by Vi Carter
“I’ll work for Liam,” I say, but I’ll really just rob another ATM.
Father stares at me until I shrink a little. “I remember the day you and Finn where born.” His voice hasn’t softened, so I don’t confuse this with a nice moment.
“You nearly cost me my wife that day. She lost so much blood.”
I drop my eyes, guilt dips and swirls in my stomach.
“Are you fucking serious?” A familiar voice asks.
My head snaps up as Connor enters the study, he’s holding boots and socks in one hand, and a t-shirt slung across his shoulder.
“You’re blaming a baby for Mum losing blood during childbirth?” Connor’s laughter bounces off every wall.
“This is a family conversation,” Father barks.
“No, this is you two bullying Darragh. Does it make you feel big, Liam?”
I want to be like Connor when I grow up. But he has nothing to lose. I have everything.
Liam stands up and takes a step towards Connor. “No, it makes me feel old. And you may feel your aggression here is justified, that you feel better standing up for Darragh, but you have no idea what goes on inside these walls.”
Connor pulls his top off his shoulder and holds it. He takes a step towards Liam and I move. I’m not sure why, or what I could do, but fear curls in the pit of my stomach.
“Exactly, Liam. All the secrets you two keep.” He shoots a hateful look at Father. “You are as bad as him.”
Connor looks at me. “You don’t have to stay here and listen to them. You’re a grown man. You can leave.”
I swallow the emotion that rises. I do have to stay here. I wouldn’t survive anywhere else. I know that. He knows that. So his false hope isn’t welcome.
“Get out,” I say to Connor.
His body goes slack with my answer.
“You heard him, get out of our home.” Father steps forward.
“That’s not-” I try to explain myself.
“Shut up.” Father is facing me now, his wrath growing, strangling me. I nod and I can’t look up at Connor.
“I don’t want you in my home anymore. You’re not welcome,” he shouts at Connor.
I stare into the fireplace like a coward.
Connor snorts. “I can’t stand you wankers, anyway.” His gaze meets mine and the hurt is there. I want to say I’m sorry, but he turns his back on me and leaves.
“I don’t want him here again,” Father tells Liam.
Liam nods.
My stomach tightens. “You won’t hurt him?”
Both of them look at me. I don’t know if it’s the drink or the idea of having more guilt on my conscious, but I need to know. “Liam,” I beg.
“What is wrong with you? Are you on drugs?” Father asks.
The tightness in my stomach travels up and closes around my chest. I need to calm down but something in me is clawing, fighting to get out. “Answer me.” I face Liam. “Will you hurt him?”
“Sit down, Darragh,” Father barks at me but I can’t calm down. I can’t stop looking at Liam. He won’t answer me.
“Just tell me you won’t hurt him. Please.” I step even closer to Liam, but Father steps in front of me.
His face is red from my disobedience. “I said sit down.” His final warning.
If I let this go, I won’t get an answer and no answer feels worse than Father’s wrath.
I glance at Liam. “Please Liam,” I plead to the brother, who I know still lives inside this sociopath.
It all happens so quickly. I know the moment Father is going to hit me. He moves towards me quickly and I brace myself for the slap that never comes.
“Don’t.” Liam warns him, it’s one word, but it’s like someone just flipped the monopoly board. Father stands back, his fists still clenched, but he doesn’t touch me.
“I won’t hurt Connor,” Liam finally says.
I’m not fucking sure what to make of all this. The flip in power. Father obeying Liam. I stare at Liam, not really sure what I’m looking at. A new fear creeps up on me and I shrug, as if the movement will make it go away.
“You’re in work in three hours, you need to shower and get dressed.”
I nod and I step away from Liam. I don’t look back at my father as I leave the study and return to my room.
The smoke curls around me as I lie on my bed and blow it towards the ceiling. I try to make sense of what had just happened. Father listened to Liam, no, he obeyed him, like Liam was running the show, maybe power had shifted and they weren’t telling anyone.
