'Just curious,' he shrugged, looking oddly confused, as though he wasn't sure, himself, why he was quizzing her about her love life. 'You're so calm and self-contained; I just wondered about you. Don't you ever get curious about other people's feelings and thoughts? It's easy when they're open about them; but people like you are like locked safes. I just wondered if there was a combination that would open you up.'
'Do your safe-cracking elsewhere,' said Judith, moving with purpose towards the door.
'Are you going?' he asked, sounding surprised. 'Don't be so touchy. Is Gordon such a sensitive subject? I hope he isn't trying to poach you for his firm.'
'He offered me a job ages ago,' she told him with satisfaction.
He smiled. 'But you refused.'
He was too quick. 'The job's still open if I ever change my mind,' she told him tartly.
He considered her wryly, then bent and picked up the folders they had been discussing. 'Don't forget these— you'll want them.'
She came back and took them from him, but when she had them in her grasp Luke's fingers took hold of her wrists and held her firmly. She looked up, startled. 'I wouldn't want to lose you now; if you ever have any problems in the firm, talk to me, don't even think of going elsewhere.'
She looked up at him, her lips parted, trembling. Luke's fingers tightened, he began to pull her towards him and she felt her throat beating with a heady pulse. Her eyes widened, darkened, focusing on his mouth, following the warm hard curve of it with a sensual awareness which ached inside her.
'Promise to do that?' Luke asked in a low, husky voice.
Judith nodded, knowing that he was looking fixedly at her. The room was suddenly so quiet that she heard every tiny sound in it with a leap of the nerves: the rain beating against the windows, the tick of the clocks, the muted flare of a flame shooting out of the fire. She knew that if she took one small step their mouths would meet; she knew he was looking at her in exactly the same way that she was looking at him, every nerve in her body was conscious of his stare.
'I'd better go,' she muttered, pulling away with an effort of will power. He was dangerous; a hypnotist whose stare could beat down all your efforts to escape. She wanted to feel his mouth on her own with a hunger that hurt, but she reminded herself of Baba, she told herself how despicable it was of her to think like this, how contemptuous she had been when she saw him with Caroline Rendeil. Now here she was, dying to put he own arms round his neck and kiss him on that beautiful warm mouth. She was furious with herself; what did she think she was doing? How many warnings did she need before she saw the folly of allowing herself to feel like that about this man?
He let go of her wrists, she bolted to the door and found her dry shoes in the bathroom, trod into them hurriedly and walked to the front door with Luke in silence. He opened the door and the rain beat down on the white stone steps.
'I'd better make a dash for it,' said Judith with relief, diving out into the night. She ran to her parked car, aware that the front door still stood open; a yellow shaft of light splashed across the wet pavements and Luke was watching her from under the portico. When she drove away, though, he had gone back into the house and shut the door.
It was very hard to get to sleep that evening; Judith kept reliving the moments in the quiet room when she had so nearly let Luke kiss her—or she had so nearly kissed him. She wasn't sure what would have happened. Looking back, she wasn't even sure she hadn't imagined the whole thing, her mind was no longer the cool, careful piece of apparatus on which she had relied during her whole career. It was behaving in an unpredictable and worrying way; if she relaxed and forgot to watch her mind it slipped the leash and came bounding back to her with images of Luke that kept her awake into the small hours.
Be sensible, she told herself scoldingly. Why should he have wanted to kiss you? Look at yourself, for heaven's sake. He's engaged to Baba. She's ravishing; magazines pay a fortune to have her face on their covers. Why would any sane man who was engaged to her want to flirt with you? A reflex action, maybe, a token pass just because he always makes passes at a woman if he's alone with her . . . but no, she no longer believed that that was what Luke was like. He simply didn't behave like that; at least she had never seen him doing so. Charming and amusing, he certainly was, but he was also very intelligent, very shrewd and a formidable man to work for or with. The two sides of his nature would not add up and therefore one of them must be wrong. His reputation as a womaniser obviously had some basis in fact, though. What about the pretty redhead he had been with at the 21 Club?
