‘How would you feel about some company tonight? I really don’t want this day to be over,’ Liam said, interrupting her thoughts.
‘How do you do that?’ Grace asked. ‘I was just thinking the same thing. Reading minds a new talent of yours?’
‘I wish! I think it’s more a case of great minds thinking alike! So, would you mind if I hung around for a while?’
‘I’d like that very much,’ Grace said softly. She knew that they were heading into un-chartered territory and that soon there would be no turning back, but it didn’t seem to matter. She had to trust her instincts.
****
A couple of hours later, a very excited Jack was finally in bed and falling asleep. Grace had read him his favourite bedtime story – The Gruffalo. Before he’d closed his eyes he asked her. ‘Will my Daddy be here in the morning, Mommy?’
‘I don’t know sweetie-pie, maybe. Is it okay with you if he stays?’
‘I wish my Daddy was here every day,’ Jack sighed.
Grace kissed him on the forehead, tucked him in tightly and switched his night light on.
‘Sweet dreams my darling.’
Grace smiled as she went to join Liam. It felt really nice to have some adult company.
‘You’re really good with him, Grace. You’ve got so much patience. He adores you.’
‘You haven’t seen me when he’s asked the same question 100 times in a row, usually very early in the morning when I’m trying to get him ready for Montessori and we’re late. I’m telling you there have been days when I felt like throwing him out the window!’
‘He’d probably love that! He’d think he was Spider-Man or something! I made some coffee when you were upstairs. Fancy a cup? Or do you want something stronger?’
Grace felt her heart stop when he asked her that. She knew it was too good to be true. He was going to start drinking again. God, she felt stupid. She was just about to tell Liam to fuck off when he continued.
‘Listen Grace, I’ve noticed that you haven’t had a drink when I’m around. Don’t feel like you can’t have something. It won’t make me run for the bottle. It actually makes it harder when people change their habits for me. It makes me feel under a compliment.’
Feeling a little bit sheepish and a whole lot relieved, Grace decided she did need a drink. She shouldn’t drink too much with her medication, but the doctors said the odd tipple wouldn’t harm her.
Curled up on one end of her leather couch with a brandy in her hand, Liam curled up on the other end with a coffee cup in his, Grace couldn’t help smiling.
‘What’s tickling you?’ he asked, matching her smile with one of his own.
‘This,’ Grace answered, gesturing themselves. ‘This is all so surreal. Us two sitting on my couch together again, me drinking a brandy and you with a coffee!’
‘I wouldn’t want it any other way. Mind you I’m going to have to improve your coffee-making skills. This stuff is pretty bad!’ Liam replied with a laugh.
‘Don’t you miss it? Drinking?’ Grace asked gently through her smile, holding her brandy glass up.
‘Yep, of course. I think part of me will always want a drink, but hopefully that part will now always be controlled by the greater part of me that says, “Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt!” It’s hard to explain, but do you know that Diageo advert on TV, the one that has the tagline “Stop and think”?’
Grace nodded. She knew the advert. It had kind of a Sliding Doors theme to it with a guy seeing a flash of what his night would be like if he drank, and it wasn’t pretty, so he decided to stay sober.
‘Well, that’s kind of how I feel. I’ve seen what I’m like when I get drunk, and it really isn’t pretty. I can’t go back to that way of life Grace, I won’t go back, and the stakes are too high.’ Liam took a deep breath, and then continued. ‘I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I was a rotten boyfriend. I blew all our money, all our savings. I let you take all the burden of paying the bills and the mortgage.’
Grace interrupted him, ‘You’ve made up for that over the past couple of years, Liam. You’ve more than paid back your debt with the allowance you’ve sent each month for Jack.’
But Liam continued, determined to get some things off his chest. ‘Anyone can set up a direct debit, Grace; it doesn’t make me a father. Sometimes I break out in a cold sweat when I think about the things I did. Saying sorry doesn’t seem enough. But I want to make it up to you and to Jack. I never stopped loving you. Grace, I need you, baby. I want to give it another go. I want to grow old with you.’
