“Screw you.” Alexa wanted to hit him.
Milo’s expression darkened, and for a moment Alexa felt she’d gone too far and he was going to hit her. But then he sighed. His face softened, and he spoke to her as gently as she’d ever heard him.
“I forget how young you are. You’re just a newborn angel, a fledgling, still figuring out how to cope with your feelings. You’re feeling the emotional remnants of your past life. It’s normal to feel that way. It’s normal to want to be mortal again—to eat, to sleep, to feel tired after a long day’s work, to feel what it’s like to make love again.”
Alexa felt heat rush to her face. She didn’t want to discuss anything to do with sex with Milo, especially not now, when he was so close.
“Who the hell do you think you are to speak to me like this? You don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me. So stop speaking to me like you do, because you obviously don’t.”
Her hands were tight at her sides, and her nails cut into her palms.
Milo’s eyes flashed.
“It’s part of my job to help you settle into your new life. It’s not like I don’t know what I’m talking about. We’ve all been there, Alexa. Sometimes we all forget that we are angels and not humans anymore. We’ve all slipped once or twice or even ten times. It’s normal. It takes time to adjust, years even. But the sooner you realize you’re immortal now, and that nothing connects you to the mortal world, you’ll start to feel better. Think of it as a skin you need to shed. You have wings now, and your old mortality will only bring you down if you don’t forget it. You’ve been chosen to live on. Feelings change. Your heart will heal, and you will love again. It’s just part of the big picture, and you must move on with it.”
“I don’t want to move on,” said Alexa. “Maybe you’re okay to having the emotional life of a robot, but I’m not. I want to feel. I need to feel. I might be dead, but I’m still me.”
“You don’t understand—”
“If being an angel means I have to shed my individuality, the very essence that makes me me, then I don’t want to be one anymore.”
Alexa pulled away from Milo and bolted for the stairs.
“A soul can have more than one soul mate,” she heard him say. Even though she was hurrying up the staircase, it was as if he were whispering in her ear.
Even though she knew she didn’t have a heart, she felt it shatter into pieces.
CHAPTER 12
ALEXA SAT IN A CHAIR next to Milo at a large, round desk in the middle of the Counter Demon Division. It looked just as she remembered. The giant circular room was the size of a baseball field, with second and third-floor offices separated by glass walls. Hundreds of guardian angels walked up and down the stairs or sat at desks and busied their fingers with keyboards. Rows of holographic screens wavered with images and maps of cities from around the globe. The guardian angels who worked here dressed in uniforms for specific tasks. The guardians in khaki-green sat around desks and operated computers. The ones in blue had their own offices and went up and down the stairs with files in their hands. The green-colored water of the Vega tanks that the specialists in this division used shimmered like four giant emeralds in the light from the ceiling.
When Alexa and Milo had arrived in Horizon, Metatron’s personal guard of female angels was waiting to escort them to CDD. Milo had surprised Alexa by shouting curses at the women. That had made her smile. But it would take a lot more to lift the spirits of her damaged soul.
Although they’d been sitting around the table debriefing for the past fifteen minutes, Alexa barely heard a word anyone said. She was preoccupied with her memories of Erik. It was like picking at the scab of a wound and never letting it heal.
I love you too, Erik had said to Rachel.
Alexa tensed. Every time she relived the moment, she felt the pain, the cold sweats, the feeling of betrayal, and the conflict of self-denial.
Erik did care for her…didn’t he?
She remembered the hatred in his eyes, and she felt as if the ghoul demons were clawing at her flesh and squeezing away her life force. She’d tried to shut the memories out, but they had a mind of their own and wouldn’t stop.
Milo had said: He’ll grow bitter, and he’ll hate you for it.
Immortality. There it was. The real reason mortals and angels didn’t mix. Until now, she’d never really considered how her immortality could affect her relationship with Erik. She couldn’t fathom how something so significant could have escaped her. She really was a fool.
