by Haley Weir
“What’s going on?” Xander asks with concern as Jenna clenches her stomach. “Is it happening? Just like that?”
“No,” replies Jenna. “This is just really hard for me. The memory is so painful.”
“That’s good. That’s what we need. We’re turning your pain into fuel.”
“I can’t,” says Jenna. “I have to stop.”
“We were getting somewhere,” sighs Xander.
“No, we weren’t,” Jenna protests. “The memory began to blur. It’s not a good one.”
“You were having such a reaction, though, Jenna,” Xander says. Something about the way he says her name makes her weak. She wishes they could say “screw it” to all of their responsibilities. She would be just as eager getting to know him then she is to get to know herself.
“Well, Xander,” she responds, trying out his name on her tongue. “I’ll try to get a reaction out of something else.”
“Fine.”
Jenna shuts her eyes again, digging deep into her memories. Something comes up. It’s high school and she’s on a date with a guy named Sean from her calculus class. They’re at the movies together. She can’t remember what they were there to see. As the movie goes on, Sean is liberal with the placement of his hands. He puts one on her knee and she lets it remain. He starts to slowly move up her leg and she feels uncomfortable. She moves his hand back down. Again, he begins to move his hand towards the junction of her thighs. Once more, Jenna moves his hand back down and shoots him a stern look.
Jenna begins to plot her escape from the movie theater, planning to announce a stomach ache or family emergency before slipping out of the dark theater. When she goes to stand up, he grabs her with force and shoves her back into the seat. Jenna remembers the anger first, then the embarrassment. Before he got a chance to use anymore force with her, she dumps her large slushie on his lap and runs out of the theater. Her emotions that night went from fear and disgust to powerful and strong. She has to walk from the movie theater to her house where Grandma Jean waits for her because Sean was her ride. On her walk, she began to shift. This is one of the few times she can remember shifting spontaneously. A surge of adrenaline takes over and by the time she is back at the house, her bear has fully emerged. That night she ends up roaming in the woods at the edge of town. As she revisits the memory, she tries to channel the same strength that caused her shift those few years ago. She focuses hard, desperately willing her body to change, but to no avail. She’s only able to work up a sweat and fails to show Xander just what she’s capable of.
“I don’t know what it is,” cries Jenna. “I can’t do it. Not right now.”
“That’s okay,” says Xander reassuringly. “It’s a process. It will take practice. It always does.”
“How did you learn so much?” Jenna asks. Xander is surprised it took her so long to ask this question. It seems like as good of an opportunity as any to let her know that he himself is a shifter, and all of his expertise comes from personal experience. But he’s nervous. He wants her to focus on herself, and she doesn’t need any distractions or more reasons to ask questions. Although, Xander secretly enjoys just how curious she is.
“I learned over time,” he begins. They’re now both cross legged in the grass, sitting face to face. She’s close enough that he could easily lean in and kiss her again. He shakes off the urge, remembering the imminent danger that threatens them. “Unfortunately, you don’t have those years available to you. We don’t know when or who is coming for us, but there’s no doubt they’re coming. So, if you’re going to be useful in this battle, you’ll have to learn faster than I did. Faster than I taught the others.”
“Are they all in control? They can decide when they shift?”
“Kind of. Some of them. Sometimes. Like I said, it takes time.”
Jenna has questions about Blake, Ethan, and Douglas, but decides she’s asked enough of Xander. She’ll instead take them right to the source and ask the men herself. She hopes that she will receive an invite to the boy’s club.
“To be continued?” asks Xander as he realizes they’ve done about all they can for the day.
“To be continued,” Jenna agrees, eager to go find the others and see what insight she can get from an actual shifter.
Chapter 11
Jenna walks towards the house. She has pep in her step as she is ready to approach the
men to see what information she can learn from them. Admittedly, she’s a little bit intimidated. The men haven’t been nearly as receptive as their partners, buttheir weariness is valid, Jenna concludes. From everything she knows about the situation right now, it’s best to be on high alert.
When she enters the house, Ethan and Blake are in the kitchen drinking coffee.
“Want a cup?” Ethan offers. Jenna, who doesn’t typically drink coffee, accepts the offer.
“Sure thing,” responds Jenna. “Thanks. Where’s Douglas?”
“He’s around. What’s up?” asks Blake.
“I want to talk to you guys,” Jenna explains. “I need to talk to others.”
“Others,” repeats Ethan. “Other shifters?”
“I’ll say one thing,” Blake starts. “If you’re not a shifter, Jenna, you’re doing a pretty great job of convincing us.”
“Why would I lie?” asks Jenna. She’s trying to be patient, but being viewed as a fraud is tiresome.
“Why do people do anything?” Ethan asks retorically. “To get what they want.”
“Well, I don’t want anything.”
“It seems you do want something, actually. To pick our brains,” Ethan responds.
“Fine. That’s fair. That’s what I want. You’re not wrong.”
“Okay, then what’s your question? Consider me an open book,” says Blake.
Jenna grabs a seat at the kitchen table. She takes a moment to take in what’s happening, and appreciate this next step. This is what she’s been looking for, and why she set out on her journey. These are the people who can help her make sense of her complicated life.
