“Um, well, I will,” she stuttered, looking away. Her eyes landed on Charles. He shrugged his shoulders, as though accepting defeat. She knew he was upset. He had expressed how badly he wanted to go, to make sure she was safe, but they both agreed that it was safer for him if he stayed behind.
“Brave girl,” Grant approved, giving her a wink. She couldn’t help but be pleased with the compliment, in spite of the word ‘girl’. She’d take it.
“Who else?” he asked, looking around the fire, which had become their makeshift living room.
“I’m going,” Daniel challenged emphatically, leaving no doubt about his intention. “That is, if no one has any objections?”
“I think that’s a good idea Daniel,” Charles nodded. Daniel had proven himself resourceful. He was also a good fisherman. If Charles couldn’t go, he wanted Daniel to go. “Who else?”
The captain slapped Daniel on the back, good naturally, “Thanks for stepping up. I can’t go, I need to keep working on the aircraft, see if I can get the radio working.”
Joss couldn’t help but feel relieved. He had suffered a pretty heavy concussion in the crash and couldn’t risk any more trauma, and as much as she appreciated the progress he was making letting his walls down, the thought of spending so much time with him made her nervous. They did so much better when there was an escape hatch. If they went on the excursion together, there would be no where to go.
She looked up, surprised to see Grant watching her. She was certain he felt the same way she did, and yet the way he was looking at her; it made her wonder.
“I think I should go,” Ryan offered, picking up the tail end of the conversation. He had just returned from the beach, wearing nothing but his wet boxer shorts, his hair dripping with sea water. He never failed to make Joss’ jaw drop but she did her best to mask her arousal. She’d been doing that a lot lately. It was like she was a walking pussy.
“Well, it’s either you or Willie,” Charles agreed. He picked up one of the towels drying by the fire and tossed it at him.
“Thanks,” Ryan grinned, wrapping it around his waist, more for warmth than modesty. He made Joss chuckle.
Willie took the last bite of his porridge, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He would have liked to have gone with Joss, and Daniel too, but it was important that he stay behind, provide for the others. He looked up at Charles and shrugged, as though the decision was easy. “No, I think I should hang out here, especially since Daniel is going.”
Charles inhaled slowly, processing their situation. He didn’t disagree. It was Willie, Joss, and Daniel that had been providing most of their food, and they were losing two of them already. As much as he didn’t want to imagine the worst, if anything happened on the excursion, it could prove fatal for the rest of them. No, they needed to split their resources, just in case. It was the smart thing to do.
“I think that’s wise,” he nodded, looking to each of them. “So it will be Daniel, Ryan, and Joss then.” He could barely get the words out. He had a bad feeling about it all but tried to choke it down. He didn’t want to jinx anything by voicing his worries out loud.
“Ok, then, it’s decided. We’ll leave in a day or two, weather permitting,” Joss said positively, hoping to ease Charlie’s mind. “We have a lot to do today. I want to find enough food for Ryan, Daniel and I to take with us, and to leave the pantry stocked at home. Charlie, do you want to come with me?”
“I’d like to go, Joss,” Grant suggested quietly, surprising her.
Joss turned to face him, gauging his sincerity. He’d never offered to forage with her before. He seemed to understand her reluctance and continued, “I think it’s a good idea to know your routine, just in case. No offense, Charles. I’m sure you’re more than capable of picking up the slack, but it might be wise for us both to have some knowledge. Is that fair, mate?”
Charles looked at Joss, as discreetly as possible, hoping for some sort of indication about her feelings. It was probably a good idea for Grant to go, spend some quality time with Joss, get to know her better. If the two of them could move their friendship forward and ease some of the tension between them, it would be good for the group as a whole; plus it would be wise for Grant to share the foraging duties while Joss was away. It was a time consuming task and he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to bushwhack through the jungle everyday. Joss nodded, sighing, as though reading his mind.
