by RJ Hunter
"I felt wrong Laura. Just being a man was wrong. I felt ashamed, I was ashamed of my own gender, because of what Frank had done."
"But it wasn't you who hurt her."
"I know that, but I so desperately wanted to help. I'll make a good nurse Laura."
"I know you will Jonathan. But what about your Sociology degree?"
"I've gone off Sociology. It's not what I want anymore. Besides, you can get a degree in nursing can't you?"
"Yes of course you can, but I just don't know what to say to you Jonathan, you obviously know your own mind."
"You chose nursing Laura, because something inside you wanted it, you felt it was your vocation, right?"
"I suppose so, but this is different. You're letting an emotional issue cloud your judgement. I would think about it for a while longer."
"I've already thought about it, and my mind is made up. They'll be two nurses in the family!"
"That's where you might be wrong."
Jonathan went silent and looked at his sister intently.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I've got to have a bath, I'll tell you when I come back." As Laura collected her towel and wash bag, Amanda suddenly appeared at the door again.
"Wow Laura, you're a bit of a dark horse!"
Laura squirmed and tried to indicate that her brother was in the room.
"I'm just off for a bath, Amanda. Jonathan's here." She said nervously.
"Yes I know, I saw him earlier, and what a show you and Lincoln gave him!" She smirked.
Laura's face was now bright red, and like Jonathan earlier, she rapidly fled to the bathroom.
"I'm sorry, Jonathan, I take it Laura didn't know you had seen them?" Asked Amanda.
"No, she certainly didn't," he laughed, realising the absurdity of the situation.
"I think I've put my foot in it!" With that, Amanda disappeared as quickly as she had arrived.
Laura was away a good hour and still looked uncomfortable when she finally came back.
"So you saw everything did you, Jonathan?" She asked a little sheepishly.
"No, of course not. I think you had just finished, but you should have locked your door." He replied with a grin on his face.
"Well, I'm glad you seem to find it funny."
"Well, it is really if you think about it. It's not every day you see your sister having sex!"
"Did anyone else see anything?"
"Only Amanda."
"That's bad enough, she'll tell everyone."
"Look, Laura it's no big deal is it?" He replied, trying to reassure her. "Come on sit down you're making me feel uncomfortable. That's if you can of course!"
"Oh my god, I just can't stand the embarrassment!" She gasped, putting her hands up to her face.
"Listen Laura, we're both people of the world. You're a nurse, nothing should shock you, and I like to think I'm very broad-minded."
"Well, I am shocked Jonathan. To think that my brother has seen me having sex is unthinkable."
"Let's just forget it and put it behind us!" He replied, pleased with his pun.
"There's something else, Jonathan." Said Laura uneasily.
Jonathan was all ears and looked at his sister intensely.
"What's wrong Laura, what's happened?"
She hesitated and hung her head in her hands, before turning to face him.
"I'm pregnant, Jonathan. That's what's happened."
"What, just from doing that?"
"Oh don't be so stupid, you can't get pregnant doing that thing we just did," she replied irritated. "It happened a while ago, in his flat. It was the night Nick stood me up, if you must know.".
"You mean it was that black doctor I saw you with?"
Laura nodded.
"His name's Lincoln Greene." She replied. "What am I going to do, Jonathan? I'll have to give up nursing."
"Laura, look, just hold on a second and let's think this through." He replied, putting his arm around her. "Have you told anyone else yet?"
"I've only just found out myself." She said, wiping her eyes. "Lincoln doesn't even know. I asked him to come over, so I could tell him, and well, the rest is history."
"Perhaps Mum could look after it, that would give her something to focus on?"
"Mum's got enough on her plate as it is. Besides, how can I tell her I'm pregnant with a black baby?"
"Mum will understand. She's never been racist."
"You just don't get it do you?" With that, she suddenly ran off back to the bathroom. Jonathan simply assumed she was just being emotional, but in reality, Lincoln's sperm was still leaking out of her.
