Nanna said, 'I said same thing. Elsie said, "There's no chance of that happening. None at all."
So the man who was her father had no children of his own? Then why didn't they marry? Lily's knees went weak. 'Was Mam speaking the ruth? Saying he had no children.'
Nanna said, 'I'd stake my life. Your Mam's not a liar.'
'Not much!' Lily's throat was tight and painful. 'She's lived a lie with me all these years.'
'Don't, lass.'
Lily tried to drive back the pain that was a heavy weight in her chest. 'Mam made you lie too. And Grandpa, who won't break commandments. It's bearing false witness telling lies!'
Nanna looked old and wretched now, but Lily couldn't stop. She had to find out. 'Did you stop asking?'
Nanna said, 'No. I said, "If nothing else, a father should pay."
'What did she say to that?'
Nanna said, 'It was hurtful to your Mam, saying that. She said, "I'll support my old child. I'll not ask you and Dad for a penny." I felt so small. I felt as if I'd let her down.'
'You didn't. Mam let you down when she had me.' Then, realising that this at least was true, Lily dropped on to Grandpa's chair, covered her face with her hands and, choking on the tears she'd held back so long, said, 'I don't want to live like this - afraid in case anyone finds out. What can I do'!'
Nanna, seeing her crumple, gathered herself. She would never be crushed by anything, no matter how deep their troubles might be. She said, 'You can do nothing. It won't help... upsetting yourself.'
'The old fear, the afraid of being found out fear, was back. Lily's voice had almost gone. 'That record... Will it follow me for the rest of my life?'
'Only doctors will see it,' Nanna said with absolute certainty. 'They'll have asked for your birth certificate when you were enrolled.'
'You can't hide the truth for ever, from everybody...'
Nanna said, 'No. There is no father's name on your birth certificate.'
Hopeless tears were rolling down Lily's face. She said, 'The only clue I have is that once I heard Mam say that I was called Lily Isobel after my two grandmothers.'
'She never said that to me…’
Lily said, 'Mam says now that I'm imagining. But I'm not.' She looked up at Nanna.
'I don't know anyone of my age called Lily. It's a common enough name. But no - I don't.' Nanna put her hand out to touch Lily's arm, but she flinched away.
'Your generation never use Christian names, except for children and close family, do you?' Lily's eyes were blinded with tears as she said, 'When will I find out? I have to, one day. Anyone would; Anyone would be curious.'
Nanna went to the settle, sat down and said quietly, 'No crying, our Lil.' She spoke with a calm authority. 'I want to tell you something. It may be hurtful, but ... but sooner you stop dwelling on it, faster you'll get over it.'
Lily went to sit beside her. 'I can't..’
'I prayed that one day you would understand. What I have to say has to be said for your own good.' Nanna took hold of her hands.
'Say what?'
'You have to do some good in this life. You are not here just to please yourself or to please other people. You are here, on earth, to do your bit. God will tell you what. You can only ask God for thanks.'
'I don't want to be thanked. I'm crying because-'
Nanna would not listen. 'Don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you. Especially if you have a little bit more of anything they want themselves -money, or good looks...'
'Or a dad?' Lily whispered.
'You have to be strong, Lily.'
'But I have to know..’
'You mean, you want to.' Nanna stood. 'There is nothing more certain. If she won't tell me, Elsie won't tell you. In this life we all have our loads, our crosses to bear. What's for you, what's coming to you won't pass you by. It's how you bear your cross that matters. Only you can fettle it. We have to shift for ourselves. Sooner you learn that, better.'
Nanna's strength was helping. Lily held fast and tried to ask, without tears, 'If I were to be baptised, could I get a new birth certificate? Would it make it right? Would I still be illegitimate?'
'Oh, Lil! You were born out of wedlock. You can't have a new birth certificate unless someone adopts you and you change your name. It has nothing to do with being baptised. You have to make something of your life, love. God's given you talents. Don't dwell on what can't be helped.'
She would have to summon her will, put this to the back of her mind until the time came to shift for herself. Before she could bury it deep she had to ask for as much as Nanna would tell. 'Will you tell me all you know?' she said. 'I'll never mention it again.'
Nanna smiled at last and patted her cheek tenderly. 'Come on. Put your coat on. We'll walk down lane. Meet Grandpa. I'll tell you.'