Judith's face burned as he remembered the way he had looked her over that day and then walked away when John began to introduce her. Luke hadn't thought she was worth meeting. Did he remember seeing her before? she wondered, and doubted it.
She went into work next day with a splitting headache and had to go through the very tedious board meeting in a state of permanent nausea. She staggered into her own office later and sat down, her head on the desk, pressing her cupped hands into her eyes, to relieve the ache behind them.
'What's wrong?' a voice said close at hand, and she lifted her head, eyes half shut, to look at Luke.
'Migraine,' she said, and it hurt to speak, there were flashing lights in front of her eyes; the zigzag semicircles which always came with migraine.
'You'd better go home. I get them myself; I've got some pills which help.' Luke put a hand under her elbow and lifted her. She was almost unaware of going down in the lift, getting into his car. The chauffeur was running towards them across the concrete; his feet seemed to crash inside her head and she winced, but in the underground car park it was very dark and soothing. She leaned her head back against the upholstery and let her lids droop. The car began to move smoothly up the ramp.
Luke came into her flat with her and made her lie down on the couch. He vanished and returned with a glass of water and two pink torpedo-shaped pills.
'Take these.'
Judith took them, drank the water, murmured drily: 'Thanks.' and lay back again. Luke put a quilt over her and drew the curtains. She sighed with relief in the darkness.
'I'm going back to the office. Don't worry about work, just try to sleep. If you aren't well tomorrow, don't come in…' he murmured.
She whispered: 'Thank you.' It was hard to speak; impossible to think.
Luke sat down on the edge of the couch and brushed her tumbled hair back from her hot face with a gentle hand. Judith kept her eyes shut. 'Sorry about this,' she managed to get out, and Luke bent over her, his mouth lightly brushed against hers and then was gone again. A moment later so was he; she heard the door close quietly and tears squeezed out from under her lids. Her face was still wet as she went to sleep.
She woke up in the dark and couldn't remember where she was for a minute, then she swung off the couch and pot on the light. It was nine o'clock at night and she bad slept for hours; it must have been nearly two by the time Lake left her. Seven solid hours of sleep, she thought, disgusted with her own weakness. She went into the bathroom, feeling dishevelled and hot, and had a refreshing shower, then slipped into a long while towelling robe and went into the kitchen. She was panted and dry: she needed some tea.
She was sitting in front of the television, drinking the tea, when the phone went. She tripped over the hem of her robe as she rushed to answer it.
'Judith? Is that you? '
'Baba? Yes, of coarse it's me—where are you?'
'In my flat, I’m back in London.'
'How was the audition?' Judith couldn't make out whether Baba was over the moon or depressed; her voice wasn't giving any clues and Judith didn't like to ask bluntly: did you get the part?
'Nerve-racking, and I still don't know if I've got a chance or not. They're very cagey; they said they'll be in touch.'
'At least they didn't say you hadn't got it; there's still a chance.'
'My agent says they'll probably have me back to do some more tests if they like the first one. I had to come
home to do a job in London tomorrow, but I'll be going back after that. My agent says it's important for me to be available if they ask for me.' Baba laughed and Judith heard the optimism in her voice then; she was half relieved that Baba had reappeared and half regretful because she wasn't staying. It would be much easier to fight her own feeling of attraction towards Luke if Baba was there to remind her that he belonged to someone else.
As coolly as she could, Judith asked: 'Have you seen Luke yet?'
'He was busy when I rang. I only got here two hours ago; I feel half dead after that flight from Los Angeles. It seems like a hundred years ago since I set out. Luke's secretary said she'd try to get a message to him, but he's dining with some politician and he won't be able to get away before midnight, she thinks. Judith, can I come and have a drink? I'm bored, I feel so restless. I didn't want to come back; I'm afraid that I'll miss my chance if I'm not there on the spot, but my agent said I couldn't get out of the job tomorrow. I can't sit around here alone, I've got to talk to someone.'