Penny watched as her mother slept. She noticed how pale her skin looked and how shallow her breathing was. Every so often Sally would twitch and gasp, as if in pain, before drifting back into oblivion again.
Penny called out her name several times, but there was no response, so she went over and sat with her mother on the edge of the bed, softly stroking her face.
"Mum, I know you must be able to hear me. Please get better, we all miss you and want you to come back to us."
Sally sighed and slowly looked over in the direction of her daughter's voice. Although her blue eyes were still crystal clear, they were devoid of the warm sparkle that lifted so many hearts. Penny took her mother's hand, and gripped it tenderly.
"Uncle David called earlier. He calls every day. He asked how you were. I said you were still resting. He loves you Mum, and wants to marry you. He's very much like Dad, isn't he?"
Just then, Penny noticed a tear trickle from Sally's eye. She watched as it ran slowly down her face, before disappearing onto the crisp, white pillow case. Penny then felt her mother beginning to grip her fingers, and reached across to hold her in her arms.
"I want us all to be happy again. Please marry him Mum, I know he's not Dad, but he's the next best thing."
Penny eventually got Sally to take some liquid nourishment through a straw. The fact that she continued to do this was just enough to keep her out of hospital.
It was a little later when Penny took Pepys in to see her mother. The little dog barked and wagged his tail excitedly, as he jumped up at the bed and began to lick Sally's hand.
Penny's heart raced as she saw the slightest hint of a smile on her mother's face. She looked on in amazement as Sally slowly opened her eyes, and turned to gaze at her.
"Penny, what time is it, what day is it for that matter?" She asked, in a barely audible whisper.
"Mum, you spoke!" Gasped Penny excitedly. "It's Wednesday, the 31st August 1983, and it's 2.30 in the afternoon! Can I get you a cup of tea or something?"
"Yes, thank-you, that would be nice. Where's Pepys?"
"He's here, next to you, and he's better. He was licking your hand!"
"Yes, I know he was, the cheeky little thing!"
Penny went silent for a few moments, before cuddling her mother again. "Have you come back to us Mum?"
"I hope so Penny, I'm sorry I had to leave you for so long."
"I think the tablets worked after all?"
"Yes, perhaps they did, Penny, but it wasn't just the tablets that got me through."
Penny smiled.
"Can I call Jonathan and Laura and tell them the news?"
"In a moment, Penny. Just hold me for a while longer and tell me the nightmare is really over."
"It is Mum, now we're all safe and back together again."
"I feel hungry Penny, have we got any food in the house?"
"I don't know, I'll have a look. What do you fancy?"
"Just a sandwich will do. Yes, that's it, I'd love a peanut butter sandwich. Can you make one for me?"
"Yes, I think so, that's an odd request, you don't usually eat peanut butter sandwiches, Mum - that's children's food!"
"And don't forget the tea!"
"Yes, Madam!"
As Penny was about to close the door, Sally called her back.
"I can't marry David, Penny. So please try to get it o
ut of your mind."
Penny looked sad, she couldn't understand her mother's decision.
"Why can't you, Mum? It would be the perfect solution to everything. We would all be so happy."
"David is your father's brother, Penny, it wouldn't be right. In fact I've already told him I can't marry him." Sally sat up in bed, her mind still in turmoil. Of course, it wasn't the real reason for her refusal to marry him.
As Penny went downstairs, Sally placed her hands on her stomach, and tried to think of the right solution, she had to think of a way of both telling her family she was carrying Frank Gant's child, but more importantly, she had to come to terms with giving birth to the offspring of the man who murdered her husband.
Jonathan, laden with heavy rucksack decided to get off the bus a few stops further ahead, and begrudgingly paid the driver the extra fare. He had heard from Penny that his mother's illness had improved and he was now on his way to the family home in Twickenham to see her.
