Meet Me on the Ice

by Laura Jardine

  “No, you can have whatever you want,” Zach assured him.

  They arrived at the community center a few minutes later. Maddie and Ethan bounded out of the car.

  “I can use the changing room all by myself,” Maddie said once they were inside. “So you can use the boys’ changing room with Ethan. We don’t need to go into the family one.”

  Zach hadn’t even thought about that. “Wait on the deck if I’m not out. Don’t go in the pool without me.”

  Maddie rolled her eyes. “I know.”

  Soon they were all in the pool, Ethan splashing about, Maddie showing off her skills to Zach. This was fun, actually. In fact, maybe someday he could—

  Oh, God. Was he considering having kids? He gave his head a shake. No, he didn’t want to be a father, much to the disappointment of his parents.

  But for a brief second there, he’d thought about it.

  Maddie had started playing with another girl around her age. They were holding onto flutter boards and kicking furiously, racing each other up and down the shallow end.

  The mother of the little girl waded over to Zach. “How old are your children?” she asked.

  Oh. Of course people assumed he was the father. Like he assumed she was the mother. He started to answer, but Ethan slapped the water with his fists.

  “You’re not my daddy!” he shrieked, getting the attention of everyone nearby. He hurried to the stairs and started running when he got out of the water.

  “Slow down,” Zach said, following him. “No running on the deck.”

  But Ethan kept running, so Zach picked up his pace. He reached out, grabbed Ethan’s shoulders, and brought the boy to a halt. He held firmly onto Ethan as he kneeled in front of him. Ethan squirmed.

  “I know I’m not your dad,” Zach said, feeling completely out of his depth. He glanced toward the pool. A few people were looking their way, and Maddie was talking to her playmate’s mom.

  “—not kidnapping my brother. Our daddy is dead and Ethan is very sad,” she said.

  The mom’s eyes met Zach’s. She put a hand to her mouth and shook her head, eyes wide.

  Zach turned back to Ethan. “I miss your dad, too,” he said. “Why don’t we sit at the side of the pool and watch Maddie swim?”

  “Okay.” Ethan had calmed down slightly, and he was no longer struggling, but now sniffling. “But I’m still mad at you. Because you’re not Daddy, and Daddy’s supposed to take us swimming.”

  Zach wanted to say he could make it better, but he couldn’t. So he just said, “It’s okay to be mad sometimes.”

  They didn’t last much longer at the pool. Ethan’s lips started turning blue, and Zach decided they should leave.

  Maddie told her new friend she would come back next week and then turned to Zach and said, “Can we come back next week, please?”

  “Sure,” he said.

  He took them out for falafels afterward. Maddie loved choosing what to put on her pita and wanted nearly everything on it. Ethan only wanted cucumber and pickles on his, but he still managed to make a mess eating it. They sat by the window, and the children were largely occupied by watching the cars and passersby.

  Then, after a woman pushing a stroller entered the falafel shop, Maddie said, “Zach, you should have kids.”

  He choked on his falafel.

  Ethan stood up and slapped him on the back. “Are you okay now?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” Zach said, but Ethan decided he needed another slap on the back just in case.

  “If you had a baby, I could babysit it,” Maddie said.

  “You’re too young to babysit.”

  “I know.” She made a face. “But you have to meet a woman and get married first, and that takes a while, doesn’t it? By then I should be old enough.”

  Ethan pointed to a dog in the parking lot. “Instead of a baby, you should get a puppy,” he said. “I will play with it for you.”

  Zach didn’t feel like dashing their hopes by saying he was allergic to dogs and didn’t plan to get married or have kids. And he really didn’t feel like pointing out that marriage wasn’t necessary for parenthood. So he asked about their pet hamster instead, and they talked about Spike the hamster and school until they finished their lunch.

  On the drive home, Maddie turned to Ethan and said, “Even though you didn’t have a good time swimming, you still have to thank Zach and tell him you enjoyed it. This is one of those times it’s polite to lie.”

  “I don’t have to lie,” Ethan said.

