“I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault. Look, I’ll talk to him. But I think he’s going to agree with me. We should set up supervised visits for Sam.”
“You’re telling me I have to choose between this baby and you?”
“No, Gus. You don’t have to choose at all. I’m choosing for you. Take care of your children.”
He stood up. “But I love you! I need you in my life!”
She shook her head. “I know that. And I love you, too. I always have. But I don’t want that to be the reason… Because I know you. You have to do the right thing. And if you can’t, you’ll end up resenting it. Resenting me for causing that.”
“No!”
She stepped forward and hugged him, filling his nose with the smell of her hair. “Listen, Angel. You’ll get through this. Look at it as a leave of absence, okay? Not forever. There’s probably this probation period where she can change her mind and take it back. Or maybe you’ll end up with joint custody.”
He just kept shaking his head. Finally she put her hands on each of his cheeks to stop him, and kissed him, saying, “I’m going to be strong for you. For all of us. We can do this. Now give me the lawyer’s name, okay?”
When she was gone, he lay down on his bed and cried until his chest hurt.
Chapter 53
As he was checking his email after Sam went to bed a few nights later, his instant messenger alerted him: “PsyDr2U wants to send you a message. Do you accept?”
He glared at it. Hovered over the block button, but finally clicked, “Yes.”
“Hi Gus.”
“What do you want now?”
“Nothing. Thought you’d like to see her.” There was a link attached.
He hesitated, then clicked it. The monitor was filled with a blurry gray image. And then it focused in his brain. Head. Foot. Curled spine. One hand up at the mouth.
She sent another message. He clicked over to it. “What do you think?”
“Girl?”
“Girl. She flashed them good last time.”
He studied the picture some more, then right-clicked it and saved it.
“Well?” she asked.
“When?”
“May 20.”
“Are you ok? She’s ok?”
“We’re fine.”
“Still teaching?”
“Term ends May 5. Hope I’ll last.”
He smiled in spite of himself. “I’d like to be there for the birth. Will you call me?”
She didn’t answer.
“Sarah?”
“The parents will be there.”
“That is NOT happening.”
“Gus.”
“My lawyer will call you.”
She signed off.
Chapter 54
Gus looked up in surprise when Sam and Jordan bounded into the house followed by Frank instead of Craig.
“Hey. What’s up?”
“My question,” Frank answered. “What’s this taxi thing about?”
“Supervised visitation. I’m sure you were there the whole time the boys were, just like Craig always is, right?”
Frank frowned. ‘Supervised…? He didn’t tell me anything like that. He just said he toted the boys from her place to yours, so I couldn’t ground him from using his car.”
Gus laughed. “That kid’s gonna go far with those political skills. Maureen can drive fine. She just needs someone around—not me—when she’s got Sam.”
“What on earth for? And since when? I feel like I’ve missed something monumental here. You look like shit, by the way. Don’t give up on shaving.”
“Thanks. C‘mon.” Gus led him to the kitchen. “Coffee? I’m out of pretty much everything else except chocolate milk. Guess I should go shopping or something.”
“Tell me what’s going on.”
He sat down and sighed deeply, lacing his fingers together and resting his hands on the table. “Do you remember last summer, when Maureen showed up? Remember that stuff I told you about her? About her and Sam?”
“When he was a baby, you mean?”
“Yeah. And how she’s being medicated now, so something like that’s not going to happen again.”
Frank nodded. “So what—did something happen after all?”
“No. Or actually, yes. But it’s not Maureen. I know she’s safe. He’s her whole world. It was me. Dudley Do-right, bungling everything up in a grand gesture of pompous self-righteousness.”
“Let’s pretend I have no earthly idea what you’re talking about. Take it from the top.”
“Sarah.”
“Sarah? Oh! The bad driver professor dame?”
“That’s her.”
“Maureen found out…?”
“No. She knew. What could she say—she was living with Tim at the time. Problem was, I told Sarah about Maureen. All about her. She’s a shrink; I wanted answers.”
“Makes sense.”
“And now she’s using it against me.”
“How?”
“Here’s the real stupid part.” He sighed again, then admitted, “She’s pregnant.”
“What?”
“She’s indicated it’s mine. Except now she’s jerking my chain. Put her up for adoption without my consent, because my home isn’t safe.”
“How could…?”
“Because of Maureen.”
“That’s a bunch of bullshit!”
“I know. But it really poked a hole in Maureen, you know? She’s furious at me for telling. Feels like she’s been marked with the scarlet letter, you know?”
“That’s so wrong!”
“So that’s the silly visitation crap. Why she won’t come over here. I hired an attorney to help me get custody. Still working on what to tell Sam.”
“Look Gus, I know you’re really Prince Valiant in disguise. But sometimes not doing the right thing is the right thing. I think you need to step back on this one.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean Maureen. You guys are a matched set. And that little boy needs both of you. Together. Then look at the flip side—this woman has lied to you and caused you one pain after another from the start. Don’t let her rip your whole life apart. You don’t even know for sure this kid is yours.”
“Easy enough to find out.”
