To Love and Protect

by Tammy Jo Burns

  “There’s my little girl. Now go and enjoy yourself and let me rest.”

  “Shouldn’t I stay with you? What if you need something?”

  “There are enough people running around checking on me. I will be fine. Go.”

  “Papa, we need to talk some more. About the…”

  “Fine, fine,” he waved her away. “Later,” he said yawning.

  She looked back at him from the doorway and watched as he dozed off. Relief flooded her, chasing away the worry that had plagued her for weeks, months even. Yet, she felt frustrated that she could not talk to him yet about the will. Clarissa walked down the stairs, feeling younger than she had in months, when she came across Megan sitting dejectedly on the landing. She gingerly sat next to the other girl, tucking her dress around her feet.

  “What are you doing spending your day sitting here?”

  Before Megan could answer, footsteps shook the stairs they were sitting on. Clarissa looked up and over her shoulder and heard Megan moan. A pompous looking man made his way down the stairs, a cross look on his face.

  “You just wait, you little brat. Once your parents hear what you’ve done they will want to send you to the nearest nunnery.”

  “I don’t think that is necessary,” Clarissa defended Megan who looked worse by the minute.

  “Do you know what she has been doing?”

  “No, but could it be that terrible?”

  “I see she has pulled you into her web of lies and deceit.”

  “She has done no such thing. I think you should leave now.”

  “Not before I talk to her parents.”

  “That will not be necessary,” Justin’s deep voice interrupted the argument.

  “Excuse me?” The man turned his wrathful gaze on Justin.

  “You may leave anytime you wish. I will convey to my parents that you no longer desire to work with my sister.”

  “But my wages,” he interrupted.

  “Leave your address with the butler, and I will see they are delivered within the hour. As for a recommendation letter, I would not hold my breath since you are leaving on your own.”

  “Well, I never,” he huffed.

  “Would you like me to escort you to the door?”

  “I will see myself out, thank you.”

  For the first time since Justin entered the conversation, Clarissa noticed Megan’s shoulders shaking. “Megan, this is not the time to laugh,” Justin admonished his sister.

  “I’m not,” she argued, lifting her face with tears streaming down her face.

  “What did he do to you?” he demanded. Clarissa wrapped an arm around Megan and pulled her close to her side. Megan leaned her head against Clarissa’s shoulder, and Clarissa couldn’t help thinking this is what it would have been like to have a little sister.

  “He didn’t do anything. He’s right, I’m horrid. If Mamma and Da’ find out, they will send me away, but I can’t help it Justin.”

  “What can’t you help?” Clarissa asked, brushing Megan’s hair back from her face.

  “I hate all the finishing and elocution lessons. I don’t care about coming out in society. I have purposefully seen myself thrown out of all those finishing schools.”

  “What do you care about?” Clarissa queried, curious as to what could so intrigue a woman other than society and its machinations.

  “Horses,” Megan answered without hesitation.

  “Megan,” Justin began, but he stopped when Clarissa shot him a warning glance.

  “I’m going to guess you want to breed horses?”

  “Yes, race horses and hunters.”

  “I hate to admit, but she has a good eye.”

  “But your parents want otherwise?”

  “Yes,” she sniffed. “I hate this,” she stamped her foot on the step below. “I never cry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  “Perhaps if you finally acted your age and did the things they asked of you, Mamma and Da’ might listen to you.”

  “Justin, stop. I have an idea,” Clarissa said after a thoughtful moment.

  “What?” Megan looked a bit hopeful.

  “You are sitting in the presence of someone who has had all the formal training necessary for a lifetime of seasons.” Megan looked at her, eyes rounded.

  “Do you know what you are volunteering for? I mean, you have met my sister, correct?”

  “Justin, that is a horrible thing to say,” Clarissa admonished him softly. She turned and looked at Megan, grabbing her by either shoulder so that she now sat fully upright. “What do you say Megan? How about giving me a try, and in return, you can teach me how to have fun? My life has been sorely lacking fun for a very long time.”

