by Nancy Barone
‘I won’t, Auntie Nat,’ she promised.
I gathered my mobile from the counter, my keys, made sure I had everything I needed in my football bag – face towel, clean clothes, baps, fruit and drinks included.
‘You are so lucky to have such lovely nieces,’ Connor said.
‘So are you,’ I reminded him.
He grinned. ‘Yeah.’
‘And what do they call you, Uncle Shane?’ came Sarah’s voice from the doorway.
We both turned to her.
She stood, her face red with anger. I took a step towards her. ‘Sarah?’
She moved past me to stand before him, her chin high. ‘Or are they just another lie?’
‘Sarah, what are you talking about?’ I asked as I spied a passport in her hand.
‘I’m talking about our friend Shane, here. How the hell do you explain this?’ Sarah demanded, waving it before his face.
‘Sarah!’ I gasped. ‘What are you doing going through Connor’s stuff?’
‘Dad warned me – he said to keep an eye on him, and he was right!’
‘What are you talking about…?’
‘His name isn’t Connor! He’s been lying to us the whole time!’
I opened my mouth to say something – anything – but nothing came out, and it felt like my head was expanding, as if it was about to explode. I called upon all my inner strength to keep my voice low.
Connor’s hands shot to the back of his head, his hands raking through his hair as he breathed in deeply.
‘Oh, Jesus.’ He looked up between Sarah and me. ‘Sarah, I need a minute alone with your mum.’
‘Like hell I’m leaving you alone with her!’
‘Please, Sarah,’ he said softly. ‘You know that I would never hurt her – or any of you. A moment is all I ask.’
I eyed my daughter, wanting both to protect her and myself from all this. But I didn’t have a choice. ‘Go, Sarah. The girls have been looking forward to this game all season and you’re going to make them late.’
Her eyes swung to me in doubt and she finally nodded. ‘Okay. But I’m calling Dad,’ she huffed, pulling her phone out of her pocket.
‘You’ll do no such thing, Sarah. Now run along.’
Her eyes widened. ‘Mum – this bloke lied to us, he could be anybody, for Christ’s sake!’
He raised his hands. ‘Sarah—’
I gestured to him and the chair in the corner. ‘You. Sit there.’
‘Okay,’ he said, his hands falling to his sides as he sat.
‘Sarah,’ I said. ‘This is my problem and I will take care of it. The girls are waiting for you.’
Sarah, who had been high on adrenaline, now came down on a soft sob. ‘Okay, Mum. I will. But you!’ she cried, her finger shaking as she pointed at Connor. ‘You watch yourself.’
When the front door slammed behind her, he made to get up but I backed away and he sat again, hands raised. ‘I meant what I said. I wouldn’t hurt you for the world, Nat.’
‘You already have.’
He lowered his head. ‘Yes.’
‘And you wormed your way into our household under a false name.’
‘Yes.’
‘So give me one bloody good reason why.’
He took a deep breath. ‘You know, deep inside, that you can trust me.’
‘Trust you? I don’t even know who you are! Nor why you’re here, filling our heads with lies! It was all too good to be true!’
He bit his lip, spreading out his hands once again. ‘I’m an idiot, Nat. I wanted to tell you but I could never find the right moment. I’m so sorry…’
‘Why did you lie to us?’ I cried.
His shoulders hunched under the weight of his words. ‘Because I didn’t want… Yolanda… to know it was me.’
My heart sank. ‘Yolanda? Why? What are you, one of her stalkers who can’t afford a ticket to New York so he settles for the next best thing instead?’
‘Stop it, Natalia,’ he said, getting angry. I’d never seen him angry before. But then, I’d known him for what, five minutes? ‘I’m not a stalker and I’m not here to hurt anyone.’
‘So what is it, you have a crush on her, and were hoping to wheedle your way into her life through the girls and our family?’
His mouth clamped shut and his eyes fell to the floor. ‘Neither of those things, Nat.’
‘Well, then what!’ I shouted. ‘Why did you come into my home? Just so you could trample all over my heart?’
