this to go. I have to know that you want it, too. That’s the only way we can begin to figure it out.”
“I…I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
“Typically this is the time when you would say yes or no but, like I said, you don’t have to answer me right now,” he replied, his tone light and teasing.
Her head felt light and her breath was shallow. She felt as if she was floating overhead, watching the scene unfold beneath her. She was removed from the two strangers that she watched, too aware that one of them was herself. How her life had changed in the past few months. If only she had not been standing on that hill of growing wheat back in March. And then, she felt a surge of strength. Thank God that she had been standing on that hill of growing wheat back in March.
“Yes, Jake,” she heard herself say. The words were like a foreign language, escaping her lips for the only time in her life. She had never thought to hear herself say such a thing and certainly not to a man like Jake Edwards. Jake Edwards with the handsome brown curls, bright blue eyes, and well buil
t body. He was so unlike any of the Amish men with a charismatic personality and devilish charm about him. “Yes, I will marry you!”
He looked surprised. It took him a minute to digest what she had said. He laid his head down in her lap, his arms wrapped around her waist. She felt him sigh, a happy, contented sigh. He must’ve worried that she would say no. She placed her hand on his head, letting her fingers touch his curls. He is to be my husband, she thought. Lifting her eyes up, she gazed at the ceiling and said a silent prayer to God that the path she had chosen was the one to which He intended her to follow. If only she knew more about what He wanted from her. But, clearly, this man at her feet needed her. Whatever had happened to him in the past had brought him here to find himself and, in doing so, he had found her.
He lifted his head and stared at her, slowly getting to his feet. He reached for both of her hands. “Will you stay for a while? We can talk, we can relax and just be together.”
“I will stay for a while,” she said.
“We have a lot to figure out.” He stretched out next to her on the bed, reaching out for her hand. When she stretched out beside him, he reached back for her hair, gently prying the pins out from the bun once again. When her dark brown hair cascaded onto the bed, he smiled. “You are beautiful, Sylvia Lapp.” She blushed and looked away. She had never considered herself beautiful and was taught to not even think in such ways. “And even more so when the color floods your cheeks,” he teased.
She pressed her hands to her cheeks. They did feel warm. She smiled. “You embarrass me.”
“Get used to it, for if telling you that you are beautiful and special and loved embarrasses you, you will be embarrassed for many years to come.”
She met his gaze again. “Will you join the church?”
He shook his head. “I am not Amish, Sylvia. You know that. But there is nothing wrong with us living among your people. They used to be my people, I suppose. Way back in my family. But I can’t pretend to be something I’m not. I can go so far as joining a Mennonite church. They are willing to take both of us. It’s apparently not unheard of, you know.” He paused. “We could be married as soon as you’d like.”
“Who will tell my parents?”
He took a deep breath. “I suppose I will talk to them.”
“I suppose that’s best,” she agreed. She didn’t want to be there when he told her parents. The distress that they would feel, losing one of their children to the fancy world, would be heartbreaking to witness. She had seen how poorly they had responded when Emanuel had temporarily left the People. It had been a very sorrowful time in their house.
“I love you, Sylvia. I have from the moment I first saw you on that hill,” he whispered.
She bit her lip and met his gaze. “I think I fell in love with you, too…that day at the market when you saved me.”
He shut his eyes, remembering. “Ah yes,” he said. When he opened his eyes, he reached over and pulled her closer to him. With his hand on her neck, he held her tight, lowering his mouth onto hers. “Sylvia,” he whispered. “I will continue protecting you for the rest of your life,” he murmured before he pressed his lips against her lips, letting the passion flow between the two of them.
The glow of the candles in the room, the beautiful flowers, the emotion of the moment. Sylvia didn’t stop him from kissing her. She felt him pull her closer to his body until she was tucked neatly in his arms. His lips were soft and tender against hers. She felt a glow throughout her body as she realized that she had just promised to marry this man, this glorious man who held her in his arms and began to kiss at her neck. She felt shivers down her spine and the glow began to expand. No, she didn’t want him to stop in the least.
But he did. He stood up and pulled her to her feet. She stood before him, her hair cascading down her shoulders. He brushed it with his finger so that it fell behind her back and down to her waist. In doing so, his hand gently touched her shoulder. She shivered, just enough to make him smile. He left his hand on her shoulder while he ran his other hand down her back, caressing her.
