“I know.” And he did. Jon knew exactly what she meant, and for a moment he felt the hurt himself, shared her grief at seeing Joshua leave Juilliard.
“But the thing is, Jon, and this took me a while to realize.” Naomi sat up to look at him. “I don’t want to be like my father. I don’t want to make Joshua as unhappy as I was because I could never, not once, do anything right or please him. I want to be proud of Joshua for what he achieves, and of the way he finds for himself. I don’t want him to be unhappy. Even if it means he’s throwing away this great gift of his.” Her lips trembled, and she pressed them together to stop it. “Ferro,” she said softly, “look at Ferro. He’s like me. He doesn’t care at all about vineyards or olive presses. All he wants to do is paint. All I wanted to do was love you, and write. Cesare is so proud of him: he eases his path; he thinks it’s a great thing to have an artist in the family.
And me? I’ve always been a great disappointment, the child that went wrong.”
“You didn’t go wrong. You never went wrong.” Jon wrapped his arms around her hip. “You went straight for what you wanted, for me, and I’m very happy you did.”
That made her smile sadly and touch his cheek. “Do other parents go through this too, I wonder? Do they make plans and have dreams for their children, and then nothing comes of them?”
“Hell, baby, it’s the story of life in this world!” Her question made Jon laugh, even though it was bitter and it hurt somewhere in his chest. “Have you forgotten? My parents threw me out and let me fend for myself when I left college. They were desperately disappointed! Val and Kevin, they were the good children, the children who went the proper way; I was the misfit. The failure.” He smiled sadly. “Until I was the big star, of course, and came home in a chauffeur-driven limousine for the first time. Until my mom saw my face on magazine covers and the neighbors asked her for concert tickets. Then, yeah, then I was the good son again, and welcome. Let’s not do this to our son, Naomi. I beg you.”
“You are right. Let’s not do this to Joshua.” She thought for a moment. “But it’s breaking my heart, Jon. I’m so heartbroken about this, I could cry and cry. Why in the world did I give him up so early if it’s all for nothing now? Why did I send him to Oxford? I hardly ever saw my only child, all for the sake of music; and now it’s over. And my father wins, at last. I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe I have to give in and let Joshua go, again.”
There was nothing he could say to comfort her. Everything was true; she was right about everything she said.
“Yes.” The eggs were getting cold, and the bacon. “Let’s eat something. I’m sure you haven’t had a decent meal since I don’t know when; you’re as pale as the walls. Here.” He rose, planting her on his chair. “Let me see what else Lucia bought yesterday. Isn’t that coffeemachine a killer?”
She had, she told him over fried mushrooms, a steak, and eggs on toast that was dripping with butter, gone on to the hotel, ready to storm into her parents’ apartment; but then, once inside the lobby, she had changed her mind and decided she wanted a drink.
“I was beside myself, so sad and upset, and I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to call you; I was afraid. I was so afraid you wouldn’t pick up, or even worse, pick up and tell me you didn’t want to talk to me ever again. I think that would have killed me.”
Jon looked at her across the table. “Eat,” he ordered gently, and she did.
“I don’t know why he was there. But he was. And he was as nice as always, and so surprised to see me.”
“Like hell,” he muttered, which made her look up with raised eyebrows. “Nothing,” Jon said quickly. “Go on. Tell me.”
“He said hello and we began to chat and then moved on to the bar and had a drink. I told him I wanted to check out the season prices for the Met, and he offered to come along.” She sighed. “It wasn’t as if this was in a spooky area or anything; we just had to walk across that open space outside Lincoln Center. We looked around in the Met shop, I asked about the box prices, and then Parker asked me how I liked New York. When I told him how much I loved it, he offered to show me the best view of the city ever, from New Jersey.” Embarrassed, Naomi put down her fork. “And I agreed. I couldn’t see a reason not to. I know Sal had him checked before you permitted that interview in London, so I never thought I was in danger. It never occurred to me that he might be a stalker. He’s a journalist after all, following you around is his job.”
It was true; there was no way he could deny it. “So when did you realize this wasn’t just a short trip to Jersey City for a view of Manhattan?” His appetite had left him.
“Pretty much right away.” Naomi poked at one of the mushrooms. “By then I had decided I needed to talk to you, hear your voice, beg you to take me back, crawl back if I had too.”
“Crazy. You know I love you like crazy, Naomi.”
“Yes, but…” The fork sank into the mushroom. “But you…I can’t even say it. I watched you walk away from me, and I died. Seeing you walk down that sidewalk and get into that cab, Jon, it seemed as if everything ended. Everything.”
“You crazy girl,” Jon softly said. “How often have you walked out on me, made me bear that; and I do it once and you go to pieces? At least now you know how it feels!”
“It’s terrible! It’s like seeing your life walk away!” Her fingers shook when she laid down the fork on her plate. “When we were back in the car I got out my phone, and he took it from me. I was so surprised, I didn’t even try to fend him off. And he told me…” She had to take a deep breath. “He told me you were my jailer, and he was going to set me free. I had no idea what he was talking about. He locked the car doors and drove off. And then, and then…we just drove around until he took me down to the beach.”