  “Truly?”

  “Truly. I don’t know how long we will be in Scotland, but I would love to do something while I’m here and be of help to someone.”

  “I don’t know about this,” Justin interjected.

  “It is too late. I have already offered my time and services. Megan what do you say?”

  “I would love it,” she threw her arms around Clarissa.

  “I’ll break the news to Mamma and let her tell Da’.”

  “That is probably a good idea,” Megan agreed wholeheartedly.

  “I thought you would say that,” he teased her. “Well, since this has been decided, and I get to break the news, you get to start your lessons.”

  “Now?”

  “Brat, do you want me to bring in someone worse than that supercilious man that just left?” Silence answered him. “All right then. If you want this to work and earn time to work with your horses you will start now and with a smile on your face.”

  “Come,” Clarissa stood pulling Megan to her feet. “I know just the thing to start with.”

  “Really, what?”

  “You are going to tell me everything you know about the finer points of society.”

  “Everything?”

  “Everything.”

  “Before we start the lessons, you should know that my focus is not totally on horses. I only said that because Justin was there.”

  “A boy?”

  “Hardly,” Megan scoffed. “Liam is a man full-grown and used to be Justin’s best friend. It is a long story for another time, I just thought I should be totally honest with you since you are willing to help me.”

  “I appreciate that. Now, let’s begin, shall we?”

  Two hours later, Clarissa wondered if this had been such a good idea. “Enough,” she stopped Megan’s rambling. “So you know quite a bit already. What keeps getting you dismissed from the finishing schools?”

  “Are you sure you want to know?”

  “I’m dying to know.”

  “One of the stable lads said I couldn’t sit a horse as well as he did. I challenged him to a race and won. Unfortunately, when we came into the yard, the headmistress stood there with the biggest tattletale standing smugly beside her. Being the oldest at a finishing school is not pleasant, especially when the girls know you are there because you had been kicked out of all the others. I just didn’t want to be there.”

  Clarissa couldn’t help it and burst out laughing. “You sound like a young woman I have made acquaintances with this year.”

  “You mean there are other women like me in London society.”

  “Well, there is definitely one. Perhaps she is slightly more sociable than you are at the moment, but she definitely has her own flair about her. Why don’t you tell me about Liam?”

  “His family is gentry in the village that my grandparents live near. He and Justin and Jonathan were best friends growing up.”

  “Jonathan?”

  “Justin hasn’t told you about Jonathan?”

  “No.”

  “He was Justin’s twin, our brother. He was killed in Italy in a battle almost three years ago.”

  “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t know if Justin’s ever talked about it. They were very close.”

>   “I can only imagine.”

  “Tell me about Liam.”

  “I have always loved Liam. He loves me as well.”

  “What makes you say that?” Clarissa watched a deep blush sweep across Megan’s pale skin.

  “We just know, Clarissa.”

  “Megan, some men will do or say anything to get what they want from a woman,” she said thinking back to all the things that Franklin had said to her over the last few months.

  “Liam isn’t like that. He truly loves me. In fact, he has told me he is going to speak to Da’ about marrying me.”

  “Then why so secretive?”

  “Jonathan and Liam fought before Jon went off to war. I’m not sure what it was about. Liam refuses to tell me, but I have a feeling it was something that I told him I had witnessed. Whatever it was, I think Jon told Justin. Ever since that time, Justin has treated Liam…differently. They don’t act as if they are friends anymore,” Megan said sadly.

  “What was Jonathan like?”

  “Not like Justin at all. Jonathan was always brooding. He would be overcome by a darkness that resided in him at times. He would go off for days at a time, and no one would know where he had been. It was after one of those times that he and Liam fought. Soon after, he left to join the military, and now Justin does everything possible to see that I am not alone with Liam, when he is around.”

