by Haley Weir
“Kind of. I need to figure out how to be on my own again. You know, my life didn’t go the way I planned. From one unhappy marriage with your father to my relationship with Tony, I always have depended on men to pick me up. But, I know that I’m more than capable of picking myself up,” Suzanne says.
Mikayla sips her water. She’s holding back tears. It’s been years since she and her mother have had a real heart-to-heart. When Mikayla and Cat were younger, their mom would take them on special trips for italian ice, or to pick something out at Target and leave the boys behind. They would be giddy, blasting music with their mom and spilling gossip. Mikayla wipes a tear from under her eye subtly, and hopes her mom doesn’t notice.
“I’m proud of you, Mom. I’ve wanted you to know how capable you are. You know, I think I inherited my independence from you…almost to a fault,” Mikayla says. If her mother wants to open up, Mikayla will seize the opportunity. Mikayla wants to fully trust her Suzanne and her intentions, but it seems too good to be true. What if Suzanne is just manipulating her? What if she needs something? Or worse: what if Tony is alive, they both know about Ethan, and this is a ploy to trap Mikayla and confront her? What if Tony is waiting outside her building? Maybe Mikayla is being paranoid, but she’s used to having her guard up with her mom.
“Honey, I know. What kind of example am I? I taught you and your sister to be self-reliant. Yet, here I am, a shell of the person I used to be because I let a man control my life and tell me what’s best for me,” Suzanne continues.
“I understand, Mom, it happens. Sometimes we get caught in unhealthy relationships. You can’t blame yourself.”
“I’ve made terrible choices that cost me my relationship with my children,” Suzanne says solemnly. Mikayla’s paranoia is subsiding. Unless her mom has been taking acting classes, Mikayla is certain that she’s sincere. Things must have been going wrong with Tony way before the wedding. Mikayla wonders if Ethan ultimately did her mother a favor.
“It’s not too late, Mom. Relationships don’t have to stay broken. We just have to work on it slowly,” says Mikayla.
“I appreciate you saying that, Mikayla. I appreciate you, and I love you. I want to do better and I’m willing to do what it takes,” says Suzanne.”Whatever we need to do to get back to where we once were.”
“I love you, too, Mom,” Mikayla says. “We can work on it. We can go to therapy. We can try to fix this together.”
“Therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for me right now,” Suzanne says with a laugh. “Someone needs to help me sort out this mess in my brain.”
Mikayla could definitely relate. Her brain, her emotions, and her thoughts were all scattered. Mikayla was trying to make sense of her feelings about Ethan, and now her mom is back in the picture, throwing a major curveball. But, like usual, Mikayla will adjust.
You are brilliant, she thinks to herself, you are resilient.
“You know, I didn’t get a chance to really meet that Ethan guy you had around, but he seems like a real dreamboat,” Suzanne says. Mikayla isn’t sure if she’s ready to delve into her personal life with her mom, who certainly needs to earn her place back in her life. They have a long journey ahead of them. But, as Suzanne casually mentions Ethan, Mikayla is able to get some peace of mind. If Tony is around after the attack, which seems more and more unlikely, then he didn’t mention anything about the bear situation to Suzanne.
There’s a lot Mikayla wish she could confirm, including Tony’s whereabouts. But for now, she’ll just have to enjoy this moment, and have a strangely normal conversation with her mother. Suzanne clearly did not come here to ask what happened to Tony, but to have a real conversation with her daughter. Mikayla will have to accept this, without letting her mind race and torture herself with “what if” scenarios.
“Yeah, Ethan was a good guy. Well, is. He’s not, like, dead,” Mikayla says, immediately regretting her word vomit. What if Suzanne is really worried that Tony’s dead?
“Well, what happened there?” Suzanne asks. Again, there is no mention of Tony.
“Can we go for a walk?” Mikayla suggests. Suddenly, she feels suffocated by her tiny apartment. Her mother asked her the question she’s been mulling over for weeks- what did happen there?
