She grins knowingly. “Never thought I’d see the day.”
I run my hands over my jaw, but don’t say anything. It’s the truth. I want Taiya, and I’m sure as hell not going to ruin any chance I have with her. I still have so much to make up for. I need her to forgive me, for her to let me explain my side of the story so we can move on and finally be together again. There is no other option. Taiya will be mine again.
“What’s with the determined look,” Summer says, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I tilt my head to the side. “What determined look?”
“This one,” she says, trying to mimic my expression. I crack up laughing. She looks more constipated than anything, so I hope I really don’t look like that.
“I do not make a face like that,” I tell her, speaking the words slowly.
“I don’t think you should follow us out. I think you should give her some space. Let her enjoy a girls’ night,” Summer says, looking thoughtful.
“Not liking that idea.”
“I know, but Taiya will have a better night. I don’t think she has many friends. She said she lost touch with everyone she used to know.”
“She has me. I’m her husband,” I add in, watching Summer for her reaction.
She gasps, then smiles, “Yay, you finally told me.”
Now it’s my turn to gasp. “You knew?”
She grins evilly. “I annoyed Reid until he caved and told me.”
I shake my head, kind of glad Reid explained so I didn’t have to. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“Don’t be. I knew you would tell me when you were ready. Didn’t think you would blurt it out like that, but you do like to surprise me.” She pauses, and stares straight into my eyes. “I’m always here for you, you know that, right?”
“I know that; you’re my pole. Here for me whenever I need to lean on someone.”
She smiles widely. “How about you use your pole once in a while then?”
“That sounded dirty,” I grumble, giving her a small smile.
She laughs. “It did, didn’t it.”
“Summer!” Reid calls out from the living room.
She instantly stands. “Time for me to make up for skipping the gym today.”
“Make up how?”
She wiggles her eyebrows so I understand.
“Oh. Ohhhh. And that’s my cue to leave.” I kiss her on the head. Just before I let myself out, I stop and turn. “What’s Taiya’s apartment number?” I call out.
I hope people dropping in unannounced still don’t annoy Taiya.
Chapter Four
Taiya
My roommate Isis walks into my room, a dazed look on her face.
“What?” I ask her, closing my drawer and sitting back down on my bed.
“You have a visitor,” she says, grinning. “And a sexy one at that.”
I blink twice, slowly. Since moving back to Perth, I hadn’t really made any new friends other than Isis and Summer. Isis and I met in one of my dance classes and hit it off straight away. She does the adult jazz/funk class that I teach once a week. When I mentioned that I was looking for a place, she asked me if I was also looking for a roomie. The rest is history. Isis is a bombshell, with a thick head of red hair and pale blue eyes. She has fair skin dusted in light freckles, and a slender yet shapely figure. To sum it up, my roomie is a stunner. I get up and walk around her, walking out of my room to see who could have dropped by. I seriously dislike uninvited guests. I come to a standstill when I see it’s Ryan standing in my living room, looking around and taking in every detail of my apartment. I told him we could try to be civil, friends even. However, him dropping by like this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. Maybe a wave to each other in passing? Yep, that was more like what I’d had in mind.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, hating the fact that my heartbeat speeds up at just the sight of him. God, he is still so beautiful, maybe even more so then when I left. Blond, shaggy hair, falling charmingly over his forehead, blue eyes that can see into your soul and a full mouth made for kissing. Ryan Knox is one of the most attractive men I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I note that he is slightly more muscular than I remember. I can almost make out the outline of his sculptured abs from here.
“Was in the neighbourhood. Just thought I’d drop by and see if you needed anything,” he says, smiling faintly.
“How about a divorce?” I say sweetly, so sweet that I’m going to need a filling. I hear a gasp from behind me, and palm my face knowing that Isis heard that little comment.