  “There must be an explanation,” Clarissa muttered. Then she remembered something Maureen had said on their first night here. “Your mother knows how you feel about Liam.”

  “Yes. I don’t think Justin has ever told them what went on. Sometimes I wonder if Justin really knows the truth. Please, don’t judge me with what I am about to say. I loved my brother, but sometimes he frightened me.”

  “The darkness.”

  “Yes,” Megan’s eyes looked haunted, the happy young woman gone.

  “You saw something.”

  “I don’t want to burden you with our family’s troubles.”

  “If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t ask.”

  “I was out riding one day when I came upon a rise. I paused a moment, I’m still not certain why, and when I looked down I saw Jon. He shot a wild boar in the leg, and then took off chasing it. When he caught up with it, he knocked it over, straddling it. He stabbed the poor creature over and over, laughing wildly all the while. I can still hear the final squeals and his laughter. He did not kill it for food, Clarissa. And I believe he wounded it intentionally so that he could have the pleasure of slaughtering it.”

  “Dear Lord,” Clarissa whispered.

  “After that, I never let myself be alone with him. Liam is the only other person I ever told. I think he must have tried to talk to Justin, but...”

  “Yes. I can see where he would not want to hear anything bad about his brother.”

  “I am tired of keeping a dead man’s secret. I am tired of his problems being taken out on the wrong people. Do you think you might be able to get Justin to understand?”

  “Megan, I think you misconstrue Justin and my relationship. We are merely friends.”

  “He does not look at you like a friend, and you do not look at him that way either. You look at each other the way Liam and I look at each other.”

  “I…”

  “Please, Clarissa. I do not want to have to choose, but I will if I must, and it will not be in my brother’s favor.”

  “If the topic comes up, I will do what I can.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Tomorrow, we will work on your French and your painting.”

  “Bien sûr. Jusqu'à demain, mademoiselle,” Megan spoke in flawless French.

  “I have a feeling too many people have fallen for your antics, Megan, and not held you accountable.”

  “Peut-être,” she replied coyly, stood and swished her skirts as she floated from the room, leaving Clarissa shaking her head.

  ***

  The next morning Megan walked gracefully, but happily into the breakfast room. She looked so much more a young woman than a hoyden. Clarissa had her breakfast upstairs with her father, so only the Southerby family sat around the table.

  “Megan, I believe you are actually gliding when you walk. What has happened?”

  “Clarissa,” she replied, unable to keep the smile from her face.

  “I guess I don’t have to ask how it went yesterday?” Justin queried Megan.

  “No. Although, I think I drove her a bit mad, but I was only doing what she asked of me.”

  “And what did she ask?”

  “She wanted to know what I knew of society. I think I impressed her.”

  “How long did you talk before she stopped you?”

  “Almost two hours.”

  “My word. She has more gumption than I do. And she’s still cognizant?”

  “Justin,” his mother admonished.

  “Mamma,” he teased back.

  “Justin, did you know her birthday was the end of November?”

  “What?” her mother asked.

  “She turned twenty.”

  “And worried about her father’s welfare instead of being able to celebrate. Poor thing. You know, we should do something for her.”

  “No,” Justin said softly.

  “Why not?” his mother asked.

  “I don’t think she is much in the mood for a party or anything like that, but I do have an idea. Da’ may I borrow the coach?”

  “Where are you taking her?”

  “The loch, of course.”

  “Of course,” his parents said unanimously with smiles on their faces.

  “And you,” he pointed to Megan, “will do your lessons even though Clarissa will not be here, do you understand?”

  “Justin, you do not have to treat me like a school girl any longer. I promise I have made a change, and I do not intend on turning back.”

  “I’ll believe that when it happens,” Justin said, tweaking a lock of her hair as he left the room.