Liam stopped abruptly, Grace was crying. He knew he’d stuff it up and say the wrong thing. He should have taken it more slowly, but when he started he couldn’t stop. He’d been building up to that speech for weeks now.
‘Oh Grace. Please don’t cry. I’ll stop. We can just be friends if that’s what you want. Just tell me what you want.’ He grabbed Grace’s hand and kissed it.
‘I want you, Liam.’
Liam couldn’t believe his ears. Grace said it so softly; he thought he’d misheard her at first. But she had said she wanted him, he was sure of it. Before he lost his nerve, he pulled her in close and kissed her face, starting on her eyes, her nose, each cheek, finishing gently on her lips.
Grace began to kiss him back, lost in the moment. It felt so right. She could feel tears running down her cheeks, and she wasn’t sure if they were hers or Liam’s. What the hell was she thinking of? She had to stop this. It wasn’t fair on Liam. He didn’t know what he was getting into. The time for secrecy was over. She pulled away and stood up quickly, the look of hurt on Liam’s face making her wince. Telling her friends that she had cancer had been the hardest thing she’d ever done, but this was going to be ten times worse.
‘What’s going on, babe? You’ve got to let me in, Grace. One minute I feel like we’ve connected, then bam, you’re like a rabbit in lights. This is wrecking my head.’
‘I’m sorry. Truly. I’m not trying to play games with you, but this is hard for me,’ Grace stuttered in response to Liam’s plea.
‘I know, baby. I know it will take time for you to trust me again, but you’ve got to give us a chance. I can prove myself to you.’
‘It’s not about that Liam. I believe in you, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re going to drink again. You said earlier today that the journalist in you sniffed a story. Well you were right.’
Grace picked up her brandy glass; she was going to need it. ‘I’ve been keeping something from you and I’m sorry. But I didn’t know how to tell you. There’s no easy way I suppose. There’s a reason why I’ve lost so much weight. I’m not well, Liam. A couple of days before you came back into our lives I was diagnosed with leukaemia.’ She took another sip of brandy while Liam absorbed the news. He was shaking. ‘I’ve started chemotherapy already; I’ve three months of it to take. That’s why I was so wiped out last weekend. I’d just finished the treatment.’
Grace wiped a tear away. She had to stay calm for this conversation. If Liam wanted to stay, she didn’t want it to be out of pity. ‘So you can see, this is really bad timing for us. What with the treatment and everything, it would be madness for us to start up again. So why don’t we just stay as friends? I think it’s for the best.’
Liam stood up. He had suspected that something like this was wrong, but he had shaken it away, thinking he was being melancholy. He walked over and took Grace’s hand. ‘Sit down with me babe. I’ve a couple of things to say, and this time you’re going to listen.’ He paused. ‘There’s not a hope in hell that we’re going to be just friends. I love you and you love me. Don’t you?’ He stared at her so intensely that she couldn’t lie. She nodded silently to his question. ‘So that’s an end to this friends malarkey. You’ve got enough of them already, you don’t need another.’
To prove his point he kissed her passionately, then continued, ‘I’m here now, and you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not. So start from the begi
nning, I want to know everything.’
Chapter Eleven
Dear Grace,
Thank you for your letter. I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. I will pray for a speedy recovery for you every day. I know you may not believe this, but I cried for days when I received your letter. Although I have not been able to meet you before, I have always thought about you. It was thinking that you were happy and well in Dublin that kept me going. When I received your letter, it felt like the ground opened up beneath my feet, and I’ve been falling since that moment.
I thought that it was for the best keeping away from you all these years. Maybe I was wrong. I’m coming to Dublin on the 12th March, and I’ve booked into a Hotel in Swords. I hope that this suits you, as I very much look forward to meeting you again. It’s been a long thirty two years.
I’ve enclosed a picture of myself so you can recognise me. I’m really nervous about this, and I hope and pray that I don’t disappoint you in any way.