Ryan smiles. It’s the smile that could make women worldwide swoon, and from what I’ve heard, they have. It seems while I exiled myself in South Africa to lick my wounds, Ryan was busy getting into the panties of any woman he could find. The thought makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. Now, instead of letting me move on with my life, he does things like this. Like dropping by, talking with my mum. Hitting Scott, who is nothing more than a friend to me. He’s trying to insert himself back into my life, and while I feel the pull towards him more than ever, I can’t let myself be vulnerable around him again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice… Ryan and I are over. It seems he is going to still be in my life, but this time around, I’m going to make sure I don’t lose myself in him along the way. I used to breathe Ryan. I gave him every inch of me, and in the end, he broke my heart. I won’t let him do it a second time, husband or not.
“Nice place,” he says, ignoring my comment. I sit down on the royal blue couch, gesturing for him to do the same.
“Is this going to become a regular thing?” I ask with a scowl. I don’t want him to feel like he is welcome to drop by anytime he feels like it. I’m trying to rebuild my life back here in Perth and I don’t need him messing with my head.
He grins, not phased one bit at the look I’m throwing his way. “Sure it is. A husband likes to spend time with his lovely wife.” He pauses, studying me for a moment. “I’ve noticed you don’t even wear your wedding ring anymore.”
“We are separated Ryan. Why would I?” I say softly, trying to soften the blow of my harsh words. “Besides neither do you,” I add, having noticed it before. I swear the man suffers from a bad case of double standards.
“Right,” he says, dragging out the word. He glances down at my hand, as if the ring will magically pop back on my finger. “I guess we’ll be seeing a lot of each other.”
I purse my lips, unable to hide my agitation. “What happens if you come over and I have someone over?”
The instant the words leave my mouth, Ryan’s smile drops and the atmosphere in the room changes, becoming thicker and almost stifling.
“The same thing that happened last time I saw you with a man, I guess,” he says flippantly, but I don’t miss the underlying threat in his voice. He is unbelievable, he really is. After everything that happened between us, he has no right to act like this. He makes my blood boil.
“I guess I’ll just have to find someone who is stronger than you,” I reply, trying to keep my face passive.
“Yeah, good luck with that,” he replies, the cockiness in his tone igniting me off further. I know for a fact Ryan is a brutal fighter. He hardly ever fights, but when he does…
“Are you here just to piss me off?” I ask, staring straight into his eyes. His hypnotic blue eyes.
“No,” he says softly, the heat in his voice dissipating. “I just wanted to see you, is all.”
The way he says it, his voice sounding small, makes me feel like the worst person in the world. Yes, I’m trying to save myself, but I don’t want Ryan to hurt either.
“Okay. So how’s life,” I ask him, trying to be friendly. I can do this. I can sit across from this man and act as if he didn’t rip my heart out and hand it to me, right?
His lip twitches as I use small talk as my version of an olive branch. “Life is good. How does it feel to be back in Perth?”
“Good actually,�
�� I admit. I’d missed my mother, and the reason I actually returned was that she was getting older now, her health wasn’t so good. I wanted to be with her, close to her, in case she needed me for anything. Stubborn woman that she is, she won’t admit it when she needs help.
“How was South Africa?” he asks, looking genuinely interested. South Africa is like a second home to me. I was born in Capetown, and have visited every year or so since I was a baby. I spent time with my family, especially my cousins, and did a lot of volunteer work to both help out and to keep myself busy. I also worked at my Auntie’s clothing store to make some extra money. I spent the year trying my best not to think about Ryan, but no matter the distance, he wasn’t far from my thoughts. Which just plain pissed me off. I always said I wasn’t going to be one of those girls. Pining away over a man who frankly didn’t deserve me. Once trust is broken, there is always a small part of you that won’t forget, won’t forgive, no matter what you say or how much you try. It really is one of those things that you work hard to get, and can lose in a blink of a second. I wish I was stronger, but I’m not. If I was, I wouldn’t be feeling butterflies in my stomach by just being in his presence.