“Easy enough to not find out as well. Assume it’s not. Assume it’s another of her things she ‘forgot’ to mention. Just let it go. Forget her. Forget her kid. Let her adopt it out—it’ll probably end up with a better mother at least. You and Sam and Maureen don’t need that. Concentrate on what matters. What you know is real.”
Gus nodded slowly. “I know. I’d love to. But it’s too late.”
“How so?”
“Maureen. She said she knew I’d be a mess about this, so she’s taken it upon herself to choose for me. Cut me off cold. Set up these weekly visits with Sam. Met with my attorney to help him draw up my battle plan. She’s chosen for me, because she thinks if I choose her, I’ll feel guilty about my daughter forever.”
Frank shook his head. “She knows you inside out. Listen to yourself. You’re already saying ‘daughter.’ Look, Gus, at least take the test, since you’re heading up the path of most resistance anyway.”
“Yeah. What a mess.”
“And if this is going to end up a court battle, go get your hair cut. Shave. At least wash your bathrobe before you venture out into public.”
Gus grinned. “Thanks. Now, since you’re so full of good ideas, want to explain babies to Sam?”
“Not in a million years. I still haven’t told Craig we didn’t really pick Jordan up at the Farmer’s Market.”
Chapter 55
They met with a court appointed arbitrator in early April. Although it was Sam’s usual day to visit Maureen, she had sent Gus an email on Sunday begging off, so his parents were on standby in case he didn’t get home on time. His mother was more than happy to come chastise him to his face.
<
br /> Sarah showed up accompanied by her attorney and a couple in their mid-forties. “Who are they?” Gus asked suspiciously.
“The hopeful adopters,” his attorney answered.
“I don’t want them here! This is ridiculous! How many times do I have to say no?”
“I agree. Let me talk to the arbitrator.”
While the attorneys conferred quietly with the arbitrator, Gus felt these people summing him up. Following Frank’s advice, he had not only shaved and gotten his hair cut short, he had gone to Brooks Brothers and been fitted for a “mature and responsible” suit, white shirt, and a blue necktie that cost more than all of the rest of the clothes in his wardrobe put together. He was wearing the gold cufflinks that Maureen had bought him for his birthday the first year they were together as a joke because she had never seen him in a dress shirt. He adjusted them nervously now. He missed her so damn much! What was he doing here? He should be on his knees at her front door, begging her to come back to him. This was such a mistake!
Finally the couple was sent from the room to wait down the hall. Sarah refused to look at him as they were all seated. After the attorneys presented the arbitrator their basic arguments, he asked, “Mr. Moore, where is your son?”
“He’s in school until 3:15.”
“And then?”
“My parents are at my home today in case I get tied up. Usually I’m home. I work from home. Once a week a neighbor accompanies him to visit his mother after school for a couple of hours.”
“Do you feel your son is a happy child?”
He didn’t answer, glaring at Sarah’s turned away face.
“Mr. Moore?”
“No. No, my son is actually a very sad child. He was happy. He has a cheerful, bright, funny disposition. But right now, thanks to Dr. Wexler, he is a sad child.”
This made her finally look at him, frowning.
“Could you explain?”
“Sam—that’s my son—doesn’t understand why he only gets to see his mother a couple of hours a week all of the sudden. Why she doesn’t come over to play with him or put him to bed or take him shopping or any of that any more.”
“So she did these things in the past?”
“Yes.”
“And you blame Dr. Wexler for this stopping? Did you quarrel…?”
“No. It was because Maureen—Ms. Lester—has a medical condition. Which is being treated very closely. Dr. Wexler is aware of it, and threatened to blackmail me with it if I didn’t drop this custody issue.”
“I didn’t threaten…!” Her attorney signaled her not to speak.
The arbitrator frowned and asked, “Can I know what the condition is—why it needs to be a secret?”
“She’s bipolar. And on medication and seeing a therapist as well. I made the mistake of thinking it was okay to discuss this with Dr. Wexler, as psychology is her field. I wanted her opinion about trusting her around Sam. We hadn’t seen her in several years—since before she’d been diagnosed and treated. Dr. Wexler assured me she would pose no danger to Sam.”
“Is this true, Dr. Wexler?”
“She’s not my patient. I can’t judge her volatility.”
“But her own doctors can, and they say there is no problem,” Gus added.
Gus’s attorney offered, “I have depositions from both doctors treating Ms. Lester. They are both confident in her parenting skills. Coupled with the fact that Mr. Moore is a stay at home parent who has already been raising a child alone from infancy, there doesn’t seem to be any reason to deny him custody of this child. If it is his.”
“Dr. Wexler?”
“He knows she’s his. But I still think she would be better in a two-parent home…”
“Which she could have if you would stop trying to paint monsters in the shadows,” Gus commented.
She stopped and squinted at him.
The arbitrator asked, “Are you saying you and Ms. Lester are considering becoming a family?”
“We are a family. We have a child. We were planning to marry before she threatened to make trouble for Maureen.”
“Don’t try to make me the villain here! Tell them why I’m concerned! Tell them why you were worried enough to ask me about her in the first place! Tell them about Sam!”
“Mr. Moore?”