“How do you control it?” asks Jenna.
“Do I?” Blake asks Ethan, who just shakes his head and laughs.
“To a degree, sure,” Ethan says.
“I wouldn’t say I full control it. I don’t know if anyone fully controls their bear. Well, except maybe…” Blake begins before Ethan cuts him off.
“I don’t know if control is the right word. You have to befriend your bear. That’s how I see it. It definitely helps to have your fated mate around, too,” describes Ethan.
“Fated mates...those are real? Not just lore?”
“It depends who you ask,” Blake answers. “Fated mate. Soulmate. Life partner. Having this stability in your life can make all the difference.”
“So when you met Avery, you were able to control it?”
“Oh, no. Not at first,” Blake explains as he takes a sip of coffee. “No. There was a long time where Avery was in charge of keeping me in shackles so I wouldn’t run through the city and cause chaos.”
“Yeah, living out here definitely helps, too,” adds Ethan. “I found that after leaving the city to be here, there’s a little more peace in my day to day life. The calmness out here is really effective. Plus, having Mikayla with me helps, of course.”
“So I may not get in control of this thing until I meet my fated mate?” Jenna sighs exasperatedly. Did she really travel all this way to find out she needs to get a boyfriend? “Not necessarily. There are a lot of factors. It’s quite a personal journey. There’s no magic spell. It’s a slow process, and it takes a lot of patience,” Ethan assures her.
“I have time,” says Jenna.
“Well, we hope to meet your bear soon. The poachers are getting closer each day. We don’t know exactly how many there will be, but the more help we have, the better,” Blake says.
Suddenly, Douglas comes barrelling into the room.
“Did you guys see this?” he says, presenting his tablet.
“We were sent updated info from the south. We’ve got pictures, now, so we can know who we are getting involved with. Look,” Douglas passes the tablet to Blake. Blake inhales sharply. Jenna wishes she could see what they’re looking at, but doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries. She patiently waits and hopes they’ll bring her up to speed.
“I’ve seen these men before. How can they still be active? Don’t these old shits ever die?” Blake asks.
“Not yet,” says Douglas. “But, their time is soon.”
“What other information did we get?” Ethan asks. The room is tense. Everyone’s on edge as they try to gather intel to prepare themselves for the coming attack.
“There are at least 5 men, maybe more.. Sometimes as they head up north they recruit others. We have to be ready for anything.”
Jenna heart races. Her life in Pennsylvania was anything but exciting, excluding her nights spent as a bear. But the days were dull. She had some friends, but struggled to be close with others. Harboring a secret makes it difficult for Jenna to make connections. Thats is why she feels so close to the people she’s met in Blue Ridge. Maybe they’re still skeptics, but just being able to say her truth aloud has given Jenna a sense of peace she hasn’t felt in a long time.
“Can I see?” Jenna boldly asks, hoping to get a peak at the men. She wants to be in the loop so she can be on her toes at all times.
Douglas looks at Blake for approval, who shrugs and gestures for Douglas to give her the tablet.
When she sees the men in the photo, her heart drops. She begins to breathe rapidly, inhaling and exhaling sharply.
“What? What is it?” Blake asks.
“I recognize them,” says Jenna. She studies the picture rigorously, trying to understand why the faces are so familiar.
“How?”
“I don’t know,” Jenna says. The men sigh in disappointment.
“They’re regular people who hide in plain sight. They’re all over the area. They easily could’ve passed through Pennsylvania at a time you were there.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Jenna replies, but she doesn’t feel satisfied with that answer. “They’re more familiar than that.” Then it hits her and she can’t believe it took her all this time to realize. She takes the book out of her bag and opens to the page with the familiar men. The beady eyes and the devious smile. “Look,” points Jenna. “It’s these guys.”
Douglas takes the book from Jenna’s hands. “Shit,” he says, holding up the tablet in comparison. “That’s definitely them,” says Douglas. “This book is kind of old. How are they still active?”
“Poachers never die, it seems,” reasons Ethan. “It’s a lifelong pursuit. The pursuit of bear skin.”
A chill runs down Jenna’s spine. There’s still something missing from her memories, like a chunk was deleted. She knows the men in the book are coming for them, but she still can’t recall why she knows them in the first place.
“I’ve gotta go,” says Jenna. She wants some time to herself to clear her mind and maybe dig up some answers, even if they’re just fragments of memories.
Chapter 12
Jenna puts on her running clothes and throws her dirty blonde hair into a ponytail. She hasn’t made time for herself since arriving to Blue Ridge. She is used to keeping active. It was always her main way of relieving stress back at home.
It’s a nice warm day. The clouds in the sky look like a painting. Rays of sun peak through and warm Jenna’s face. She runs down the steps of the mansion towards the road. She hasn’t ventured into town since the day she met Chris at the coffee shop. She begins to run down the road. As she runs, she can feel the stress begin to leave her body. The wind against her face and the burning of her leg muscles serve as a distraction from the worries of her life. Thoughts enter her mind, but quickly float away as she runs and runs into the distance.
