by Rye Hart
And I wanted Ryan to have a chance to be as vulnerable as I had been when I first found out.
If we talked alone about it and he reacted poorly, Harper wouldn’t have to witness that. She thought the world of him, and it would break her heart to watch him walk out. She wouldn’t understand what was going on and she would probably cry after him, and it would cause too much stress for everyone involved.
But even if he didn’t react poorly, Ryan needed the time and the space to be able to process and vent and ask questions if he wanted.
Which was something Harper wouldn’t understand at such a young age.
Then, there was telling my mother. I already knew how she would react. Exactly like she had with Harper. She would scold me and tell me how irresponsible I had been. How I was throwing this or that away, despite the fact that she had me at a young age as well. My mother had been a pregnant teenager and traded a life at college for a life of motherhood. She and my father tried the best they could to make a family work, but they were young and dumb.
He left us behind when I was only three years old, and that was the one thing my mother was hell-bent on teaching me.
That getting pregnant at a young age was a waste of a woman’s life.
When I called her with the news that Grant and I were pregnant, she was livid. I would come away with student loans she had co-signed for and no degree to show for it. I wouldn’t be hirable because of the lack of a Bachelor’s Degree and I would be stuck in dead-end jobs if Grant didn’t step up to take care of me. I kept trying to tell myself she was simply talking from experience, worried her daughter would be abandoned with a child, just like she was at nineteen years old.
But it created a giant rift between us for almost two years.
A rift that didn’t even start healing until after Grant died in battle.
I knew she would judge me this time around. At least Grant and I had been together for a year or so when we got pregnant. She didn’t like Ryan already, and thought he was hiding something. And now after being with him for only three weeks, I was accidentally pregnant again.
She would have a field day with that, and I was scared it would create a rift between us again. I was scared it would rip Harper’s grandmother out of her life, at a time when she was a really important person in my daughter’s young life.
The worry over telling my mother frightened me so much that it sent me to the bathroom to throw up.
Harper was playing in her room and I tried to keep the noise down. I didn’t want her walking in on me while I was sick. I was wrapped around the toilet seat heaving up the sandwich I’d had for lunch when I heard that voice.
That judgmental, grating voice.
“What in the world?”
My eyes panned over to my mother as she stood in the doorway. Didn’t the woman fucking knock? I sighed before my stomach rolled again, and I stuck my head back into the toilet.
“Grace Addison, what in the world is going on?” my mother asked.
“Not feeling well,” I said.
“Why not? I wasn’t aware you were sick. Did Harper bring something back from school?”
I wretched again as my mother got down on her knees beside me.
I felt her gather my hair from the nape of my neck. Her hand was so comforting and it caused me to start crying. She wouldn’t be as comforting when she knew why I was throwing up.
The advent of my emotions must have sent her Spidey sense into overdrive.
“Grace, what’s going on?” my mother asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “Just sick.”
“This isn’t just sick, Grace, because you don’t just cry like this.”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
I winced in pain as my hand went to massage my breast, but I stopped before my fingers touched my skin.
“Does your chest hurt?” she asked.
“Mom, stop it. Please,” I said.
“Grace, I demand you tell me what’s going on.”
I sat back from the toilet and ripped my hair from her hand.
“I’m not telling you anything,” I said.
“And why not?”
“Because I know you and I know how this ends, and I’m not ready for it yet.”
“Yet? What do you mean?”
I watched her reaction slowly change as my face crinkled with more tears.
“I cannot believe this,” she said.
“Mom, keep your voice down. Harper’s in the next room.”
“How in the world could you have been so reckless?” she asked.
“Mom, stop it,” I said.
“Grace, I told you he was up to no good. He’s lying to you and now you’ve—you’re—”
I stood to my feet and wiped my face off on a towel. I couldn’t handle this. I couldn’t take my mother’s judgment. The last thing I needed was her coming unglued and Harper overhearing the conversation.
If anything, I would protect Harper from this.
“We need to talk,” my mother said.
“No. Ryan and I need to talk. You need to knock before you enter,” I said.
“Your door was unlocked. I knew something was wrong the moment I turned the door knob.”
“You still knock, Mom!”
“Stop trying to distract me. We need to talk. Have you been to the doctor?” she asked.
“I can’t do this right now,” I said.
“Does he know?”
“Mother, stop it. Harper is here in her room and I’m not having this conversation with you. I need to have it with him first.”
“First? Him? I’m your mother, Grace. With as much as I taught you about my life as a young mother, you seem to want to go against—”
“This isn’t about you!”
I pushed by my mother in the bathroom doorway and marched out into the hallway. I reached for Harper’s door and closed it as her head whipped up. I turned on my heels toward my mother as her eyes grew wide, my body standing between her and my daughter’s bedroom.
“It wasn’t about you the first time and it’s not about you now,” I said.
“Something is wrong with Ryan.”
