by Portia Moore
“I’ll make it up to you,” he whispers before covering my mouth with his biting my lower lip gently. I feel his hands slide down my back, his warmth sending sensations through my body that are completely uncalled for at this moment . I wrap my arms around his neck when he deepens the kiss. He always does this. I can be completely focused on what he’s saying or what I’m saying, and then he goes and kisses me like this and everything just seems unimportant. He pulls away with a satisfied smile resting on this face.
“You’re good?” he says quietly, knowing I’m okay. I nod and lick my lips.
“Dex says he’ll meet you downstairs.” Helen’s voice interrupts us and I remember we’re in someone else’s house. Helen is walking back into the room. An amused look spreads over Cal’s face at my reaction and he lets me go. I glance at Helen in total embarrassment, but she just smiles as she flops on the couch and crosses her legs.
“I’ll see you later, okay?” he says and steals a kiss from my neck.
“Stay out of trouble,” Helen says in a motherly tone as he grabs his jacket.
“Don’t I always?” He winks at us both before leaving the room. I fold my arms around myself. Here I am in a strange house with a woman I don’t know at all. What’s to be nervous about? I expect for awkwardness to fill the room, but before it does, she begins to speak.
“You’ll get used to that,” she says, lighting a cigarette.
I look at her curiously. “Used to what?” I ask, hoping she’s not a chain smoker. I have to deal with enough of them at work.
“Oh, sweetie,” she smiles and walks toward me. I hold my breath from the smoke. “We have a lot to talk about,” she smiles deviously before linking arms with me. “Let’s go on the terrace,” she says, leading the way. I can already see this night is going to be interesting.
***
When we reach the terrace, my jaw drops to the floor. I thought Cal’s view from the penthouse was amazing.
“Beautiful isn’t it?” she says, making herself comfortable at a beautifully set table to the right of us. “I was the same way when I first saw it.”
There’s all white furniture on the terrace that stretches for miles and candles alight it drowning out the smell of her cigarette before we reach the door.
“Of course it wasn’t like this,” she says, waving her hand at the impeccable outdoor furniture and luscious greenery that lines the balcony wall, “but I saw the potential.”
“You did this?” I ask in shock as I sit down in a seat next to her. It’s in a completely different tone from the Gothic rooms that I walked through.
“Well, the design and such. I told the decorator exactly what I wanted and she did it,” she says, putting out her cigarette.
“This is beautiful,” I admit, still taking in my surroundings.
“Thank you. I wish Dexter would let me have my way with the rest of the house, but he says a man’s house is his kingdom, or something to that effect,” she explains with another toss of her hair. This seems to be her signature move, and she uses it to a very good effect.
“So, give me the story of you and Cal. I know the watered down version Dex passed on to me. Men are so vague about things like that.” She rests her chin in her palm as if she’s ready to hear a good tale.
I exhale. I don’t really like getting into details, either. I never feel comfortable talking to people about things like that. “Well, we met at the place I work. I ran in to him, literally, and he spilled a drink on me,” I tell her, remembering the night that shaped the past few months of my life.
“And how long have you been seeing each other?”
“About five months.” Actually, it’s been five months and fourteen days, but who’s counting?
“And now I’m here to get you guys’ approval, I suppose,” I laugh, feeling a bit more comfortable with her.
“Oh no, Lauren, don’t worry about us. Cal does what he wants. He’s here to show you off,” she states in a matter of fact tone. “In fact, just between you and me?” she leans in as if she’s giving away a top secret. “You’re the first girl he’s brought to meet us, or at least me,” she winks at me. I can’t help but smile, but for some reason, knowing that makes me feel nervous all over again.
“So, there must be something to you other than being stunning,” Helen giggles. I blush at the compliment. “Dex and Cal have a thing for beautiful women and beautiful women have a thing for them,” she sighs, shifting in her seat. I swallow my nerves, but she notices my expression. “Don’t worry; it takes more than a pretty face to sway them. They aren’t idiots like the average male,” she chuckles.