There’s one thought that she can’t run from: Xander. What is it about him that captivates her? He’s so moody, and sometimes he seems like he doesn’t want to be around her at all. When they’re together, though, it's like they’re the only people on the planet. Jenna can’t ignore the feeling that he’s hiding something from her, but he’s allowed that. After all, she showed up to his home and inserted herself into his life. He is entitled to keep his secrets.
Jenna keeps running, and now her mind brings her to the past. She finds herself reflecting on a time in high school when she thought she was in love. Running and running down the road, the line of green trees blur. His name was Keith. Jenna dated Keith for two years, from junior year to the beginning of college. She was certain she was in love with him. He was a soft-spoken person who treated her with kindness and sensitivity. They spent a lot nights in, bingeing nature documentaries and snuggling on the couch while Grandma Jean was upstairs, trying not to hover. Even Grandma Jean liked and trusted Keith. She was happy that Jenna had someone to rely on. Jenna’s secret loomed over her, though. All day and night, Jenna dreamed of sharing who she really is with Keith. His compassion never wavered and she thought she could trust him.
As she runs towards town, she wipes a bead of sweat from her forehead. The only sounds are the chirping of birds and the occasional car passing by. Her legs keep propelling her forward, and she can see the town in the distance. The memory of Keith is still replaying in her mind. As much as it hurts to revisit, she figures it could be helpful. She wants to be able to recall memories, replay them, use them for fuel, regardless of how much they hurt.r. Jenna can’t help but feel like there are memories she’s lost and is desperate to revisit them. They could be about her parents, or her childhood. Perhaps there is a a missing piece that, once it is uncovered, could help make her whole. Then she’ll be able to get in control. At least, that’s what Jenna tells herself. She’s hopeful and willing to do whatever it takes to find the stability she longs for.
When she runs, she feels like she is time traveling. Now, she’s in high school. It’s her prom night, and the cliche of a prom night catastrophe is not lost on her. She and Keith are going together, and they haven’t had sex yet. But tonight will be the night. Keith rented them a motel just outside of town so they don’t have to sneak around their houses. Jenna’s nervous; not about the sex, but about shifting. She’s always played it safe with Keith, careful to get home by 10:00 throughout their relationship. He was an agreeable guy who always had a pleasant smile. He never asked too many questions, and that’s part of what drew Jenna to him. It’s the morning of prom and Jenna knows she has to tell Keith the truth. She thinks she can control her bear for just this one night, but has no evidence to back up the theory. Desperate to feel like a regular high school girl, she wants her prom night to be magical. She doesn’t want her bear to ruin the night for her and she wills it to be calm. Regardless, she wants to tell Keith who she is. She’s walking down the hallway of her high school, headed towards Keith’s locker when her heart sinks. He’s got another girl in his arms and they’re talking closely. They certainly don’t look like friends. They haven’t seen Jenna yet, and she stays hidden as she watches on. Keith kisses the girl right on her lips before whispering into her ear. She giggles and walks off. Then, Keith looks up and sees Jenna. The look on his face is not one she’s seen before. He looks like a bad dog who got caught tearing up a throw pillow. He opens his mouth to speak and reaches his arm out towards Jenna, it’s too late. She reverses and darts down the hallway, wiping tears as she makes her way to the restroom.
Jenna snaps back into the present and abruptly stops running. Putting her hands on her knees, she catches her breath. She didn’t think to bring a bottle of water and now her mouth is dry. She wants to keep running, but she’s worried she’ll dehydrate. The memory of Keith feels like a bad nightmare she had long ago, but it still is part of h
er. The only person she trusted enough to even consider revealing her secret to betrayed her. That stuck with Jenna forever. The fact that Xander is distant, almost as a rule, doesn’t help her abandonment issues. What if Xander has another woman he’s seeing? What if that kiss was nothing but a mistake? Right now he could be with his girlfriend or his wife, for all Jenna knows. She feels a little embarrassed by how much thought she’s given Xander. She runs all the way to town trying to run from her feelings. When she arrives at the coffee shop, Xander is there, too.
Chapter 13
“Oh, so you’re stalking me now?” Xander asks playfully as Jenna enters Peak Point Cafe. She blushes, but it’s hard to notice when her face is already red from running.
“Hardly,” Jenna says, trying to play it cool despite the sweat dripping down her back. Her ponytail is frizzy and there’s visible sweat stains on her shirt. She takes hair down and sits across from Xander.
“What are you doing here?” he asks Jenna.
“Just went for a run. Needed some hydration. You?”
“Oh, I just like to come here to get work done. It’s less distracting than home.”
“True,” agrees Jenna. “Any updates on the...situation?”
“No, but that’s what I’m here researching. It’s just so strange. Poachers haven’t been active in this region in years. I don’t know why they would suddenly decide to come for us.”
“It seems I picked a bad time to arrive, huh?” Jenna muses.
Xander’s eyes light up like he’s just figured out a riddle. “That’s interesting,” says Xander. “That’s very interesting. Nothing happened until you arrived.”