Yours truly,
Catherine
Grace had the photograph of Catherine in her hands. She couldn’t stop looking at it. She looked like her. Her hair was shorter than Grace’s and had some grey mixed with the strawberry blonde. She didn’t have her eyes though. Catherine had blue eyes and Grace’s were green. Grace had never felt so nervous in her life. True to his word, Liam was there for her in every way. When the letter came from Catherine, he started fussing over her even more and it was doing her head in. She knew he was only trying to be supportive, but right now everything was getting on her nerves. She felt so out of control in every aspect of her life. She couldn’t control her cancer, and it made her feel sick thinking about the bad cells inside her, that were growing day by day, killing the good cells and taking over her body. She couldn’t control whether the chemotherapy would work or not. Now, in a few minutes, she would be meeting Catherine for the first time. And she couldn’t control how this meeting was going to go either. She hated this feeling. She’d been scared almost every day since that Friday the 13th when she’d received her diagnosis.
Tara and Sean had called earlier and picked up Jack to take him to the park for a couple of hours. The plan was to call them if the meeting went well, so that they could bring Jack home to meet Catherine. Sean could also give Catherine some medical information too, if she was willing to be tested for the bone marrow transplant.
‘I can’t ask her, Liam. It’s too much to expect,’ Grace suddenly declared.
‘Yes, you can Grace. This is your life we’re talking about. She owes you,’ Liam said firmly.
‘You’re wrong Liam. She owes me nothing. One, she gave birth to me when she had options. She could have got rid of me. Two, she gave me to my parents, and I understand now how hard that must have been. In a million years I could never have parted with Jack. I can only imagine the pain it must have caused her.’
‘Okay. I get that. But let me ask you a question. If Jack had been taken from you when he was born, would you have stopped loving him? Is there anything you wouldn’t do for him even if you didn’t see him for over 30 years?’
‘Of course not. I’ll love him forever. He’s part of me.’
‘So, unless Catherine doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body, I would assume she will want to do this for you. You have to ask her.’
‘And what will I say – Hi Catherine, nice to meet you. Haven’t time to chit-chat, fancy giving me your marrow?’
‘Grace, nobody is asking you to be that blunt. Just talk to her, tell her your options regarding treatment. Let’s just play it by ear, okay?’
There wasn’t time to debate the situation any further because the bell was ringing, Catherine was here. Liam opened the door and welcomed her in. She looked terrified, but there was no doubt that she was Grace’s mother. They were the image of each other.
‘Hi Catherine, I’m Liam, Grace’s boyfriend. Come on in, you’re very welcome. Grace is through here in the living room.’
Grace watched her mother walk into her sitting room and her life in slow motion. She was beautiful.
‘Hello Grace,’ Catherine’s voice was soft and warm.
‘Hello,’ Grace answered. She felt sick. Her stomach was doing somersaults. She didn’t know what to say.
‘I brought you some flowers and I thought we might need a drink. I don’t know about you, but my nerves are in shreds.’
Liam felt a jolt hearing Catherine’s phrasing, it could have been Grace speaking.
Catherine handed Grace a big bunch of white roses and a bottle of Hennessy. Grace paled and sat down quickly.
‘Are you okay, Grace? I’m sorry, have I offended you buying a present? I didn’t want to come empty-handed, and I didn’t know what to bring. White roses are my favourite; I thought you might like them.’
Grace composed herself. Catherine looked distraught and more than a little bit confused. She must think I’m an imbecile sitting here mute, Grace thought. ‘Thank you, Catherine. They’re beautiful. The flowers gave me a jolt, that’s all. White roses are my favourite too. The coincidence overcame me for a moment.’
Liam felt a little shell-shocked looking at these two women meeting for the first time in thirty two years, God alone knew what was going on in their minds. They were trying so hard to be polite. He grabbed the bottle of brandy from Grace and quickly poured two glasses for them.
‘Thank you, Liam. Are you not joining us?’ Catherine asked when she noticed there were only two glasses.
