by Dauphin, M
“Hey, Red. Stop that. Stop thinking.” He pulls back and kisses my lips before slightly pushing away from me to grab the test.
“You ready for this?” he asks, looking into my eyes.
I nod, not leaving his gaze as he brings the test up to the side of us. Neither of us break eye contact as he moves the test up. Once it’s in my peripheral vision I lose my will power and turn my head to read the results.
One word.
PREGNANT.
Flashing across the screen.
Blinking fast, trying to blink the tears away, I hear Eddie’s breath rush out of him.
“Shit, fuck... Red?” His wide eyes are on mine again and I see the tears about to spill out of them.
Suddenly, he drops the test and is kissing me. Hard. A kiss that says everything I need him to say. He loves me, he isn’t going anywhere, and he’s so fucking ecstatic his whole body is shaking.
“My God, Eddie! Can you fucking believe it!?” I say, wrapping my arms around him.
“Holy crap! This... this is fucking amazing! Shit, babe... we are gonna really need to clean up our act. I don’t want my kid’s first word to be fuck!”
I laugh at his random comment and hug him tightly.
“Thank you, Eddie. You have given me everything. Thank you,” I whisper as I hug him, not wanting to let go.
And then my stomach decides to rumble, very loudly. Eddie laughs and shakes his head.
“Obviously not EVERYTHING, Red. I did fail to feed you.”
“It’s almost midnight, though. I’ll just eat breakfast in the morning,” I whine, not wanting him to have to leave, but secretly craving Chinese food.
Just the thought of it and my stomach is rumbling loudly again. Eddie laughs and shakes his head.
“I’m going now, gotta keep my babies fed,” he says as his hand rests on my stomach. I smile at him, placing my hand over his. Is this real? “I know a place that’s still open I think. I should probably get dressed.” He slaps my ass as he walks into our sex cave to find his clothes
“I’ll be back, Red. I love you,” he says, kissing me gently and leaving me standing alone in the kitchen, starving, excited, and tired as hell.
Three minutes pass and I decide to wait for him on the couch. Throwing on a pair of his boxers and his shirt, I make a mental note to get him a new Rancid shirt. I hate that he lost it in the fire, it was so fucking comfortable. I let my thoughts drift to everything else that we lost in the fire. My box of mementos from my dad’s life, Eddie’s computers. Then it hits me.
His grandma’s chair.
Shit, the one happy piece of his life and he lost it to a fire set by a psychopath.
I make a mental note to find another chair like that. It’s going in our new house.
Twenty minutes pass and my phone finally rings.
“Hey, you.” I smile as I answer.
“Got your fucking food. They weren’t happy with me, but I told them my pregnant fiancé was craving it and that you get crazy when you don’t get your cravings,” he says, then starts laughing.
“Oh wow, thanks. I feel so loved, Tex.” Rolling my eyes at him, I secretly smile, loving that he goes through all of this trouble for me. “Hey, listen. I was thinking. And don’t shoot me down. I’m going to find you a chair like your grandma’s chair. If I can’t find one, I’m going to reupholster one for you.”
“Baby, you don’t need to do that-” he starts to say, but I stop him.
“Stop. I know how much you loved that chair. I think it would be nice to have something in our house that reminds you of the love you had when you were a boy. Let me do this for you,” I say, as if I’m asking. I’m not really asking, though. I’m doing it whether he likes it or not.
“Jesus, baby. I love you more than life itself, Re- SHIT!” he yells, right before I hear the brakes squealing, and then the loudest noise ever comes through the phone.
“Eddie?” I say into the silent phone.
My heartbeat quickens immediately and I sit up straight on the couch, listening to the other end of the phone. Fighting a flash back from the night my dad died... fuck! This isn’t the same thing. It can’t be the same thing. He dropped the phone. He probably hit a big bump and dropped the phone
“Eddie!?”
Nothing.
“Eddie, pick up the damn phone!! This isn’t funny!”
Frantically, I hold the phone to my ear, running through the house to find shoes.
Shoes, shoes, where the fuck?!
