We were in the middle of Athan’s regular electrophasm treatment when she stumbled upon the laboratory in the basement of the cottage. I had never seen such a look of horror on anyone’s face.
Athan was just coming off the machine, totally filled with electricity, pulsing in every fiber, needing to spend the excess quickly.
“Stay away from me. You’re not human. You’re a monster,” she screamed at him. “What have I done?” She screamed and whirled around to race back along the tunnel and up the stairs.
Athan would have run after her if we’d let him. I pressed my hands to his hard chest.
“Not like this, Athan. You can’t go after her so fully charged. You must expend. Let us help you and then we’ll find her. I promise you.”
He had no choice and he knew it.
If only we had known what she would do. We’d had long, violent rains the night before and the river was engorged to the upper banks and raging. We searched through the night and finally found her the next morning, washed up on the banks of the Fall’s Creek River near the border of the estate.
Athan was devastated. No one had ever called him a monster before. Certainly not someone he loved. He didn’t understand. But he blamed himself for her death.
The cause of her death had been listed as accidental drowning. She’s had no other relatives to care for her. We buried her on the hill with the other casualties of our experiments. I began to think of that place as Heartbreak Hill. All that rested there were the broken bodies of what Athan called our God play. It seemed never more true than at the moment as we buried our sweet Adele.
Chapter Nine
“Do you think I’m a monster?”
The slice of buttered toast Korrie had just been about to chomp down on was halted from entering her mouth at his question.
“What? Why would I think that?”
His gaze locked with hers. “Because of how I was made.” He turned away to gaze out the kitchen window. “There was another woman who discovered my secret. She called me a monster.”
“I know ‑‑ I read the journal. I can’t imagine anyone calling you that.” She reached across the table. After a moment’s hesitation, he laced his fingers with hers. “Adele was a fool. She couldn’t have really loved you and thought that. You are not a monster.”
“What will you do with the information, Korrie, now that you know my secret?”
She crumbled the toast and brown bits of bread rained down onto her plate. What would she do? By rights she should inform the Morgan Institute of the astounding discovery she had uncovered. Especially now that she knew he was real. But suddenly things seemed far more complicated. She wasn’t sure she could do that to Athan. Or that she wanted to. She understood why Sheba had kept his existence a secret.
“How much does Paul know?”
“He knows nothing. It didn’t seem right to tell him. I was waiting for the correct time. But he left.” His gaze connected with hers once again. “He said you were not to be trusted.”
She laughed unpleasantly. “Paul and I go back a long way.”
“You were lovers.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re very intuitive for someone who hasn’t seen us together. We were engaged. I was very naive back then. I trusted him and I shouldn’t have. He was nothing like the man I thought he was.”
“What happened? What caused your love to turn to hate for each other?”
“Paul doesn’t make friends; he uses people. He’ll use you if he gets the chance and then discard you quick as a flash.” She looked away from him. “He used my father and he used me to get to my father.”
“How did he use your father?”
Korrie pulled her hand from his and got up from the table. She walked across the room, uncertain if she could bring herself to share those painful memories. It wasn’t strictly the fact that Paul had been having an affair with her father that had practically destroyed her. It was how he had ingratiated himself to her to get close to him and then to exploit her father in his climb up the ladder at the institute. She crossed her arms over her breasts.
“This isn’t easy for me to talk about,” she began. “Paul and I were engaged. I was finishing up college so I wasn’t home much. Paul and I were planning to get married as soon as I graduated. Near the end of the second term, I decided to surprise my father, and I came home early for a break. I found him and Paul… Well, let’s just say they were in an extremely intimate and compromising position. I can’t tell you how betrayed I felt. It wasn’t the fact that my father was involved with a man that disturbed me so greatly ‑‑ it was the fact that Paul had betrayed our relationship ‑‑ our commitment to each other. I felt so used.”
“I’m sorry he hurt you.”
“It wasn’t just me he hurt. He betrayed both my father and me. My relationship with my father was never the same. He should have told me, not tried to hide it. That’s what I couldn’t forgive him for. After I graduated, I took a position at another research facility. I just couldn’t face either one of them.” She was silent for a long time, unable to continue, tears close to the surface. The betrayal still hurt too much. “It was several years later that my father committed suicide.”
She felt strong hands on her shoulders, bracing her. She dashed a hand across her wet cheeks. Spinning around, she latched onto him, breathed him in, and tried to tamp down her raw emotions. “I can’t seem to forgive myself for not going back and talking things out with my dad. Maybe it would have ended differently if I had.”
“Secrets can destroy us. And they can destroy the people we love.”
She raised her head to gaze up at him. And she remembered Adele. “You’ve experienced the same thing haven’t you? When Adele died.”
“I was lonely and I wanted a woman of my own. I thought I had found her. But like Hamlet’s Ophelia, she wasn’t emotionally strong enough to handle the truth about me. When she learned what I was, she killed herself ‑‑ drowned in the river. It was called an accident, but I knew what drove her to it. I had seen the horror in her eyes ‑‑ the revulsion.”
“Athan, I’m so sorry.”
