by L P Peace
‘Are you fucking kidding me!?’ the guy shouted, following as the doorman walked off.
‘What an asshole,’ Olivia said, watching him leave. She turned back to Kadian, grabbing his arm. ‘C’mon. Come and dance with me.’ She pulled on his arm, taking off before Kadian could stop her. It was either go with her or pull her to an abrupt stop.
She returned to the section of the dance floor she and the other females had carved out for themselves. As soon as they arrived, the other two females walked away, throwing Kadian hateful looks as they left.
‘Oh, ignore them!’ Olivia shouted. ‘They’re sourpusses.’ She moved closer to him and started swaying her hips. Her movements were fluid, and though they seemed improvised, there was a form to it.
Kadian stood awkwardly in front of her, unsure of what to do.
Her eyes scanned over his body and she laughed. ‘C’mon, Kadian. Give me something to work with here!’
‘What would you like?’ He moved closer to her and tried to match her movements. ‘This?’
‘That’s better,’ she said, grinning up at him.
‘Or, perhaps this? Kadian scooped Olivia into his arms. She screamed as he lifted her so that her luscious rear was nestled in his arms and she was looking him in the eye.
‘Kadian!’ she yelled, but she was still smiling.
Vrok! She is perfection!
Her mouth closed, her lips still stretched into a smile yet impossibly full. She looked down at Kadian and rested her arms around his neck.
Her eyes scanned the room. ‘Everyone can see us,’ she said.
‘Let them look,’ he replied. He didn’t care. Didn’t care about the drunks and the bigots. Didn’t care about their colleagues glaring from the booth not far away.
He had Olivia in his arms, and he had decided he was going to kiss her.
And from the look in her arms and the way she watched his lips, she’d decided she was going to kiss him too.
The music faded until there was only the rushing of anticipation in his ears and the sound of their heartbeats.
He wanted this female more than he’d ever wanted anything. Not just sex, though definitely that. But there was more here. He wanted to wake up next to her. Not just next rote, but the rote after and the one after that and every rote after. She had become oxygen to him. He needed her to breathe. He needed her to live.
She moved closer, her eyes meeting his. The smile was fading to be replaced with something deadly serious. Something solemn. Something solid and true.
He parted his lips and moved to close the distance.
A cracking pain caused his vision to white out.
Someone screamed. Olivia.
There were hands on him, and Kadian realised they were hers a moment before he opened his eyes.
Ginger blood obscured the vision in one eye. But out of the other one, he could see Olivia crouching over him. She was covering him with her own body, tears streaming down her face as she screamed at someone.
People stood around him. Some had shock on their faces, others anger. When he turned his head, he saw the male who’d tried to get him in trouble was being dragged away by doormen. Around him lay the shards of a bottle, fluid covering the floor.
The male had hit him! Hit him with a large bottle filled with alcohol.
Stunned and dazed, he looked at Olivia. He reached out, bringing her attention to him. Tears spilt from her eyes in an almost constant stream, and when she saw him, her face crumpled.
He pulled her close, his head aching in increasing pulses of pain until he was flinching with each brutal beat. This was worse than the music, which was gone now. But he’d been through worse.
‘Kadian?’
‘I am well,’ he said, holding her tightly. ‘Do not fear, Olivia. I am well.’
‘Kadian!’
I’m well, he tried to say. His vision grew dim.
‘Somebody call an ambulance!’
Kadian remembered Olivia’s words following him into nothing. More than a rote later, he woke up in the hospital, alone. He’d been disappointed that she wasn’t there. Hoping she cared enough to sit by his bedside.
Forcing himself to focus on his present task, Kadian scanned the city beneath him.
When he flew over a yard full of old and abandoned zaki, he grinned. This was the place.
He flew around a few times, getting a lay of the land below. There was no one there. The yard seemed abandoned. Thanking whatever deities may or may not be out there, Kadian descended into the yard. He parked the zaki among several others of the same colour and got out, walking around them to ensure it didn’t stand out.
When he was sure the zaki was well hidden, he crossed the yard and scaled the fence.
Leaving the zaki behind, Kadian walked towards a shopping district. He needed to find a place where he could buy a comm to contact Tanir, his old CO who was on the way as backup. When Kadian had called him, it had been on the off chance he’d need him. He was relieved he had. He wasn’t sure he and Olivia would ever be able to make it off the planet without Tanir.
As the clouds finally released their burden, Kadian entered the shopping district and walked up the street quickly, scanning it for places where he could buy a comm. Most of the shops weren’t open, and it seemed the places he was most likely to buy one, pawn shops, were closed at this time of rote.
Swearing, Kadian took note of one before turning off the main streets and entering a tenement area. Again, he walked around for a while, watching the comings and goings of the residents. The good thing about the rain was that the streets quickly emptied.
Scanning for signs of life, Kadian finally spotted a house that looked abandoned. He walked over to it, careful not to be seen and spotted a zaki. It was hidden under a cover in the garage behind the house. It took him a moment to break into the garage and another to break into the zaki. He switched it on and grinned when it purred to life.