It was too late. I’d said it, and now there was no turning back. No hiding from my own words.
He got to his feet and made to take my arms, but I backed away.
His eyes widened in hurt as his arms fell to his sides again and he hung his head. ‘I’ve been trying to tell you since I got here. But I never had the courage.’
‘What are you hiding from me? Tell me!’ I crossed my arms in front of my chest and kept my distance.
‘It’s a relief actually, to confess,’ he whispered, almost as if to himself as he ran a hand through his hair and looked up at me. ‘I was younger, in my final year at uni. One night, while playing at Temple Bar with my band, I met a woman. She was a lot of fun. I took her back to my place where she spent the night.’
Images of Connor, no – Shane – with another woman stabbed me in the heart but there was no room for my pain. He’d lied to me! ‘And that interests me how?’
He scratched his face and rubbed his mouth. ‘We both knew that it was never going to be more than one night. So we said our goodbyes, and I never saw her again. Until a few years later, on the cover of a cookbook. And then I saw her on her own cooking show.’
My heart shot to my throat and my mouth suddenly went dry. ‘Yolanda? You slept with my sister?’ I gasped.
‘I swear I didn’t even know who she was at the time and I had almost forgotten about that night until I saw her on an old show featuring her children. All it took was one look at them – I recognised their eyes and their gestures – just like my own nieces, and instantly I knew.’
‘Knew…?’ Shards of panic shot through my veins. No. Oh, no, no, no!
‘And then it all came back to me,’ he said. ‘Yolanda told me that she was on the pill so there was no danger of her getting pregnant, so we didn’t use any protection. It was silly, I know, but—’
Oh my God in heaven. ‘So you think that the twins are—?’
‘I know it, Nat. Zoe and Amy are my daughters,’ he whispered, getting up and taking my arms. ‘My own flesh and blood…’
His daughters? Impossible. Absolutely impossible. I mean, what were the odds? But of course one night was more than enough. ‘H-how can I believe you?’ I said.
‘I know I was wrong to not tell you straight away, but honestly, if I’d rung your doorbell and said, Hello, I had sex with your sister years ago and I’m pretty sure I’m the father of her children, what would you have said?’
The thought alone of him having sex with my sister was enough to blow my mind and make me run a thousand miles. But this wasn’t about me.
‘But Yolanda couldn’t have kids until she had IVF!’ I assured him.
‘Well, apparently she could. Although she told me she was on the pill…’
‘So she doesn’t know that you know?’
‘No. I wanted to do it slowly.’
‘I’ll say,’ I spat.
‘Nat, hear me out – this is a delicate situation. I don’t want to upset anybody.’
‘It’s a bit too late for that.’
‘I’m so so sorry, Nat…’
‘Does Yolanda even know that Piers isn’t… their father?’ I asked, finally sinking into the chair opposite him.
‘I don’t know, I haven’t spoken to her since.’
It was true that they looked nothing like Piers, but still…
‘Ask Yolanda if you don’t believe me. See if she doesn’t recognise me. Although I was hoping to do that myself when she returned, but if it means regaining your
trust, Nat—’
‘Trust?’ I cried. ‘You talk about trust? You came into my home with the intent of gleaning information about my family under a false name! And then, when the twins moved in, you couldn’t believe your luck!’
‘True,’ he whispered. ‘I had never imagined I’d be able to spend time with them and get to know them.’
‘You had it made. They practically fell into your arms. And you talk to me about trust? And all in such a dishonest, despicable way. You lied to me.’
‘Nat…’
‘You could have told me!’ I cried. ‘You could have spoken to me and explained how things were, rather than just passing yourself off as a prospective lodger! I can’t believe you did this! Oh my bloody God!’
‘I wanted to tell you, Nat. But I didn’t know how and then the entire situation mushroomed and… You think this was easy for me? I had everything to lose! If you doubted me one iota, you’d have called the police and kicked me out. I couldn’t risk losing contact with the girls, never being allowed to see them again.’
I watched him. I’d never seen him upset before. Well, in effect, I hardly knew him.