“EDDIE!” I keep screaming into the phone, but there’s no noise. There’s nothing.
“No, no no no... NO!!!” I’m shaking so hard, I can’t function enough to slip on my fucking sandals.
“FUCK!!!!” I scream, slamming my fist on the wall a few times.
Tears rolling down my face, there’s only one option. I need to find him.
Barefoot, in Eddie’s boxers and a t-shirt, I grab my car keys to find him.
I can’t make it in this world without him.
Chapter 10
Gwynn
Lights.
There’re lights everywhere, but I can’t get through.
“Eddie!!!” I scream over and over again as I leave my car and run full speed towards the lights. The police cars, the ambulance, the fire truck. It’s all so busy, but all I see is lights. All I hear are the diesel engines of the fire truck and the water spraying somewhere near.
“Eddie!!” I keep screaming and don’t notice the gravel digging into my bare feet, nor do I care.
An officer in a black uniform practically clotheslines me as I run towards his truck.
Or what’s left of it.
“STOP, NO! NO, I HAVE TO GET TO HIM!!!” I scream at him, trying to fight my way out of his arms.
“Ma’am, you need to calm down. This is a crime scene. Jesus.... Randy, help me get this girl calmed down!” I hear his voice, I can feel arms coming around me and taking my feet off of the ground, but I don’t move my eyes from the bed of Eddie’s truck.
Why don’t I see him? He needs to be here, he has to be here, that’s his truck! Shit!
“Let me down!” I cry, trying to yell, but my tears won’t stop. “I need to see him, let me down!”
They don’t listen, though. Wherever they are taking me, it’s farther away from Eddie. It’s in the wrong fucking direction. No!
“Stop!!!! I need him!!” I wriggle and fight as best as I can, but these men are twice my size.
“Ma’am, you need to calm down.” I hear a voice tell me.
“No.... No, I need to see him!”
“Ma’am, they are airlifting him to University Hospital.”
“Airlifting?” I hear my voice ask.
The air rushes out of me and I lose my fight. The man holding me back places me on the ground, too far away from the scene to see anything. It takes me a moment to register his words, but when I do, I lose it. I’m fighting again. I need to see him. This is a cruel joke!
My breath is coming in pants, everything hurts and I can’t stop screaming at the asshole holding me back. I need.... NO! I need him! God, I feel so weak! DAMMIT LET ME GO!
I can’t lose him.
Not my Eddie.
“Ma’am?” I hear his voice again, but everything goes black.
He can’t die. If he dies, I die with him.
****
“Gwynn?”
“Mmmm,” I groan.
“Gwynn, we need to get up, can you do that for me?” a deep, southern voice asks.
I jolt awake, sitting up as fast as I can. No, no this can’t be real. I’m in a hospital waiting room. I need to be home, with... with....
“Eddie!” I start screaming again, crying through my pleas for the one man I’ve ever loved.
A warm arm wraps around me and it only calms me the slightest. I bury my face in the body that’s engulfing me, not caring in the least who it is. Sobbing, my body shakes as I don’t even try to contain my terror. He’s gone. I know it. There wa
s nothing left of the front half of his truck. He couldn’t have survived it.
“Sweetheart, he’s coming out of surgery now.”
I know that voice. Lifting my head, I see her face smiling sadly at me.
“Molly?” I ask, confused. They’re supposed to be on their honeymoon.
Pulling back, I see the man who has me trapped in his bear hug. Tatum.
Tatum Savage.
“Kill him, Savage. Kill the fucker that did this to Eddie. To us,” I growl out, instinctively placing my hand on my stomach.
Molly gives Tatum a worried glance, then takes my hands in hers, turning me towards her. She is tanner than the last time I saw her. Barbados looks well on her.
“Gwynn-”
“Is he dead? Just tell me. It’s like a Band-Aid right? Just rip it off, so I can start to fucking heal. Just tell me he’s dead, don’t sugar coat any of this shit.” I’m glaring at her, her eyes never hardening at my anger.
“Baby-”
“DON’T fucking call me that.” Eddie used to call me that.
