by Wendy Smith
She laughs. “Oh, no, not that you’re her dad. I’m glad about that. Everything she must have been through, and she gets to live with someone who’ll take care of her and who makes delicious baked goods.”
Shaking my head, I look down at Ava. There are crumbs all over the floor, which would normally drive me bonkers, but I couldn’t bring myself to be angry with her if I tried. While I’m still trying to come to terms with the news I’m a father, it angers me that she hasn’t had the ground under her feet during the last few months. I might not know how to feel, but at least she’ll have stability with me.
“Okay, kiddo. Let’s go sort out this bedroom for you.”
The least I can do is to try and make this as easy for her as possible.
She follows me back into the flat, and I grab her bag on the way through.
The room smells a bit musty. It’s my spare room, with a double bed it in, and it’s not been used much, but I pull the curtains and open the window to let some fresh air in.
Ava wrinkles her nose.
“It’s okay. By the time you go to bed, it won’t smell so funky. I don’t use this room much, but we’ll make it better for you.”
I pull open a drawer in the dressing table, and pick up her suitcase.
There’s fuck all in it.
I fume as I pluck out three tops and two pairs of leggings. There’s one pair of pyjamas and a spare pair of socks, but that’s it. The only other thing in the case is a tattered teddy-bear.
Ava grabs the bear from my hands and holds it tight, giving me a defiant look as if she thinks I’m going to take it off her.
I ruffle her hair. “Is that your friend?”
She nods.
“Well, there are enough things here to get us started. Looks like we’ll have to do some shopping.” I smile. “Have you had anything else to eat this morning?”
Ava shakes her head.
“How about I make some toast and hot chocolate? You already had the cookie.” I grin. There’s so much of Cara in there, but the more I look closely at Ava, the more I see me. Did Ryan ever see it? If they were that desperate, did he even care?
“Yes, please.”
I smile at the sound of her voice. “I might even have some marshmallows I can add to the hot chocolate.”
Her eyes widen. I’ll have to learn not to go overboard with sweet things, and I’m going to have to make sure I buckle down on her looking after her teeth.
Wait. Is that a dad thing to think?
“Come here.” I pat the bed, and she climbs up beside me.
I don’t really know what to say, but I know I need to say something.
“Do you know why you’re here?”
Ava shakes her head.
I let out a breath. “I don’t really know how to explain this, but I’m your other dad. So you get to stay here now.”
Her blonde eyebrows knit. “Jackie said I don’t have a daddy anymore.”
Jackie. I still bristle at the way she knocked back my gift to Ava on the day of the funeral.
“Well, Jackie’s wrong about a lot of things. You don’t have to call me Dad. I know that’ll be a bit weird. Owen will do.” I smile. “You’ve got a whole family to meet.” And then there’s my girlfriend who might just decide this is too much to handle.
I can’t think about that, won’t think about it. Right now I need to sort out everything Ava needs and put some ground beneath her feet.
But for now, I need breakfast, and I’m sure Ava does too.
She wolfs down four pieces of toast like they don’t even touch her sides, and I frown. At least she won’t have to worry about food here.
This is so weird.
How do I do this? And what do I do now?
I spend the rest of the day around the house, unsure of what to do next.
Ginny’s not responding to texts, and while we didn’t have plans for tonight, I need her with me. I need to tell her.
Ava falls asleep straight after dinner. Today would have been a long day, and for a moment, I stare at her, curled up on the floor, and I have no idea what to do next.
I never thought I was destined to have a stable relationship, let alone one with a kid. Adam and Lily know way more about this stuff than I do. Maybe tomorrow I’ll take her over there and ask for help.
My phone buzzes.
Sorry I didn’t reply earlier. I’ve been in bed with a headache most of the day. It’s clear now.
Ginny. What’s she going to think?
I’m sorry to hear that. Want to come over and stay the night? If she still wants to be with me after she hears my news.
You could come here if you want.
I pick up the sleeping child on the floor and carry her to bed, thankful that I got it right and had her in her pyjamas before dinner.
Placing her gently in on the mattress, I pull up the duvet. The room smells fresh now, and I close the window and pull the curtains before going back out to the living room.
I need you to come here because I have something important I want to talk to you about.
Is everything okay?
It will be when you’re here.
Be there in ten.
My eyes wander to the hallway. Ava’s in a strange bed in a strange house, and maybe it’d be a good idea to leave the hall light on.
If she’s going to be here permanently, I’ll have to make changes to so many things.
What do I do with her during the day when I’m working? I haven’t even thought about that. There’s a day care not far from here. Maybe I can look into that.
There are so many things to think about.
But I don’t regret that she’s here. Five homes in nine weeks.
I sit on the couch and close my eyes. Nine weeks ago, I was happy and celebrating my brother’s wedding. Drew and Hayley went through their rough times, but they came out stronger on the other side.