Jon noticed how she covered one hand with the other as if to hide the shame of her missing rings.
“I’m wondering, Jon,” Naomi said, her voice wavering dangerously, “if we drove down there, if I really searched…”
He laid his hand over hers. “Baby, there’s not a hope in the world of finding those rings.” A smile tugged at his lips. “Who knows, maybe some day a girl will pick up that diamond and be very happy.”
“It’s engraved,” she replied sullenly. “No one but me has a use for it.”
That made him laugh. “Dear heart, I don’t think many people would care about a name in a ring. They’d just be happy to find such a lovely treasure. Come on, get dressed. I’ll take you down to Tiffany’s and buy you a new one. It’s only a stone, Naomi.”
“It’s only a stone.” Sadly she echoed his words. “It’s only a stone, but it was my stone.”
Serious again, Jon asked, “So then what happened? After the beach?”
“Nothing much. He wouldn’t give my sandals and my purse back, said I didn’t need them anymore, and went on talking about my new freedom and all; and we drove around some more until I told him I was hungry. So he took me to that fast-food place, and I was able to slip away. Thank God for Jane.”
“Yes, thank goodness. She is one cool number.” And, he thought, he owed her a lot. “So what do you think, do you want to go and shop for a ring?”
Naomi took her time in answering. “Not today.” She had another sip of coffee. “Can’t we just stay here? At the house, just the two of us, and be lazy? I really need a quiet day. Only a few hours ago I thought my marriage was over. Now I’m back home, with you, and everything seems to be well. I’m tired, Jon. I’m so tired, and for one day I’d really like to lock out the world.”
They took a tray upstairs and returned to bed, talking in soft voices, drinking coffee, watching the light change on the towers as the day passed and the sun wandered across the sky. Naomi wanted the window open despite the heat, saying she couldn’t understand the American love
for shutting themselves in while the weather was nice. She wanted to hear the sounds of the ships, the rumble of traffic from the expressway below the Promenade, the voices of children from the park. Jon’s phone rang a couple of times, but he ignored it. She came into his arms when he kissed her, a little hesitant at first, a little abashed even, but he didn’t care.
“Let me love you, babe,” Jon said. “Everything will be all right,” and she softened into his embrace.
It was nearly dark again before Naomi remembered. “My purse. I didn’t have a lot in it, just my cell phone and a credit card. We need to have it cancelled.”
“Yeah, we will. No worries. I’ll call Sal.” He watched her rise as he picked up the phone. With the sheet wrapped around her body like a robe, she stepped to the window and looked out at the city.
It reminded Jon so much of that first morning in Halmar when she had come down the stairs from the loft that his heart hurt with the love he felt for her.
“I thought I was going to die.”
The room was quite still, dark, and very warm.
“When he took my rings away and told me that now I was free, I thought I’d not survive the night. I thought he was going to kill me. And the strangest thing was, when I realized that, I was completely calm. I accepted it as something that had to happen, as the consequence of everything that had come before, as if my time was over. Actually, as if I’ve been living on borrowed time since the shooting and now it had run out.” She turned back to him and sighed. “And then, quite suddenly, I changed my mind. Or rather, I decided I didn’t want to die at all. That was when I told him I was hungry and he had to stop for food. And I ran.”
The sheet dropped to the floor.
“I didn’t want to die, Jon, because I knew I wanted you back. You left me, you left me alone in that car and walked away; and I knew I wouldn’t take it. Not this time—I would not give you up without a fight this time. I knew that as long as we lived under the same sun I would love you, and want you. Nothing will ever change that.”
He had to take a couple of deep breaths before he could answer.
“You’re the one who’s always so easy with giving up and running away,” Jon said. “It’s not me. I’m here all the time; I’m by your side all the time. You are the one who’s so easily scared.”
“Yes.” It was a whisper, nothing more. “Yes, that’s true. I’m easily scared. Another thing I have to change.”
“You might start right now,” Jon suggested. “Come here, come to me. You’re standing there just out of reach, wonderfully naked, and I wish you’d come to me.” He heard her soft gasp. “Come to me. Let me drive out your last thought of dying. I know I can.”
The bed shivered just the tiniest bit when she crept up toward him.
chapter 36
She didn’t want to go out the next day either. It felt good to be alone with Jon, and it reminded her of their time in Halmar, right after he had found her.
“We’ve been,” Naomi said slowly, “always on the move. Ever since we left Halmar to come over for Christmas, we’ve had so little time to be still, to just sit back and gather ourselves. I need that, Jon. I’m used to it, used to the solitude and the stillness.”
He looked at her sitting on the kitchen counter, her feet dangling, a cup of coffee in her hands. They were getting used to their new surroundings. This morning he had gone out early to get fresh croissants and cinnamon rolls. While he was out he’d picked up a newspaper and some milk, chatted with the deli owner who had treated him like a normal, regular customer. Walking back home he had felt good, comfortable, and quite certain they would be able to settle in. As he passed he had waved to his mother, who was washing her windows, and she waved back.