“She’s buried on the hill ‑‑ Heartbreak Hill is what Dr. Sheba called it. It’s where all the pieces that were broken are buried. Where all the secrets of this place are hidden beneath the dirt.”
She led him back to the table and they sat down. “Sheba mentioned Heartbreak Hill in the journal. Tell me about them, Athan. What were they like? I can read Sheba’s words, but I want to hear what you think of them. I want to know your thoughts.”
“The Ransoms? They were my makers. They were my lovers. They were my family. All that I am is because of them.”
What she wouldn’t have given to have been a part of that relationship back then. What she wouldn’t have given to have been Adele. “You never yearned for a more…I guess…acceptable relationship? Like having the woman you love all to yourself? Not sharing her? I know Sheba loved you. Was Cornelius ever jealous of your relationship with Sheba? Were you jealous of Cornelius? And what about the other lovers you’ve taken over the years?” It wasn’t that she was trying to be judgmental of the situation; she was just curious. She had so many questions.
He looked at her, his expression shadowed and she could see the flashes of lightning shot through his pupils. Such an oddly beautiful being they had created.
“I have read the definition of monogamous. In theory, I understand it. But in practice…” He shook his head. “I am unable to practice it. I have needs, Korrie. I am what I am. I am not like other men.”
“Do you think you need to be?”
“If I were to go out there,” he waved a hand toward the window indicating the outside world, “I would not fit.”
“I think you would, Athan. You’re wrong.”
“Don’t you feel it when you are physically close to me? The doctors altered my chemistry to draw partners to me. Even in death, they control me. To assure that I would always be able to expend as I am required
to do. And sometimes I need more than one partner to satisfy my desires.”
“You didn’t last night.”
His expression grew darker, the flashes of lightning more intense. “You are the first woman to have ever satisfied my needs so thoroughly.” He reached out to trace her cheek. “I’ve never had so complete a cohesion that went beyond the physical with another person as with you. Not even with the Ransoms.”
She felt the heat of embarrassment flood her face. “Athan, I don’t know what to say. What happened last night was totally amazing to me as well. If I think about it, you’re right; there was something that had me ripping my clothes off to fuck you. And maybe you’re correct ‑‑ it had something to do with pheromones ‑‑ but after the initial rush… Well, it wasn’t why I stayed.”
“You should go,” he said as he pulled away from the table.
He was right. But first she had to know something. “Was it all about the primal need, Athan? And nothing more?”
For a long time he was silent. “I don’t know how to answer you.” He turned around to look at her. “I don’t know how to explain any of it. This isn’t easy.”
“Take your time. I’ll wait.”
Quickly closing the distance separating them, his gaze was a thunderstorm of emotion. “I don’t want to use you, Korrie. For the first time, I don’t want it to be just about expending. I have no right to ask, no right to want more.”
She stretched up a hand to cup his shadowed jaw. “I do have a right. I said it all last night, and early this morning. And I haven’t changed my mind.” She leaned up on tiptoes. “Let me be your vessel. I want this, more than I think I’ve wanted anything before.”
Fastening his hands onto her waist, he drew her up as though she weighed less than one of the plates situated on the table. “You don’t know what it does to me when you say that. But you don’t know me. You don’t know what I am capable of if I forget the process or fail to expend.”
“Teach me what you need. I won’t betray your secrets. Somehow I’ll find a way to put the institute off.”
“They sent Paul away. Why won’t they do the same to you if you fail to give them what they want?”
“There were other issues with Paul. This was supposed to be my project from the beginning, not his. He stole it from me. Something he’s very good at. I won’t reveal anything you don’t want me to. You can trust me.”
“There’ll be a price to pay. There always is.”
“Talk to me Athan. Trust me.”
“I want to trust you, but if I’m wrong…”
“Trust me.”
Finally, he released her. “I have something to show you. Then maybe you’ll understand. There cannot be secrets between us. Not now.”
Her heart thundered against her breast. “I promise, Athan, I won’t share anything. Not unless you tell me I can.”
He nodded. “I’ve been alone too long, I have to trust someone.” It was as though he was trying to convince himself of the need.
“Wait here, I’ll be right back. There’s something I must get.” Quickly he left the kitchen and descended to the basement. She sat back down at the table and waited. It wasn’t long before he returned, carrying two old red, leather-bound books. Hesitantly, he held it out to her. “These are the research notebooks for Dr. Cornelius and Dr. Sheba. They are from the very beginning, when they made me. No one has ever seen them, or knows that they exist. I would not want them to fall into the wrong hands. If you are to know me, you must understand not only Dr. Sheba’s personal feelings, but the scientific findings as well. Maybe this will help you to understand better the needs they ingrained in me. I have never trusted anyone as I trust you, Korrie. I don’t know why, and I hope I’m not wrong.”
“You’re not, Athan.” She accepted the books from him with all the reverence he seemed to give them. She didn’t open them, but clutched the books to her chest. With the experimental notes, he was handing her his faith and trust ‑‑ his very life. “You won’t be sorry, Athan. I promise.” She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, won’t I?”
He nodded. “If you want. After reading these.”
“I will want. We’ll have dinner together.”
He gripped her arm and she turned back. “Is there something else?”
