by Vi Carter
“You’ve always been a good son, a good brother and now you will be a great husband.” Father drinks and we all do the same to close the speech.
“To family. May it always come first.”
I’m already getting sick of drinking water. A beer would wash his bullshit down.
Una’s clapping beside me like a happy fucking seal. I grin when I look at Finn, he’s so happy with Father’s praise.
The conversation continues about the wedding and I’m glad when Mary arrives in with dessert. This was coming to an end.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CIARA
“So you still good to go to the wedding tomorrow?” Darragh’s been asking me the same question the last few days like I’m going to back out of it. I’ve thought about not going, but things have fallen into a comfortable pattern with us. We work together, have lunch and Darragh drops me home and picks me up. I enjoy his company and we haven’t mentioned the kiss. Yet, I can’t seem to forget about it.
“Yes. So when do I get to see my dress?”
He grins at me as he puts on a fresh pillowcase. He’s still using my rubber gloves that are way too small for his large hands. “You can try it on for me after work.”
Going to the cart and getting polish and a duster gives me a moment to hide my burning face. The idea of Darragh standing in my apartment does funny things to my stomach. “You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.”
“Fine. When I drop you home, I’ll give it to you. I have it in the car.”
“It better fit. Or I’ll have to wear my trousers and a top.” I’m teasing.
Darragh puts the final pillow on the bed. “If you want to wear your trousers, I’m cool with that. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” He’s being serious.
“Nah, I never get to dress up.”
We move onto the next room. Thinking about the wedding tomorrow is making me nervous. The sad reality is I’ve never been to one. I’ve never worn a dress. I don’t share this with Darragh; I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.
“So… my family is pretty intense.” Darragh isn’t looking at me instead he’s checking the wardrobes to make sure the previous guests didn’t leave anything behind. His tense shoulders and the fact he won’t look at me tells me that he’s worried. “They don’t agree with my lifestyle and pretty much think I’m going to fuck it up. So if they start you have to ignore them.” He closes the wardrobes.
“Okay.”
Darragh looks at me now, he searches my face. “Okay.” He repeats my word.
“I don’t think you are going to fuck anything up.” I’m finding it hard to meet his eye, I believe what I’m saying and that confuses me. Since when did I believe in someone?
“Trust me. If anyone will make a mess of the wedding, it will be me. So I’m going to try to not drink.”
Darragh moves towards me and my heart rate picks up. He makes me feel small and with each step my breath lodges in my throat. Is he going to kiss me? Would I stop him?
Darragh’s eyes shine and his lips tug up slightly as he leans around me. When he moves back, he’s holding a pair of blue gloves. I die a little as he grins like he knows what I was thinking and knows the effect he just had on me. He moves away and starts stripping the bed. I pick up my brain and lady parts off the floor. What the hell is wrong with me?
“I won’t drink either,” I say as I strip the quilt. I can feel Darragh’s focus on me and when I look up, it’s confirmed.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I know.” I answer.
He seems stunned for a moment. “It’s going to be one boring wedding with both of us sober.”
I tut. “With me, I’m a joke a minute. I don’t need a drink.”
Darragh’s grin reappears.
After work Darragh keeps to his word and drives me home. Once we reach the apartment, he hands me a bag that has my dress and shoes in it.
“Thanks.” I wrap my arms around it. I’m so nervous to see what he picked for me.
“If you need help with your hair or makeup, just let me know.”
“What you have more hidden talents.”
Darragh laughs at my remark. “My step-sister would gladly help.”
My stomach flips at the idea of his sister helping me. I shake my head. “I’m good but thanks.”
“So I’ll pick you up around twelve in the morning.”
“I’ll be ready.” My nerves are kicking in. I can feel the tremble rise all the way into my hands so before I start shaking, I get out of the car and don’t look back.
Peaches is waiting for me when I enter my apartment. I rush and get her some food and milk before bringing the bag into the bedroom. I’m staring at it, afraid to look. I hate how much this means to me. I want to savor every second of the unwrapping. My first dress and I let a guy pick it.
“Here goes.” I tell myself as I open the bag, the dress that I pull out has my pulse spiking. It’s a blue that I see all the time. It’s the same as my eyes. I have often been told that they are electric blue. The satin runs through my hands and I enjoy the time running my hands through the fabric. The full-length dress had a generous slit that goes up my thigh while the halter neck has a plunge line. It’s stunning. But for me, I’m not so sure.
The doorbell ringing has me placing the dress back on the bed before returning to the living room.
“Hello?” I speak into the intercom.
“Hi, Ciara, it’s Bernie.”
“Come on up.” I buzz Bernie in and open the door. I’ve never met her before but as she rounds the corner; she’s a lot younger than I thought she would be. Her buzz cut hairstyle and baggy clothes aren’t what I expected from a hairdresser.
“Hi Bernie,” I greet her as she reaches the top step.
“How do you climb so many steps?” She’s puffing as she steps into the apartment.
“I suppose I just got used to them.”
I’m nervous about getting my hair done.
“So I’m going to set up here is that okay?” Bernie asks as she places her bag on the counter.