“You don’t like him because you don’t like any man who comes into my life. He probably reminds you of Dad somehow, or something Dad did, or he wears Dad’s type of coat or his damn cologne. What you need to stop doing is butting in where you’re not wanted,” I said.
“Not wanted? Who was the first person you called when you got pregnant with Harper?” she asked.
“Amy,” I said.
“Wait, what?” she asked.
“Yes. The first person I called was Amy. Because I knew how you would react. While you were yelling at me over the phone, she was already in Texas holding my hand and getting me to a doctor for prenatal care. If you respect my life and the life I’ve made for your granddaughter at all, you will back the hell off until I can talk to Ryan.”
Then I stormed into my room and shut the door in her face.
I sat down on the edge of my bed and put my face in my hands. My mother was insistent on always arguing about things. If they didn’t fit her exact mold, then it wasn’t right. I sat there and cried, wondering what the hell I was going to do.
A soft knock at my door pulled me from my trance before Harper’s voice came through the door.
“Mommy? Can Grandma stay for dinner?”
I sighed as I wiped the tears from my face.
“Of course she can, honey. What would you like to eat?”
“Grandma says you might like some soup and crackers. Could I have mac and cheese?”
“We’ve had that twice this week. What about some peanut butter toast and raisins?”
“With cereal?” she asked.
“Of course with cereal. Breakfast for dinner is the best,” I said.
“Could Mr. Ryan come over for food?”
I looked over at my cell phone and wondered if he would.
“I could call him and ask,” I said.
&n
bsp; “Please?”
“I’ll ask just for you, sweetheart.”
“Yeah! I’m gonna go help Grandma make dinner.”
I listened to the excited footfalls of my daughter as she bounded down the hallway.
Reaching for my cell phone, I picked it up. Maybe Mom wouldn’t mind taking Harper out for ice cream after dinner so I could talk with Ryan before she opened her big mouth and said something herself.
The phone was ringing in my ear as another knock came at my door.
“Grace?”
“Amy?” I asked.
“Auntie Amy!” Harper said.
“Hello?” Ryan asked.
“Ryan?”
“Grace? That you?”
“Figured I’d crash your place for dinner,” Amy said, as she opened my door. “What’s your mom cooking?”
“Your mother’s cooking?” Ryan asked.
“Ho-hold on,” I said. “Amy, when did you get here?”
“Just now. Did you know your front door’s unlocked?” she asked.
I groaned as I sighed into the phone.
“Grace, are you okay?” Ryan asked.
“Apparently, I went from being alone for dinner to having a houseful. Would you like to come over and experience the craziness?” I asked.
“That Ryan?” Amy asked.
“It is,” I said.
“Hey, Ryan!” Amy said.
“Is Mr. Ryan coming?” Harper asked.
“Tell Amy I said hello and tell Harper I’m on my way.”
“Great,” I said breathlessly. “I’ll tell them.”
“Do I need to get you anything? You sound like maybe you don’t want company,” he said.
“No, no, no. I um—could use the emotional support, honestly. Mom’s in a bit of a mood.”
“Ice cream sound like a good enough support?” Ryan asked.
“Tell him to make it double fudge,” Amy said.
“Can you hear him?” I asked.
“Your phone is ridiculously loud,” Amy said.
“I’ll be there with double fudge and strawberry,” Ryan said.
“Then I’ll see you soon,” I said.
“Does Amy know?”
My mother appeared in my doorway as I clenched my jaw.
“Uh oh,” Amy said. “Hey Harper. Why don’t you and I go play in your room until dinner’s ready?”
“Can Mr. Ryan play when he comes?” Harper asked.
“Ryan’s coming?” my mother asked.
“Yes, because it’s my life and my house and I want him here,” I said.
Then I pushed myself off my bed, pushed through the crowd at my door, and made my way into the living room.
I couldn’t wait for this damn dinner to be over with.
CHAPTER 21
RYAN
I could hear the panic and exasperation in Grace’s voice when she called. I wasn't sure what had taken place, but the fact that she called and expressed a need for me made me jump into action. I sprang off the couch and took a quick shower, then pulled on my best jeans and a shirt. I slid my leather jacket over my arms and raced out the door, then over to her house. I didn’t care that her mother was there or that Amy was going to be there as well. The only thing I cared about was making sure she was okay.
I raced through town, my mind whirling a thousand miles a second. I pulled into Grace’s driveway and jumped out of my car. I took a moment to gather my thoughts and settle myself before I went inside. The last thing I needed to do was run into the house like a crazed lunatic.
I walked up to the porch and knocked on the door. But when the door opened, there was another girl standing there. A brown-haired, hazel-eyed girl I was vaguely familiar with. She eyed me up and down before she opened the door, and I stepped into the bustling house. Wonderful smells were coming from the kitchen as Harper sat on the couch, her eyes glued to a movie on the television.
But Grace was nowhere to be found.
“Ryan. It’s been a while.”
“Amy. Nice to see you again,” I said.
