Mam went to sit by the window, pointed to the other chair and said, 'Come here. Sit and listen.'
Lily sat facing her, but Mam stared out of the window before, carefully choosing her words. 'You remember what I said, when we walked home from the will-reading?'
Lily's stomach turned over. Mam was going to tell her the truth at last. She had no control over her mouth, but sat looking intently at Mam, who averted her eyes again and stared out to sea. Lily waited for the bombshell, barely breathing, in an agony of suspense. In a flat, expressionless voice Mam said, 'Hah'd has asked me to marry him. I told him I'd ask you first.' She glanced at Lily and away again. 'Well? What do you say?'
It was a slap in the face. Lily's mouth was as dry as dust. She jumped to her feet and went to stand between Mam's chair and the window so Mam would have to face her. 'You don't love him. You can't marry him.'
Mam said, 'I can. I asked what you thought.'
'I can't abide him,' Lily said defiantly. 'How can you think of it?'
Suddenly Mam's eyes blazed. 'Because I've been the world's biggest fool. I've been treated like ...' She took a deep breath.
'Like what?' Lily said. 'Not by me, you haven't.'
Mam had control of her voice again. 'I want us to live the way we ought to be living. In a nice house. Looked up to.'
'His house? In Southport?'
'No. A new house in Macc. Hah'd wants to take on my responsibilities when I marry him.' Mam said it in a flat voice, without any feeling.
The sick feeling was back. 'When you marry him? I don't have a choice then, do I?'
Mam was not going to give an inch. 'You do have a choice. Hah'd wants to adopt you. I want to get you away from the Central School and those medical records. Send you to a private school. St Ursula's in Southport. You can be a boarder. Learn to be a lady. You'll have a new birth certificate. You will be the legitimate daughter of a man of means.' She waited for a few seconds, then, as if to dangle another carrot, said, 'You could choose your own name. Start afresh. If you don't want to be Lily Willey-Leigh ...'
Lily could just picture the delight Doreen would take in taunting, Silly Lily ... Her eyes filled with tears. 'Or what? What's the alternative?'
'Keep on being illegitimate. Keep the name of Stanway. Keep on at the Central School…and go to live with Nanna and Grandpa. Hah'd won't take you on any other terms!'
Tears were brimming over. They had it all planned. If she kept her mother she'd lose her home, her name and her school. She made a foolish appeal to Mam's motherly love. 'Who do you love? Him or me?'
She ought to have known better. It sparked off the tinder. Mam said, 'I won't be given an ultimatum! It's my life. The Stanways have been cheated out of everything! First the mill. Then my chance of marriage was snatched from under my nose by that Scotch ... !' She stopped and made an effort to control her temper. 'A man must be master in his house. Hah'd - you'll call him Father - has always wanted a daughter. He can't have one with a different name from his.' She was red in the face. 'Unless you can give me a good, solid reason for saying no, I'm going to accept his proposal.'
The thought of calling that man Father was repulsive to Lily. The seconds dragged by as Mam waited. Then Mam touched her shoulder affectionately, rather shyly, softened and said, 'I don't want to lose you, Lil. We've been through thick and thin together. Go on! Say yes. Let me tell Hah'd you want him for a father. Go on, Lil!' Mam was pleading with her. She had asked her to give her a good, solid reason why she shouldn't marry. If Lily told her about the time Howard Leigh had put his hand on her bare bottom Mam would call it off and never have the happiness she wanted. Or she'd think Lily was lying. Either way, as it was for Mam, this was Lily's only chance of legitimacy.
'Well?' Mam said. 'What have you got to say?'
Lily blew her nose hard. 'I can't think straight.'
'And you can't give me a straight answer, is that it? You don't want me to be happy?'
'Give me time. It's not that …’
'What then?'
Lily swallowed hard. 'I can't choose between you and Nanna.'
At last Mam let her anger show. Her face was set, her mouth tight. 'We all have to make choices. I've made mine.'
Lily was glad they were going out that evening. Mam didn't expect her to make up her mind in a hurry, and they were too busy getting ready for the dinner and dance to argue.