Ginny and I are so new and fragile. It’s taken those nine weeks to build trust with her, and just when we get there …
I open my eyes and sigh, picking up the remote control. I need something to keep focused on while I wait. The irony of something this big happening just when I think I’ve found the girl I might want to settle down with isn’t lost on me.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I catch my breath before rising to open it.
She’s there, all green eyes and kind smile, her raised eyebrows displaying her curiosity.
I don’t say anything. I pull her into my arms and kiss her. If it’s the last chance I have, you’d better bet I’ll grab it.
“Owen?” Her eyes are so full of confusion.
“How’s your headache?”
“A lot better than it was. Painkillers and a day in bed helped. I’m looking forward to another big sleep tonight.” Her lips twist. “Although, I’m sure you have other ideas.”
“I always have other ideas when it comes to you.” I grab her hands and lead her to the couch. “But first, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
Her eyes well with tears, and her reaction bewilders me.
I reach up and stroke her cheek, catching a tear as it falls. “Why are you crying?”
“Is this it?” she asks.
Damn it. Damn my reputation. I’d give up the memory of every single girl I’d ever been with if it stopped this reaction in her. “Only if you’re dumping me.” I try to smile, but it comes out a bit wonky.
She still has this worried look in her eyes, as if she’s not convinced. “Why would I?” Her voice shakes.
I take a deep breath. “I had some unexpected news today. I don’t want it to cause us any issues because I love being with you, but I’m scared it will.”
“What is it?”
“Can I show you? I don’t know if I can find the words by themselves.”
She nods.
I take her hand and stand. She follows suit, and I find myself looking into her eyes. I pull her to me and kiss her again. Her lips are as warm and welcoming as always
and give me comfort when I need it.
“Owen,” she whispers.
“There’s something important I need you to see. Someone.”
Her eyebrows twitch, and the words get caught in my throat. My daughter.
I lead her up the hallway to the door of the spare room—Ava’s room. Light from the hallway illuminates the bed, and there’s Ava, her blonde hair spread across the pillow, her thumb in mouth.
“Ava?”
“She’s my daughter.”
Ginny’s head spins back as if it’s got a life of its own. “Your daughter?”
“I only found out today.”
She raises her hand to cover her mouth. I pull the door to and walk down the hall, Ginny following me.
“Social services fucked around for a while.” I hold my hands up in exasperation. “No, that’s not exactly true. They didn’t know, and when they found out, they brought her here.”
“Oh my God.”
I lick my lips. “So, if you want to walk away from me, I’ll understand. It’s not what I want, but this isn’t what you signed up for.”
She looks back toward the bedroom before refocusing on me. When she opens her mouth as if to talk and says nothing, it’s the longest moment of my life. “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure what I signed up for anyway.” She lets out a loud breath. “If this is you, I’ll take it, Owen. I’ll take all of it.”
“Really?”
A smile spreads across her face. “It’s you I want. This is your life.”
Relief floods through me. “I thought you might change your mind.”
She reaches for my face and runs her fingers through my stubble. “Taking responsibility for Ava says a lot about you. That you’re opening your heart and your home to that little girl tells me that you’re not as afraid of commitment as I thought you might be.”
I capture her wrist in my hand and plant a kiss on it. “Ava’s been through so much. And she deserves so much more than she’s had the past few weeks.”
“No matter the reason, you’re a good man. One I’m proud to be with.”
Pulling her into my arms, I lose myself in her kiss. How lucky am I to have found her?
“I know it’s early, but can we go to bed?” she whispers.
As if I’d say no.
13
Owen
The bed’s cold when I wake, but it’s still dark.
My alarm clock tells me it’s a little after two. I could roll over and go back to sleep, but Ginny’s absence worries me. Has she had second thoughts?
I stagger into the hallway, half asleep, and take a couple of steps before hearing a soft voice singing. Ginny’s sitting on Ava’s bed, stroking her hair and singing “The Owl and the Pussycat”. It takes a moment, but she smiles when she notices me.
“She okay?”
Ginny nods. “She is now. I heard her crying and came in here to find she’d wet the bed. She was so scared she’d be in trouble.”
“In trouble?”
“I get the feeling that somewhere along the way she’s been with someone who’s told her that. She kept saying ‘Heidi said it was naughty.’ Any idea who Heidi is?” She continues to stroke Ava’s hair as she whispers.
I shrug. “At a guess, one of the places she stayed in the past few weeks.”
“Well, I made sure she knows it’s not naughty. She’s four, and she’s been through this crazy, traumatic experience. How could anyone tell her that?”
Walking to the bed, I squat beside it, and lay my hand on Ava’s head. “I don’t know, but she’ll never be treated like that here.”
“I found the spare sheets in the linen cupboard, and I had to dress her in what I could find. She’s only got one pair of pyjamas. The washing machine’s on.”
“Thank you.” Nodding, I sigh. “I’m sure there’s some huge legal process to go through with the estate. For the moment, she’s been left with only a small amount of stuff. I need to get her more things.”
“We’ll go shopping tomorrow.”
My breath catches. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I can and I will. We’ll go for a drive and get some new clothes.” Ginny places her hand over mine. “We’ll have her feeling like this is home in no time.”
