“You’re in love with Alec?” Caleb’s eyes widen, and his mouth drops open. “But—but you hate each other. You told me he was the bane of your existence. The devil incarnate. The—”
I raise my hand to stop Caleb from speaking more. “I was an idiot. I get that. Fine.”
Caleb lets out his breath in a long hiss. “If he’s not good enough for you, you shouldn’t be tearing yourself up about him. I don’t like that he’s making you so unhappy. I mean—you’ve been miserable.”
“Yeah,” Mateo agrees.
I stare at them. It would be so easy to give in to the conversation and turn the discussion into reasons to get over Alec. His background is too different, his family too complicated, and yet saying anything to dismiss him feels treasonous.
I let loose a long sigh. “There’s nothing wrong with Alec.”
Caleb and Mateo shift their legs, still frowning. “And everything was wonderful.”
“Oh,” Caleb says.
“Do you think I could come out? Think the band could have two gay members?” My chest squeezes, and I’m sure my eyes widen.
Caleb and Mateo exchange glances again. Finally Caleb says, “I think if you’re thinking about coming out, he must be worth it. I agonized over it so much. Totally not worth it.”
Mateo smiles. “It’s good to be honest, Ezra. The band cares about you. Nobody wants you to lie. You don’t owe anyone coming out—but if it makes you feel better, yeah, definitely do it.”
The room is silent, but tension mounts. My fingers tighten around the rails of the chair, and the sound of music playing—a love song—blasts from the room next door.
“If that’s so,” Caleb says, “then you should go get him.”
“Are you sure?” Mateo turns to him. “He was Ezra’s stepbrother. Maybe it’s best—”
Caleb shakes his head, and a small smile spreads on his face. “And you were once just my publicity manager. There’s always a reason for inaction. In every relationship. But the chance to have something real—that’s amazing. And worth the effort. It might not work out, but you don’t want to wonder about something as important as true love.”
I arch my eyebrows at his sudden romanticism, but I know the man is madly in love with Mateo. I know how happy they are, and I wonder if what I see as impossibilities are in fact surmountable. “You’re right.”
Caleb smiles at Mateo and kisses his hand. ”I know so.”
Chapter Twenty-three
Alec
I stand in line at the Thai takeout restaurant, behind somber professionals in cheap polyester suits, dripping umbrellas dangling from their bags, splurging on a meal before they go home, and talkative college girls, form-concealing sweatshirts draped over them, discussing boys and homework in exactly that order. Cheerful Thai letters are blazed on the side of the small building in gold and red, and a tapestry of the Buddha hangs in the hallway.
Normally, I avoid the place, hating the way it makes me think of Ezra, even as I cherish the memory of our first meeting. Today, rain pounds over the sidewalks, so they are slick with streams of flowing water, and thunder rumbles overhead. A group of children in yellow raincoats and flowered rain boots count the time between the lightning and thunder, shouting the numbers—seven, eight, nine—out in glee, as their parents wait to pick up their pad Thai and peanut satay dishes.
This place is so close to my dorm, and I shouldn’t let Ezra’s memory inhibit me. Ezra is in the past, I tell myself, but the reminder does nothing to diminish his presence in my soul.
I give my order to the petite Thai cashier, but her eyes flicker behind me, and I need to repeat it.
The murmurs from the other guests heighten, and one of the college girls raises her cell phone to her eyes.
The server fumbles as she hands me my change, her gaze drifting behind me once again, and I swing my head around. People gather near the entrance, and blond hair peeks from the top of someone’s head. Blond hair just like . . . I force that thought away. Ezra is on tour. I know that. And we have nothing to do with each other now.
I’ve hurt his family so much. No way can I approach the man now.
Our time together swirls through my mind often. Occasionally, I think I see his lanky form, his casual surfer clothes, but then I realize I’m conjuring his presence up.
It’s not him. It can’t be him.
My fingers clench, and I wish I’d never stepped into this restaurant.
“Alec.” His voice is warm and velvety, and he’s calling my name.
Ezra is here. Ezra is really here.
The children and college girls squeal. More people snap pictures of him, and Ezra strolls through the restaurant, past the image of the Buddha, past the gilded Thai decorations, and past the throngs of people until he stands before me.