Shane wouldn’t like it. Something deep down tells me it wasn’t that at all.
CHAPTER EIGHT
CIARA
When I arrive at the first room Darragh is waiting at the door. There is something different about him this morning. He’s staring at his shoes. When my trolley wheels squeak announcing my arrival, he looks up at me. He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his blue eyes.
“Morning,” I say and open the door. He steps in and sits on the floor. Once I have my trolley in, I move to open the curtains.
“Could you leave them closed a little while longer?” He asks and there is something in his voice that has me agreeing. It’s a tenderness that I’ve never heard before. I start to clean the room stripping the bed while stealing glances at Darragh. His sullen mood is a side of him I haven’t witnessed yet.
“I often wonder what it would be like if my mum was still here?” Darragh speaks softly and I don’t want to stop cleaning so I get my duster and polish off the trolley.
“She nearly died when I was born.” He’s staring at the floor and it’s like this knowledge is eating him away.
“What happened?” I quiz and half polish the bedside tables.
“I’m a twin so she had to have a section. Dad said she nearly bled to death.” He’s frowning.
“Did she?”
Darragh’s head snaps up and he’s looking at me like I just slapped him. “No not then.”
So she was dead.
“What happened to her?”
His clenched fists and quick rise and fall of his chest have me wanting to withdraw my question.
I leave him in his own turmoil and polish the TV and dresser.
“She was murdered.” His words are harsh.
All the hairs rise on my body and my hand stills on the dresser.
“I still picture her, gasping for air. Her nails were painted red. Like a blood red. She always kept herself so well.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
He shrugs and forces a shaky grin.
“You were there?” I ask.
He tilts his head narrowing his eyes. He looks more alert. “No I wasn’t…” He sounds so defensive.
“Just when you said about her gasping for air…” I trail off.
“Sorry she was shot, I wasn’t there. I had a mental night last night, my heads still all over the place. I got myself arrested.” He stands now.
“You sound proud.” I retort.
Darragh stares at me and it’s uncomfortable. I relax when he turns away and opens the curtains letting light stream in.
“What about you?” He asks.
I put the polish and duster away. “What about me?” I fire back.
Darragh opens a window getting ready to light a fag.
“You can’t smoke in here,” I say.
He lets out a heavy breath before putting the fag back in the box. “Aren’t you the rule enforcer?” He says with a grin.
“No. I just can’t afford to lose my job.” I grab my gloves and supplies for the bathroom. What I don’t expect is for Darragh to follow me in. He takes a pair of gloves from the box. Blowing into them first before he slips them on.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“What can I do?”
“You want to help?” I’m surprised. His six-foot frame in the bathroom is making the space seem small. I want him out.
“My father has cut me off from the family money. So I need
to work to get money.” That’s all it takes and I relax. “I was thinking that maybe you were doing it because sitting on the ground while I do all the work just might be getting to you. But obviously I was wrong.” My words come out harsher than I intended.
“Don’t sound so pissed Blue. I mean I want to help you too.”
I roll my eyes and turn my back on him. “Clean the sink.” I say and then think maybe I should make him clean the toilet. Fingers coil around my arm and my reaction is immediate.
“Take your hands off me.” I rip my arm from his and square up.
Darragh holds his hands in the air. “Wow, wow calm down.”
I’m trying to control my pounding heart and tell my body he’s not a threat.
“You’d be really pretty if you let your hair down.” Darragh’s words have me blinking.
“You’re hitting on me?” My confusion works itself around my words.
“No. If I was hitting on you, you’d know about it.”
“I suppose then, Ignorance is bliss.” I say but my mind is scrambling.
“Why do you take everything as an insult?” He questions.
I hate the way Darragh is making me feel. My brain is scrambled and my mind is in chaos. I don’t like it. “Because, Darragh, it usually is.”
I don’t miss the soft knock on the door so I quickly evacuate the bathroom.