Mam pinned Lily's hair up so that it looked as if it fell naturally that way. She lent her own dancing shoes and a touch of lipstick, did her nose with a fluff of powder, showed her how to put boot-blacking on her eyelashes and gave her a spray of her precious Lanvin scent, My Sin.
They set off at seven o'clock in Mr Leigh's Lanchester. 'Where are we going?' Lily asked him. He was dressed in tail suit and white tie.
'Palace Hotel.' His teeth flashed and his eyes glinted in the reflected face in the driving mirror. 'The biggest and best. Nothing but the best for my two lovely ladies.'
Mam giggled at the compliments. She had evidently forgotten that the Hammonds were staying at the Palace. 'You're going to meet some of my business associates,' he said. 'There will be seven of us, with Lily.'
It was a splendid, grand hotel. Uniformed men ushered them into the ballroom, which was the biggest room Lily had ever seen in her life. Scores of tables, round and oval, were laid with white damask and laden down with silver and crystal under the great chandeliers.
They followed the head waiter past women in silver lame dresses with low-eut backs, grandes dames in black satin with feather trims and men in tail suits, wing collars and white bow ties. Gold glistened and diamonds flashed, and over all was the hum of male voices and the tinkling of ladies' laughter.
Lily was pink and self-conscious as they were shown to their table, where two middle-aged couples sat. Their table was next to the dance floor, where couples were gliding to the tune of 'Blue Moon', a foxtrot played by a dance band: five men in white suits.
It was like the Hollywood pictures she'd seen at the Majestic. Waiters pulled at their chairs and seated them, and Lily's knees were weak with nervous excitement for she had spotted them at the next table - the Hammonds and the Mackenzies. Her heart almost stoppod. She wanted to curl up and die of embarrassment at the thought of Ian having carried her, covered in blood.
Mam smiled and nodded in their direction with an air of indifference and Lily tried to sneak a quick look at Ian. He grinned and lifted his hand in a welcoming gesture. Lily's face burned fierce, fiery red. They brought iced lemonade to the table for Lily and red and white wines for the others. Lily noticed that Mam was merely toying with her glass as the hors d'oeuvres, the first of seven courses, were wheeled to them on a great trolley. She had never seen such food and had to watch what Mr Leigh did so she wouldn't make a fool of herself.
Mr Leigh was being the fine gentleman, switching his smile on and off, being extravagant in flattery to the other two ladies in the party as well as to Mam and herself. Prim from embarrassment, Lily blushed each time she caught Ian's eye, which she did every time she looked across at his table. Mam was sparkling for Mr Leigh, making him laugh so much he had to dab at those droopy-comer eyes with his table napkin. After the fish they brought fillet steaks with a Bearnaise sauce and tiny new potatoes, roasted onion and buttered peas.
There was a pause after the meat, and Mr Leigh asked Mam to dance. People had been taking to the floor.all through the meal. There were about eight couples dancing when he took Mam in his arms while the band played 'Embraceable You'.
Mam was soignee in a low-backed black dress of crushed velvet with a headband of sparkling stones. Jet beads at the hem and neckline twinkled under the revolving glitter ball as they danced. The chandeliers were dimmed. Only on the dance floor was there light and movement. And all this time Lily sensed Ian's eyes on her. She dared not look him in the face but out of the comer of her eye she saw that he had stopped eating, he was very still and his eyes were fixed on her.
When Mam and Mr Leigh cam
e back from the dance floor they were served with meringues glacées with chantilly cream. Mr Leigh called out for champagne and asked that a glass be brought for Lily. When it was poured he tapped his hand on the table and stood up. He was the only person standing up to speak at a table in that vast room. Heads turned towards them. Lily noticed that the Hammonds' table had gone quiet.
And then she realised, too late, the purpose of this celebration. 'Friends!' he said. 'Friends! My dear friends.' He made a little high-pitched throat-clearing noise. 'It is with pride and joy that I am able to say that .. .' He patted Mam's shoulder. '. .. that Elsie and I are to be married.' He lifted his glass and said, 'She will make me a very happy man! To Elsie!' then, abruptly, he sat down again.