He took a few metri out to remove the sheet, check the condition of the zaki and the engine, including the repulser before he left the district behind.
He was anxious to get back to Olivia. Every moment he was away made him feel like insects were crawling on his skin. He couldn’t get the image of the Inadiine or the Myardahl finding her out of his mind. He was terrified to distraction that he wasn’t there to protect her.
But no matter how much he needed to get back to her, he needed to bring her back food. His Olivia was far too thin and he wanted to make sure she never knew hunger again.
Kadian stopped for food before getting back in the zaki and heading towards the apartment building where he’d left Olivia, taking a circuitous route so that he could spot a tail. He wouldn’t lead anyone back to her. He would make everything easier for her. Maybe then, he’d see more of her smiles, more of the old Olivia before he kissed her and ruined everything.
But something about that thought bothered him.
The Olivia Kadian remembered was carefree and happy. But if he was honest with himself, it hadn’t ended because she left Earth. It had ended before then.
He thought about their encounter in the cupboard during the launch party for Endurance. She’d been so intense, from the moment she saw him on the stage and until she ran out of the cupboard. But it preceded even that.
Every time he saw her, after that rote, there’d been a dark look in her eyes—fear. Whenever he got close to her, she moved towards someone else. Like she was afraid of him, though, as far as he knew, he’d never given her a reason to be frightened.
Unless it was his actions in the lab the rote they kissed?
The week before the attack on the dance floor, he’d carried her on his back around the lab as they tried to make their paperwork fun. Everything had been fine then. Everything had been perfect.
It wasn’t until after they kissed that everything had changed. Had he forced it on her? Was his memory of that rote off? Had she not wanted to kiss?
The thought shocked Kadian so badly, he stopped
breathing.
What had he done?
He had to talk to her. Had to ask. He had to know!
Had he taken a liberty she wasn’t willing to give? Had he driven her away. Had he almost forced himself on her?
No! Not almost. Had. The cupboard!
Making sure there was no one following, Kadian set a course for Olivia and the truth.
Walking around the alien apartment, Olivia lifted various sheets to get a better look at the place. She opened doors and cupboards. There was crockery here, but no food. Whoever had owned this place had left, seemingly intending on returning. They’d cleaned up. Protected their furniture and left no food behind that might spoil in their absence. The place felt like the family, because it had to have been a family that lived here, might return any minute.
Knowing Kadian was bringing back food, she tested the water. She was surprised when it spilt from the fawcett, dirty at first, before running clear after half a minute. The pipes clanged and were old, but when she tasted some water, cupped in her palm, it tasted clean. She took several more sips before getting out a couple of plates and two cups. She cleaned them and set them aside to dry, then surveyed the room for a place they might eat.
There was a dining table surrounded by oversized chairs.
Olivia walked around the apartment until she found cleaning implements. She returned to the main room, a living-cum-dining area, and tore the sheet from the table.
Dust flew into the air and fell in motes of grey fluff over her. It left her feeling itchy.
Ignoring that, she set to cleaning the dining table and setting it for Kadian’s return.
‘Well, now that I’ve started.’
Olivia was finding it hard to sit still. Instead, she began taking the sheets from the rest of the furniture, folding them carefully, and cleaning. It occupied her body, calmed her spirit and allowed her to look at her circumstances through a lens.
As they so often had, over the last few years, her thoughts turned to Kadian.
Even over the last month, as she tried to find food, water and safe places to sleep, when Olivia settled down each night, she thought of him. He occupied her thoughts and visited her in her dreams. Never had Olivia thought the dreams where Kadian saved her might actually come true.
Never would she have thought his rescue would come with the price of her life.
The fact was, Olivia didn’t know what to do or think about any of it. What she did know was that she felt weak. She felt like she wasn’t herself anymore. She wanted to go home so that things could go back to the way they were before. Simultaneously, the idea of returning to Earth, with the agents, with the threats to Kadian and her family’s life… Maybe she was better off out here.
But wouldn’t she just be abandoning her brother and father to face the wrath of the EIS alone?
James Trent was a science teacher on York Station, where Olivia had grown up along with her older brother, Colin. It was her father from whom Olivia had learned to love science. Her mother, Vanessa Trent, was an officer in the military. Olivia was almost a year old when her father got the call that Vanessa’s ship was destroyed in a small incursion by a mysterious alien force. Her ship had taken out the aliens, Vanessa and the crew had died heroes, but it had left her father alone.
After that, James put everything into raising his children and making sure Olivia never felt unloved. Of course, Olivia missed the idea of the woman who’d given her life, but an idea, and the stories her brother and father told, were all she had of her.
Even though her mother died a hero, Olivia had never quite forgiven the military for taking her mother away, so it was strange when she’d realised her amazing new job was to build an engine for a military ship, even stranger that the person she was building it with was an alien. But the cause was so important. In a way, it had allowed Olivia to let go of the last of her resentment and going through the academy, as hard as it was, had given her something she could share with her mother. Something that was just between the two of them, something she could remember for them, in her mother’s absence.