He clenched his fists. ‘From that day, when I saw them on TV, I lost any sense of inner peace. I only have the best intentions. You have to believe me. I have to be with my daughters. I can’t just turn my back and pretend they don’t exist.’
I leaned forward under the weight of everything he was saying, trying to put it all in a semblance of order and logic. But it all kept scrambling and re-scrambling in my mind and I was more confused than before.
‘I came to see how they were doing,’ he added. ‘And I’d heard somewhere that Yolanda was divorced.’
‘And you wanted to take his place,’ I scoffed and he stared at me as if I’d slapped him.
‘No, Nat – it’s not like that,’ he whispered. ‘Christ, don’t you know me by now? I was just wondering how they must have been missing their father, and whether it was the right moment for me to step up to the plate. Probably not, as it is, but I can’t just discover I have two daughters and walk away.’
I groaned and buried my head in my hands.
‘Nat…? I know you’re going to be livid, but there’s more.’
My head snapped up. ‘What more could there possibly be?’
He bit his lower lip, studying his hands. ‘I secretly carried out a DNA test, just to be sure.’
‘You what?’
‘I took a strand of hair from Zoe and Amy’s brushes. I know I shouldn’t have, but they are my priority. Look, here, I have a copy of the results in my wallet,’ he offered and dug into the back pocket of his jeans.
I unfolded the sheet of paper containing the results that would change a good many lives, recognising the address of the medical centre in Truro at the top. And there it was, the truth, in black ink.
If my first reaction was to be furious, my second was to realise he’d done the right thing. There would have been no point in alarming anyone, especially Yolanda and the girls until he had been sure. But now he was, with a truth the size of Truro cathedral.
‘I’m so sorry, Nat…’ he whispered. ‘I know I’ve hurt you, but if you would only—’
‘You can’t be here, right now,’ I said. ‘I need you to leave, please. Now.’
His eyes fell to the floor, and his jaw worked in total silence. Then he slowly nodded. ‘Of course. You’re absolutely right. I’ll go upstairs and… pack.’
‘Thank you.’
In five minutes he was back down with his duffel bag strapped over his shoulder, a look of complete desolation on his face. He cleared his throat. ‘Your keys,’ he whispered, handing them to me. ‘Please forgive me, Nat.’ And with that, he opened the front door and quietly slipped out of the house, and our lives.
As I climbed the stairs, it all came back to me, a collage of instances when he’d been very fatherly. Like the time he’d pulled up Zoe’s socks up for her. Or the time he’d kissed the top of Amy’s head after he’d finished braiding her hair. Or the time he’d held Zoe in silence without any apparent reason.
All this time it had been sitting under my nose – the huge, blatant truth, and I had been so wrapped up in myself and my own feelings about a complete stranger that I had been utterly blind to it.
I had failed my sister and her babies terribly. I had let myself be fooled – for the second time in my life – by the charm of a handsome man who had only used me and my stupidity to get what he wanted. How could I have believed him so instinctively? I was never wrong about people. But this was the biggest mistake of my life. I couldn’t bring myself to believe it. But all the evidence was there.
It took an entire night of tossing and twisting in my bed, debating and thinking, and yet, I still didn’t know what the right thing to do was.
I thought of the consequences of not telling Yolanda, because, whatever her mistakes in the past were, she didn’t deserve them to come back at her in such a way. And the girls would only be confused about all this.
But I had no right to keep this monumental information from her either. Yolanda had a right to know.
It needed to be done serenely and clearly, and I was the only one who could bridge the gap between Yolanda and her former lover. The irony of it did not escape my notice.
*
The next morning I rose early and went for a stroll down the coastal path to the beach in the effort to clear my frazzled mind. And who, of all people, did I bloody bump into? Exactly.
He – Shane – was coming towards me, his hands stuffed in his pockets. We both stopped, face to face, just a few feet between us.
‘Hi,’ he said softly, his eyes searching mine.
‘I think you know what you have to do,’ I whispered.
He nodded. ‘I’ve been thinking about it all night. I have to tell Yolanda. And I have to do it now.’