  “Yes, you do, dummy.”

  Zach wondered if he should intervene and tell Maddie not to call her brother names.

  “But I liked swimming so it’s not lying,” Ethan said, and Zach smiled.

  “If you say so.” Maddie sounded very put out by this whole exchange.

  When Tracey met them at the door, the children thanked Zach, and Ethan said, “I’m sorry I got mad at you.”

  “That’s okay,” Zach said.

  “Why did you get mad at Zach, Ethan?” Tracey asked, bending down.

  “Because he’s not Daddy.”

  “Oh, sweetie.” Tracey wrapped her arms around her son.

  Maddie decided she wanted in on the hug too, and Zach quietly left.

  When he got home, he headed to the basement, where he had recently installed a punching bag. After thirty minutes of knocking that around, he’d finally calmed down enough to get on with his day.

  Then he thought of Elise, whom he’d see again tomorrow, and that calmed him down a little more. Though when he saw the weather forecast for Sunday, he cursed.

  Chapter Four

  Zach and Larry never had serious conversations. They’d met in university, and when they went out, it always half-seemed like they were trying to relive that experience. Hanging out at a cheap bar, drinking too much, picking up girls—it was like university to Zach, and he felt like he’d never grown up.

  He picked up his pint of beer and tried to hide his grimace after taking a sip. It was crap. Unfortunately, it was the best this place served.

  The bar was a little loud, raucous laughter and old music competing to be heard as a hockey game played on the TV. After talking about the local hockey team—who, as usual, was having a terrible season—Larry looked around the room, and Zach knew exactly what was coming.

  “What about the redhead?” Larry asked, nodding toward a table of three women. “Didn’t you always have a thing for red hair?”

  “Yeah,” Zach said.

  Larry started to stand, not noticing Zach’s lack of enthusiasm. “Let’s go then.”

  Zach shook his head. “I do like red hair…but no.” And he didn’t seem to like red hair as much as he used to.

  The woman was pretty. Long, straight hair that framed her face. A good mouth. A smattering of freckles on her cheeks. She kept smiling, too.

  But…

  But she wasn’t Elise.

  Zach scrubbed a hand over his face. He did not want it to be like this. He wanted to pick up a woman and take her home. He didn’t want his thoughts to keep wandering to Elise. To a woman he wouldn’t let himself have.

  Larry sat back down. “Not quite your type?”

  Zach shrugged. He didn’t want to get into the truth.

  “What about the women sitting by the window? Any of them strike your fancy?”

  There were two Asian women and a blonde woman by the window. Probably a good ten years younger than Zach, and they were all decent looking, yes. They were laughing and they looked so…carefree. The opposite of how he felt. He was distressed and angry over Darren, and right now, he was also angry at himself for rejecting women because they weren’t Elise.

  “None of them are doing it for me,” he said to his friend.

  “I rather like the woman on the right,” Larry said. “The Asian woman with short hair. You want to be my wingman? Or do you have your eyes on someone else? I bet that’s what it is.” He elbowed Zach in the ribs.

  “I don’t
know. I’m not really interested tonight.”

  Larry’s eyebrows shot up and Zach almost laughed. Yeah, it was true—Zach was pretty much always interested, and he was the one who’d suggested they go to the bar. And he wanted to be interested, wanted to lose himself in a woman’s body. But it seemed like no one but Elise would do. Goddammit.

  “Sorry, just not in the mood.” He had a sip of beer.

  “You want to talk?” Larry asked, looking down at his glass. “About Darren?”

  “No,” Zach said. “I just want to drink tonight.”

  “Okay.” Larry glanced one last time at the table by the window. “We can do that.”

  Why the hell did Zach have to keep thinking of Elise? Her flushed face when he pulled her up after their snowball fight. Her stupid helmet. Her awkward steps on the ice. Her eyes, her lips.

  Fuck. This was not what he wanted. But he couldn’t help it—he couldn’t wait to see her again. He’d go to the rink tomorrow, even if it was pouring rain.