His blond hair shines against the slate-gray sky from outside. His locks are more disheveled than normal, and he’s dressed in relaxed jeans and a hoodie.
He bites his lower lip, and his eyes flicker tentatively to me. Cell phones flash, but the only person he focuses on, for whatever strange reason, is me.
Our eyes lock, and I drink in the deep blue color of his eyes, more striking against his somewhat paler skin. He pushes a strand of hair behind his ear.
“Ezra. Ezra Williamson!” the girl beside me screams. Curses and shouts to God follow.
His languid, seductive smile, the one for all the cameras and the outside world, returns to his face, and he waves to the crowd.
They go berserk.
I smile at him. He’s so good at doing what he does.
He strides toward me, and my heart swells in my chest. I know I shouldn’t hope for more between us, but I totally am. He’s here, and all I can think of is the sheer miracle of that. The change the cashier gives me drops to the floor with a clink. The server calls out my order, but my eyes are focused on him.
He stands before me, filling my vision. “Hey.”
The word is too short, too mediocre for the emotions rushing through my body. Is he just stopping by from the tour? Some coincidence that led him to this restaurant by my dorm? I stiffen and take a step back, scraping against the counter.
Ezra reaches out and clutches my hands in his, and I’m not sure whether to relax into his touch or give way to the butterflies fluttering inside me. And I don’t get butterflies.
“I should have come before,” he whispers, tangling our fingers together. “I’m sorry.”
My eyes widen. “Ezra.”
“Yes.”
I whisper, “You’re holding my hands.”
“Do you mind?”
“No.” I swallow hard, and my gaze flickers to the many people inside the crowded restaurant, murmuring at our joined hands. I think of all those times on the beach when I longed for us to do just that, and I take joy in the way his fingers rubs against my palms. “But others can see . . .”
His lips stretch into a wide grin, and his blue eyes sparkle. “They’re going to have to get used to it.”
People around us raise their cell phones, and cameras flash. I’m sure we are being recorded on dozens of different devices, but Ezra doesn’t seem to care at all. His eyes are focused solely on me.
“I think you just came out. You fine with that?”
Ezra nods solemnly. He takes in the legions of people around us. He presses my hands in his, and my heartbeat quickens even more.
“I love you, Alec. I’ve loved you since the summer, and I hope we can start again, and—”
I press my finger over his lips, and his eyes widen. He blinks, and I can see the unhappiness that flickers across his face, realizing too late that he thinks I’m turning him down. I smile. The thought would be impossible.
I inhale. “I love you too, Ezra. I love you so much.”
The college girl next to me screams. “Oh my God!”
There’s no animosity in her voice, and Ezra and I both smile at her. She fans her face with long, pink-manicured fingers. “For real? Not for
a hidden camera?”
“This is all me.” Ezra raises our joined hands up in the air. “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the man I love.”
There’s clapping. This may be Kentucky, but it’s still a university town. Some of the dowdier looking professionals seem a bit confused, but the other guests fill them in. I guess even Ezra isn’t recognizable to everyone.
“I know you live here, and I’m in LA.”
I smile. “I got a real job offer from the organization I interned at. Guess all those long hours paid off. I’m moving back there right after I graduate.”
“Next month!” Ezra grins at me. “That’s—that’s fabulous. So I didn’t have to come all the way here?”
I smack the side of his arm lightly. “I’m so glad you came here.”
His face turns more serious. “So am I, Alec. I couldn’t stand another minute apart.”
I grab hold of his hand. For the first time in my life, I am very hopeful at everything the future will bring.
“You just outed yourself,” I whisper.
Ezra smiles. “I know. Fifth Element will just have to have two gay band members. I told the rest of the group. They’re cool with it.”
“But—” I swallow hard as Ezra’s lips move. “But our parents? And your career? And—”
Ezra’s lips press into a tight line, but he keeps his hands on mine, moving his fingers over my palm, making warmth shoot through my body, and all my nerve endings seem to rejoice that he is here. “If all those things weren’t issues, would you be willing to—”
“Yes.” My word comes out hastily, and heat tingles the back of my neck. But I don’t have to think at all.
“You should have called me,” he says.
“I—”
“And I shouldn’t have left early for the tour,” he says. “I’ve spent the past few months regretting it.”