Jon felt at home.
“No reason why we shouldn’t stay in,” he agreed, “but we need some groceries, and I have to make some phone calls. I’m guessing the police will be in contact too.” The last eggs were gently bubbling in the pan, together with the last slices of bacon.
“And we need to talk to Joshua.” Her words dropped into the silence.
Jon busied himself with a tomato, cutting it into fine slices and distributing them on the plates.
“We have to decide what to say to him, and what to do,” Naomi offered. “I don’t want my father to take him to Boston without us. Why is he so angry at me, Jon? I can’t figure out why he’s so angry at me all of a sudden.”
“Maybe he’s just tired of this ongoing fight between you and your father.” He wiped his hands on a towel.
“I’m not fighting with my father. He’s the one who’s not happy with me. Have you forgotten, Jon, how you went to Geneva to bring him to Halmar? Don’t you remember how mad you were then? Or when I was in the hospital after the shooting! You had him removed and slapped a court order on him!” She slid from the counter when he put the plates on the table and joined him there.
“That was an extreme time,” Jon agreed, “and we all reacted in extreme ways. I know he was very worried about you, and furious at me for putting you in danger. I’m surprised he’s not blaming me now for your abduction.”
“Oh, I don’t think he will.”
Her appetite delighted him. She had finished off her eggs almost before he picked up his own fork. Amused, Jon watched how she eyed his portion and then pushed it over to her. “Here, have some more. I’m glad to see you eat!”
“I think he’ll tell you it was my own fault, for leaving LaGasse behind and getting into Parker’s car. And he’s right,” she said around a mouthful of bacon.
Jon waited for her to go on.
“He’s right, because it was incredibly stupid of me.” With a shrug, she got up to refill their cups. “It was.”
“But you were upset and hurt,” he argued. “You know that’s the real reason why you got into his car. You had no idea it would end like this.”
Coffeepot in hand, she looked at him. “Are you making excuses for me, Jon? Are you trying to be nice and find excuses for my stupidity? Please don’t. It’s bad enough as it is. And I hope they find the bastard and throw him in jail for the rest of his life.”
Jon didn’t say that he had a feeling Parker was in for more than just jail. He recalled that cold, bland expression on Olaf’s face only too well, and it made him wonder how far his influence really went, if he really had the power to harm someone seriously.
“You know,” he said thoughtfully, “I think we should really go to Tiffany’s and buy you a new ring. You keep touching that finger as if it’s painful. And you’re right; it looks very sad without your rings. What do you think? We don’t have to go anywhere else, or tell anyone.”
It was a beautiful day for late August in New York. A cool breeze had blown away most of the humidity, it wasn’t as hot as it had been before, and the sky shone clear, bright blue. It almost looked, Naomi thought as they stood on the doorstep waiting for the car, like early fall, like one of those days when the golden leaves of the trees stood out in such a lovely contrast against the sky. She wondered if they would be able to see the geese pass overhead on their journey south, if geese even traveled over New York or if they avoided the city altogether. This, she was certain, she would miss. Her window had been open through many frosty autumn nights, while she sat wrapped up tightly in her duvet , just so she could hear the call of the birds flying south.
And yet as they drove across the bridge and she could see the glittering water of the East River below, her heart thumped in her chest at the city coming closer. She put Halmar out of her mind and smiled at the towers of Manhattan.
“You’re like a child.” Jon shook his head at her, but she waved him away and lowered the window.
The entire incident with Parker, even the nightmarish moments in the parking lot and the hours of waiting
at Jane’s house, left her curiously untouched, as if it had been nothing more than an unfortunate misunderstanding, a strange mishap. She didn’t even wonder where he was now or if the police had caught him yet. It seemed as if the whole affair was nothing more than a frame for the one moment that had really hurt, the one instant that stuck in her like a poison dart, seeing Jon turn his back on her.
“You’re wearing your wedding ring,” she said, touching it with the tip of her finger. “If you buy a new one for me now, it will be as if we’re not married to each other at all but just married. It feels very weird. I don’t think a wedding ring can be replaced, Jon. This is not really a good idea.”
“It’s a very good idea, and we’re going to do it.” Jon took off his own ring and laid it in her palm. “Here. Keep this one safe. We’ll just get a new set, and it will be like getting married all over.” He caressed her cheek. “And that is a brilliant idea, after this upheaval. This way you’ll know I really mean it.”
“It’s not the same at all.” She sighed and closed her hand around the ring. “I know it’s only a bit of gold and a stone, but you put that ring on my finger in London, and I promised to marry you that day. Not knowing how it would go, I promised.”
“So you did.”
They passed the spot where they had parted two days before, and Naomi sat up straight to look; but there was nothing, no sign to mark the drama that had started here.
“You know what I’d really like to do?” she said. “I’d like to go back to New Jersey and that fast-food place, see where I was in daylight, maybe even go down to the beach and at least go through the motions of looking for my rings and then take a huge bouquet of flowers or something to Jane to thank her. She saved my life.”
Under the Same Sun (Stone Trilogy) Page 32