However, he had a few things preying on his mind, apart from his mother's health. His thoughts were constantly returning to the brief moments he had spent with Tina. If only she could have remained in the hospital longer, instead of being transferred to Greenfields, he felt he could have made a difference, perhaps even preventing her untimely death.
Now, with Tina in mind, he was unsure whether to put his plans of becoming a psychiatric nurse into action or return to university in a couple of week's time. He desperately needed time to think and plan what he had to do.
It was still warm and sunny, but with a fair amount of cloud cover. Rain was due later that day, and Jonathan decided to enjoy what remained of the fine weather and walk along the towpath, before slowly heading back into East Twickenham. Perhaps the soothing sound of the river lapping against the bank, and the chatter of birdsong would give him the opportunity to think his future through.
He began to eat a sandwich he had brought earlier and stopped outside a riverside pub called the White Swan. The pub was close to Eel Pie Island, a popular music venue from the sixties. There were several other people sitting outside on benches, either having lunch or just enjoying a quiet riverside drink. Jonathan was soon surrounded by a group of ducks, eager for a few crumbs of his long-awaited sandwich. As he tossed them morsels of bread he thought how pleasant it would be to have a nice cold beer to wash his belated lunch down. He went through his pockets gathering up loose change, and cursing the fact that, as a student, he was always so broke. He was just about to give up on the idea when he was momentarily distracted. He couldn't quite believe what he was seeing, and forgot all about the ducks gathering at his feet. For his attention was completely focussed on the young, flame-haired barmaid collecting glasses and plates at the front of the pub.
Jonathan hadn't yet seen her face, but he had been totally mesmerised by her long red locks and petite figure, as she went about her job clad in the tightest of jeans. He shielded his eyes from the sun and watched eagerly as she went from table to table, expertly holding aloft a full tray of empty glasses. As she disappeared back inside, Jonathan knew there was nothing for it, but to go in and meet this beautiful apparition.
It felt remarkably cooler once inside. There were just a few regulars drinking at the bar as he made his entrance.
"Hello, can I help you?" Smiled the barmaid.
Jonathan thought he detected an accent as he smiled back.
"A pint of Guinness please." He replied, trying to sound a bit cool.
"It'll take a few moments to settle. Where are you sitting? I'll bring it out for you."
"I was outside, but you don't have to do that. I don't mind waiting."
"Your ducks might be missing you!" She smiled.
"Oh don't worry about them, they'll be fine!" He laughed as he watched her put a heart-shaped emblem on the head of his drink, before placing it in front of him.
"Will there be anything else?" She asked helpfully.
"I'll let you know!" With that Jonathan headed off back outside, feeling embarrassed that he'd said such a stupid thing. Perhaps, he should have stayed inside, then he would have been able to speak to the barmaid a bit longer.
He sat at a table, and putting the girl out of his mind, began to think about his future again. Continue at university or go into nursing? It was a big decision. Perhaps he ought to discuss it with Laura once more, but obviously his sister now had problems of her own. He would discuss it with his mother, when he got home. Yes, that would be the best thing, plus it would give her something else to think about, besides her illness.
He was still deep in thought and didn't notice the barmaid was back outside again.
"It's lovely out here isn't it?" She called over.
"Yes, It's my first visit. What happens when the tide comes up really high?"
"Well, you either get wet or you sit inside!"
"Yes, of course, how silly of me!"
"Are you from around here?" She asked, going over to his table.
"Yes, about two miles away. What about you?"
"I'm from a little further away, Canberra!"
"Wow, really?" Replied Jonathan, gaining confidence. "I thought I noticed an accent."
"So are you on your lunch break from work?
"No, I'm a student. I'm still on my summer break." He replied, unable to take his eyes off her. She had a beautiful smile and the most adoring green eyes he had ever seen. "So do you work here full-time?"
"No, just part-time, I'm a student too, " she added. "But I always work Thursdays, like today. So what's your name?"
"Jonathan. What's yours?"