I held my hand out to shake and she took it with a grin on her face.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Honestly? I’m not sure. I got here and Grace’s mother was whirling around in the kitchen. From what Harper told me, it sounded like they might’ve been fighting about something. But I’m not sure what. Grace is still in her room.”
“Is that where she called me from?” I asked.
“I’m assuming so. She hasn’t come out.”
“Let me go talk with her,” I said.
“Mr. Ryan!”
Harper jumped off the couch and ran at me full-force. I picked her up and swung her around, then I held her against me. She wrapped her arms around me and I held her close, watching as Grace’s mother peeked around the corner of the kitchen.
She was eyeing me curiously, like she wasn’t sure about me anymore.
“Are you gonna eat with us, too?” Harper asked.
“Yes I am. Your mother called and invited me,” I said.
“Yay! Does that mean Mommy will come out now?”
“I’m going to go check right now. Why don’t you hop back up on the couch and watch that fun movie?”
“Will you come sit with me after Mommy comes out?” she asked.
“I promise I will, kiddo.”
I drew in a deep breath and started down the hallway. Amy pointed me in the direction of her room and I thanked her for her guidance. I walked up to the door and thought about opening it, but if Grace was having a moment I didn’t want to intrude without her permission.
So I knocked on the door and waited for her to respond.
“Yes?”
“It’s me. Can I come in?”
I didn’t hear an answer.
“I’m coming in, okay?” I asked.
“Okay,” Grace said.
Opening the door slowly, I slipped in, then shut it quietly behind me. Grace was sitting on her bed, her shoulders slumped and her head in her hands. I could tell by the sound of her voice that she’d been crying, and I felt myself beginning to bristle. I didn’t want her to hurt in any way.
I walked over to the bed and sat behind her, then placed my hand between her shoulder blades.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “But I’m glad you’re here.”
“Harper said you had a fight with your mom.”
“Shit. She heard?”
“I’m not sure. I heard it through the grapevine from Amy,” I said.
“Then she did hear.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” I asked.
“I mean, I do. I need to. But now isn’t the time. Nowhere near the time to address it.”
“Then we can talk about it whenever you feel comfortable, okay? But I’m worried about you being worked up like this and your mother still being here.”
“Welcome to my life,” she said.
“Do you want me to get her to leave?”
“I promise, you couldn’t get her to leave if you physically removed her.”
I chuckled as my hand began to rub her back.
“All right, you two. Dinner’s ready,” Amy said.
“Thanks,” Grace said. “We’ll be out in a second.”
“Clothed, preferably,” Amy said.
Grace snickered and shook her head as a grin spread across my cheeks.
“Wild as ever, I see.”
“I promise you, she hasn’t changed a bit.”
“It’s refreshing, if you think about it. Sometimes, in a world of constant change, something that remains the same can be the thing that roots us to the ground,” I said.
Grace slowly turned her head toward me with a confused look on her face.
“I didn’t take you for a philosophical person.”
“Most don’t. Doesn’t mean I don’t think about these things,” I said. “Come on. Let’s go trudge through dinner. I promised
Harper I’d finish her movie with her.”
“That girl loves you,” she said.
I felt my heart skip a beat at her words. There was something that wanted to ask if Harper’s mother felt the same way, but I bit my tongue before it flew out of my mouth. I had no idea what possessed those words to enter my head, but there was no way I was hitting her with something like that.
Not when things were already up in arms with her damn mother.
The two of us left the room and made our way into the kitchen. Amy was sitting on one side of Grace’s mother and Harper was sitting on the other. I pulled out Grace’s chair and she thanked me, then I sat between her and Amy.
We all spooned up the wonderful dinner Donna had made before the talking began.
“So, Amy. What are you doing these days?” I asked.
“Working too much and getting paid too little to do it,” she said. “You?”
“Construction. Some projects on the outskirts of town,” I said.
“How are those going, by the way?” Donna asked.
I lifted my eyes to hers and her glare made me wary of her question. The tone of her voice was kind, but her eyes were lit with fire. I took a bite of my food as Grace turned her gaze towards me, her hand creeping onto my thigh and squeezing.
Almost like she was telling me not to answer.
“Slowly,” I said. “But construction is usually that way. The only construction that seems to go quickly is road work, but even that can seem like a long time if it’s being done in the middle of the day.”
“Do you get paid much for these jobs?” Donna asked.
“Mom,” Grace said.
“No, no. It’s fine. She wants to make sure I can hold my own and that you’re not supporting me or something. I get it. Yes, I get paid a decent wage to work these jobs. Enough to keep a roof over my head, send Jason to college, and live.”
“Jason?” Donna asked “That’s your younger brother, correct?”
“Yes ma’am. He’s almost ten years younger than me.”
“Still in high school, then,” she said.
“He is. And smart as a whip. I’m trying to keep him on the path to college.”
“You don’t think it’s a good idea for him to earn an honest living like you do?” she asked.