“Yeah, sure Captain, come with us,” she invited, hoping her apprehension was well hidden. She was grateful he stepped up, for Charlie’s sake, but at the same time she was a wee bit anxious. The only time they’d spent together was amongst the group, both still avoiding alone time together. Yes, they were making progress, but she still had a hard time reading him, and that pissed her off. Also, his dry, sarcastic nature sometimes rubbed her the wrong way. She could never tell if he was being serious or not. When he let his guard down and hung out with the boys he was funny, charming even. Admittedly, at times she’d found herself quite drawn to him, but there was a dark side to him too. He was the quintessential damaged hot guy, and she had no interest in being his savior. Grant needed to save himself.
“Right then, I’ll just get my shoes and we can skedaddle,” he smiled. He walked away, leaving them all just a little dumbfounded.
“You’re coming too, Charlie?” Joss asked, kneeling down to gather her things. His silence made her look up, wondering why he was hesitating.
“I think I might stay behind, Joss,” he offered quietly. She stood up, slipping her bag over her shoulder, looking rather perplexed at him. He needed to explain his reasoning, but not in front of the others. “Come on, let’s have a chat.”
He led her away, just out of earshot of the men, before turning to face her.
“What’s up? Are you feeling okay?” she asked cautiously, crossing her arms protectively in front of her.
“I am a little tired today, but that’s not it. I think this would be a good opportunity for you and Grant to sort through things. I think he’s trying to make amends, Joss, I really do.”
“Charlie, you’ve seen how awkward things are between the two of us. I’d rather you were there as a buffer,” she pleaded, “at least this time?”
“I understand how you feel, Joss, I really do, but my gut tells me that he might be different if it is just the two of you, if he sees for himself how smart and resourceful you are. Maybe some one on one time will give you guys a chance to bond?” he persuaded, certain he was right. He worked with Grant’s type before. Sometimes they needed privacy to let their guard down completely. “Just be yourself, Joss. You got this!”
She looked at him skeptically, wishing she felt as confident as he did. She knew she would eventually have to hash things out with the captain, make peace for both their sakes, but the opportunity had not presented itself. Plus, she wasn’t entirely convinced that he wanted the same thing.
“Give him a chance, Joss...” he pleaded. He raised his brows and grinned at her. She smiled and nodded weakly, unable to resist his charm.
“It won’t be easy, Charlie,” she said.
“It might not be, but you’ve never struck me as the kind of woman who takes the easy way out,” he grinned. She shook her head, ineffectively holding back a smile.
“Okay, but if we’re not back by 3:00, send out a search party,” she quipped, allowing him to pull her into an embrace.
“I’m proud of you. Now, tell me what you need, I’ll help you get ready.”
“Nothing, I have everything. I’ll just grab my walking stick and we’ll be on our way.”
* * *
Joss quietly lead the way, pushing her walking stick out in front of her. She’d seen a few snakes on recent forages and had her guard up. Daniel had made some poles at her request, split at the bottom for protection, just in case they had to trap a striking viper. Usually they kept their distance, but she wasn’t taking any chances.
Grant easily kept pace with her, but he wasn’t s
peaking much either. They stopped occasionally so Joss could point out the edible flora, gathering what she needed. She took more than she normally dared, always cognitive about leaving plenty behind for regrowth, but she wanted to make sure both camps had what they needed. They were going to have a heavy load to carry back, with the weight of the fruit and the water they planned to collect. She hoped they would be able to manage and was starting to regret it was just the two of them. Charlie thought it would be a good bonding experience, but as far as she could tell the captain was all business. Aside from answering his questions about the food sources, he offered very little small talk. She hoped that once they took a break, he’d open up a little more.
“Wow, look at this place!” Grant gushed, as the jungle curtain opened up to the waterfall.
“It’s incredible, isn’t it?” she agreed.