'Be my guest,' said Judith with wry amusement. She did not want to see Baba, but she could hardly say so. Baba had a sort of cheerful disregard for what anyone else wanted; why hadn't that struck her before? Looking back, that was how it had always been. Baba always went for what she wanted and if you were in her way she very sweetly walked right over you, apologizing as she did so. In anybody else it would be a horrible trait, but Baba was so nice; she made you feel she was doing you a favour by running your life to suit herself, How could you be so niggardly as to resent it?
She rang off, tidied the sitting-room, made some fresh coffee and brushed her drying hair into some semblance of order by the time Baba arrived.
'Hallo, darling; you're so sweet to put up with me. I brought you something from California,' Baba said when she opened the door to her, putting a parcel into her hands.
'Oh. thank you,' Judith said, following her into the sitting-room and opening the gaily wrapped box. It was a bracelet of small green stones, polished and unevenly shaped: the sort of souvenir tourists find everywhere. 'How lovely,' said Judith, smoothing the stones with one fingertip. 'How nice of you to think of me.'
'I'm dying for some coffee,' said Baba, sitting down and pouring herself a cup. 'I got several of those bracelets for people; I wasn't sure what to bring back, but that sort of thing does for anyone.'
'Yes,' Judith said, dropping the bracelet back into its box. '.
'How are you getting on with Luke? You haven't told him about my screen test, have you?' Baba gave her a vivid smile, quite certain that she hadn't but reminding her of her promise. 'I've rung him every night to tell him how much I've missed him. I could tell he didn't know. '
Judith poured herself some coffee; she was in that halcyon state which follows migraine when you feel very calm and clear and nothing bothers you.
'It felt funny when I got off the plane at Heathrow and saw so many pale people; everyone in California is so suntanned. On the beach you see such gorgeous-looking men: Americans are so keen on keeping fit and getting brown. Luke spends too much time in the office, I'll have to coax him out into the fresh air. We could have such a good time over there, and after all, he's American; most of his business is over there, but he lives in New York or Vermont and the weather isn't half so good there. I like to get down on the beach.'
'With all the gorgeous men?' Judith enquired, and got a wicked look in response to that.
Baba laughed. 'Don't be naughty—that's not what I meant at all, although if you saw them, Judith…rippling muscles and lovely golden skin...fantastic! If I get this part I'll have to spend a lot of time there, anyway. Everyone lives in California.'
'Everyone?' Judith queried drily.
'Who matters,' Baba expanded. 'There's no reason why Luke shouldn't spend half the year there; it's no further from New York than London.'
'Have you suggested it yet?'
Baba looked at her pityingly. 'Of course not; I haven't mentioned it. If I don't get this part there wouldn't be any point.'
'No, of course, silly of me.' Judith looked at her soberly. 'Baba, if you don't get the part what will you do?'
Baba shrugged. 'Have a baby, I expect—that's what Luke wants, and if I'm not going into films I might as well give up modelling and start a family right away. Of course, I'd like children later on if I do get the part, but I'd have to put it off for a year or two.' She poured herself some more coffee; under the pure silk dress her curved body moved with tigerish grace, Judith could see exactly how she would come over on celluloid, it would be a pity if she missed the chance, and she said so impulsively.
'Oh, darling, do you really think so?' Baba was neon-lit with delight. 'I'll die, you know, absolutely die if I don't get this part!'
'I doubt it, Baba,' Judith said gently. |
'Well, of course, you wouldn't understand…' Baba said impatiently. 'I know this is for me.' She slid a hand under her blonde curls, lifting them in a restless gesture, her body arched in yearning like a woman aching for a lover. 'I know it is!'
'Well, I hope you get what you want,' said Judith, watching her.
'Ruth thinks I'm crazy,' Baba confided suddenly.
'She doesn't understand, either. She'd always choose a man rather than a career; you're not that stupid. Aren't I right, Judith? I mean, I'm no rabid feminist, I adore men, personally, I couldn't live without them, but I'd stifle if I had to live like Ruth. David's a sweetie and I'm very fond of him, but it would be ghastly to be stuck in a house all day with housework and shopping and kids.' She was very earnest now, leaning forward on the couch, her beautiful face alight as she talked and the vivid yellow shimmer of her silk dress reflecting the lamp light.
