He helped her onto the bed, where they’d laid one of the two plastic-backed sheets from the birthing kit, and arranged her in a semi-sitting position, trying to mimic the drawings in the book. Her breathing changed significantly, and after two contractions nearly on top of each other, obviously very strong, she looked up at him with wide, frightened eyes.
“I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Kane.”
He knew she was ashamed of the admission. Rose had remained stoic, which he was grateful for, but now she was on the edge of panic.
Kane pushed aside his own attack of nerves and brushed the damp hair from her face. “Remember what the book said, sweetheart. You must be in transition. This is the most difficult phase, but it won’t last long. You have to change your breathing to stay on top of the—er ...”
“Contractions,” she snapped. “Say it. Contractions. It isn’t a dirty word.”
Definitely transition. The book mentioned a woman in that particular stage might consider doing harm to her man. He should have searched the bed for weapons. He nodded his head and forced the word out. “Contractions. Of course. My mind went blank there for a moment.”
“I’m sorry.” She let her breath out; her eyes went wide, her gaze clinging to his.
He took the initiative this time, breathing in short “push out” breaths. She matched his breathing, never once looking away from him. The moment the contraction was over, he wiped her face with a cool cloth. “You’re doing great, Rose. You’re very close now.” He hoped he wasn’t full of bullshit and that his guesswork was right. He sent up a silent prayer, not that he was a praying man all that often, but certainly enough that it should count for something.
She never once screamed or cursed at him. She breathed with him, staring straight into his eyes until sometimes he thought he might be drowning in the intimacy of the moment. He hadn’t realized just how intimate something other than sex with a woman could truly be, but he actually felt closer to her than ever before. He couldn’t ever imagine forgetting these shared moments and knew, no matter the outcome, he would always treasure the way they shared faith in each other. He had thought it would be a terrible ordeal, but as bad as it was, there was something raw and beautiful about it.
She closed her eyes and lay back, looking as if she’d fallen asleep. Dawn was creeping into the room, and faint streaks of light illuminated her face. She looked exhausted but peaceful. He frowned and reached to feel her pulse. She was actually asleep. What the hell had happened to the contractions? He scrubbed his hand over his face, trying to clear the cobwebs. He felt drained himself. If he was tired, she had to be ten times more so, but to go to sleep?
He massaged the back of his neck, trying to think. Where the hell had he tossed the book? In the long hours of labor, he couldn’t remember where he’d put it. Be logical, Kane, he admonished himself. Transition, the book had said, and then what? Pushing came next. They were close. He took another deep breath and washed his hands one more time before pulling on sterile gloves. He very carefully laid out the various items from the kit, hoping when the time came, he’d know what to do.
As far as he was concerned, all that mattered was that Rose and the baby came through it alive. Damn Whitney and his games. Rose had been frightened to trust his team, and now she was stuck in a hideout, enemies watching them, and about to deliver their child. Her eyes flew open and she gasped.
“Help me to the bathroom, Kane.”
He almost did, but then he remembered what he’d read about pushing. “That’s the baby, Rose,” he said matter-of-factly. He flashed an encouraging smile. “We’re about to meet our child. You just have to help him a little more, and then he’ll be in your arms.”
“There’s so much pressure.”
“He wants out,” Kane said, keeping his voice very calm. Inside he felt every muscle tighten up, but he refused to panic. Rose needed him, and if he never had the chance to do another thing for her, he would do this.
He pulled the two chairs he had brought into the room for her to set her feet on. He wanted as much gravity as possible to help. “I know it’s uncomfortable to move, sweetheart, but this will help deliver him faster and make it easier for you to push.”
She clutched at his sleeve as he moved her into position, her eyes frightened. “I can feel her coming.” Her terrified eyes met his. “Kane.”
Just his name. That whisper. Her voice said it all. Complete trust, and how the hell had he earned that from her? Fear. Overwhelming when she’d faced down a monster like Whitney and another like Carlson.
Kane didn’t know how either of them got through the next twenty minutes. He would tell her to push, and she would bear down and try to direct her breathing down as the books had told her, but he was a little worried with the amount of blood and fluids. He should have expected it, but it was still frightening to know there was no doctor available if something went wrong.