“I ‑‑”
“What is it, Athan?”
“There’s something else I need to tell you. So there are no secrets that can be used to harm you. To hurt us. No surprises.”
A sense of foreboding stretched over her. “Then tell me and let’s be certain there can be no room for infection. Just tell me.”
“While Paul was here ‑‑”
And she knew exactly what he was going to reveal to her. “I don’t know if I want to hear this,” she whispered.
“You know, don’t you? Will you make me say it? Make me hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t have to say it. From everything you’ve already told me, yes, I think I know what you’re going to say.”
His grip on her arm tightened, his gaze branding her hotly. “Then say it, so we both can let it go.”
She’d didn’t want to hear the words. “And if he comes back? What will happen then?”
Athan’s hand dropped away from her arm. He ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know, Korrie. I can’t change what I am.”
“You were his lover.”
He nodded his head. “It is something I cannot deny.”
Her grip on the notebooks tightened. “I’m trying to sort everything out. I don’t know how I feel about all this. I need time to think.”
“I understand.”
She turned and left the cottage. If anyone saw the way she was dressed right now, they would really wonder. She had grabbed an old flannel shirt of Athan’s and found a pair of jogging pants to throw on. They were huge on her. And her slippers didn’t protect her feet very well. It was already late in the morning and she could only hope she could slip past Mrs. Grippen without being seen. She would eventually have to make her way down to the kitchen to let her know why she hadn’t been around for breakfast.
Nothing ever worked out the way one planned because Mrs. Grippen was in the kitchen garden, harvesting herbs, and looked up as Korrie approached.
“Ah, there you are, Dr. Odell. I was worried when I brought up your breakfast and you were nowhere around.”
“I’m terribly sorry. I had an important errand to run.” She tried to hurry past the extremely alert housekeeper.
“He’s all right, isn’t he, Dr. Odell?”
Korrie’s face burned with embarrassment. She couldn’t look at her. “He’s fine. You don’t need to worry about him.”
“And you? Are you fine as well?”
“Yes, Mrs. Grippen, I’m fine as well.”
Quickly she made her way into the house and up the stairs to her room. She carefully put the notebooks and Sheba’s journal in the drawer next to the bed. Then she stripped and headed for the shower. When she got out she felt much better, more able to face the decisions she would be required to make.
She brushed her teeth and dried her hair. She found a sweater and a pair of black jeans to slip into and then, unable to help herself, she picked up Athan’s shirt. Raising it to her face, she inhaled his masculine scent.
It was hard for her to believe he wasn’t like everyone else. He had been created from parts, through the scientific melding of separate pieces.
Dropping the shirt onto the bed, she pulled out the journal and crossed to an armchair by the window. Apparently, while she was in the shower, Mrs. Grippen had brought in a tray with fresh tea and muffins.
She curled her legs beneath her and opened the book, studying the handwriting. What new secrets was she about to uncover? She remembered what Sheba had said at the beginning.
I never realized what a work of art was…
Now she knew how very true that was.
And then she thought of Pa
ul and how he could warp a person, destroying them completely. Thank God, the institute had called him back. She shivered at the thought of what he could have done to Athan if allowed to remain here much longer. Thank God that hadn’t happened. Someone was watching out for him. But hadn’t she had the sense of that someone for some time?
She vowed that Paul Cathcart would never be allowed to hurt Athan the way he had devastated her father and her. She turned her attention back to Sheba’s words, drawn to them with the need to feel the emotion and then she would begin the work of deciphering Sheba and Cornelius’s scientific notes. But that was for later.
* * * * *
“Donald, it’s good to see you,” Paul swiveled around on the bar stool to greet his young ex-lover. They shook hands and Donald took the stool next to him.
He had a mutinous, set expression on his face and Paul knew he was going to have to make up the ground he had lost in the months he’d been at the Ransom estate.
Donald ordered a shot of tequila and sat back to wait for his drink to arrive. “So, Paul, why did you call me? Knowing you, it wasn’t just to reminisce about old times. What do you want?”
“Right to the point, Donnie. I thought we were better friends than that.” He placed a casual hand on Donald’s inner thigh, just above his knee and lightly squeezed. “I’ve missed you. You said on the phone you weren’t seeing anyone regularly.” He leaned a little closer and Donald didn’t back away. Paul took it as a good sign. “I’ve missed you,” he repeated in a husky voice, his hand shifting a little higher along Donald’s leg.
Donald’s tequila arrived and Paul straightened away. That would give his ex-lover something to think about. “I don’t know, Paul. I don’t think this is right. I shouldn’t be seeing you under these conditions.”
Paul took a gulp from his martini. This is exactly why he’d called Donald. He wanted to know what the board had planned for him. He looked up and into the mirror behind the bar at the reflection of the two of them sitting there.
Donald wasn’t bad looking, but he was a spoiled, rich kid, whose daddy happened to be friendly with the chairman of the board of the Morgan Institute. Even now, he looked like a sulky little kid with a lock of his blond sun-streaked hair falling into his eyes. He belonged on a beach, not in an office. Paul supposed he’d once thought him cute, but that was as far as it went.
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