“How long have you known Cal?” I ask, still feeling a little uneasy.
“Let’s see, I think this year, about six years. Yeah, that’s about right.”
“So Dexter and Cal are really close?”
“Like brothers. It’s good for them, especially since Dex is an only child, and Cal doesn’t really have anyone.” I can’t help but feeling sad at the last part of what she says. I knew Cal was adopted but I never really thought about him not having anyone. I know his parents have always been a sore subject. After my parents death I felt alone but really I always had a great relationship with Raven. I just assumed that he and his adopted parents were cordial if not close.
“How did you and Dexter meet?” I ask changing the subject. She smiles softly.
“He was at a benefit for Chicago General, where I used to work. I didn’t know who the hell he was, but he walks up to me and says, ‘I’ll donate a million dollars tonight if you go out with me.’ Now here I am, disgusted by this audacious man, who, I assume, is a liar. So I told him, ‘If you donate a million dollars, I’ll run around this hotel naked,’ so he laughs and walks away. I didn’t think anything else of it. Ten minutes later, the superintendent of the hospital announces that Dexter Crest Field Jr., has just donated ten million dollars to the hospital, and when I see him walk up there, my heart just stops,” she starts to laugh and I join in with her.
“It gets better. After his speech—during which, by the way he held eye contact with me the entire time—he walks right up to me, leans over, and whispers, ‘I’d prefer my house,’ and leaves me his number,” she finishes with a grin on her face.
“Wow,” I say, shocked. “That’s a great story.”
“Yeah, he’s such a snide son of a bitch. But he’s sweet when he wants to be,” she smiles. “Well, you know what I mean. Cal is a cocky bastard himself.”
I’ve never thought of him as cocky, more so confident. He doesn’t care what anyone says or thinks about him because he knows that they all either want to be him or sleep with him, depending on their preferences. He does what he wants, when he wants. It’s just routine.
“Enough about us. What about you. Kids, Career, Marriage?” she asks, lighting up another cigarette.
“With Cal?” I ask, confused.
“Well, yes or period?” she says, taking a drag.
“I well, we haven’t known each other that long.” I stutter a little over the answer. She’s really getting to the point, isn’t she?
“Well, are you the type of girl who dreams about getting married or wants to put it off as long as possible?”
“I see myself married with a family one day. I’d love to travel abroad then come back and do something that really makes a difference but I don’t know. Marriage at least is pretty far away,” I laugh.
“You never know,” she chuckles. I look at the sunset. “What I mean is that I was the same way. When I met Dex, I planned to just have fun with him and ended up falling in love. Two years later, he asked me to marry him, and no one says ‘no’ to Dexter Crest Field,” she laughs, putting her cigarette out. She then pulls out a pack of gum.
“For some reason, I don’t think Cal is the marrying type,” I laugh.
Helen smiles and walks to the ledge and sits on it. “Trust me, the worst thing you could do with Cal is assume ,” She turns her attention away from me to the s
ky. I wonder what she means but I don’t question her any further, I almost feel like I’d be going into territory Cal wouldn’t want me to. The sunset settling into the horizon is amazing.
“Would you like a piece?” she says, offering up the pack of winter fresh.
“Thanks,” I guess you have to keep gum when you smoke. I look up and see Helen staring at me. I look away quickly.
“Lauren, I’m going to share something with you,” My stomach drops at her sudden change of tone. “I don’t know how you feel about Cal. From what I can tell, you really like him. From what Dexter tells me, he really cares about you. I’ve known Cal for so long, he’s like a brother to me. I’m going to tell you this, something I wish someone had told me so I didn’t have to learn it the hard way. Dexter is a very complicated person and so is Cal.