How could she have fallen so easily for a guy who despised her? Called her a stiff?
Maybe he never really cared. Maybe it had only been an illusion. Maybe it had only been in her head.
Metatron slammed his fist on the table, and Alexa snapped out of her reverie.
“I thought you told me we had Ryan under control?”
Metatron’s sunglasses slipped on the bridge of his nose as he stood up between his bodyguards, Jasmine and Michelle, and leaned over the table.
“This is not under control,” he continued. “This was a massacre. How hard could it be to catch three rogue angels?”
The archangel Ariel sat patiently and somewhat impertinently in Metatron’s place at the head of the table. Her eyes flashed darkly.
“We had him under control. But we underestimated him and his allies, and the unit we sent was killed. We lost him shortly after that. But from the information we’ve gathered so far, we know he’s been acquiring more power. Ryan grows stronger and more powerful every day.”
“More powerful because now, apparently,” Metatron looked across to Milo, “the fool has been using mortal souls as the source of his new power. The very thought is blasphemy. You know what they’ll become—what they cannot be allowed to become. They need to be destroyed, Ariel. You need to take care of this before anything else.”
Alexa perked up. The very thought of killing Ryan was music to her ears, and she wanted to be the one to do it.
“I’ve already arranged for another team to set out and look for them,” said Ariel. “Their orders are to seek and destroy. He will be found. The rogue angels will be obliterated.”
Her voice was void of emotion, and Alexa felt a chill ripple through her.
“They better be.” Metatron sneered. “For your own sake.”
Jasmine and Michelle smiled at Ariel triumphantly, like this was a game they were winning and she was losing.
Ariel didn’t even flinch.
“Ryan killed innocent lives to get his hands on those books. I don’t think we can recover from what he and the other angels have done. He’s ruined an alliance with the Sensitives from Hallow Hall, probably forever.”
Ariel sounded sad, and Alexa noticed a slight tremor in her fingers as she folded them on the table. Very slowly, she turned her gaze to Alexa.
“What else can you tell us about the Deus Septem? Anything you can remember, anything at all, will be helpful on this hunt.”
Alexa shrugged. “I didn’t see the actual physical books. I only had a glimpse at the computer program they call the Elder Codex, which is basically the data that had been copied from the books. But the Head of House Uriel said that not all of the passages in the original books had been transferred into the Elder Codex. She said that the physical books contained extraordinarily powerful spells and secrets that were not transferred to the program.”
Alexa leaned forward in her seat. “Since the archangels wrote the codex, shouldn’t you have a copy here somewhere?”
She knew instantly it was the wrong thing to say because Metatron was clearly not amused.
“You, kid, are in no position to ask questions,” he said angrily and flicked the ashes from his cigar. He looked as if he regretted his decision to let her attend this meeting.
“You’re lucky you even had the chance to go with your petty officer on this quest. Which reminds me, why didn’t you return from New York with him when he was injured?”
Shit.
>
Alexa tried to remain calm as she floundered for a response. The truth was just too absurd. If Metatron knew the real reason, he would toss her into Tartarus. Just the thought of spending eternity in that creepy, black, windowless cube was worse than death. She felt her fingers curl in against her palms.
“I was just—”
“Obeying my orders,” said Milo. He leaned back in his chair. “I told her to wait for me and not let Hades’ men out of her sight until I got back. We needed to keep Hades’ men from escaping because I still needed answers from them. We needed to discover the connection between The Crowns of the World and Hades.”
Metatron didn’t look convinced.
“You expect me to believe that? That you let her stay behind on her own to question a band of mortals?”
“Believe whatever you want,” said Milo lazily. “That’s what happened.”
Alexa was surprised that Milo had defended her. It was no secret Metatron had selected Milo to keep watch on her because he was one of Metatron’s most loyal subjects.
Why was he protecting her from Metatron? What pushed him to lie for her now?