'It depends what you want out of life,' conceded Judith. She couldn't fault Baba's reasoning; if a career was what she really wanted who had the right to criticise her? 'But what about Luke?' She had to force; his name out, she hoped her voice and face did not betray anything to Baba.
Baba made an anguished face; she did it beautifully, and if Judith hadn't know her so well she would have; suspected that Baba was acting, but then Baba was; always very conscious of herself whatever she did, she couldn't even pour a cup of coffee without doing it to perfection and with one eye on her audience.
'I know…I'm torn, honestly, Judith, utterly distraught every time I try to make up my mind to tell him I want to go into films. It will be such a terrible shock to him. I'd die rather than break his heart, I’m quite crazy about him; if he didn't have a penny to his name I'd still want to marry him. His money makes no difference to me, it's Luke who turns me on—but does being in love mean you have to stop doing everything else? I mean, he isn't going to give up his career for me, is he? Can you imagine it? It's so funny, the very idea . . .' She laughed, her head back and her curls tumbling around her amused face in wanton profusion. She really ought to be in films, Judith thought; she's a natural for them.
The door bell rang brusquely and Judith jumped. 'Who on earth can that be at this hour?' She looked at the clock. It was gone eleven.
'Oh, that will be Luke—I left a message for him to pick me up here. I came by taxi, but you can never be sure of getting one back and I didn't want to drag you out in the middle of the night unless I had to.'
'How thoughtful of you,' said Judith, wishing she hadn't asked Luke to come here. She watched Baba rush to the door and then turned and collected up the coffee things, clattering the cups to avoid overhearing their first embrace. It didn't quite work; her ears were hyper-sensitive tonight, and Baba didn't hurry her kisses.
'Darling, darling, oh, I've missed you…mmm…do that again…'
Judith wished she had shut the door before she went out. She half turned her head angrily and saw Baba curving her body against Luke, her arms round his neck and her face raised to his. She had her eyes closed and her lips parted. Luke looked at Judith over her head and moved Baba away with both hands on her shoulders.
'Say goodnight to Judith and we'll
be on our way.'
'Don't be rude, Luke,' protested Baba, a pout altering the invitation on her mouth. 'Come and say hello to poor Judith; just because she's one of your serfs there's no reason to treat her like one!'
Judith slammed the sugar bowl on to the silver tray and Baba pulled a reluctant Luke into the room behind her.
'We were just having coffee—is there any left, Judith? Oh, you've started to clear it away—well, never mind. You're so efficient, Judith—I do admire you for that. I'm hopeless about housework and stuff.'
'You're unlikely to have to do any,' Judith said drily, lifting the tray.
Luke took it from her. He walked towards the kitchen and Baba picked up her delicate white high-heeled sandals, which she had kicked off earlier, and sat down to put them on. Luke reappeared and asked Judith quietly: 'How's the head?'
'Fine, thank you. Those pills worked wonderfully.'
'Good,' he said, looking away.
'Have you given poor Judith a headache, you slave-driver?' Baba asked, looking up as she slid the strap through the buckle of her shoe. 'How wicked of you, you mustn't be cruel to Judith, she's my oldest friend.'
'Thank you,' said Judith, feeling older than anyone else in the world. 'I get migraine from time to time, that's all. It had nothing to do with work.'
'Yes. it did,' Luke said brusquely. 'You've been working too hard. I shouldn't have pushed you.'
'You didn't push, you didn't need to—I work at my own pace. '
'All the same, slow down. You looked quite ill today. I was worried. '
'Oh. isn't he sweet?' smiled Baba, standing up. 'You get a kiss for that; wasn't it clever of me to find Judith for you?'
'Very clever.' Luke agreed, and as she stood on tiptoe to kiss him said with a tired smile: 'Baba, it is gone eleven—we ought to be on our way.'
She persisted in giving him a kiss, then said: 'I must go to the loo—I won't be a second, darling, don't get into a tizz. Judith, haven't you got a whisky or something to give the brute?' She drifted out without waiting to get an answer.
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