“There’s going to be times where you won’t know what his problem is, but for there to be any hope for you two to have a meaningful relationship, you need to have full acceptance of this. You’re going to have to accept him for who he is—all of him—even the part that you may never know …” She breaks her serious expression and the whimsical grin from earlier returns to it.
“Who knows, maybe Cal isn’t like Dexter. Maybe he’ll be a lot more open with you than Dex is with me. It doesn’t bother me at all. Frankly the less I know the better, but some people can’t handle that,” Her glare is intense and is making me uncomfortable. I all of a sudden feel as if I’m on trial. I clear my throat. “It is getting chilly out here; I’m going to go inside,” she stands up.
“I think I’m going to stay out here little while longer,” I tell her.
“Okay, I’m going to be downstairs; Luc should have arrived by now. I’m going to see how he’s doing. The kitchen is on the first floor, far left. You’ll see it as soon as you get there,” she explains. I nod.
“Well that’s where I’ll be. If you want a jacket we have some in the closet in the room we went through to get here; just grab one.”
“I’m fine. It is beautiful out here. I want to soak it all in, if you don’t mind,” I smile.
She smiles back. “I understand completely. Come down when you get ready, or wander wherever you want to go in the house. Make yourself at home—just don’t get lost,” she laughs before leaving.
***
The sun has fully set, the sky is black with the stars and candles lighting my space. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting out here. I’ve been trying to analyze and justify the words Helen so kindly shared with me.
I try to make light of the heavy words hidden behind her whimsical, sarcastic demeanor as she spoke.
They scare me and I don’t know why. I’ve been with Cal for five months and my feelings have grown stronger every day I’m with him but I haven’t thought about marriage. Sure, I’ve fantasized about it but not taken it seriously. I know I can’t see myself married to a man who has a world full of secrets. I’m just being silly; there’s no way that I’d marry Cal and feel like I didn’t know him. That just wouldn’t happen. Besides, Dexter and Cal are two different people, even if what she said is true. Or maybe she’s looking for something that isn’t there or trying to scare me off. I’m snapped out of my thoughts when I feel a warm hand slip up the back of my shirt. I turn to see Cal smiling at me. He sits beside me and pulls me onto his lap.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, searching my eyes.
“Nothing. Why?” I smile. His body heat surrounds me, and I realize how cold I am.
“Well, I come out here expecting some kind of welcome, and you sit here in a daze. You didn’t even realize I was here. I'm a little insulted,” he smirks.
“Just day dreaming,” I smile, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Liar,” he laughs, but drops the subject. “How long have you been out here?” he asks, wrapping his jacket over my shoulders.
I smile thankfully. “About a half an hour.” Well, more like an hour and a half.
“How’d you like Helen?” he asks curiously.
“She’s nice,” I say before kissing him softly on the lips.
“Nice. Helen isn’t nice, she intimidates, manipulates, and frustrates. And that’s when she likes you,” he laughs amused.
I roll my eyes playfully. “Then why did you leave me with her?”
“I knew you could handle it.” He glides his lips across my neck, and then brushes them across my lips. “So what’d she say about me?” he mumbles. He’s such a tease sometimes.
“Other than you’re a ruthless playboy who breaks hundreds of girls’ hearts? Nothing much,” I kid before giving in to his teasing and entangling his lips with mine. I pull away to catch my breath and look into his eyes.
“What?” he asks curiously. Maybe Helen was just manipulating me, like he said earlier. Maybe she’s wrong; she has to be.
“Nothing,” I smile.
May 11th 2011
I wonder if it’s too late to turn things around, if I’ve accepted the way things are for too long? Is it too late for him to break the hard mold he’s created around himself? He says he wants me to accept him for who he is, but how can I do that when I’d be settling for a person I can never fully know? Accepting him this way would turn me into a doormat? I-I can’t, can I? I take a deep breath and finish placing the last item into my suitcase and grab my keys off the dresser. I glance in the mirror, assessing my appearance. My face is tired; even after showering and applying a bit of makeup, my eyes are still puffy from crying all night. I don’t want to give up on him—on us—but he has to see that I’m serious. Yes, I told him to go, and I wanted him to at that moment; but the root of the problem is that he’s so far away from me. Now he is both literally and figuratively.