Chapter 30
Mikayla and Suzanne walk through the muggy Manhattan air. August in Manhattan always feels hotter than anywhere else, with sticky subways and crowds adding to the suffocating effect of the heat.
“So, do you want to talk about it?” Suzanne asks. They walk down the block from Mikayla’s apartment, with no particular destination in mind.
“He is too clingy. And, like, controlling I guess.”
“Controlling? How so?”
“Yeah, I mean, kind of. Hardly. That’s what the boys and Cat think, at least. I would definitely say clingy is a better word choice.”
“What is so clingy about him? He doesn’t give you space?” Mikayla takes a moment to truly consider the question. She wants to answer truthfully, not for her mother’s benefit, but for her own. Explaining the situation to an outsider might be just what Mikayla needs to clear her mind. Her brothers are bullies, and Mikayla never valued their opinion. Why would she start now? And on the other hand, Avery only wants Mikayla and Ethan to work because it fits her idealistic vision of double dates and summers in the cabin forever.
“He gives me space. It’s not that. It’s just that...he has a medical condition, and he depends on me to assist him every day,” Mikayla says. When she frames it like that, she can’t help but feel like a terrible person. Who leaves someone because they can’t handle their condition? Ethan never left her or turned his head away because of Mikayla’s broken ankle. It hardly compares to what Ethan goes through, but she remembers how he carried her and made her feel as light as air. She wonders if Ethan got the same relief from experiencing hardships with a partner.
“A medical condition? That’s unfortunate, I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t want to overstep, but sometimes it’s situations like those that bring people closer together, given time and a little extra effort,” Suzanne says. Mikayla isn’t sure when her mom became qualified to give life advice, but she isn’t stopping her, either.
“Sometimes a good thing is right in front of you and you just have to be willing to fight for it. Sometimes, the most powerful connections happen when people are at their lowest. It’s not the worst thing to have a person to take care of,” Suzanne says.
“But I’m independent. I like to do my own thing. I have my own life, my own schedule.”
“How do you expect to find love like that? Are you really that unwilling to adjust your life to make room for someone else, if that someone else is special?”
Mikayla doesn’t say anything.
“Sweetie, I know you’re probably thinking that I’m the last person to give advice about love and relationships. But I’ve made many mistakes. If I can prevent you from making the same ones, then I will do my damn best,” Suzanne says. They’re still walking. They’ve walked blocks and blocks. They’re both drenched in sweat, but they walk on.
“I never want you to change who you are, or be with someone who wants you to change. But from what I can gather about Ethan, it doesn’t seem like he’s that type of person. At the end of the day, you have to make a choice,” Suzanne says. “If you like your life as is, that’s fine. But if, overall, you liked your life better with Ethan, maybe that’s worth revisiting.”
Mikayla is completely shocked by her mother’s unexpected wisdom.
“Since when did you become a wise old sage?” she asks, laughing to keep her composure.
“Oh, I wouldn’t say that. Just trying to pass along a little bit of what I’ve learned from my own trials and tribulations. Listen, all I’m saying is: maybe the situation isn’t as black and white as you think it is. You don’t have to abandon your independence to be there for someone else. There can be a natural give and take. Is he there for you when you need him?”
“Always,” Mikayla replies.
“Then, ‘clingy’ isn’t the right word. Maybe ‘caring’ or ‘invested’ would help you reframe things with Ethan,” says Suzanne.
Mikayla can feel a fog lifting. For the first time, she’s seeing her situation clearly. Her mother is the last person she expected to inspire an epiphany within her. Mikayla contemplates pinching herself to make sure she isn’t dreaming.
“You’ve honestly given me a lot to think about,” Mikayla replies.
“If I can guide you just a little bit, then I haven’t completely failed you as a mother.”
Mikayla stops walking. She grabs her mother’s hands and looks her in the eyes.
“You did not fail me as a mother. In fact, it insults me that you could even think so. Because what does that say about me? I think I came out okay. The way our relationship went...everything that happened...none of it is permanent. Nothing is forever. Maybe things will never go back to the way they were, but we don’t need to seek sameness. New can be good. You know, reframing situations and all that crap,” Mikayla says.