“People will mind,” I say.
Ezra kisses my forehead, and my body aches with need. “Some will. But a lot more will be understanding. And, Alec, you’re so worth any grief I get. I was ready to leave the band entirely, but I was talked out of it.”
“Oh.” I stare at him, my eyes filled with wonder.
He laughs, and pushes me into a corner. His hand reaches behind me, and we’re in a tiny, private room all to ourselves. People are still squealing outside, but Ezra’s lips brush against mine, and he takes the opportunity to kiss me, really kiss me. His hands glide against me, grasping my back, playing in my hair, brushing against my cheek, as if he still can’t quite believe that I’m here, with him. My heart races, my breath quickens, but I know I’m completely, utterly happy. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He whispers in my ear, “It’s the beginning of the rest of our lives.”
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Blurbs for Other Books by Alexandra
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Agent Rock Star – Book 3 of Men of Midnight Dreams Series
Buy the book on amazon.
Undercover FBI agent Vinny Angelini is in big trouble. Twelve years of excelling at choir at his very Catholic school got him assigned to his nightmare assignment: a stint as a rock star. Vinny’s off to stop a bomb from exploding on the Midnight Dreams tour, and going undercover is the only way to get the group of famous celebrity suspects to trust him.
But pretending to be a rock star isn’t easy, and solving a crime is tough when the spotlight’s all on you. Especially when Vinny is becoming way too intrigued with famous, flamboyant, fantastic rock star Giorgio Calla, who is everything Vinny’s former nuns told him he absolutely shouldn’t desire. All signs point to Giorgio being the prime suspect, and unless Vinny finds the real criminal, Vinny might find himself carting off the guy who might just be the one.
I Was a Famous Rock Star – Book 1 of Men of Midnight Dreams Series
What if the whole world knows who you are, but you wake up to find you have forgotten everything since high school?
When Caleb wakes up in a glamorous clinic in California, he is a changed man. His once-scrawny body is toned, his now-white teeth gleam, and everyone looks at him in adoration. Caleb shouldn’t even be in the US—he’s English and has never traveled farther than London.
Somehow Caleb transformed from an eighteen-year-old, sexually questioning, reclusive high school student who spent his free time composing and practicing music in his parents’ shabby council flat to become a world famous rock star with adoring fans and his own mansion in Beverly Hills.
Caleb bravely tries to fit into his new life as he recovers from his amnesia. But who is the handsome young Latino publicity manager who visits him in the hospital? Why does everyone think Caleb is straight? What has Caleb forgotten? And will he ever remember?
Buy the book on amazon.
Sebastian Lewis never expected to become a duke. But with the sudden deaths of his cousin and uncle, Sebastian’s position changes. He is determined to fulfill his new responsibilities with grace, even if it means remarrying, and even if the attractions of women, so often lauded by poets, fail to interest him.
Captain William Carlisle, newly returned from India, is elated when he meets Sebastian. Nobody knows of his inclinations, but his harrowing experiences in battle have prompted him to reach for the type of companionship he longs for. He thinks Sebastian might feel an attraction as well, but to his dismay, he discovers that Sebastian is courting his sister Dorothea.
After a semi-arranged engagement and a disconcerting romantic tangle with William, Sebastian escapes London to look after his manor, only to face mysterious thefts, a headless ghost, and the arrival of his fiancée, her brother, and his family. Sebastian’s new estate sits on the south coast, England’s most vulnerable location, and Napoleon has set his sights on conquering the area. Amid this growing turmoil, Sebastian must sort out his feelings for his fiancée’s brother and keep his home safe . . . and determine if he has the courage to reach for his own happiness in the process.
Buy the book on amazon.
And Last
Thank you so much to Rhonda Helms and Jennifer Quinlan for editing and to Angela Waters for the cover. Thank you as well to Anna for all your help and advice. All mistakes are as always completely my own.
The first book in the Men of Midnight Dreams series is already available for sale on amazon. You can also snag book three in the series, Agent Rock Star, via pre-order on amazon soon.
You may also enjoy reading The Duke in Denial, my very first book, and a m/m regency romance.
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My Stepbrother the Rock Star (Men of Midnight Dreams Book 2) Page 14