The lane was frozen hard. Here in the hills the snow had lain. Little drifts had been blown against the grassy sides of the drive, narrowing the way, and Lily clung on to Nanna's arm as they went slowly along, listening intently as Nanna recalled in a low voice the years before Lily was born.
'Before the war, when Elsie lived at home with us, she was as happy as a lark. Eeh! She was beautiful! Frank Chancellor and John Hammond were sweet on her.'
With a sick feeling Lily remembered the photographs. 'You don't think Mr Hammond or Mr Chancellor... ?
'No; Nanna said firmly. Then, 'You were born in nineteen twenty. By then Frank Chancellor and John Hammond were well and truly married, both with young families.And away in France, fighting a war. You Mam couldn't have - and she wouldn't. Not with a married man.’
Nanna held faster on to Lily's arm and pulled her close. 'It would be a terrible sin breaking seventh commandment, Lil. And your Mam had proposals galore. She'd met Howard WilleyLeigh and brought him to meet us. He was single and he never went in army. But he was condescending, I thought. He acted as if he was too good for Elsie. He was going to inherit a title and a manor at Didsbury, but before we knew what, his old uncle married and had two sons and that was end of Howard's big talk. Then Elsie fell out with Howard WilleyLeigh. Only she was expecting.'
'So Howard Leigh might be my father?' Lily had to say it. She had to put it into words, although everything in her revolted at the thought of being the result of anything between Mam and Howard Leigh.
'I don't know,' Nanna said, then, feeling the stiffening in Lily's arm, she added, 'I always thought Howard was smitten with Elsie but against his better judgement. I didn't believe he had all that money. He was putting it on.'
'I think you are right.' Lily was sure Nanna was right. Howard Leigh was not the wealthy, well-bred gentleman Mam thought him.
'Elsie dropped him and Howard Willey-Leigh went off and married the rich widow-woman. I had a feeling Elsie just let him go, never told him she was expecting. I never heard his name mentioned again until today.'
'I can't understand it.' Howard Willey-Leigh could not be her father. A father would not do those things - touch a girl's bare bottom, wink and ogle his own flesh and blood -would he? 'What about Tommy Stanway?'
'He was real. A cousin who had gone to war. Elsie couldn't brazen it out in Macclesfield. We sent her to Manchester. When Tommy Stanway was killed at Ypres, we put it-about that Elsie was his widow.'
'But anyone could have worked out that I was born soon after they were married.'
'That's nothing, love. Many a proud woman in Macc had to get married quick. Specially in wartime.'
'Is that true?' Lily could hardly believe it.
'Oh, yes! There's plenty of shotgun weddings. No long dresses and bouquets; no photos. A quick trip to church or registry office and no questions asked. There's never been enough men to go round, see? Young men go off adventuring or fighting wars. Good girls had to make most of their chances. Precious few married women can talk about anyone else.’
'People do talk. You and Mam talk. Mr and Mrs Chancellor' had to marry, Mam said. Because she was having a baby when Mr Chancellor went off to war. You said th
e baby was not premature because it had fingernails.'
'I know. I feel right ashamed of meself after.' Nanna sighed. 'There has always been hypocrisy and plenty of talk inside families, plenty of speculation. Nobody can afford to spread it about for fear of skeletons coming a-popping out of their closets.'
Lily's feet were freezing but her face was burning at the thought of all this gossip, this bearing of false witness. 'I think it's disgraceful!'
'It is. But it's life, lass and it's what people are like in Macc. I dare say people are t’same all over.' Nanna patted Lily's arm. 'You're not. Grandpa and I are proud of you. You've had a good religious background.'
'So had Mam,' she replied quickly.
'Don't be harsh. Lil,' Nanna said. 'It's good Lord's place to judge,' and seeing Lily's hurt expression, 'No matter what you do, people will talk.'
The injustice, the hypocrisy was hateful. 'So what will people say about Mollie Leadbetter? Will they say she asked for trouble?'
'They won’t speak ill of dead. Nobody will do that.'
Lily quietened down as they went slowly through the fast darkening afternoon, then she asked, 'Did Mam ever think about a Bortion, Nanna?'
Nanna stopped in her tracks. 'No, lass! She wanted you. I admired her for it. We know that God punishes wrong, sending dead babies or babies with club feet and such as a punishment. But after I'd recovered from shock I said, "Our Elsie, it might be only one you ever have. Some of us can't have babies to order. Good Lord intends that you have a baby. It's God's will. I'll stand by you." And your Mam would not have had any more. She had to have everything taken away after you were born. Our Lord must a' wanted you to do his work. You were a perfect child.'