Suzanne takes the opportunity to give her a daughter a hug. As the two embrace, Suzanne sheds a tear of pure joy and gratitude.
“Alright, that’s good for now,” Mikayla says, playfully. “I’m really glad you came around, Mom. I needed this talk more than I ever would’ve realized.”
“I love you, sweetie, and I always will. I’m going to go catch a train back to Brooklyn, okay?”
“Okay mom, bye. Love you. Talk soon, I hope,” Mikayla says as her mom disappears into the late afternoon sun. Mikayla heads back towards her apartment with a skip in her step, feeling elated at the idea of calling Ethan and asking him to meet up. She has so much to say.
Chapter 31
Mikayla returns to her apartment and realizes she had left her phone there during her walk. She’s eager to pick up her phone and call Ethan when she sees her phone has been blown up with notifications. She’s got a ton of missed calls and unopened texts, including a string of texts from Ethan. She reads those first.
I miss you, the first text reads.
I ca ant’ do anythinh withotufes you, the next text reads.
Wha t di d i do?,.’;df, says the third text.
I’mcomnig to fix this, says the next text. Mikayla stops cold. What does that mean? It’s evident from his numerous typos that Ethan is drinking. Mikayla goes to her call log to talk to him directly when she notices missed calls from all three of her brothers and her dad. She panics. There must be some sort of emergency. She didn’t mean to ignore her family’s S.O.S messages while out with her mom. They would see her as a traitor if they knew she made nice with Suzanne. But she was still worried about what was going on. She picks up the phone and calls her dad. He picks up almost immediately.
“Where the hell have you been?! We’ve been calling and calling. Come get your drunk ass boyfriend,” says Roger. He’s livid. Mikayla can tell by his tone and the way his words sting, even through the phone.
“What are you talking about?”
“That Ethan guy. He just showed up at the house, started knocking shit over, and yelling about how it’s ‘our fault’. You know I couldn’t give a shit about your relationship, especially with this d-bag, but you better get over here. Right. Now,” Roger spits out, his words soaked with venom. She hears a swift click.
“Wait, Dad- don’t-,” Mikayla starts to say. But it’s too late. If the boys try to fight Ethan, there’s no way he won’t shift. There would be no stopping him, even if it’s four against one. As soon as he feels threatened, it’s over. Her brothers, as rough and tough as they make themselves out to be, could not take on a giant grizzly bear. It would be no contest. The only way to make sure everyone stays safe is for Mikayla to haul ass to her family’s home in New Jersey. She’s got to get there as fast as possible. She calls an Uber, deciding that a train would take too long. She’ll pay whatever it takes to get to Jersey, because time is of the essence. Every moment that passes is a ticking time bomb towards total destruction.
Mikayla’s mind is racing when she remembers that her brothers keep at least a few guns in the house. If Ethan shifts and they’re left with a wild bear on their hands, they wouldn’t hesitate to shoot. She can’t stop herself from imagining the worst possible scenario.
She tries ringing her dad again, to warn him to stay calm with Ethan and be patient. There’s no answer. She calls Mike first, then Cal, then Jimmy. All of their phones are going straight to voicemail. What could be going on?
Her phone notifies her that her Uber has arrived downstairs. She grabs her bag, runs out to the curb, and jumps in her ride. After her conversation with her mom, she knew she needed to see Ethan as soon as possible. But this is not what she had in mind.
Chapter 32
Mikayla finally arrives at her dad’s house in New Jersey. She practically falls out of the car, gives her driver a quick wave goodbye, and runs to the house. She bangs on the front door.
Roger swings the door open. “Thank God, finally,” he says. She can’t remember the last time her dad was relieved to see her.
“Where is he?”
“The spawn of Satan himself? He’s in the basement. It smells like he’s been drinking for days. The boys are standing guard. Go handle it, Mikayla. I don’t want to deal with your dirty laundry anymore.”