My heart surges with emotion, and I love this woman. I love what she does for me. I love what she’s willing to do for us.
I take her by the hand. “Come here.”
Leading her out to the hallway, I wrap my arms around her.
“Move in with us.”
Her eyes widen. “What?”
“Not just for Ava. For me. I feel like tonight things changed for us, changed for the better.”
“Me too. But I’m not going to move in. Not yet.”
I swallow. “Okay.”
“I need to know that you want me to move in for you, for us. Not just for Ava.”
I flick a lock of her hair back. “What do you mean?”
“You now have a four-year-old, and all of a sudden the biggest commitment-phobe I know wants me to move in?”
Sighing, I stand and pull her into my chest. “It’s a massive step for me, but if I’m going to do this with anyone, I want it to be you.”
“Why me?”
I cup her chin, raising her gaze to meet mine. Even in the half light, those emerald eyes stir something in me. “Do you want to know why I’ve always steered clear of commitment?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I promise I’ll get to it.”
She rolls her eyes. “Tell me.”
“My dad had an affair.”
Her mouth drops open. “Your father?”
“He doesn’t know I know, but I saw him once. Wrong place, wrong time. I was twelve. My parents had their moments when they fought, but I thought they were solid. I realised I was wrong.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“I never wanted to do that to someone, never wanted to let them down. So I decided that I wouldn’t settle down with one person. That way, no one gets hurt, right?”
“Oh, Owen.” Her eyes brim with tears.
“And then I met you, and everything made sense. Maybe it’s because I know for a fact I’d never stray. I love you.”
Her breath hitches. “I love you too.”
“You’re the first woman I’ve ever said that to.” I kiss her forehead as her brows twitch.
“Really?”
“Before you, I never wanted the morning after. I still don’t know if saying ‘I love you’ is enough, because the way you make me feel? It’s endless. It’s like my heart is about a million times bigger, because that’s what being with you does to me.”
Her lower lip wobbles, and tears run down her cheeks.
“I’ll wait however long it takes for you to be ready to move in with me. I’m not going anywhere.”
Ginny wraps her arms around my neck and holds on tight. Maybe meeting her was destiny too, like all the pieces of my life coming together at once.
“You need to learn to be a father to Ava before we can take this further.”
“I know,” I whisper. “But I still want you to be part of my life.”
She lets go and nods. “I’ll still stay over some nights. It’s just really important that you and Ava bond.”
“Don’t forget that Ava’s going to have a couple of uncles I’m sure will be willing to babysit from time to time.” I grin. “Not to mention cousins. Can you imagine Max’s reaction to this?”
Ginny laughs. “She’ll follow him everywhere.”
“It’ll give him a lesson on how much of a pest having a younger sister can be.”
She nods.
“Let’s go back to bed.” I walk back into the bedroom, and press a kiss to Ava’s forehead. She stirs, but her eyes stay closed. None of this feels real, but I guess we just have to take things as they come.
As I exit the room, I take Ginny’s hand in mine, and lead her back to my room. She nestles in against my c
hest, and I close my eyes.
For the first time, my little flat feels like a family home.
Giggles float through the air, and the sound of Ava and Ginny laughing makes me smile.
I climb out of bed and make my way to the living room doorway.
They’ve made up a bed on the couch, snuggling under a blanket while watching cartoons on television. Signs of breakfast sit on the coffee table. It all makes my heart full.
“Hey, you two.”
“Morning, babe.” Ginny raises her face for me to kiss, and I linger on her lips.
“How long have you been up?”
“Not that long. Ava was awake when I got up to use the bathroom, so I thought we’d get breakfast out of the way before we go shopping.” She grimaces. “We do have the small problem of not having the right car seat for her.”
“Shit.”
“But there’s a store in Carlstown that’ll have them. We just have to get there.”
I shake my head. “I’ll call Adam and Lily and see if Rose has a suitable one we can steal.”
Ginny nods. “I guess it depends on the type of seat they have, but that’s a good idea.”
“Can you imagine them when I ask for it?”
She laughs. “I’m guessing you haven’t told them about Ava?”
“No one knows but you. And Mel.”
“I bet she was surprised.”
I nod. “You could say that. I’ll give Lily a call now. The sooner we can get going, the better.”
Picking up my phone, I call Lily.
“Hello?”
I grin at the sound of Max’s voice. “Hey, Max. It’s Owen. Is your mum there?”
“Mum, it’s Owen,” he yells. I hold my phone away from my ear and laugh.
“Owen?” Lily sounds concerned, but I guess it’s because I don’t call her often.
“Hey, Lily. I was wondering if I could ask you a favour?”
“Anything.”
“I need to borrow a child’s car seat for a few hours, and I was wondering about Rose’s. Is it suitable for a four-year-old?”
Lily pauses. “Should be. We’ll just need to adjust the harness, and you can use it forward facing. What’s this all about?”
“There’s something I need to tell you and Adam.”