  »»•««

  Unlike skating, there was no learning curve when it came to sledding. Thank God for that, Elise thought.

  Marissa hadn’t borrowed a kid, but she’d managed to drag up an old-fashioned toboggan, two plastic sleds that looked a little small for adults, and two Krazy Karpets—though all that was unnecessary as there were only three of them. They stood at the top of a hill in Trinity Bellwoods Park on Saturday evening. No one was making a move to go first.

  “You sure doing this at night is a good idea?” Elise said.

  “There are lights.” Marissa gestured upward. “I don’t see what can go wrong.”

  “You’ve really never gone sledding?” Jill turned to Elise. “What about Concrete Toboggan back in university? That was so much fun.”

  “No.” Elise had been too shy back then to join anything, and too busy working whenever she wasn’t studying anyway.

  Jill and Marissa had gone to Queen’s together, Elise to U of T. People were often surprised to learn Jill was an engineer, something Elise never encountered. It was probably because of Jill’s blonde hair, perky voice, and obsession with the color pink—people thought she was too feminine to be an engineer, or something like that. She worked for a bridge company, mostly doing the glamorous work of inspecting highway bridges.

  “What about sliding down hills on cafeteria trays?” Jill asked. “Did you ever do that back in school?”

  “Really?” Marissa said. “You serious?”

  “My first date with Curtis.” Jill had a slightly dreamy look on her face.

  “He sure is classy.”

  Jill swatted Marissa and then said, “Okay, Elise. You go on the front of the toboggan, and I’ll sit behind you. There should be enough room.”

  But perhaps because of their combined weight, Elise’s first attempt at tobogganing was far too slow. They inched their way down the hill, barely making it to the bottom.

  “The snow’s pretty fresh,” Marissa said when they made it back up. “It’ll be better once we go down a bunch of times and get a good track.” She pulled a thermos out of her bag. “Anyone want hot chocolate?”

  “Sure.” Elise took the thermos, opened it, and had a sip. And nearly choked. “Holy shit, how much amaretto did you put in this?”

  “Is it that bad? I was a little distracted when I made it.”

  “Thinking about your new guy?” Jill said, her lips curling.

  “No. In a bad mood because Dan—I mean, that asshole I dated—messaged me on Facebook.” Marissa shook her head. “After all that happened, he thought I’d have any interest in even a dumb Facebook message? No fucking way.”

  “Wasn’t that three or four years ago?” Elise hadn’t known Marissa back then.

  “Yeah, but he was a really big asshole.”

  “What did he want?” Jill asked.

  “I have no idea. I deleted the message,” Marissa said. “Come on, Elise, let’s try the yellow sleds.”

  Twenty minutes later, after several runs on the yellow sleds and the toboggan, Elise was more satisfied with her sledding experience. She decided it was time to try a Krazy Karpet. She flattened it out at the top of the hill, sat down, and Marissa gave her a push.

  Elise laughed as she flew down the hill. But halfway down, she started heading for a tree. Oh, crap. How do you control this thing? Her excitement changed to panic as she gripped the handles and tried to steer the flimsy piece of plastic. She leaned her body to the right but had no luck in altering her course.

  Right before the Krazy Karpet hit the tree, she rolled off, face-first into the snow.

  “You okay?” Jill called from the top of the hill.

  Elise lifted her head. Her legs were splayed awkwardly, and there was snow down her jacket. It was fucking cold. But despite her little mishap, all she wanted to do was laugh. This was the childhood she’d never had, and it was tons of fun, even when it involved getting a face full of snow.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I’m just fine.”

  »»•««

  An hour later they were back at Marissa’s, drinking beer and playing Settlers of Catan. Marissa had wanted to play a new game rather than their old standby, but Elise and Jill outvoted her.

  Jill was cleaning up in this game. She built yet another settlement and then said to Elise, “Curtis is busy tomorrow. I thought maybe I could go skating with you in the afternoon.”

  “I usually go in the morning.” Elise wanted to see Zach. And she wanted to see him alone.

  “That’s okay. I can do that instead.”