“Work away.”
“Are you sure about this?” She smiles as she speaks.
I sit down on the chair that she points to and let her remove my hair tie.
“Yes. I think so.” I’m smiling.
“So what is your natural color?” She asks while parting my hair. “Ah, I see it’s blond.” The blue is starting to leave my roots showing some of my natural color.
“Yeah white blond, so can you remove all the blue?”
“I can do anything. Just relax and let me work my magic.”
***
It takes three hours and when Bernie is finished, I’m starving and a little surprised with how I look. I’m in the bathroom mirror and it’s been so long since I saw me. The me that I hide from the world. My stomach twists and I want my blue hair back. It was the thing that made me stand out but also made me look dangerous, a warning not to mess with me. Now I look innocent, and innocent attracts the wrong kind of people. That’s why I changed my appearance so much. No makeup, blue hair, baggy clothes, so I’m not worth looking at. My looks before had brought so much unwanted attention and not one ounce of it good. My reflection disappears as I close my eyes and try to take some calming breaths. I was going to be fine. I would be with Darragh after all. My smile is shaky, but it’s there as I picture him seeing me with blond hair. Blue eyes that look larger stare back at me.
My phone pulls me away from my reflection.
Do you like the dress? Need a hand getting in or out of it?
I picture him in a mansion surrounded by servants or maybe at a party with the elite. If he was, he wouldn’t be texting me. So maybe he’s just bored.
It’s nice.
I go back to the bag and remove the dress again; it causes a lump to rise in my throat. It’s stunning. The shoes are also electric blue with some stones placed at the front were the material gathers.
Just nice??? I
picked it myself.
The idea that Darragh selected my dress causes my stomach to tighten.
It’s stunning. Thank you, Darragh.
The reply is immediate and makes me smile. Can’t wait to see you in it, Blue.
He couldn’t call me blue any more, my fingers run through my hair again. It was going to take a while before I got use to the new me. Well, actually the old me. I look like my mother, the longer I stare at myself the blurrier my vision grows.
Peaches rubs up against my leg. Rubbing my eyes I pick her up and focus on her instead.
DARRAGH
We never had a stag for Finn; he didn’t want one but tonight we were meeting up in Cabra Castle for a few drinks, all organized by Liam. He had a big pull there. He hosted most of his ‘private’ meetings there. He could own the place for all we knew. Liam was a closed book like always.
“You got an invitation?” I say with a smirk when I spot Connor at the front desk.
He grins when he sees me. “I’m doing this for Finn,” he says moving away from the desk.
“Me too. I could think of lots of other places I want to be.”
Glancing around the area I see we are the only one’s here. “Are you early? Or are they late?”
“Their upstairs I said I’d wait for you.”
“The wait is over.” I’m waiting for it and it doesn’t take long. I’ve only got my foot on the first step when Connor speaks.
“Don’t forget you have to talk to Liam or I will.”
“Fuck sake Connor. I know. Why does everyone feel the need to babysit me?”
I don’t expect his laughter. “Because you know you need someone to look out for you. You’re a loose cannon.” When Connor says it it’s with humor and not the vindictive way, I was used to hearing it from the rest.
“Well you’ll be glad to know I haven’t touched a drink in six days.”
Connor throws me a sideways glance as we head up the stairs. “It’s a girl isn’t it?”
We reach the second floor and walk past a tin man that would creep me out if I wasn’t sober.
“No, I’m just sick of listening to people’s shit,” I say.
He grins. “Nope, we’ve been at you your whole life, so why now.”
Was he right? Was it Ciara? No. It was to shut my father the fuck up.
“I’m sick of always being the disappointment.”
Connor stops walking and grips my shoulder. “Don’t ever say that again. I know you might think that but they all think a lot of you. Why do you think they protect you so much? If they didn’t care, they’d say nothing, like they do with me.”
“What’s this: see who Father hates the most?” I joke.
“He's not my Father.” Connor’s serious tone has us walking again and I’m glad when we reach the private room. I’m also glad when I see it’s just us brothers no father.
“Finn’s face lights up when he sees Connor, and he embraces him like he hasn’t seen his brother in ages. I look at Liam wondering will he reconsider the ban he put on Connor.
Finn slaps me on the back. “You guys are so late.” He sits down and I check my phone.
“By twenty minutes,” I say and pour out a glass of water. This time no one says anything.
“A toast to Finn the first of us to marry. He may also be the last.” Connor makes the speech not caring about how Liam and Shane watch him.
I join in. “Last night of freedom. You can always run now,” I tell Finn.
He smiles. “I’m good,” he says and we drink.
“So what’s on the menu tonight?” I ask Liam since he organized this. When he lifts the menu I sneer.
“I was talking about entertainment. Did you bring anything home from work?”
“Finn wouldn’t approve.” Liam continues to stare at the food menu.
Finn looks sheepish “What? I don’t want that.”
“Yeah but what about the rest of us?” I ask.
“There is only you and Liam?” I can’t even look at Liam; I wasn’t sure what he was into. Men, women, maybe both, maybe none. He showed no interest. But now my interest is piqued.