The lack of Vanessa in her life, made James and Colin all the more important to her. They were everything, until Kadian. It terrified her that they were there, so close to Earth, so close to those agents.
Still, despite the threats, there was a part of Olivia that wanted to go home. She wanted the familiarity of the lab and the comforts of her home and family. She wanted her old job before Captain Durrani. She’d known from the very start that she wasn’t cut out for the academy, for the military. At the same time, she couldn’t stay. Durrani’s interest in her was the only way she could get out of the lab without the EIS seeking revenge. But it wasn’t just that. She couldn’t bear the way things had become. She couldn’t handle being so close to Kadian and not being allowed to be near him. To talk to him, or joke and laugh with him. To kiss him and seek a future with him.
No. She didn’t want things the way they were before. She’d hated the way things were before. But a compromise. Something close, but with Kadian in her life.
Mostly, Olivia wanted to be her. She wanted to be the woman she was before any of this had happened. She wanted to leave Myardahl and forget this planet and the aliens on it ever existed. She wanted to live in a world where she didn’t have to find strength reserves she never knew she had. Where she didn’t have to just keep living with nothing but a vague sense of hope to keep her going.
When she felt tears track down her face, Olivia felt a flash of anger and frustration.
‘Fuck!’ She’d been sitting at the dining table, staring listlessly. Now she was just angry at herself for indulging in self-pity. A part of her knew it wasn’t really self-pity. She’d been through a lot in the last month. She was allowed to have a minor freak-out about it. But nothing more than that.
Olivia let out a deep breath and gave herself permission to feel it for a minute. When the minute was over, she got up.
She wasn’t going to do this anymore! She wasn’t going to sit here and feel sorry for herself.
Kadian was going to get her off this planet because he was some kind of soldier, not just a scientist like…
…Her. Kadian wasn’t just a scientist like she was. He was some kind of specialist. She’d watched him take charge, strategize, kill like it was nothing more than a temporary inconvenience.
Kadian could fight. But what did that mean on Earth? What did that mean if they returned and decided to be together? Kadian might be a soldier, even a super-soldier compared to Earth forces. Not that Olivia knew of such things. But he was still just one male. One male alone on a planet that hated him and would stop at nothing to hurt them just because they chose to be together.
Olivia paced across the apartment.
There was so much she didn’t know. But the more she thought about it, the more it became clear, Olivia had to come clean with Kadian. Because if she’d learned anything from today, it was that Kadian was far more suited towards this kind of problem than she was.
But more than that.
Olivia was tired of keeping this from him. She was tired of carrying this burden alone. She was tired of pretending she didn’t want to be with him, of acting like she couldn’t think of any better fate than spending the rest of her life in his arms.
When Kadian returned, she was going to tell him everything.
Kadian had been gone for well over two hours by the time he returned.
When he walked through the door, Olivia’s heart leapt. Out of habit, she schooled her features, not allowing him to see how happy she was at his return.
‘I set the table,’ she said.
Kadian looked at it and nodded, walking across the room and setting down another box like the one he’d brought before.
‘These are really handy,’ she said. ‘We should invent these on Earth. We’d make a killing.’
‘We would be rich on your little planet.’ Kadian smiled, but the humour didn’t pass beyond his voice. There was a strange,
stricken look on his face. ‘Do you want to eat now?’
Olivia shook her head. ‘I’m still full from breakfast,’ she admitted. ‘It doesn’t take much.’
‘I know,’ he said, his face gentle with understanding.
‘We need to talk,’ she said. She took a breath and steeled herself.
Kadian nodded. He hadn’t looked at her once since entering the apartment.
‘Kadian, what’s wrong?’
His eyes flicked to her. ‘I think I know.’ His voice was thick, heavy with emotion even as he whispered.
Olivia frowned. ‘Know what?’
‘I’m… I’m sorry!’
‘Sorry? What for?’
‘I… I didn’t mean to take advantage of our friendship!’
‘You haven’t. Kadian, what are you on about?’
‘After I kissed you. You ran away. I thought you’d come back, but you never did. I should have taken that as my answer. But I convinced myself you wanted me.’
‘Oh, god!’ Olivia scraped her hands down her face. He thought she left because she felt violated! It had never occurred to her that it might be taken that way. That Kadian might look at that day and assume that.
‘I’m so sorry, Olivia.’ The look on Kadian’s face was wretched. She could see him spiralling into a vortex of self-hatred. Kadian was blaming himself, and that was something she couldn’t bear to pass. Even if she hadn’t intended to tell him everything, she would have now.
‘Kadian, you have nothing to feel sorry for.’ Olivia shook her head, seeing him spiralling faster. She walked over to him and took his hand. For a moment, he snatched it back as though her touch burned him.
Guilt, she realised. Guilt that wasn’t his to bear.
She took his hand again and led him over to the sofa. Kadian sat down and covered his face. ‘I’m so sorry!’
‘Kadian.’
‘I’m sorry!’
‘Kadian!’
Kadian stared down at his hands, ignoring her.
Dropping to her knees in front of him, Olivia grabbed Kadian’s wrists and tried to force his hands away from his face. But he was just too strong for her.