  ***

  By the time Justin arranged everything, the noon hour fast approached. He looked out a window before going upstairs to find Clarissa. There were clouds building, and a light snow dusted every surface, but no major storms looked to be in sight. He made certain that they had enough blankets and anything else they might need. Justin climbed the stairs and first knocked on Clarissa’s door. Silence. He peeked in on her father, not wanting to wake the man if he rested. The duke slept soundly and looked better than he had only days ago, but he saw no sign of Clarissa.

  After closing the door softly, so as to not wake the duke, Justin heard giggling coming from down the hall. He passed several doors and heard the giggling grow louder as he approached Megan’s room. Her door stood open and he could hear the women conversing in French and then break into more giggles. One of them must have seen him, because all of a sudden he heard shushing sounds.

  “Am I interrupting anything?” his deep voice filled the air.

  “No,” Clarissa said, a smile teasing her lips. Megan fought another bout of giggles.

  “Good, I have a surprise for you.”

  Clarissa looked at her pupil and saw that she looked expectantly at her. When she looked up at Justin, he held a hand out for her to take. “Me?” she asked, shock lacing her voice.

  “Yes, you, silly,” Megan said with a grin. “Go on.”

  Clarissa placed her hand hesitantly in Justin’s. Pleasure tingled in her fingers and raced up her arm. She attempted to suppress a shiver that raced down her spine and outward.

  “Chilled?” Justin queried, a look of concern in his eyes.

  “Not at all,” she replied, berating herself for allowing her reaction to him to be physically noticeable.

  “You two have fun,” Megan sing-songed as they left the room.

  “What is this surprise?” Clarissa queried, curiosity getting the best of her.

  “A certain little bird informed me of how remiss I had been during our journey here.”

  “What
are you talking about?” They paused to get heavy cloaks, mufflers, scarves, gloves and anything else to keep them warm. She let him lead her out of the house and down the front steps. A carriage awaited them with the Southerby crest on the side. “I don’t know that I should leave Papa,” she hesitated on the bottom step. She desperately wanted to go with him and forget her worries, even if for a few moments, but she felt she needed to stay and care for her father.

  “Quit worrying. Your father is well looked over and you need some peace and quiet.”

  “But...”

  “No buts. You’re going, and you will enjoy yourself. Do you understand?”

  “Is that an order?”

  “I’m sorry. No, it is not an order. It is a request. Please come and enjoy the day before us. I promise we will have fun. The day is warm for the season and you will like what I have to show you.”

  “You’ve convinced me,” she placed her hand in his once more and allowed him to help her into the carriage. The coach was well-equipped and comfortable. Clarissa found herself drifting off to the rhythm of the horses. She felt the carriage shift and opened sleepy eyes to see Justin move across the coach to sit next to her.

  “Here, lean on me,” he said softly, putting his arm around her and allowing her to rest against him, “otherwise you will hurt your neck.” He saw the questioning look cross her eyes. “Don’t argue with me. You need your rest and what a perfect opportunity -- a quiet carriage ride. Are you warm enough?”

  “Yes,” she sighed, snuggling under the blanket, her feet heated by warmed bricks located under the seat.

  She let him pull her to his side and place his arm around her shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder and before she knew it, sleep had claimed her. Justin enjoyed feeling the warmth of the woman pressed against his side. In fact, he probably enjoyed it a little too much. She snuffled softly in her sleep. He couldn’t hide the small smile that spread across his lips. Justin gently pulled her closer and felt his lower body stiffen in response as her breasts flattened into his side.

  He spent the remainder of the trip looking out the windows, enjoying being back in his homeland. The closer they traveled to their destination, the more relaxed Justin became. Even though a light dusting of snow lay on the ground, many of the trees still tenaciously clung to their golden and rust-colored leaves. Unconsciously, he ran his fingers through the tendrils of her hair that had loosened from the tie that held the majority back. He found the action soothing. Before he even realized it, the time had slipped away, and they were rounding the curve that would provide her with her first glorious view of Loch Lomond.