I slip on the pair of Chuck Taylors that are older than my marriage, but are more comfortable than the five-inch heeled boots I wore here and more fitted for the wide legged jeans and t-shirt I’m wearing.
I grab my bag and the handle on my suit case and drag it downstairs and into the kitchen where Raven is sitting down with a cup of tea in hand. She smiles as I enter, her eyes drift to the bag on my shoulder.
“Let me get you some tea,” she says quickly. I start to protest, but realize it’s easier to just accept it. “I thought you’d sleep later,” she says, pouring me a cup. I sit my bag down on the floor and take a seat across from her.
“No. I wanted to get an early start,” I tell her, taking the cup as she offers it.
“On what?” she asks before taking a seat next to me.
“I’m leaving.”
“You’re going back home?”
“No,” I say after taking a sip of tea. “I’m going to stay with a friend in Chicago for a while—until I decide what I’m going to do,” I tell her.
“Lauren, I wish you’d stay here, I don’t...”
“I need to get away. Not away from you. I just need a change of scenery,” I interrupt. I see she doesn’t approve, but she doesn’t protest either.
“Are you going to be driving?”
“No. I’m leaving the car here. There won’t be anywhere to park. I called a cab to take me to the bus station, and I’ll take that the rest of the way.”
“I’ll drive you,” she offers.
“No, it wouldn’t make sense for you to drive me all the way to Chicago, then drive all the way back right after.”
“It’s fine. I don’t have much to do today anyway,” she says, pouring me some more tea, though my cup is far from empty.
“No, Raven it’s not necessary and the ride there will give me some time to clear my head,” I tell her, desperately not wanting to argue with her.
“Well, at least let me drop you off at the station,” she says in a pleading tone.
I sigh, feeling a small smile spread across my face. I give in. “Okay.”
“So, who is this friend you’re going to be staying with?” she asks curiously.
“Someone I used to work with while in college,” I say, running my finger around the rim
of the cup.
“This is a woman, right?” she asks nervously.
My eyes widen in surprise. “Of course,” I say quickly.
“I was just asking,” she smiles, relieved. I can’t help but giggle. If Cal found out I was staying with a man, I can’t even imagine what he’d do. He’s never been the jealous type. He never needed to be. I’ve only had eyes for him since we’ve been together. No other guy could stand a chance, and he knew that. But if he even thought it, I’d hate to see what he’d do. I’ve only seen his temper once in my life and it was like a lion was let out of the cage. He was furious; I’d never want to make him like that.
“How long are you going to stay with this friend?” she asks, taking the cup from me that I’ve only taken a sip from.
“I don’t know. I just– I need to get away from everything I’ve gotten used to,” I sigh.
Raven continues to busy herself about the kitchen, then turns to face me with her hands on her hips.
“Well, I’d really like for you to stay here and let me help you with whatever it is you’re dealing with. But whatever you feel you need to do, know I support you one hundred percent.”
I can’t help but smile. Sometimes Raven just surprises me. She does the exact opposite of what I think she’s going to do. I get up from my seat and hug her tightly, recognizing the scent of her perfume from when I was younger.
“Thank you,” I tell her quietly, taking a cleansing breath.
“Everything will be fine, sweetie,” she says, rubbing my back.
“I hope so. I-I don’t want lose my marriage. It’s just starting to be so much. I think taking a step back away from all of the issues we’re dealing with would be good for both of us.”
“This is just a rocky time. Every marriage has them,” she tells me, hugging me a little tighter. She stands back and lifts my chin up. “It’s the strong ones that make it through them,” she tells me with a stern smile. I nod, wiping the tears building from my eyes.