‘I don’t drink, Catherine. You girls look like you needed one though, so fire away!’
Grace was so proud of him. He didn’t even miss a beat there. She sipped her brandy slowly, watching Catherine. She found it hard to believe that her mother was actually sitting in her apartment drinking a brandy with her. She’d dreamt of this moment for years and had rehearsed what she would say, but now that Catherine was here, she found she couldn’t think of a single thing.
Catherine broke the silence. ‘You’re beautiful, Grace. The picture you sent me didn’t do you justice.’
Grace still hadn’t found her voice, so she smiled and hoped Catherine understood. Liam had joined Grace on the couch and held her hand tightly.
Catherine continued, ‘You must be feeling very overwhelmed right now. I know I am.’
Grace nodded. It helped knowing that Catherine was feeling as nervous as she was. She felt the lump in her throat growing larger by the second. Liam sensing her distress squeezed her hand.
She took another sip of brandy and a deep breath.
‘I didn’t think you would come,’ she said in a small voice.
Catherine started to twist the ring she was wearing. ‘It wasn’t an option for me not to come. You’re my daughter and when you told me you had cancer and that you needed to meet me, I had to come.’
Grace felt light-headed. It was the first time Catherine had ever referred to her as her daughter. It made this situation seem real somehow. She couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.
‘I’m glad you’re here,’ she eventually managed to say.
They both took another sip of brandy and smiled at each other through their tears. They were so unsure as to what to say. The tension and high emotion in the room was palpable.
‘How are you feeling, Grace? Tell me about your cancer.’
Grace didn’t want to get into too much detail at this time. She was afraid that Catherine might run and leave if she thought Grace only wanted her bone marrow. She couldn’t bear that, not now they’d finally met. She had so many things she needed to know.
‘I’m doing okay at the moment. I’ve just finished my first few sessions of chemo. I go in weekly, every Friday. I get bloods done on Thursday morning and as long as there’s no problems there, I’m good to go. I’m a little bit tired and have a stupid cold that just won’t go away, but apart from that, I’m good.’
‘I’m so sorry you have to go through this, Grace. If there’s anything I can do, please tell me,’ Catherine responded.
>
Liam nudged Grace, this was the perfect opportunity. But Grace shook her head, telling Catherine she didn’t need anything. This was not the time.
Silence again.
‘I’ve noticed you keep looking at my hands, Grace. Why?’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. I wanted to see if you had crooked little fingers. I have, and I always wondered if you did too. See.’ Grace held up her two pinkies for inspection.
Catherine held up her own fingers, saying, ‘Snap!’
They all laughed for a couple of seconds, then silence again. Another sip of brandy. I’ll be the alcoholic next, Grace thought.
‘You must have been wondering about a lot of things. If you have any questions for me, I’ll try to answer them,’ Catherine said.
‘Tell me about yourself. I’d like to understand a bit more about who you are. If that’s okay?’ Grace asked.
When Catherine began to tell her about herself, Grace began to feel calm for the first time that day. With every word, the tension began to drain out of her body. Catherine owned a small teashop in Meath. She loved to cook and prepared all the produce for the shop herself. Liam told Catherine that Grace was a fabulous cook too.
‘It appears we have a few things in common,’ Catherine commented. She was single and had never married. She had no other children. She had moved to Meath thirty two years ago, after she gave Grace up for adoption, but was from Wexford originally. Both her parents were dead but she did have a brother living in Perth in Australia. He was married with three kids.
Before long Grace felt herself opening up and relaxing and she began to tell Catherine about her life: her work as an interior designer, her love for Liam and their recent reunion, Jack and all of her friends. It was a lovely afternoon and only when the phone rang did they realise they had been talking for over two hours. It was Sean wondering whether they should come back to the apartment with Jack.
‘Would you like to meet your grandson?’ Grace asked. Catherine beamed and told Grace that nothing would make her happier. Ten minutes later, Sean, Tara and Jack arrived.
Beyond Grace's Rainbow: HarperImpulse Contemporary Romance Page 8