  Elise hesitated. “I…uhhh…well, there’s this guy I usually go skating with.”

  “Time out.” Marissa threw the dice into the box and made a “T” with her hands. “What have you been hiding from me?”

  “I don’t think he’s interested in me,” Elise said. “We’re just friends.”

  “Who is this guy?” Jill asked. “How did you meet him?”

  “His name’s Zach. I met him at the outdoor rink two weeks ago.” Elise picked up the dice. She didn’t want to say any more—she wasn’t exactly comfortable talking about it. “Let’s play.”

  “No. It’s my turn, and I’m not going until we finish with this.” Marissa took the dice from Elise and slapped them on the table. “And then what happened?”

  Well, she wasn’t getting out of this. “I asked him to have coffee with me, he shot me down. Then he showed up at exactly the same time again last week and tried to teach me how to skate.”

  “Clearly he wanted to see you,” Jill said.

  “That doesn’t mean he’s interested in me. He shot me down when I asked him to have coffee, remember. Though he did walk me home last week.”

  “Stupid mixed messages,” Marissa said. “Sometimes men are so complicated. Except for Asshole. He’s pretty straightforward—just an asshole.”

  “Maybe Zach’s interested in you, but he’s married,” Jill said. “That might explain his behavior. He’s interested, but he knows he shouldn’t be.”

  “Yeah, maybe he’s an asshole, too.” Marissa stood up and got herself another beer.

  Elise hadn’t considered that possibility. It did sort of make sense. Though it was hard to imagine someone like Zach would want her anyway.

  “Whatever the case, I really don’t think anything is going to happen with him,” she said.

  “You’re still having that party next week once you’ve paid off your student loans, aren’t you?” Jill said. “Invite him and we’ll figure out what the deal is.”

  “Okay. I’ll do that.”

  “If you see him before then, that is. What are you going to do when it rains tomorrow morning?” Marissa asked. “You don’t have his number, do you? Are you still going to the rink, hoping he shows?”

  “It’s supposed to rain tomorrow?” God, how horrible.

  Jill and Marissa looked at each other.

  And Elise realized that despite telling herself not to expect anything to happen with Zach, despite no
t believing he could be interested in her…

  She’d still been hoping a little.

  “I hope he’s not an asshole,” Marissa said, picking up the dice.

  Chapter Five

  Zach was about to drink a much-needed coffee at eight o’clock on Sunday morning when the doorbell rang. He opened the door cautiously, unsure of who could possibly want his attention at this hour.

  It was his mother.

  She swept inside, dressed in a suit like she was going to work even though it was the weekend. Her short gray hair was neat, and she looked far too put together given the time.

  He was so not in the mood for an impromptu visit from his mom.

  “You’re home!” she said. “I came by last Sunday at ten and you weren’t here, although your car was in the driveway. So I told myself I’d better make sure I was early this week.”

  “You could have called,” Zach said.

  She gave him a dark look. “I have been calling, and you’ve refused my invitations to dinner.”

  He thought back. Yes, she was right. He’d claimed he was busy at least twice, even though “busy” just meant he was planning to go to the gym. “Sorry. We’ll figure something out soon.” Feeling a little guilty, he said, “Come in—I’m just having coffee.”

  He poured his mother a small mug, and they sat at the kitchen table.

  She looked him up and down. “Your father’s right. You’ve been working out a lot.”

  He shrugged. “So what’s up, Mom?”

  Her face softened. “He’s really worried about you.”

  “Then why isn’t he the one telling me this?”

  She clucked her tongue. “Really? You need to ask that? The very idea of having such a conversation with you is enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.” She paused. “He says you snap at people all the time at work—which isn’t like you at all. You’re always in a bad mood. He’s pretty sure you do nothing but work and go to the gym. You don’t socialize unless you—”

  “Okay.” Zach held up his hands. “I get the point.”

  “Honey, I know it’s hard.” She reached across the table and put her hand on his wrist. He tensed. “I think you should talk to a grief counselor. Maybe find a support group. I can look into it for you.”