Lily had a lump in her throat again. They went forward a few paces before Nanna added, 'Anyway, I had a feeling as she loved this man, your father. Had a feeling she was still seeing him.'
Lily drew in the cold air with a quick breath. 'I think she still does.'
She could not tell Nanna about the night visitor to the house. Instead she said, 'The shop doesn't take a lot but we pay our bills. I used to think we were always in debt. We are not. Mam gives me money every week to buy food and pay the coalman.'
'And you think someone else is paying for it?'
Lily felt the shiver again. 'I'm sure we're being kept.'
'Your Mam's busy, doing all that sewing. You could be wrong.'
'Nanna! There are twelve dressmakers and tailoresses in Macclesfield. None of them's rich. Mam is not trying to get by on what she earns. Or on fifteen shillings a week. That's what a man has to pay. Fifteen shillings for every bast…’ She couldn't finish. But she made up her mind there and then that it must stop. When she could, she would take over all the household expenses: pay the rent, buy the coal, pay Seymour Mead's. If her suspicions were right - if her father was keeping Mam and herself, and not making himself known - Lily could not bear it. If he was alive and he had no children he must not want her. She and Mam wouldn't be kept any longer.
They slithered along the lane. It was growing darker and Nanna peered into the distance every few steps, anxious for Grandpa's safety. She said, 'There he is!'
Lily could just make out Grandpa's, walking and leaning on his stick, under the trees ahead. The road was slippery and he was slow.
‘Don’t say anything more,' Nanna said urgently. 'No more. I will tell your mam.'
'No, Nanna!' Nanna must not say anything. 'I'll tell her myself. When I'm ready. I don't want her to know that I know.' When the time was right she'd tell Mam. She was not afraid. She'd wait for the right moment.
'All right. Let me get to Grandpa.' Nanna went ahead, her study feet crunching firmly in spite of her rheumatics, into the frosty grass verge.
Lily stood for a few minutes watching and waiting before she heard a motor car rounding the comer. It was the Hammonds' Daimler, with Mr Hammond at the wheel. Lily stepped back to give him room to pass, but he drew up alongside. Sylvia and Magnus were in the back, Sylvia wearing her school uniform of navy-blue coat and hat, her blonde hair tied back. Magnus had his elbows on his knees, face in his hands.
Sylvia wound down the window. 'Lily, we called at Lindow to ask you to come to Archerfield with us. Will you come?'
Magnus glanced at her. His face was chalk white. He didn't speak a word. Lily hesitated, peering ahead to where Nanna and Grandpa were approaching. Sylvia whispered, 'Please, Lily...'
'Yes.. .' Nanna and Grandpa had come to stand beside her.
Sylvia opened the door and held it wide. Lily said to Nanna. 'Sylvia wants me to go to Archerfield.. .' But Mr Hammond had left the engine running and got out of the car.
'How will I get back?' she asked Sylvia. 'It will be dark soon and I can hardly keep on my feet as it is.'
'I'll bring you back, Lily.' Mr Hammond put a hand beneath her elbow. 'Sylvia needs your company this evening.'
Nanna nodded. Mr Hammond started to speak to Grandpa and Nanna as Lily climbed in to sit next to Sylvia. She turned and stuck her head out of the open window only to see Nanna’s hands fly to her mouth, as they did when she heard something dreadful. Grandpa put his hand to his ear to cut out the sound of the running engine. 'What was that?'
Mr Hammond was repeating what he had just said, louder this time. 'There has been an accident in MacclesfIeld. Mrs Chancellor. She must have slipped. Fell on to the line under the London train.'
'God save us!' Grandpa said. 'Is she... ?'
'Died instantly,' Mr Hammond said. 'Mrs Hammond's doing what she can. Magnus and I have to go back. Sylvia didn't want to be left in the house alone.'
Nanna said, 'If there is anything you want me to do…’
Mr Hammond returned to the driver's seat, and with a nod in Grandpa's direction, let in the gear. The Daimler headed for Archerfield, and Lily felt an icy hand of fear clutch her heart. Nanna's prophecy had come true. Three deaths: Mollie, Mrs Willey-Leigh, Mrs Chancellor.
Later Lily would come to see this day as a turning point in their lives, but now she sat in silence, waiting for Sylvia or Magnus to speak, waiting to hear from her friends' lips what had happened in Macclesfield.