The captain had not been there yet. They’d all agreed that he needed more time to recover from his concussion before making the trek. Thankfully, he’d never objected. He was happy to work on the things back at camp, always keeping an eye out for search and rescue. Besides, someone needed to stay behind, to shoot off the flare gun if anything passed close enough.
Joss set her bag down, mindful not to spill any of its contents. It was hot, one of the muggiest days yet, and the perspiration had soaked right through her t-shirt. She was ready for a quick dip to cool off. “Captain, do you mind if I go for a swim?” she asked, kicking off her hiking boots.
“When are you going to start calling me Grant?” he smirked, dropping his own load.
“I...um...I’m not sure,” she stammered, caught off guard by the question.
“We’ve been stranded together for almost a month now. I think it’s time to drop the formalities, isn’t it?” he shrugged, the corners of his mouth turning up into a small smile. Usually reserving his smiles, she couldn’t help but be charmed.
“I guess,” she agreed, “Grant.” It was the first time she had actually spoken his name. It sounded foreign on her lips. He let out a chuckle as if it sounded strange to him too. “In all fairness, you’ve never used my name either.”
“Haven’t I?” he grinned, his brows turned up in surprise.
“Nope,” she challenged playfully, “it’s been girly, sheila, gallah...no idea what that means...missy...oh and my personal favorite, sunshine.”
Grant cocked his head at her and grinned. “Ok, ok, gallah is not so nice, I admit it. Sorry about that, but sunshine’s not so bad,” he teased.
“What exactly is a gallah?”
“I don’t want to tell ya, it might make ya cranky...”
“That bad, huh?” she scoffed, stuffing her socks into her boots. The cool moss felt like heaven under her feet.
“It’s an Aussie term, it just means silly,” he shrugged, unapologetically.
“Ah,” she pouted, digesting the insult. She had never been accused of being silly before. Serious, yes. Fierce, bitchy, sure. But silly? She wasn’t owning that.
“If it helps ya any, I meant it in the nicest way possible,” he smirked.
She wasn’t buying it, but it really didn’t matter. She’d grown accustomed to his dismissive synonyms and had stopped taking them personally. They were more annoying than hurtful and she’d just chalked it up to cultural differences. That, and the fact that he might be a wee bit misogynistic.
“It’s fine,” she assured, waving off the conflict, “it was just an observation.”
“No, no, you’re right. I suppose I’ve been a bit of a prick,” he admitted, combing his fingers through his damp hair.
“I wouldn’t say that,” she shrugged, unable to meet his eyes.
“No, you wouldn’t, but I am. It wasn’t easy at first, being here,” he continued, “I was bloody pissed at myself. I blamed myself for the crash. I still do.”
Joss looked up, surprised by the vulnerability. She knew he was struggling with his guilt, but he was a proud man, that much was obvious.
“It was the storm, Grant. If anything, you saved us. You brought the plane down as skillfully as you could. We could have crashed into that ocean but we didn’t. We all survived. That was on you.”
He shook his head, dismissing her reassuring words. “No, I should’ve known better. I thought I could beat the storm. I was being cocky and I could have killed you all.”
“But you didn’t. We’re here, alive and well. We’re taking care of each other,” she soothed, wondering if she should take his hand. She hesitated for a moment before stepping closer to him, placing a hand on his elbow. She half expected him to brush her off, but he didn’t.
He was quiet for a moment, just looking down at her hand, as though processing the intimacy.
“I’ve been unkind to you, Joss,” he whispered, so quietly she barely heard him. “I’m not good at expressing myself, I’m afraid. I hate being weak.”
On some level, she completely understood. She’d often felt the same way, especially since the day she lost her baby. It changed everything for her.
“I know, Grant. I think you’d be surprised by how intuitive I am,” she offered quietly, matching his tone. “I can see how much this has pulled at you.”