“Fine... sorry. Gwynn. He’s not dead.” She hasn’t let go of my arms and her eyes won’t leave my face. She takes a deep breath, blinking her eyes rapidly so the threatening tears don’t spill over. “He... he’s just getting out of surgery. The doctor wants to talk with us when he’s cleaned up. Are you up for it?”
I shake my head furiously. I can’t do this. I can’t do hospitals. I can’t do death. I’m not strong enough for this.
I can’t.
Then I remember... I have to be strong. He’s the love of my life and I’m carrying his fucking child. The child he was so excited for just a few hours earlier. And now he’s in surgery, fighting for his life. I need to fight for our baby because I’m the only one it has right now.
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper to no one in particular.
Her arms suddenly wrap around me and I can tell she’s crying.
“Shit,” I hear Tatum curse, then see him walk away from us out of the corner of my eye.
“I’m so sorry, Gwynn.” Molly keeps crying, which makes me cry, and I can’t control anything anymore.
I have no strength left. My legs go weak and we slide to the floor, a huge sobbing heap of emotions. Right there in the middle of the hospital waiting room. I can’t take life without him. I can’t raise a baby on my own!
“Gwynn?” I hear my name, but I can’t move. I’ve gone numb.
“Miss, Dr. Franks would like to see you now.” The nurse speaking is touching my shoulder, but I’m not letting go of Molly.
I barely know her, but she and Tatum are all I have left. I need them now.
“Come on,” Molly whispers, helping me to my feet and clasping my hand in hers. Tatum is right behind us, a protective hand on her back and one on my shoulder.
Stepping into the small, sterile office, Molly and I take the two chairs opposite the Doctor, and Tatum crosses his arms, leaning against the wall. Tatum is Eddie’s best friend. He looks so broken I can’t even look at him right now or I’m going to break down again, and that’s the last thing I need. I need to be strong.
“Ms....” He ruffles through the files to find my name, but I know I won’t be in them. I’ve never been in this hospital, and I’m not married to Eddie so I wouldn’t be listed as his wife. Yet.
“Gwynn. Call me Gwynn.” I manage to speak calmly. Numbly.
“Ok, Gwynn. Mr. and Mrs. Savage are not family, are you okay with them sitting in on this?” He glances quickly at Tatum, then back down at me once he notices the scowl on Tatum’s face.
“We are all Eddie has, Dr. Franks. They are as much of family to him as I am.”
He nods, then opens the charts, pulling out a few different sheets. I try and make sense of everything, but I went to school to be a grade school teacher, not a doctor. He starts talking all kinds of medical terms and my mind blanks him out. Cortexes, Stems, trauma, all the words he is saying keep running in and out of my head. None of this makes sense to me, and I can tell by the looks on Molly’s face it doesn’t make sense to her either.
“Layman’s terms, Dr. Franks. Is he going to survive?”
I gasp at Tatum’s brashness. Of course he’s going to survive! Right?
Looking at the doctor’s face, I notice him consider the question carefully and that’s when I know it’s not going to be an easy answer.
“Listen,” he sighs, as he closes the file and leans back in his seat, clasping his hands together. “Your friend has what we like to call trauma induced coma. He suffered immense damage to the front part of his brain, as well as a shattered right leg, multiple other broken bones, and a ruptured lung. He’s lucky he’s still alive at this point.”
“Coma?” I whisper, trying to pull my hand away from Molly, but she just squeezes tighter.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m very sorry.” He goes silent, waiting for someone to speak.
“How long will he be out?” Tatum growls, then clears his throat.
“Hard to say. Some patients last a few hours in a state like this, others months.”
At those words I break, and the fucking tears that have been threatening the entire time we have been in this damned office start pouring out of me. Fucking doctors! They couldn’t fix my dad and they aren’t going to be able to fix Eddie. Fuck that!
“Oh God, Gwynn. Oh no, honey,” Molly wraps her arms around me and I feel Tatum’s hand rest on my shoulder again.
“When can we see him?” His voice more powerful now, cuts through my sobs.