“And did you find out what this connection is?” inquired Metatron.
Milo shook his head. “Not yet. But I think—”
“Come on, Milo.” Metatron’s disbelief was echoed in the laughter of his guards. “Why are you covering for this useless, corrupt rookie? She’s connected to all this somehow. I know it.”
For a moment, it looked as if Milo’s icy calm was about to snap. He flushed, as much as an angel could flush, and opened his mouth in anger, but he managed to control himself. He gritted his teeth and smiled.
“Hades is planning something,” he said. “Something big. From what we know of his past history, whatever it is can’t be good. We can’t kill Hades with any means we possess, but we can send him back to the Netherworld for good. We need to know what he’s planning so we can catch him in the act. The members of The Crowns of the World and the Deus Septem are at the center of it. We solve that riddle, and we find Hades. Then we take him out. We’ll need to follow every lead.”
“Like Hallow Hall?” Metatron’s voice was full of disbelief. “You see, here’s my other problem. You never once mentioned that the Sensitives’ safe house was a lead. Why were you there?”
Milo leaned forward in his chair. His expression was cool.
“After the incident in Manhattan, Hades was way too cocky. It was like he’d already won. I knew we were missing something.”
He nodded and looked at both archangels. “I decided to go back to where it all happened. There must have been a reason Hades chose to open the Hellgate so close to Hallow Hall. Ryan could have opened another one anywhere the Veil was weak, but he chose Hallow Hall. It wasn’t an easy location. He had tried it two years before and failed. So why now? Why there? It must have had something to do with the Deus Septem.”
Alexa was impressed. Milo spewed lies so easily even she began to believe them. He was an angel of many talents, and she began to envy his composure. But the best lies were based on truths, and she knew Milo was right. Hades had chosen the Hellgate in Mystic Forest because of its close proximity to Hallow Hall.
Metatron gazed at Milo with calm superiority. “Well, it was lucky you were there when the attacks happened, wasn’t it?”
He turned to Alexa. “It still doesn’t explain how Ryan knew where to look for the books. The way I see it, someone must have given him the location, someone who’d already seen the contents of the books. Isn’t that right, Alexa?”
“What?” Alexa nearly choked. She glanced from Ariel to Metatron.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Metatron.” Ariel’s voice was cold. “We’ve been through this before. The High Council handed down the verdict. Alexa’s been cleared of any wrongdoing. You need to drop it and move on.”
Metatron smiled. “It makes perfect sense, Ariel.”
He sucked on his cigar. “What are the odds that the same angel who had lost a part of her soul to Hades would show up at the exact location and time when one of his servants committed mass murder and stole the books? What would you call that? A coincidence? I don’t believe in coincidences. Only facts. Facts and proof.”
He turned his attention on Alexa. “You’re lying, and you’re hiding something. I can see it in your face. I can always tell when someone lies. No one can lie to me.”
Alexa tried to calm down. Lance had told her never to lie to Metatron, and she had taken his advice. But this was different. She wasn’t lying. She was just not revealing everything.
“I didn’t give Ryan the location of the books because I had no idea where the real books were kept. I’d only seen some parts of the text on the computer,” she said.
“And even if I did see the books, I’d never tell him. I hate him. I wish he were dead. He’s the reason we’re all here! Why you don’t trust me. Why would I want to help a psychopath?”
Her mouth went dry. Her adrenaline was still high.
“All I tried to do was help. I didn’t do anything!” Alexa’s voice was loud enough for the entire division to hear. She lowered it when she realized she was nearly shouting.
“I fought the demons with Milo. I tried to save lives—”
“Did you? Tell me again, Alexa,” sneered Metatron. “How did you, a rookie, manage to kill Kali’s demon with a hunting knife? Those demons have healing properties. An ordinary mortal blade couldn’t possibly have vanquished one.”
Alexa stilled, and the chamber quieted as everyone waited to hear her answer. It was as though everyone suspected that she was in league with Hades and Ryan. Jasmine and Michelle looked delighted.