'To Elsie!' Everyone but Mam and Lily raised their glasses. Mam nudged her, and reluctantly, Lily raised hers, but there was a lump in her throat and she could not swallow a drop of the sparkling champagne. Tears blurred her eyes. Her chin and mouth were being pulled down in misery as she wondered why she had not seen it coming. She couldn't speak, though everyone at the table was congratulating Mr Leigh and wishing Mam every happiness, making Mam's face go all pink and self-conscious.
Lily remembered Nanna's words. She must shift for herself, try to find something good that could come out of the dreadful decision Mam had made. Everyone at their table had gone to stand by Mr Leigh and offer their hands for shaking, because their table was too wide to reach over. But it was graceless behaviour, in Lily's eyes. Nobody else in the ballroom stood up and walked round the table. Everyone was watching them, and as Mam fumbled in her bag for a handkerchief to dab her eyes, which were watering she pleaded, 'Give us a hand, Lil! For heavens' sake find my hankie!'
Lily handed hers over. 'Here.'
Mama didn't want the others to hear. 'I told you we'd be out of it. Have you made up your mind?'
'Not yet.'
'You wanted a father! You told Grandpa you wanted it all made legal: she whispered. 'You're an ungrateful ...!' Mam stopped whispering rebukes, because the others were seated again.
Lily felt herself growing faint. She put her elbows on the table and cupped her face in her hands. Was Mam was doing this for her? Did Mam want Mr Leigh to adopt her? She could be legitimate. She could be baptised and confirmed. She drank her champagne in one go. Everyone was getting up from their table, making for the dance floor. Only Lily was left. She looked towards the Hammonds' table where Magnus, Sylvia and Ian were talking. Ian looked across the two tables and again their eyes met and locked. Lily tried to avert hers but couldn't, because Ian was smiling at her. Despite the embarrassing blush, Lily's low spirits lifted.
Ian got to his feet, said something to Magnus and Sylvia, all the time watching Lily. A warm, tingling sensation came rippling through her as he came towards the table; tall and handsome in his evening dress suit. Then he stood in front of her, correct and formal. He held out his hand. 'May I have the pleasure of this dance?'
His level, steady blue eyes were not cool or formal. They were blazing with life. Something as old as life, the magnetism that draws lovers together, sparked between them as Lily held his hand and went to the dance floor.
'Better?' he asked as his right hand went firmly into the small of her back and she felt the pressure of his fingers through the ruby dress. Her left hand rested on his shoulder and she was moving like an automaton, but her face was flaming. As they joined hands he looked into her shining eyes and said, 'You don't look like a girl who was at death's door yesterday.'
'I'm all right.' She coughed, to catch her breath. 'I feel such an idiot.'
'So do I!' Ian's straight eyebrows almost met. 'I'm sorry I hurt you.'
‘Oh. It's nothing.' She was breathless. 'I feel an idiot because ...'
They moved across the floor together and he said, 'You don't appear an idiot. You seem at home in...' He smiled. ‘…this milieu!'
She was concentrating like mad, and the smell of him the faint man and coal tar soap smell, was making her aware of all her senses. 'I mean yesterday. You rescuing me and ...'
They were dancing, turning at the comers, all the difficult steps, but Ian pressed his hand in the small of her back and tumed expertly. 'Don't give it a thought; he said. Then he tightened his hold on her. 'I could dance the night away with you.'
He made a little frown of concentration. 'I'm trying to look couth - not uncouth - as if I'm used to this ...' he said as they did a smooth reverse turn. 'Trying to impress you so you'll think I'm a...'
Lily laughed at last, because her nerves were gone and because, though he meant what he said, Ian was so obviously enjoying himself.
'Not a very convincing lounge lizard, am I?' he said. 'I spend all my free time out of doors.' They danced past Mr Hammond and Rowena, Mrs Hammond and lan's father. Their feet matched in perfect step. They had not missed a beat. Next he said, 'The important thing is ... are you recovered from the water? From the bruising I gave you?'
'Good as new.' She laughed softly, and her laugh had changed, gone lower and huskier with the thrill that was coming from dancing; from being held in a man's arms for the first time in her grown-up life. Their eyes met again, his blue and steady, hers wide and gazing up into his in the naive, adoring expression that fifteen-year-olds cannot hide.