“Believe me, my behavior has nothing to do with you...there are things about me that you don’t know. From my past” he admitted, slowly raising his eyes. She could see how sincere he was, and for the first time since meeting him, felt a genuine connection. “I’ve had some shitty things happen. It’s like a curse that keeps following me, and so many people have been hurt. They were collateral damage, just because they happened to be with me...”
He stopped for a moment, as though immersed in his pain. Joss wanted to hold him, tell him it would be okay, but she was afraid the intimacy would spook him even more. She wondered what could have happened to hurt him so.
“I’ve been the hardest on you. You didn’t deserve it,” he choked, shaking away his grief. He straightened up, as though signaling he was done talking about it.
“I guess I just assumed you didn’t like me. It happens,” she grinned, trying to lighten the mood.
“Nah, you’re a good girl...lady...person,” he stammered, struggling to find the least offensive noun. Joss laughed and squeezed his elbow, letting him off the hook.
“Woman?” she corrected.
“No question about that,” he grinned. “You’re definitely a woman...”
“On that note,” she chuckled, “I’m going for a swim.” She peeled her t-shirt off, quickly followed by her shorts, exposing her bikini underneath. She was grateful they had smoothed things over, yet she couldn’t wrap her brain around his flirting.
The water was cool, instantly refreshing. She swam to the middle of the pool before turning back to him. Grant was still standing where she had left him, hands in his pockets, smiling at her.
“Are you coming in?”
“I’m not much of a swimmer,” he admitted, shouting so he could be heard over the waterfall.
“Come on, mate! Ball up and git in here,” she teased, offering up the best Aussie accent she could muster.
Grant’s laughter echoed across the water, marrying with her own. It felt good to share a laugh with him and for a moment she’d forgotten how strained things had been between them. Maybe they could be friends, she thought.
“Fine, but if I start drowning, you’ll need to rescue me!”
“I’ll do my best,” she promised, waving him in. He quickly undressed to his boxers and waded into the water, grimacing from the chill. She swam towards him, dunking her head as she neared him. When she surfaced, his eyes were on her, regarding her thoughtfully.
“It’s nice, right?” she encouraged, holding her hand out to him. He reached out for her, allowing her to ease him further.
They swam together for a few more minutes, washing their exertion away, before heading back to shore. Grant pulled his pants on, then turned to help her out of the water. She accepted his hand, carefully picking her way up the rocky embankme
nt.
“We should head back,” he suggested, handing her t-shirt to her.
She took it from him, noting him averting his eyes. Avoiding the awkwardness, she did her best to quickly cover up. His modesty surprised her, making her wonder what motivated it. Was it gallantry, or was he rebuffing her? She shook off her insecurities as fast as they landed, silently chiding herself.
“Let’s just gather the water and get out of here,” she agreed, tying the laces of her boots. “It’s going to be a long walk back with all the weight we’re carrying, and I’d like to stop at one more spot before it gets too late.”
“Joss?”
“Yeah?” She stood up, surprised to find him right in front of her. He was looking at her intimately, like he had something important to share, his eyes thoughtfully searching her own. Then, without warning he pulled them away, as though suddenly dismissing whatever he’d planned to say.
“Nothing. Here,” he said, handing her the empty condoms, “let’s just fill these up these four and get moving, before we lose our light. ”
Joss hesitated for a moment, wondering what was on his mind. He motioned again for her to take them, his eyes begging her to move on.
“Okay,” she nodded, letting him off the hook. They’d made enough progress that day. She didn’t want to do anything to risk him pulling away again.
* * *
“I really think we should go home,” Grant insisted, his eyes watching the sky. The atmosphere had changed quickly, darkening the jungle well before it should have.
“We’re almost there, come on, just a little further. There’s a patch of banana trees and I saw that some were almost ripe the other day. If we grab a bunch it will feed us for several days,” she pressed, already exhausted. The fruit would add to their already heavy load, but it would be worth it to make sure they had enough food for the trip.
“I’m not even sure we can carry much more, Joss, and it’s getting sketchy out here.”
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