I’m gasping for a breath, but listening intently for the doctor’s answer.
“I’m afraid it will be a day or so. We need to get him stabilized first, then we will allow visitors.”
“No,” I whisper, then look up at him. “No! I have to see him! Fuck you, I need him to live! Go the fuck out there and do your fucking job! Wake him up, dammit!” I start screaming and the look on the doctor’s face tells me everything I need to know.
There’s nothing more they can do.
It’s all up to the fight that Eddie has left in him.
Chapter 11
Gwynn
“Are you sure about this?” Molly asks, moving the tattered chair into the baby’s nursery. I tried helping her, but she gave me a look like I was crazy, then yelled at me for trying to hurt her little baby. I laughed at her when she said it, because if I don’t laugh at least once a day, I find myself slipping into an incredibly dark place.
We found out a week ago I’m having a girl and ever since, she’s been itching to get the nursery decorated. I have to stop her from going overboard with the pinks. There’s no way my child is going to grow up a sissy. She’s going to be tough as balls. Just like her mamma.
“I’m completely sure. He will love it,” I say, pointing to the corner where she can set the chair down.
I finally found the same style chair that Eddie’s grandma had. I’ve had the fabric for months, so now all I need to do is find the energy to get it finished before the baby gets here. I’ve been too tired lately to do much of anything. From working at Molly’s shop, helping Trey out at the front desk, training some of my fighters, to spending every other night at the hospital, I’m really not getting much sleep.
Not that that’s any different from the last few months, though. It’s just that now the baby is bigger, and I’m small, so things are starting to feel a little crammed.
It’s been four months since the accident that took my love from me. Eddie isn’t awake yet, but I’m not giving up. Every fucking day I’m at that God-forsaken hospital, and every day he looks a little more different. His muscles are fading, his skin isn’t as tanned as it was before. His hair is growing out more and more and though I’ve shaved him a few times, he has significantly more facial hair than I’m used to.
Absentmindedly staring at the chair, my hand goes to my forearm. To the wings that have been there for about four months now. I still remember the day I got them.
“Hey Tiny, yo
u look horrible. Haven’t seen you in a while, everything ok?” Dave asked as I plopped down in his chair.
No, everything wasn’t okay, but I can’t tell him that or else he would kick me out faster than shit. I skirt around the question, bringing up the only thing I need.
Eddie.
“Hey, you know a guy by the name of Eddie Roe?” I ask, as calmly as I can.
Fighting the tears that threaten, since the love of my life lay in a coma in a hospital ICU and they won’t fucking let me see him yet. This is the only thing I can do. I can’t fight. I couldn’t put my body through that. I can, however, get inked. It helped me in the past, it will help me now. As long as Dave doesn’t’ know I’m pregnant, I’m golden. Tattoo’s while pregnant is incredibly dangerous, but I know my body, and I know this baby isn’t going anywhere.
“Yea! You know him?”
“I’ve seen him around,” I lie. “He has these wicked wings on his back, though. Said you did them for him.”
“Yea, yea, I remember those. I’m not sure I ever got a chance to finish them, though. He hasn’t been back in for... shit, it’s been a while,” he said, rubbing his bald head.
Yes, you dumbass. Had you watched the news you would have seen the accident that put my fiancé in a coma. Instead, you were probably too busy getting fucking high and doing everything with two legs that walked through the door.
I’d always liked Dave, but today I wasn’t enjoying his company. Unfortunately, I didn’t really enjoy anyone’s company anymore.
“Yea, well, he said I could use the design if I wanted. And I want to. Think you are up to it?”
“Absolutely, Doll. Where ya thinkin?”
“My forearm. I want the wings wrapping around my arm, like they are hugging me.”
Because then he will be with me every day. No matter what. And if he doesn’t ever wake up, I’ll always have a piece of him.
Jesus, I need him to wake up.
I sat in the chair for a couple hours, totally numb to the pain. My phone went off a few times towards the end, but I ignored it. I just want to feel nothing for a while, before the pain of losing him starts banging on my chest again.