“You want to hit a strip joint later with me brother?”
Liam’s lips twitch. “You seem to forget I own several.”
Finn steers the conversation away from strippers and back to us. It was nice to have just us brothers here. No matter how much we fought or hurt each other, we all came back to each other in the end. We all protected each other. Family came first no matter what.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
DARRAGH
It’s the morning of the wedding and my stomach tightens and twists. I need a drink. I’m fixing my tie and failing each time when a knock sounds on my room door.
“Come in.” I call, not looking away from the mirror as I pull the tie off for the hundredth time and try to retie it. I pause when I meet my father’s eye in the mirror.
“I’m still sober no need to check up on me.” It’s out of my mouth before I remember who I’m speaking to. “Sorry.” I add quickly.
He nods. “I’m not here to check up on you, but it’s great to see you’re sober.”
I turn around and father walks towards me. He’s a large man. Even at his age he still scares the crap out of me.
“Let me fix your tie. Your mother taught me.” He speaks while he places the tie around my neck.
I’m uncomfortable waiting for him to tighten it until it cuts off my air supply. Sweat gathers between my shoulder blades as I watch his hands move. He doesn’t strangle me; he just makes the knot in my tie.
“I know what you did. As do other people.” The knot moves into place a little too tightly and when I clear my throat, he loosens it. “It’s important that you don’t say anything out of place. These people will hang us the moment we step out of line.” Father steps back and brushes my shoulders. “You’ve grown into a man,” He says, but my mind is stuck on what he’s saying.
“I don’t know…”
“It’s your brother’s wedding; I don’t want to hurt you. So just listen and shut up. You know what I’m talking about. Unless you’ve been up to worse than robbing banks like you’re some low life criminal.”
The blood drains from me but I hold myself firm.
“Just give your family this one day.”
I nod.
His hand lands with some force across my face, patting my cheek. I don’t move until he leaves my room.
I loosen the tie straight away before going to the back of my wardrobe and removing a small bag of coke that I kept hidden. My hands are sweaty as I take it to my bed. I pat my jacket pocket and remove my wallet. Rolling up a fifty I take out my card. A knock at my door has me sitting on top of my stash.
“What do you think?” It’s Finn. He does a twirl.
“The suits okay but that face, blows my fucking mind.”
He grins while checking himself out in the mirror. His grey suit is tailored to perfection the same as all of us. We are all in grey with a white shirt to tie in with Siobhan’s dress.
As he checks himself out, I’m standing hoping nothing stuck to my ass. Grabbing everything I stuff it in my pocket and wipe my bed quickly. I’m sweating as I turn to Finn.
“Are you nervous?” I ask him.
He looks away from the mirror, his eyes trail around my room, his brows furrow deeply. “I think I’m more nervous that your room is clean.”
“Yeah you and me both.” Being off the drink gave me too much time on my hands.
“Let’s hope she shows up,” I say.
Finn widens his eyes. “Don’t say that man.”
Like it was a possibility.
“We better head down.” He swallows his nerves.
“I’ll see you at the church I’ve got to pick up my date.” I don’t look at him as I speak.
“Yeah this mysterious date. Did you pay her?”
“I kind of did,” I say honestly.
Finn’s face falls. “You’re bringi
ng a prostitute to my wedding.”
I’m laughing at the insult. Ciara would hit him for that one. “No. But I had to bribe her to come with me. She wasn’t exactly on board.”
“But she’s coming willingly.”
“Ha ha.” We leave the room and part ways. He’s joining Shane and Liam in the study so I don’t envy him.
The minute I’m outside I light a fag and just sit on the steps letting the air cool me down. The front door opens and Liam steps out. I want to roll my mother fucking eyes.
“I’ve already been warned. So don’t start.”
He pauses on the steps. “I’m just going to get the car.”
I take a deep drag of my fag.
Liam watches me. “What did he say to you?”
That he knows I robbed a bank. “Just not to drink,” I say standing up. My movement causes the small bag of white powder to fall onto the step. We both look at it.
“I wasn’t going to use it.” I stare at the bag.
Liam bends at the waist and picks it up. “Good you won’t need it then.”
I say nothing as he slips it into his pocket and walks away. A part of me feels lighter to have the temptation out of my way. But it also had made me feel better that if I wanted it, it was just in arms reach.
“Fuck.” I throw my smoke on the ground and go get my car. I need to pick up Ciara.
***
Ciara isn't like other girls. When I ring her and tell her I'm outside, her door opens. She doesn't keep me waiting.. A woman steps out wearing Ciara’s dress and I can’t look away. A blond bombshell, but it’s the eyes that I’ve looked at every day that has me realizing its Ciara. She no longer has blue hair. The keys rattle in my hand as I pull them from the ignition and get out.
Ciara looks at me from under her thick black eyelashes, the way she does it makes her look so innocent. So beautiful. She’s something to protect. But from firsthand experience I know that’s not true. She’s well capable of protecting herself. She always had an air of innocence about her. Before it was buried under a smart mouth and anger, now there was nothing to hide it.