Without knowing it, she shut her eyes. She concentrated on his touch, enjoying the gentle pressure. She wanted to feel his fingers on her skin. She burned for his flesh upon hers. So, when his hand drifted down and carefully began to unbutton each button, she didn’t stop him. Nor did she resist when he slid her dress down, off of her shoulders and pushed it down by her hips. She didn’t fight him or hold back. Instead, she released herself into the moment. She let him continue to undress her, diving forward to give way to the physical demands that the past months had placed on her body and soul.
There was a moment, just one, when she thought about stopping him but, as he searched her face for approval or refusal, she gave a slight nod to her head and, with that, she ventured into the realm of intimacy that was to be shared only by man and wife. In fact, she realized when he had broken through any last resistance, it was the moment they indeed had become man and wife.
After they had made love, Jake held her in his arms, protectively shielding her from any feelings of guilt or remorse. In truth, she felt nothing but glory at the fact that she was to marry this wonderful man. He stroked her bare shoulder and kissed the top of her head. His touch sent shivers up her spine.
“You know that I love you, Sylvia,” he spoke into her loose hair. But she heard him. Oh yes, she thought, I do, I truly do. She felt tears come to her eyes, but this time it was tears of joy. “What’s that?” He leaned forward, wiping the tears away. “No tears, please. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
She shook her head and tried to smile. “No, that’s not it. I’m just happy. Happy and scared at the same time.”
Pulling the sheet up to cover her bare shoulder, he tucked it under her chin. “I feel the same, Sylvia. I wasn’t expecting this, either.” He ran his hand along the sheet, covering the length of her body. He rested it on her hip. “But no tears. Not today, not ever. What we both just experienced was magical, Sylvia. And that’s because there is no shame or sin in loving one another. Do you understand that?”
She nodded.
“You are truly beautiful, dear Sylvia. And we will tell your parents as soon as you are ready. In the meantime, I can arrange a simple ceremony with the Mennonite church. You tell me when and that will be when it happens. I want you here with me, and the sooner, the better.” He kissed her cheeks as he spoke. “This is where you belong…in my arms, each and every night…all night. You tell me when you are ready and I will make it happen, dear Sylvia.”
“Now,” she whispered.
He laughed softly. “Now? I don’t think any minister would be happy if I woke them up now to marry us!”
She curled against him. “But God can marry us.”
For a long moment, he was still. She wondered if he had fallen asleep. But he answered the question for her when he jumped off the bed, reaching for her hands and pulling her to her feet, the sheet draped around her shoulders. “That’s exactly what we can do. We can marry ourselves before God!” She felt the color flood her cheeks as she realized that she was standing before him, wrapped in the sheet from his bed. He didn’t seem to notice as he held her hands in his and stared into her face.
She tried to hide her embarrassment. “Jake! We aren’t even wearing clothes!”
“Isn’t that how He made us?”
She did laugh at that. “But…”
He silenced her by gently placing a finger against her lip. Then, his expression somber and calm, he said, “Standing here on this 21st day of July, I confess before God that Sylvia Lapp is my one and true wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, from this day forward until death do us part.” He paused and waited. When she didn’t say anything, he raised an eyebrow.
She felt that floating feeling again, as if she was hovering over the scene, watching herself. Was this really happening to her? Or was she dreaming one of the movies? But as she stared at him, watching her, the glow from the candles
casting dancing shadows across his handsome face, she heard herself whispering, “I confess before God that Jake Edwards is my one and true wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for better and for worse, from this day forward, until death do us part.”
With tenderness that she had never experienced, he leaned down and kissed her. The kiss was genuine and true, a moment of unity and love. With his hand placed on the small of her back, Jake pulled her tight against him. His skin felt warm against hers. The heat made its way through her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. The tenderness gave way to passion and she felt him lift her into his arms, taking the few steps toward the bed and laying her down. He hovered over her, careful not to put too much weight on her. He brushed the hair away from her face and gazed into her eyes. “Now,” he said. “You are truly my wife.”
This time, when he made love to her, she indeed knew that there was no shame or sin for, indeed, they were married in the eyes of God.