“Ciara.” Liam’s eyes scan the room. Everywhere his eyes touch he gives a nod of approval. “I need you to come down to the club we are getting ready for tonight’s opening.”
I nod. “What about my rooms?”
Darragh steps out of the bathroom.
“Darragh will finish them.” Liam informs me.
I don’t turn to Darragh and he doesn’t respond.
“Are you ready?” Liam isn’t leaving without me.
That feels odd. I check my apron for my phone and key. “Yeah I’m good to go.” I follow Liam out of the room and when I turn to say goodbye to Darragh he’s disappeared back into the bathroom.
***
The new part of the hotel is alive with activity. The room is nearly complete and the last touches are being placed. A man carrying a large flower arrangement walks past me. I snort. This is going to be a strip joint, I’m not sure any punters will be looking at the flowers. Some dancers are practicing, fully clothed, but that isn’t stopping the males from ogling them as they work.
I line up with the rest of the staff when Liam arrives back out. “Uniforms are ready in the changing room, so everyone should get ready and we will start your training.”
Everyone moves.
“Ciara.” I hate being singled out, especially by Liam. “Your uniform size needs to be adjusted.”
“I’m an eight.” I tell him.
He nods. “I’ll have a uniform ready for you shortly.”
Great can’t wait.
Another man carrying a larger vase of flowers walks past me and I see Liam’s retreating back. I’m not sure what to do, so I just start wiping down the tables while I wait for someone to step in and tell me what I need to do. It doesn’t take long before Sharon one of the managers comes looking for me.
“Ciara.” She beckons me over with one finger, her nails are stupidly long. But she doesn’t exactly work. Delegating is definitely her specialty.
Sharon flicks her long red hair across her shoulder. “Get changed, your uniform is in the changing room.” Sharon steps away. “Derek move the flowers they’re obscuring the bar.”
I leave and find my uniform on the bench in front of my locker. I hold it up, it doesn’t seem so bad. The black trousers are the same as for us cleaners. I hate how they stick to me, but they are comfortable. The red shirt is tight and I have no choice but to unbutton the first three buttons. My chest is too large for the shirt. I leave and fold my arms across my chest as I try to find Sharon. She’s still out on the floor giving orders.
“My shirts too small.” I inform her dropping my arms so she can see for herself.
She looks me and up and down and grins. “It’s perfect.”
“It’s not Sharon. I feel very exposed.”
She leans into me. “You’ll get more tips.” She turns to everyone else now. “Okay ladies listen up.” All the other girls have changed and everyone’s uniform looks pretty tight. No one else seems uncomfortable, but I am. I refold my arms across my chest as I fall into line with the other girls. We spend the next hour learning how to carry a tray with one hand. A lot of glasses get broken but towards the end of the hour we all seem to have it. So that’s what we will be here for, to serve.
“Looking good ladies.” A familiar voice rings out across the room.
I nearly drop my tray but balance it at the last minute. Darragh strolls in with a smirk on his face and a fag tucked behind his ear. His confidence fills each step he takes. He winks and grins and when our eyes meet his widen and he takes two steps towards me.
“I knew it.” The way he says it has my face burning.
I’m praying to God that he doesn’t say anything inappropriate. “I knew you were hiding this-“ He points to my chest. “-under all those layers.”
I glance at the other girls who look at me, like I just materialized. “Did you clean all your rooms?” I fire back hating how he’s so easily embarrassing me.
“I’m on my lunch break-” I thought my words would deter him from poking at me but not a bit. “-Thought we might grab some food.” He’s talking to my chest and I wish I didn’t have to hold the tray so I could fold my arms.
“Darragh,” Sharon arrives back over and puckers her lips. Darragh’s attention is taken off me and now he focuses on Sharon. She embraces him and plants a kiss on his cheek. I hate how my stomach twists at the sight of her lips on him.
