“That’s different.”
“What’s so different, Keirah?”
I couldn’t think of anything to say. “It just is.”
“You know what? You can be an ignorant bitch sometimes.”
“What? Did you just call me a bitch?”
He nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I see right now.”
“Oh no motherfucka, you done lost your mind. So I’m a bitch, huh?”
“Look, I ain’t about to keep repeating myself.”
I had to laugh, because I was so damn mad that I didn’t know what to do with myself. “Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll be that, but you get your bitch ass out of my house!”
“I don’t give a fuck about leaving this bitch. You think you hurting me?”
“I really don’t give a lovely fuck. You just get your punk ass, no dick having, can’t fuck a bitch right, backwards hustling ass out of my house!”
He stood for a few seconds, and I could see the rage in his eyes. So, when he made a move I flinched, just knowing that he was about to deliver a blow.
He paused. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You think that I would put my hands on you?”
“I don’t know what the fuck you’ll do, but you need to leave my house.”
He nodded. “Now I see what the problem is. If I ain’t going across your head then you don’t know how to act, right?”
“What? Nigga, you got me fucked up!”
“No, I got you right. That’s your problem. You been with so many fraud-ass niggas that you can’t recognize when you have the real deal on your side. You waiting for a nigga to fuck up. All you know how to do is play games. You don’t even know how to be straight up. It probably ain’t in you.”
“Don’t stand here and try to switch the tables around on me. You was the one all hugged up with a bitch in the club. You was the one standing, talking to the bitch like I was invisible. That was all you.”
“That’s all you do is take shit overboard. I was just speaking to that girl. You was just looking for an excuse to show your ass.”
“Who are you for me to go through all that trouble over?”
He stepped in my face and stared into my eyes. “The nigga you love.”
“Let you tell it,” I said, hoping that it would make him smile.
He sucked his teeth. “You see there you go with this shit again. You can’t never just talk to a nigga straight up. You want to play and shit. This is for real. I’m a grown ass man and I don’t have time to play these childish ass games with you.”
“Who’s playing?”
“You. Why can’t you look into my eyes and tell me how you feel? Why are you acting like a scared ass little girl?”
“I’m not scared. You just too demanding.”
“No, I told you that it’s all or nothing with me. That means that I have to have every part of you. You can’t open up for me one day and then shut down the next.”
“It’s that simple, right? I’m supposed to just trust you with my heart?”
His eyes bulged. “I’m trusting you with mine.”
I lifted my head to the ceiling. This was all too much for me. He was constantly on my ass and wouldn’t take no shorts. No other man pushed me to my limits and still demanded more. I couldn’t just give him anything. I had to come correct, and I was swallowing more pride than I ever imagined.
“This is hard,” I whined while frustrated tears escaped my eyes.
“What’s so hard about loving somebody?” he asked with a confused look on his face.
“Loving you is different, Trent. I feel like I’m losing a battle…I’m losing myself.”
He shook his head as he wrapped his arms around me. “Nah, you ain’t losing anything. We just becoming one.”
* * * * *
I had never experienced anything like this before. Trent was everything I ever dreamt of, but never thought that I’d have. It was overwhelming at times. Yeah, he was a hustler, but he had such a gentle soul. He opened doors for me and always showed me the utmost respect.
It was all so crazy. He was lifting me up and taking me to heights that I never knew existed. His constant reassurance was so refreshing, but sometimes I thought that he was just too good to be true. So, I always had a watchful eye on him. Anything he did, I watched closely; especially if a girl with a big ass walked by.
“I see you looking,” I teased one day as we both sat in his car. We were at a shopping center near his home.
“Looking at what?” he asked, looking confused.
“Aw, come on, Killah. You know that you was looking at that girl’s ass.”
“What girl?” he continued to play crazy.
“The chick that just walked by in the yellow. I know you saw her.”
“Oh, you talking about the chick with the ponytail?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, I didn’t even pay attention to her ass.”
“Yeah, right,” I sighed as I stared out the window. I was completely fine with him taking a peek every once in a while. I just didn’t like him lying about it.
After a while I could feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face. “What?” I finally turned and asked him.
“Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Why do you watch other women to see if I’m watching them?”
“Out of curiosity,” I shrugged.
“Okay, but why do you do that when I can’t even see these bitches right now?”
“What you mean, you can’t see them? You ain’t blind, nigga.”
“I have tunnel vision. I can only focus on one thing at a time, and right now I’m focused on you. Those other women don’t impress me.”
“Yeah, right, Trent. I mean…I know that I’m cute. Can’t nobody take that away from me, but I know that I ain’t the finest bitch around.”
He shook his head. “Why do you say shit like that? What the fuck is fine? Define fine for me.”
“Okay…fine is when you have a huge ass, small waist, nice breasts, thick legs...”
He halted me. “Alright. So you gave me the basics. So what makes you feel that you’re not fine?”
“Well, you know that my ass is not huge.”
“It’s far from flat.”
“But, it could be bigger.”