Sylvia told a maid to bring food up to the old schoolroom. Padded armchairs replaced the old wooden ones. There was a fire, the lamps were lit, the maid brought in the wheeled trolley, and when the girl had gone Sylvia thumped down into a chair and stared at the flames. 'Serve it, Lily. I can't. ..'
Spread before them was the most tempting feast Lily had seen since her last·visit to Archerfield. There were sandwiches and bread and thick slices cut from a roast rib of beef, with mustard, pickled cucumbers and cheeses on a huge platter. There was a pile of pikelets and oatcakes -Macclesfield's crumpets and oat pancakes - with toasting forks and a slab of butter beside them. There was honey and raspberry jam, scones and fruit cake.
Lily could not wait a minute longer. 'May I start?' she asked. 'Will you pour the tea?' Not until she'd eaten a sandwich, loaded a toasting fork and held it up before the glowing coals did she ask Sylvia, 'What happened?'
Sylvia poured for them and leaned back in her chair, gazing into the fire. 'They were going to be Mayor and Mayoress: she said. 'They were so proud. But Lily ... I can't believe it was an accident. She was out of her mind.'
'Mrs Chancellor?'
'Mama and she have been friends for years.' Sylvia seemed to be looking into the distance. 'Mrs Chancellor was madly in love with Father, you know. Mama never guessed but I could tell by the way she looked at him.'
She fell silent again, and Lily prompted, 'What happened?' She passed Sylvia's cup. 'Drink this. You'll feel better.'
Sylvia drank a little, placed the saucer on the arm of the chair and leaned forward, talking in a fast, nervous little voice. 'Last week Mama and I went to Park Lane. Mrs Chancellor looked awful. She said Mr Leadbetter was telling dreadful lies claiming that Ray had raped Mollie.'
Sylvia paused, then, 'A boy has to marry the girl if she's expecting his baby. Mr Leadbetter said,
"Ray has to marry our Mollie." '
'What did Mrs Chancellor say?' Lily sat at the table as Sylvia talked, eating her way through the vast meal, barely tasting a thing, thinking about Mollie, thinking how it must have been for Mam - and trying to fill the aching hole inside herself with the warm comfort of food.
'She was in tears, but she said, "Ray has never heard of the girl. How could he have?'
But Lily had a logical brain and could not help but think how they could have met. 'Mr Chancellor owns Mr Leadbetter's shop,' she said. 'Ray could have collected the rents.'
Sylvia couldn't bear Lily to have doubts. Tears sprang to her eyes, making Lily say quickly, 'I don't mean to say that he has done anything wrong, Sylvia. Only that he could have met Mollie...'
'Ray's not capable of low behaviour. He's religious, like his mother. And a bit snobbish. A simpleton like Mollie Leadbetter would have had no interest for him. Couldn't have!' She lifted her tea cup then put it down again. 'There was a terrible row. Mrs Chancellor demanded that Mr Leadbetter make a public apology, beg hers and Ray's pardon. She said Ray would not do a wicked, sinful thing. Mr Chancellor stopped her and said, "No matter who it was, Mollie will have to be seen to." Then Mr Leadbetter said he had no money, so Mr Chancellor gave him twenty-five pounds and said it was out of concern for the Leadbetters. Mrs Chancellor told us that then she turned on him - on Mr Chancellor. She lost her head and started to scream, "Don't give him a penny! I can't have Ray's name associated with this evil thing." But Mr Chancellor insisted that they give Mr Leadbetter the money. He said it didn’t mean they were covering up for Ray. Then Mrs Chancellor flew out of the room,shouting, "Ray has done nothing wrong. Call in the lawyers! I want to see my lawyer. "
Sylvia put down her teacup. Her eyes were full of tears and her words came tumbling. 'Mollie died... Operation in Manchester... Came home... Something went wrong.' She leaned back in her chair, her face white, her chine-blue eyes staring into the distance.
Cold shivers trickled down Lily's spine. She reached over to touch Sylvia. 'Just tell me slowly, Sylvia. Tell me what happened today.'
Sylvia held on to the chair's arm, sitting bolt upright. "Mama, Father and I were going to the station to meet Magnus. Father said he'd drop Mama and me in Park Lane. We were to tell Mrs Chancellor that none of us believed the terrible rumours that are flying round town. Father said to tell her that if he heard anyone repeating the vile things he would take very strong action. Father would meet us at the station…’
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