“Sharon you look hot.” He tells her and she smiles at him. I stop myself from rolling my eyes knowing some of the girls still watch me.
“Aren’t you a sweetheart,” she says. “Did I hear you mention lunch?” She bats her eyelids, and I feel disappointed when Darragh agrees to go for lunch with her. I know I shouldn’t, its Darragh and we don’t exactly know each other but yeah that hurts.
“Ciara are you coming?” I’m placing the tray on the table when Darragh asks me. I’m turning but flicker a glance at Sharon who curls her lips up in distaste.
“I’m good,” I say. I can’t meet his eye.
“Come on. Don’t make me drag you.” He’s in front of me now and everyone is staring at us.
My heart starts to pound. “I brought my lunch.”
He grins. “Bring it with you, I’ll sort it.”
I can’t stop the grin that spreads across my face. “Like you did the last time?”
His own grin turns into a smile. “I promise I will sort it this time.”
I don’t believe him.
“Ciara is training so she won’t be ready for lunch for a while.” Sharon smiles but it’s forced and she’s looking very jealous.
“You want me to have a word with the boss.” It’s like Darragh knows he’s winding Sharon up and I wonder for the first time if I’m a pawn in his game. Is he trying to make her jealous? The burn of my chest has me turning away.
“I’ve work to do.” I walk off with the burn of humiliation heavy on my cheeks.
It takes a full ten minutes before the heat leaves my face and chest.
“A word please Ciara.” Liam’s voice comes from behind me.
When I turn he walks off to the bar and I follow him. I can’t think of any reason that Liam is pulling me aside, unless it’s working later or maybe Darragh didn’t finish the rooms which would make so much sense.
“Can I get you a drink?” The question surprises me.
“Like a coke?” I quiz.
“A coke,” He calls to the barman.
I didn’t want a coke. But I don’t refuse it as Liam places it on a mat, and slides the mat towards me. He waits and I take a sip of coke, he seems satisfied once I put the glass back down.
“Have you wondered why I paired you with Darragh?”
An uneasy feeling starts in my stomach. “No.” I had wondered, every day since he was placed in my room.
“I selected you. It wasn’t random. You Ciara are different from other girls.” He lets that sink in.
I’m not entirely sure what he means. “Thanks,” I say but it sounds more like a question.
“Darragh has a weakness for pretty girls, he likes to break them. So with you I knew it would work.”
I grip the glass hating what he is saying, but I’m not naïve in thinking I’m a model. But Jesus he was making me feel like a monster. He’s silent now and the burn of my throat has me wanting to leave. “Is that all?”
He runs his long fingers across the polished bar. “Earlier he asked you for food. I saw your face. I just don’t want you to be naïve about the situation.”
I pick up the coke and drink nearly all the contents. “I’m not naïve don’t forget where you found me,” I say and stand up.
A nod of his head is my dismissal. I’m hurt but at least with Liam he’s straight. No mind games.
The day he had offered me a job and climbed into a brand-new Range Rover, I remember staring at the Jeep thinking I could be walking to my doom. He hadn’t leaned out of the vehicle but his voice had reached me. “Are you coming or not?”
I had walked to the car door. “I won’t work the streets.” I’d told him with a hand on my hip.
“It’s a cleaning job.”
“How can I trust you?”
“You can’t.” His honesty had me taking my chances and climbing into the jeep.
***
I eat lunch alone in the canteen. The other girls had tried to be friends with me when I had first started. I’m not a people person and now with Darragh I was starting to really hate humanity.
CHAPTER NINE
DARRAGH
I wash Sharon off me before heading to Kells to meet the lads. She isn’t my type, but she’s more than willing to relieve some of my stress so I let her and she also paid for my food.
A win win.
“Did you miss me?” I ask as I enter the warehouse. I’m not sure of the reception I will receive; everyone is here. It’s DJ that comes over to me and for a moment we stand toe to toe until he raises his hand, I clasp my hand with his.