Alexa couldn’t explain what had happened when she had seen the specter in the light. She didn’t fully understand it herself. She was afraid that Hades might already have corrupted her.
“She didn’t vanquish it with a mortal blade,” said Milo.
Their eyes met, and she felt like Kali’s demon was squeezing her throat again. She’d been wrong. Milo was Metatron’s angel through and through. She had hoped for some loyalty from him. After all, she had saved him from Hades’ hired men.
Metatron smiled like a mob boss who’d just given the orders for someone to shoot her.
She looked at Milo, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze. He was going to tell everyone how she’d had help from some kind of demon emanation. She was done. He was going to betray her—
“I gave her a spare soul blade,” said Milo.
He looked at Alexa. “I couldn’t handle both Kali and her demon husband. I needed Alexa. It was a judgement call, and I believe it was the right one. She’s skilled with a blade, and she did her job well. There were no traces of any demons when we left.”
Alexa’s relief broke through the layer of ice that had covered her emotions. She wasn’t going to be locked up in the angel prison where she would never see Erik again.
“Glad to hear it,” said Ariel darkly.
Alexa didn’t have to see Metatron’s eyes through his sunglasses to see the disbelief and distrust in his expression. But she didn’t let that dampen her small victory.
She straightened in her chair and asked, “Where’s Lance?”
Her small victory had made her bold. “I haven’t seen him in more than two months. Each time I ask, I get the same brush off. Why? Where is he?”
She turned to Metatron. “Did you toss him into Tartarus?”
“Alexa,” warned Ariel.
Alexa knew she should have bitten her tongue, but she couldn’t help it. She was worried for her friend, and no one was giving her any answers.
Milo shook his head, but Alexa plowed on. “If you want to punish someone,” she said, “let it be me. He had nothing to do with whatever you think I’ve done. Lance was only ever faithful to the Legion.”
Metatron pointed his finger at Alexa in outrage.
“You will speak when you are spoken to, rookie, not before. I’m warning you. One more peep out of you,
and you’ll be staring at the inside walls of Tartarus.”
He sucked on his cigar and blew out a cloud of smoke in the shape of a cube that looked just like the angel prison.
But Alexa retained her defiant glare. She would not show him any fear.
“Lance is on assignment,” Ariel said gently. “He’s fine. And this is the last time I want to hear about your scout.”
There was a short silence before Metatron said, “Well then, from what Milo has told us, Hades had grown stronger if he was capable of conjuring the goddess Kali. He’ll be raising other mindless demons and ghouls unless we stop him.”
For the first time during their meeting, Alexa thought Metatron looked distressed. “Add the unrest with the angels and the rumors that are exploding in Horizon, and this couldn’t have come at a worse time,” he said.
“What rumors?” Milo tensed.
Metatron waved a hand in the air. “Never mind that now.”
Ariel and Metatron engaged in the kind of silent conversation that only those who had shared years together could have.
“That’ll be all, Alexa,” said Ariel. “I think we have all the information we need for now. We’ll call for you if we need more. And now I need a few more minutes with Milo, but you’re free to go.”
Alexa sat stunned in her chair. The dismissal was clear, and she knew exactly what was going on. They wanted to discuss her.
She felt Milo’s gaze on her, but she couldn’t look at him.
Would he betray her when she was gone? Would it be easier to betray her trust when she wasn’t staring him in the face?
Without another word, Alexa pushed her chair back and walked away.
The murmur of a conversation picked up as soon as she was out of earshot, and she couldn’t help but wonder what rumors Metatron was discussing.
Were they related to her? Was it something else?
The secret she’d kept from Milo and the archangels lay like a weight on her chest. Underlying all her anxieties was the fear that she was changed. She knew the specter that had appeared had something to do with her missing soul. But she didn’t know what.
The Helm of Darkness Page 10