“Keirah, where did you get this shit from?” he asked with a frown.
“My mama and other people in my family.”
“So, I guess that everybody in your family is a ten, right?”
“No; actually, I wouldn’t say that any of them are even fine. I can’t think of one that has a brick house shape with a flat stomach and all that.”
“So, name another person in the family that has open conversations about their body.”
“Nobody, really. The only person that they talk about is me,” I said as I realized this for the first time. There were women in my family that would have long conversations about me and my body. They would compare mine to theirs and point out why my shit was all fucked up. The thing is, for the most part, if they’d stand next to me anywhere near a man they’d be invisible. It was a fact that had been proven time and time again. It was always up for debate when my curves were up for discussion amongst women. They’d always say that my breasts were too big or this wasn’t big enough. And then when I’d express my body image issues with a man, they’d all tell me to never change a thing. So, the very same things that women tried to call flaws, were the very same things that drew men in.
“Keirah, I thought that you were smarter than that. You have been falling for the oldest trick in the book. I bet you have been subject to criticism from women that you can run circles around. You see, on the outside you have a lot of confidence. It takes the person sliding between your legs to bring those insecurities out. All they see is what you allow them to see. They see all that confidence oozing from a person that’s outshining them. So, they find any small thing to say to bring you down a few notches. All they can talk about
is your breasts or some shit like that. You should shut that shit down. They can’t possibly make you feel bad about the very thing that women are willing to pay thousands to have.”
“I hear you,” I nodded.
“Do you really? It seems like you’ve allowed some people to really get in here,” he said as he pointed a finger at my temple. “That’s how they get you. You’d be amazed as to how many pretty girls have similar insecurities. It’s like there are girls that would kill to have half the beauty you have, but you’re not content. God made you just the way you’re supposed to be. Besides, every time I look at you for too long my dick gets hard. I love what I see. I love your thick, tight thighs. I love your beautiful face. I love the hell out of your tits. I like the roundness of your hips. And that ass looks great when I’m slamming it against my thighs.”
“You just have your mind in the gutter,” I laughed.
“Naw, I’m serious. You are very sexy to me. It ain’t something that I have to dig deep to see either. I dig everything about you. You need to stop listening to the jealousy and focus on what you see in the mirror. As long as you love it and I love it, that’s all that matters.”
There was nothing that I could say after that. So, I sat back and went with the flow.
That day Trent and I shopped until we dropped. He was the first man that could ever hang with me when it came to shopping. He waited patiently as I tried anything that looked cute to me. Everything I tried on seemed to be nice to him, because he gave everything the green light. So, I piled the clothes on the counter and my total was well into the thousands. My wallet stayed in my purse the entire time. I mean…Ken had done things for me, but it was never like this. Hell, I didn’t spend thousands on myself, not on clothes at least.
“Baby, you sure about this?” I glanced at him as the cashier called out the total of $6500.
He gave me a look. “Come on, now. Don’t insult me,” and then he dropped the cash down on the counter. Just like that.
“Baby, when I want to do something for you, just let me,” he insisted as we left Macy’s.
“Okay,” I nodded.
The day was far from over. After we left Macy’s, I hit up Saks’. I saw some bad Christian Louboutin stilettos. They were priced at $2500. Trent saw me eyeing them.
“You like those?” he asked.
“Yeah, but they’re a little too expensive.”
“For who?” he asked with a raised brow.
“For me.”
He sucked his teeth. “Excuse me,” he said to the white saleslady.
“Yes?” she asked with a huge smile.
“Can I get these in a seven, please?”
“Sure,” she smiled, knowing that she was probably about to get a commission.
I left Saks with those shoes and some Prada tennis shoes. On the inside, I was screaming. I had never been treated like that. I tried my best to keep my composure and not act brand new. He was spoiling me rotten. He gave to me so easily and freely. I didn’t see any strings attached either. He just liked seeing me happy.
That night he asked me how much my rent was. It caught me off guard, but I told him. He never elaborated and I left it alone. All I know is the next day he’d left enough money on my nightstand to pay the rent for five months. He was doing way too much, because I could see myself getting used to it.
* * * * *
“This shit is so fake,” I sighed.
“Why you say that?” Trent asked as his head rested on my stomach. We were in my bed watching some movie and a man had just proposed to his girlfriend.
“Cause this shit only happens in the movies. There ain’t no niggas walking around like that.”
“Like what?” he looked up at me and asked.
“Like this character. Men don’t fall hopelessly in love and just have to marry the woman.”
“I feel you to a certain extent. Not every nigga wants to settle down, but there are some niggas that have that ‘house with the picket fence’ dream.”
“Well, nobody I know wants that.”
“And how do you know?”
“I just do.”
He gently stroked my face. “So, you ain’t getting married one day?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Every time I think that somebody might be marriage material, they do something to prove me wrong. So, my hopes ain’t high.”
“Umm,” he poked out his lip, as he rested his head on my belly again. “Anything is possible.”
“Yeah, I guess,” I yawned just as my cell rung. It was right near him so he answered it.