“Good. I enjoyed the change of scenery,” I tell him, relaxing back into the plush couch.
“Are you going back any time soon?” he asks, a little hesitantly. My eyes zoom in on his mouth. Oh, that mouth. It always knew exactly what it was doing. Ryan clears his throat, and my eyes move up to meet his. He smirks at me knowingly, clearly feeling more confident after my show of weakness.
I bite the inside of my cheek before I answer, “Nope. I’m here to stay.”
“Okay,” he says, smiling widely.
I narrow my eyes. “Look, I don’t know what your end game is but…”
He raises his hands up in innocence. “Can’t I visit an old friend without suspicion?”
“Oh, so now I’m an old friend?” I ignore the pang of hurt that his comment incites. This is what I want. I don’t have the right to feel upset.
“Well, even before we got married you were my best friend, so yeah. You will always be that to me, even if you’re nothing else.”
Is he saying that when we get divorced, he still wants to be friends? I don’t know how to feel about that.
“Taiya, I’m heading out,” Isis says as she walks into the room. She has a backpack hitched on one shoulder, and is dressed in jeans and a loose white top.
“Isis this is Ryan,” I introduce.
Isis purses her lips. “Right, the husband. The one you failed to mention.”
I sigh. I can feel a long lecture happening in the near future.
“Nice to meet you, Ryan,” Isis says, now smiling. She tilts her head to look at me. “I’ll be back in a few hours. You want anything?”
I shake my head. “I’m good, thanks. I’ll message you if I do.”
“All right,” she says, blowing me a kiss before walking out. I hear the door lock behind her, making me realise I’m now officially alone with my soon-to-be ex-husband. He must realise it too, because he starts to chuckle softly.
“Want to go out for dinner?” he suddenly asks, after a few seconds of silence. He studies me, anticipating my answer.
“No, thanks, maybe next time,” I tell him.
Like when hell freezes over.
“It’s just a meal,” he says, raising an eyebrow, almost daring me.
“I know that,” I say slowly, enunciating each word.
“Then why are you looking like I asked you if you wanted to have sex.”
“I’m not,” I say quickly, looking down at my black coated nails.
“What are you going to have for dinner then?” he asks, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. The action tightens his T-shirt along his broad chest, and shows off his biceps. It takes all my will power to look away.
“I’ll fix myself something. Don’t worry about me, Ryan.” Like he hasn’t for the past year or so.
“So you learned to cook over in South Africa then?” he asks, smirking at me.
“I might have,” I say defensively, sitting up straighter.
“So you can make something other than toast and two minute noodles then?” he asks, doubt evident in his voice.
“Of course I can,” I say. I can now fry eggs. So I’m not housewife material, sue me.
“What can you make?” he asks nosily. He’s always had an issue with boundaries.
“Lots of things,” I lie.
“Such as?” he pries, his eyes dancing with amusement. He’s enjoying this, the bastard. He knows I can’t cook for shit.
“I really don’t think I need to prove myself to you,” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest.
He flashed me a megawatt smile. “Do you want me to make you something?”
“Ryan. I’m fine, really.”
“Don’t be so stubborn, Tay,” he says, shaking his head.
Tay.
He used to call me that.
No other woman will ever compare to you, Tay. You’re all I see.
I instantly stand up, the pillow that was next to me flying on the floor.
“Okay, you need to go,” I say, feeling slightly shaken by the memory.
He stands slowly, but looks confused. “What’s wrong?”
“I just… have some things I need to do. I’ll see you around, okay?” I tell him, glancing towards my room door longingly.
He rubs the back of his neck with his hand and puffs out a breath. “Yeah okay. Sure.” He forces a smile, before turning and walking to and then out the door. I lock it behind him, leaning my back against the door and sliding down it, until I’m sitting on the floor.
Only then do I allow the tears to fall.