"My name's Beth. Pleased to meet you, Jonathan."
They continued chatting for a couple of minutes, before Beth noticed more customers going into the pub. Jonathan finished his drink and handed her his glass. He wanted to stay for another drink and carry on talking to her, but his meagre student grant wouldn't stretch to it.
"Look, I have to go. Perhaps, I'll see you here another time?"
"That would be nice, Jonathan." She replied, dazzling him with her radiant smile. "I'm sure the ducks would like to see you again!"
Jonathan laughed and picked up his rucksack. He waved to Beth and carried on with his walk along the towpath. He seemed at peace with himself for the first time in a long while, and his thoughts turned back to his mother, as he quickened his pace, looking forward to seeing her again.
Laura felt distinctly nervous going into the doctors quarters. In fact, she felt more nervous than the time she had visited Lincoln a few weeks earlier. Probably because she was sober now and it was during the day. The security wasn't nearly so tight where the doctors were located, as it was in the nurse's home. However, if the cleaners went to lunch at the same time as they did at Empire, then Laura would have got her timings spot on.
The building wasn't as big as Empire, and was spread over two floors, with Lincoln's flat being on the second. The stairs creaked as she slowly ascended them, going over in her mind what she would say to him. Laura knew she had conceived in Lincoln's flat the same night that Nick had stood her up. They had both been so stupid, not using protection, but like so many other couples, they had simply just got caught up in the moment. But, there was more to it than that. For Laura, sex with Lincoln without protection was so risky, so taboo, and so incredibly erotic. It was like walking a tightrope without a net, and it was something she could never consider doing any other way.
Still not seeing or hearing anyone, she tiptoed along the corridor until at last, she came to Lincoln's room. She had to speak to him in person. If he wasn't there, she would just have to keep trying, or leave him more messages to call her at home in Twickenham, where she was proposing to go straight after.
She took a deep breath and tapped on Lincoln's door. The image of him standing there with his shirt off came flooding back, and made her spine tingle. She didn't even know how he would take the fact that he was going to be a father to their child. She didn't know how it would affect his career, or ev
en their relationship.
Laura wanted to be with him, but up until now, their sultry meetings had been spontaneous and animalistic. She never quite knew when she would see him, or what would happen, and that both thrilled and excited her. No-one had ever done things to her like Lincoln had. He owned her body and her soul, but would he view her pregnancy as an insight into their future together, or would he see it as a trap to ensnare him, after all Lincoln Greene was something of a free spirit. He was almost mythical in her mind, a force of pure lust, of strength, of wanting, of how a man could satisfy a woman in every way possible.
There seemed no activity from within the flat, so Laura called out and tried the door handle. The door opened and Laura tentatively stepped inside. The furniture was still there, but it seemed cold and lonely. The atmosphere was so different to the night of raw, unbridled passion they had shared together.
"Lincoln, are you there? It's Laura. I really need to speak to you." She called out nervously. There was still no answer, so she headed towards the bedroom. The bed where Lincoln had made such passionate love to her was still there, but it was empty and totally devoid of any sheets or bedding. In fact, there was no personal effects in the room either. She walked into the kitchen, but again, there was nothing to indicate that Lincoln had ever been there.
Laura then heard a noise and knew she wasn't alone in the flat. As she walked back in to the lounge, she came face to face to with another woman.
"He's not here. He went yesterday."
Laura recognised the woman as one of the cleaners.
"Where did he go?" She asked desperately.
"There's been one or two nurses asking the same thing." Came back the dead pan reply.
Laura chose to ignore the cleaner's last comment, and tried to make things look professional.
"I need to see Dr. Greene. Do you know where I can find him? It's very important."
"They all say that darling!" Laughed the middle-aged woman. "I think he's gone to America."
"For how long?"
"I don't know, I just clean here. I'm not married to him!" Retorted the cleaner, getting a little irate. "You shouldn't even be in here. These quarters are for doctors only."