“Hello,” he spoke into my phone. He paused and then said, “Hold on,” he handed me the phone.
“Hello,” I answered.
“Keirah, can you let me borrow $20?” my cousin Ski asked.
“If you can find a ride to get it.”
“Well, I was in your area.”
“Okay, well then stop by.”
“Alright,” he agreed before hanging up.
“Who was that?” Trent asked.
“My cousin.”
“Oh, okay,” he sighed as he rolled over and wrapped his arms around my waist. “He’s coming over here?”
“Yeah. He needs to borrow $20.”
“And your tight ass is going to give it to him?”
“Fuck you,” I giggled. “I ain’t tight.”
“Oh, you ain’t?” he asked as he grabbed my vajayjay.
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. Tell me what that mean,” he growled while trying to pull my shorts down.
“Baby, wait. You know my cousin is on the way.”
“He ain’t here yet,” he shrugged, as he pulled my shorts down despite my objections. He ran his finger over my clit; that caused a chill to run down my spine. God, I loved his touch. But before he could go any further my doorbell sounded.
“Fuck!” he barked as he collapsed back into the bed.
“I told you,” I laughed as I pulled my shorts up. I rolled out of bed and headed down stairs. He was right behind me.
I opened the door and Ski was standing there with Marcus. I was caught off guard by this because Marcus was one of my exes. We had gotten together while Ken was in jail once. In fact, I had been pregnant by him twice. Each time, I got an abortion. The last time I did, he damn near chocked me until I passed out. He wanted the babies and I didn’t. I wanted to be with Ken and I knew that a baby might tear us apart. Marcus was a bit of a player, so I knew that he would never truly commit to me. The last thing I wanted was to be a young, single, teenaged-mother, so I terminated the pregnancies. So, it had been a while since I’d seen Marcus. We had put the past behind us a while ago, so I was surprised to see him standing with my cousin at my front door.
“What’s up, kinfolk?” Ski asked me as he and Marcus stepped into my condo. Ski had been here twice, but this was Marcus’s first time. He seemed to be impressed.
“What you been up to, Keke?” Marcus asked, referring to me by my childhood nick name.
“Living,” I shrugged.
“That’s what’s up. I saw your mama the other day. She was like, ‘didn’t you used to talk to my daughter?’”
Trent had been sitting on the couch the entire time and when Marcus said that, his head shot up. He looked over at us with a mean scowl on his face. I was very uncomfortable, and was planning on getting in Ski’s ass for putting me in that awkward situation. It wasn’t like he didn’t know that I had company, because Trent answered the phone when he called. He could’ve left Marcus back in the car.
“Anyway, Ski and Marcus…this is Trent,” I introduced them, trying to change the course of the conversation.
“Oh, I’m tripping, Keirah. I mean…I knew that a dude answered the phone, but it just never clicked. You know I’m high than a muthafucka. What’s up, my nigga?” Ski said.
“‘Sup,” Trent nodded.
“Yeah, what’s up, homie?” Marcus spoke.
Trent just offered him a nod.
“Let me grab the money,” I sighed, as I grabbed my wallet that was sitting on the coffee table. I pulled out $20 and handed it to Ski.
“Appreciate it, kinfolk,” Ski smiled. His eyes were low and he was as high as a kite.
“You’re welcome.”
“Alright, see you, Keke,” Marcus waved, as they headed out the door.
“Bye.”
“Alright. It was nice meeting you, Trent,” Ski said.
“Same here,” Trent claimed, as they left out the door. I closed it behind them and then went and sat next to Trent.
“So, your cousin came by so that your ex could see you, huh?”
“What are you talking about? He came to borrow some money. You saw it.”
“No, what I saw was an excuse to come over. Ole boy wanted to see you and he used your cousin to make it happen.”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Ain’t no maybe about it. When was the last time you fucked with him?”
“About three years ago.”
He thought for a second. “How is that possible when you claimed that a little over two years ago you was with some nigga that you’d been with for years? That wasn’t him was it?”
“No, that wasn’t Ken. I have known Marcus for a very long time. Truthfully, he was my first boyfriend. We talked when I was in middle school. It was a little petty something. Then a few years later, I got with him again while Ken was in jail. We dated pretty much the entire time Ken was locked up.”
“So, you was fucking over your nigga?”
“No, not really. He had been cheating on me left and right. We had a lot of drama going on. Really, I was doing too much by even going to visit him after all the shit he did to me. So, I was doing me. He knew that. I never told him to what extent, but he basically knew that I was dating. Hell, I was young. I could have just left him for dead like so many other girls would have done. I cared about him, but I couldn’t stop living because of the dumb decisions he made. So, I was talking to Marcus. He and Ken knew each other because we all grew up together. He knew that I was waiting on Ken. He didn’t care. We started talking and I saw that he was the typical dude. He wanted to talk to me and a million other girls. So I told myself not to take him seriously. The thing is that I ended up pregnant.”
Can I Talk to You (G Street Chronicles Presents) Page 18