Chapter Five
Ryan
I rest my head against the door listening to her cry. Each sob rips a hole in my heart, each tear lies on my conscience. Instead of walking away and trying to clear my head, I stand there and punish myself by listening to her, because I know I deserve it. She’s hurting. I’m hurting. This whole thing is fucked up. We need each other. I just wish she could see it. I could be there for her again, if she’d let me. I want to bang my head against the door, but then she would know I’m still here, standing in front of her door like a fucking creeper. I lift my hand to knock on the door, to beg her to let me comfort her, to hold her in my arms. I pull back my hand before it connects with the door, and instead pull at the ends of my hair, and squeeze my eyes shut. I put my hand in my pocket, fingering my wedding ring. It’s on me, where I always keep it. I may not wear it, only because it didn’t feel right when I was with other women. I slide the ring back on my finger. When I hear her move away from the door, only then do I do the same.
*****
The next day, I get off my black Harley Fat Boy, and walk into the crowded bar, nodding and smiling along the way at the familiar faces.
“‘Bout time you got here,” Tag says, throwing a tea towel at my head. I catch it with one hand, grinning at him.
“Isn’t Summer meant to be here?” I ask, frowning as I look around.
“She’s running late,” Tag says, running his hand over his shaved head.
“Did she call in?”
“Reid called in for her,” he says, his lips twitching in amusement. “The perks of screwing the boss, eh?” he jokes. A woman walks up to the bar and Tag leans in to hear her order. I chuckle when she flirtatiously pulls at his goatee. He hates that, I know he does, but I don’t know why. He gently untangles the woman’s fingers and starts to make her drink. I see Rachel walk up to me, a girl I once spent the weekend with. Summer always tells me I have a type, and going by what she says, I guess Rachel would be it. She has a curvy figure, long hair and bedroom eyes.
“Hey Ryan,” she coos, smiling up at me.
“Hey Rach, what can I get you?” I ask her, giving her a friendly smile in return.
“One margarita please,” she orders, leaning against the bar.
“Sur
e thing,” I tell her, grabbing the glass and commencing to make the cocktail.
“Come home with me tonight?” she asks bluntly, once I’ve finished making the drink. She bites her lip, giving me a look that says ‘I’ll make it worth your while.’
I place it down in front of her. “Sorry, can’t do, babe.” I say it gently, so not to hurt her feelings. I know how much rejection can hurt.
“Why not?” she pouts, pushing away her blonde hair. She doesn’t look upset, more like she’s confused.
“I’m a one woman man these days,” I tell her, grinning. It’s the truth. She may not be mine again… yet, but she will be. I don’t think a man has ever loved a woman more than I do her, and hopefully, she realises that. If not, hopefully, I can prove it to her.
Her face shows her surprise. “Really? Since when?”
“Since now,” I tell her, thanking her as she hands over the money for the drink. I put it in the cash register and pull out her change.
“Hope she knows how lucky she is,” she says, accepting the remainder of her money.
“Actually, I’m the lucky one,” I tell her, smiling. It’s the truth. If only she would let me in, let me see that side of her again. Her vulnerable side. It’s not like I expected Taiya to fall back into my arms yesterday, but I guess I was hoping for… something. When I left, hearing her cry ripped my heart out. Those tears let me know a few things. They show just how much I’ve hurt her, but they also show that she cares enough to maybe work things out. I need to fix the damage I’ve caused, to show her just how amazing she is. The woman deserves the world, and I plan to give it to her.
Rachel sighs. “I highly doubt that,” she says under her breath, before walking back to the table, drink in hand. I smile at her retreating back. If she only knew.
“Can I get a drink or you going to stare at the blonde all night?” comes Xander’s amused voice. I turn to my left, smiling at him in welcome. His long hair is tied back away from his face, showing off the ink on his neck. I think he’s had even more work done since the last time I’ve seen him.
“That new?” I ask him, pointing to the side of his neck.
This Time Around (Maybe) Page 3