Mikayla lets out a sigh of relief. He hasn’t gone bear…yet. She hopes her brothers aren’t giving him too much trouble. She heads toward the basement. On her way, she notices the living room is destroyed. There’s glass shattered, photos from the wall torn down, and stuffing from the couch cushions is scattered around the floor. There’s even a crack in her dad’s flat screen T.V.
“Yeah, you can be sure that asshole is paying for all this,” Roger says flatly.
“And you can stay to clean up the mess he caused.”
“Yeah, sure,” Mikayla replies, in a rush to get downstairs. She is significantly calmer than she was during the drive. If there was a bear sighting, she would definitely know by now. Her biggest obstacles are her brothers, which will be enough of a challenge in itself.
She makes her way down to the basement and sees Ethan tied up to a chair with some scarves. The scene is almost comical. The three brothers sit on the couch across from him, staring him down. Mikayla notices that no guns are involved, and breathes another sigh of relief.
“Mikayla,” Ethan’s face lights up when she appears in front of him.
“Ethan,” she says, wanting to run over and kiss his face. She wishes she didn’t have deal with whatever is happening here. She doesn’t want to reopen old wounds. All she wants is to travel back in time to the first night they shared together, and stay in that moment forever.
“Finally,” says Cal. “Please, I can’t deal with him anymore,” he says.
“He’s all yours,” says Jimmy.
“What happened?” Mikayla asks the room. “Ethan, what happened? What did you do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know how I got here…the past few weeks have been a blur,” Ethan says with a slight slur. He won’t look her in the eye. He’s ashamed of his behavior, and he is acting like a dog who got caught eating the bathroom garbage.
“I’ll tell you what happened, Mickey,” says Mike. “We were all out, doing our own thing, and we came back to found the house freaking trashed. Seems your ex blames us for the break up. He says it’s because we told you we didn’t like him.”
“Which, for the record, is true. Truer now,” Cal adds.
“I thought about kicking his ass, personally,” Jimmy chimes in.
“I begged them not to,” says Ethan. Mikayla can’t imagine Ethan begging. “I knew if they got their hands on me,” says Ethan, “I’d be destroyed.” Well played, Mikayla thinks. Let them think they have the upperhand.
“Three against one? He’d never stand a chance,” Cal says cockily.
“Once he agreed to let us tie him up, we decid
ed violence wouldn’t have to be the answer this time. Consider yourself spared, asshole,” adds Jimmy.
“Ethan, why are you here?” asks Mikayla. “How did you get here? Why?”
“Because, this is their fault. They drove us apart. They’re the reason you ended things with me, and I can’t live without you. I’ve been doing a very bad job trying to. I’ve been drinking, and I’ve been….out of control,” says Ethan.
“We need to go somewhere else and talk,” Mikayla says. “Please.”
“You’d want to be alone with me? You’re sure I’m not too controlling? You’re not worried?” Ethan says. He must still be a little drunk, because he’s never that snarky with her. Mikayla usually provides the snark in their relationship.
“Yeah, I probably deserve that,” Mikayla replies. “Please, let’s just get out of here and go talk.”
“Gentlemen?” Ethan says, glancing down at the scarves.
“Shut up,” says Mike. “Cal, untie him.”
As instructed, Cal removes the scarves and frees Ethan. He stands up and proptly loses his balance. He leans his entire body weight into Mikayla, and she breathes in his smell. Its familiar and sweet, even when slightly tainted with whiskey and beer breath.
“Thanks for sparing him, guys. Sorry about all of this,” Mikayla says, leading Ethan upstairs. She hopes to sneak him right past Roger, but he’s blocking the front door.
“I never want to see this guy again, do you hear me, Mikayla? I’m serious. You’re
coming back to fix this mess. You and your drama, I swear, Mikayla,” Roger shouts.
“Yeah, sure, whatever Dad. Got it,” Mikayla answers, unphased. There’s nothing her family could say about Ethan anymore. It’s up to her now to win back her man. But he needs to sober up first.
Chapter 33
Ethan’s eyes open. Mikayla’s sitting next to him on the couch,and she’s been waiting for him to get rest so that they could talk.