He crushed his teeth together so hard it felt like his jaw was going to crack. Finally he managed to control his voice to say, “When Sam was an infant and she was trying to raise him on her own, with undiagnosed bipolar disorder and likely a pretty serious case of post partum depression according to her current doctors, she had a moment of being completely overwhelmed, and she hurt him. Which scared her into giving him up to me and getting help for herself.”
“Dr. Wexler, other than Ms. Lester’s medical history, do you have any reason for not wanting Mr. Moore to assume custody of this child?”
She glared at the table top for a moment, then answered, “I don’t think it would be fair for his son to introduce this adult complication into his life. I don’t think his…fiancé…should have to start her marriage with this hanging over it. I know his neighbors—they would be saying things a six-year-old can’t understand. A mother shouldn’t have to explain.”
“These are our decisions to make. Not yours,” Gus retorted.
“But you have no objections to his capacity as a parent?”
She still kept her focus on the table, finally mumbling, “He’s a good father.”
The arbitrator nodded. “All right. Let me review these depositions. Other records.”
“I’ve also brought character witness statements for both Mr. Moore and Ms. Lester,” his attorney announced.
“Good. Mr. Moore, I’d like to meet your son. Some afternoon next week?”
“That’s fine. Any day.”
Chapter 56
He paused in the garage, bracing himself for his mother before opening the door. As he passed through the laundry room, Sam tore across the kitchen toward him, then stopped short. “Where’s Mommy?”
“Mommy? I don’t know. Why?”
His mother explained, “He’s been insisting she’s with you. That she’s moving in here.”
Gus knelt down. “What makes you think that, Buddy? I haven’t seen Mommy…”
“Why is Milo here?” Sam pointed to the back of the couch. A towel was spread out with the cat lying on it.
“I don’t know.” He looked at his mother. “What did she say?”
“It was here when we arrived. I put the towel there to try to save the furniture.”
“I see. Well, let me call her.” He headed for his study, Sam on his heels. The message light was blinking on the phone. “Could you ask Grandma to make me some tea? Tell her my tummy hurts. She’ll know what kind.”
“‘Kay. Tell Mommy I gave Milo his Pounce Treats!”
“Will do.” He dialed the voicemail.
“Hi, Gus. Sorry to take off like this—I’m going out of town for a few weeks. Hope you don’t mind watching Milo. Also, I’m taking a cab to the airport. Could you get my car and park it at your house? I don’t like the idea of it sitting out at the apartment all that time. Tell Sammy I love him to bits. You, too. I hope everything goes well in court. Talk to you soon. Oh—I’m not taking my cell, so don’t bother calling me a hundred times. I love you!”
He listened to it twice more. Her voice was strained. Something was wrong. He saved it, then took a chance and called her cell anyway. It went straight to voicemail. “Baby, I’m worried about you. Please call and just tell me you arrived safely. Things went very well today. The court arbitrator didn’t seem to think there was any reason all of us can’t be a family. Please come home soon.”
He hung up and closed his eyes, trying to send her a psychic message to check her voicemail. Then he called Cathy.
“Hello?”
“Where is she?”
“August? What are you talking about?”
“Maureen left town today. Where’d she go?”
“What makes you think that? She never said anything to me.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Catherine. She left me a message. She didn’t sound good. Where is she going?”
“I really didn’t know. Are you sure she really left?”
“She brought Milo over here while I wasn’t home. She asked me to get her car.”
“Her car? Look, Gus, don’t say anything if Sam might hear you. But maybe we better go check out her apartment. Do you have a key?”
“Yes. Do you think…?”
“Telling you to get the car—that sounds like she wants you to go over there for some reason. You want me to do it? Or you want me to come stay with Sam? Don’t take him…”
He didn’t answer, his stomach clenching.
“Gus?”
“Um. No. Look, my folks are here. With Sam. I’ll go. I’ll call you from there.”
“All right. Please let me know anything…”
He nodded and hung up, then realized she hadn’t seen him.
When he got out to the kitchen, his mother was just getting ready to pour boiling water into the teapot. “I need to run out real fast. Can you guys stick around?” He pointed his chin toward Sam, then shook his head at her.
Her face crinkled into a frown, but she only said, “Yes, all right. I’ll start dinner.”
“Did you call Mommy?” Sam asked.
“I didn’t need to after all. She left a message. She had to go out of town for a while. She said to tell you she loves you, and don’t let Milo be mean to Frodo.”
Sam giggled at this, telling his grandmother, “Milo’s a crabby cat. Dogs are more funner.”
Gus parked next to the MG and took the stairs two at a time to her apartment. He knocked, but didn’t wait before letting himself in. Everything looked perfectly in order. He checked the bathroom; a lot of the bottles of makeup and creams were gone. In her bedroom there was a noticeable dent in the clothing. How long was this trip planned to last? On the bed in Sam’s room was Sam’s favorite Bulls sweatshirt and a manila envelope with Gus’s name in large letters. He opened it quickly. It contained the book Where Did I Come From? and a Post-it note saying, “Maybe start here. Good luck!” There were also a few photos of Sam and Jordan playing together at her place.
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