'We make a good partnership,' he said. 'Everyone's watching us .. .' He danced faster, did another reverse turn. 'Do you remember playing the piano when I played accordion at Archerfield?'
'Oh, yes!'
'And we said we'd make music together?'
'Of course I do.'
He twirled her round in the comer of the floor. 'We are making it!'
Ian might not realise it, but to Lily he was an expert dancer. His firm hands were guiding her so that they never touched or bumped into anyone, but she was aware of every muscle in his arms, every movement of his strong legs against hers. He laughed softly as he did another complicated step. Then he said, 'Do you still play the piano?'
'Yes,' she said. 'And you?'
'It's my greatest pleasure…' He couldn't stop the deep, chuckling laugh, not caring who was watching them. 'Playing the piano is my greatest pleasure. It’s the next best thing to dancing with my pretty wee accompanist.'
This was the most romantic conversation she could ever have dreamed of. Words and answers were slipping out of her mind. The ruby-red dress was swirling round her ankles, her head was whirling and spinning and a great big smile was fixed on her face as she looked into honest blue eyes that had no guile, no pretence, no insincerity in them. The band was playing a quickstep and Ian was singing, 'Grab your coat and get your hat… Leave your worries on the door -step… Just direct your feet… to the sunny side of the street.'
Lily looked up into his eyes, wishing the dance might last forever.
Ian said, 'I keep forgetting your name. I always thought of you as my wee accompanist.' He pulled her a bit closer, bent his head towards hers and in a voice that had lost all traces of its former buoyancy and had become tender and hesitant said, 'Now I'm with you again I don't know how I could have forgotten. What is it? Tell me, I promise I'll remember it for ever.'
She was not a child any longer. She was making her own decisions and choices. Onwards and upward! She couldn't go back. She'd go forward, with Mam, into a new life. She went on tiptoe and whispered in his ear, 'I used to be called Lil. Short for Lily Isobel. Just call me Isobel!' she said. 'Soon I'm going to be Isobel Leigh.'
'Isobel Leigh. Isobel Leigh. What a lovely name.' He leaned back a little and held her at arm's length, smiling appreciatively. Then he pulled her towards his strong, broad chest and said, 'Magnus hasn't taken his eyes off us. I once told him I hadn't met a girl I'd care to waste time dancing with.'
Chapter Fifteen
'Isobel?, 'Isobel,' she said to everyone on their return from holiday. 'I want to be known as Isobel.'
Mam and Nanna kept forgetting, Shandy had to think twice and Doreen said she could only think of her as Silly Lily, but Isob
el refused to answer to her old name and it turned out that a change of name was not at all unusual. At the Central School there was an Elizabeth who was no longer Betty, two Margarets who used to be Peggies and a Bunty who cried if anyone remembered that her real name was Jane.
But the new name was not the only difference in her life. Since she'd taken charge of the housekeeping money, her responsibilities had snowballed, to the point where Mam would say, 'Sometimes I wonder who is the mother and who the daughter.' Mam had begun to look to her for advice, and Isobel determined to learn about diabetes and its treatment.
They had never subscribed to the penny-a-week scheme where families could consult a doctor free, so Isobel had to squeeze out of the housekeeping purse the money for Mam's treatment as well as half a crown for a private consultation with the doctor. She was shown into Dr Russell's surgery a week later.
He had the reputation of not suffering fools at all. People lowered their voices when they said his name. Others boasted that he was the best doctor in Macclesfield and that he called them by their Christian names.
He said sternly, 'It cannot be cured.'
'I haven't come here hoping you can cure her,' she said. 'Tell me how to look after her, please.'
He looked over the top of his wire-framed glasses. 'The greatest danger is coma. You know there are two sorts of coma?'
She didn't know. 'They are?'
'Diabetic coma resulting from high blood sugar is the lesser of two evils. A patient's blood sugar levels can rise steadily through years, yet they carry on with nothing more than bouts of depression or lethargy. The danger here comes from infection or, worse, injury. Poor circulation and unhealthy tissues. Cuts that won't heal become gangrenous…’
'How do I make sure this doesn't happen?' Isobel asked quickly.
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