‘Yes,’ I whispered, wondering how the girls would take such news. It was one thing to be fond of a friend, but another to discover at eight years of age that your friend wasn’t your friend, but your father.
‘Nat – I’m so sorry I lied to you. But I did it for everyone’s good.’
I held up my hand. ‘I don’t want to hear it anymore. Just do what you have to do.’
He ran his hand through his hair again. ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘Can you please video-call her, and prepare her? I don’t want to scare her. She might have forgotten all about me after all these years.’
I very much doubted that. One did not simply forget someone like Conn— Shane Wright. I heaved a huge, exhausted sigh, actually ready for bed again.
‘Let me send Yolanda a message first,’ I said, feeling a hundred years old. ‘Give me a moment.’
‘Okay. Thank you,’ he whispered as I pulled my mobile out of my pocket, my heart hammering all the way to my head. Poor, poor Yolanda. I didn’t want to be her in that moment. I typed the message:
Hi Yola. All okay here. Got a minute to Skype?
A moment later Skype began its familiar chiming and when I pressed the answer button, her beautiful face filled my screen. I pasted a huge fake grin on my own face, feeling the muscles pulling out of place, and a surge of pity for the shock she was about to receive.
‘Hey,’ she said. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Everything’s fine,’ I said, stalling for time. ‘How are you?’
She sighed. ‘Busy as usual. What’s up?’
I hesitated and looked sideways to the stranger before me.
‘I want you to meet my tenant,’ I said. ‘His name is Shane and I believe he’s an old friend of yours, too, Yolanda…’
She frowned. ‘Shane? I know loads of Shanes.’
‘Well, one in particular is here, and he has something very important to tell you.’
‘Oh?’
I beckoned to him to move in next to me. As Yolanda set eyes on him, her face went from curious to frozen. I checked the connection, but it was fine. And then I saw the recognition in her eyes. But
I didn’t only see recognition. I also saw trepidation and I knew she had immediately connected the dots. She had known all along!
‘You…?’ she whispered, and then: ‘What are you doing with my sister?’
‘Hi, Yolanda,’ he whispered, wiping his palms along the length of his thighs. ‘I guess we’ve both got a lot of explaining to do.’
I moved further towards the shore line to leave them their space. But even with the sound of the waves lapping onto the sand, his deep voice drifted over to me.
‘…spend time with them… whatever makes you feel comfortable…’
Then, after what seemed forever, he came to stand next to me, his gaze lost on the horizon as he passed me my mobile. ‘Yolanda wants to speak with you.’
He looked as if he’d dropped a hundred-pound burden from his chest.
I stepped away and began to walk up the beach. ‘Hey…’ I whispered. ‘How are you?’
She raked a hand through her hair. ‘What can I say? It’s all so bloody surreal…’
‘Is what he said true, then?’
Yolanda bit her lip and nodded. ‘I-I met him one night and he was so charming, so fun and flirty,’ she confessed. ‘The exact opposite of Piers. And we had crazy-amazing sex. Piers and I were doing IVF because I couldn’t get pregnant. And when I did, I just knew Shane was the father, and as the girls grew up, I could see it. Jesus Christ, what were the odds?’
I nodded. Exactly what I’d thought.
‘But how come you never contacted him? You knew where he lived,’ I asked.
‘Yeah, can you imagine me, Yolanda Amore, celebrity chef, cooking up a scandal with a hot university student? No. Plus, in the morning we agreed to go our separate ways, no hard feelings.’ Yolanda took a deep breath. ‘Is it true, that they get along well?’
‘Like a house on fire,’ I said, despite myself. ‘You should see the way he keeps Amy at bay, and encourages Zoe. I swear you wouldn’t recognise them.’
She leaned forward, closer into the screen. ‘That’s it, Nat. I’m coming home. It’s time to give those girls of mine some roots.’
‘But they can still spend time with me?’ I begged.
She rolled her eyes. ‘Of course.’
‘Thank you, Yola. Thank you. And Connor – Shane – he may have lied to us, but he honestly does love the girls. I can see it in his every gesture.’ Which was nothing but the truth.