His heart began to pound in awe as the baby’s head appeared, a thick thatch of blue black hair like his mother’s.
“I see him, Rose. He’s covered in hair.” The head disappeared again, and he waited while Rose panted. One quick flick of his eyes and he could tell she was exhausted, but he knew her now, knew she wouldn’t stop until their child was safe.
He felt pride in her, enormous respect, but most of all, a growing love he couldn’t stop. It didn’t matter that she didn’t feel the same way about him; this experience together changed his life forever.
“She’s coming,” Rose said.
“You can do this, sweetheart. Let’s get him out.”
He felt a little like a catcher at a ball game, reaching to help ease the small head out of the tight opening. “Wait, honey. Let me clean his mouth and nose.”
She panted, straining silently until he nodded, and with one more push, the baby slipped into his waiting hands. His heart stood still. Tears burned in his eyes and throat. “We have a son, Rose.” Damn, he was small. He practically fit in his hand, but he had all the right parts, and if his lungs were anything to go by, he was healthy. His little fingers curled into fists and he scrunched up his face at the indignity of being brought out into the cool air.
“Is she okay?” Rose asked, her voice portraying her anxiety.
“Look, honey,” Kane held the baby up for her to see. “I was right all along. We’ve got a son.” He placed the baby gently on her stomach. “Do you have him?” He hated to let go, but he had to deal with the cord and placenta.
Rose’s hands settled around the baby as Kane clamped off the cord and then, taking a quick breath and sending up a silent prayer, cut the lifeline between mother and child. He waited for the next contraction to help Rose push the placenta out. She was bleeding quite a bit, enough to worry him. He didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t. She hadn’t torn. The baby was small.
He cleaned the baby as best he could and wrapped him tightly in a warm blanket. Rose had brought baby clothes, diapers, and blankets. Once again, he couldn’t help but be thankful for the way she had prepared for the birth. Rose was obviously exhausted, but she took the baby readily and held him while he washed her carefully, trying to be as sterile as possible, and replaced the plastic-backed sheet with a clean one. He added one of the large pads that had come with the birthing kit, before pulling up the covers over her shivering body.
“He’s so little, Kane.” Rose sounded awed.
“Are you crying?” He felt a little like crying himself every time he looked at the two of them. His Rose. His child. The baby looked so right in her arms.
Rose reached out and tracked down his face with gentle fingers, a small, enigmatic smile on her soft mouth. Her fingertips traced the path of tears he hadn’t even realized were on his face. He was completely overwhelmed with the sheer wonderment of the moment. Creating an actual life from their bodies seemed too big a miracle to him, now that he actually saw the evidence of their union.
Rose smiled at him, brushing away her own tears. “I’m very
happy,” she murmured. “I was worried. He’s early, and yet he looks so amazing and perfect.”
“I’ve been thinking about that, Rose. I think the only thing we can do right now is to keep him as warm as possible and feed him as often as he’ll eat. Is he trying to eat yet?”
“I’m not very good at this,” she admitted. “And I don’t think he’s getting much.”
Kane moved around the bed to help her. He took the baby, cradling him protectively, while she tried to get herself into a more comfortable position. The baby felt featherlight to him. He looked down into the little scrunched-up face, and his heart expanded, his breath exploding out of lungs. His son. He’d never thought to hold his child in his arms.
“You’re a little miracle,” he whispered to the boy. “Look at this, Rose. He has fingernails. They’re so tiny you can barely notice them.” He inserted one finger into the tiny fist in order to inspect the little hands more closely.
He looked down at Rose, and their eyes met. Time seemed to stand still as they smiled at each other. He felt a little lost in happiness. It wasn’t a natural state of mind for him. He’d never thought much about being happy. He just was. He had a family, made on the streets of Chicago, but nevertheless a solid family. He loved each of his brothers and sisters and was fiercely loyal to them as they were to him, but this ... Rose. The baby. Something like this could bring a man to his knees. He didn’t want to lose her once they were back in the real world, but he had no idea how to make her stay with him. His own parents hadn’t wanted him.
“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” Rose asked, her voice almost shy.
“Because he looks like you,” Kane agreed. “Are you strong enough to try to feed him?”
“The book said I should try right away.”
She didn’t sound too sure. Kane handed her the baby and reached behind her to adjust the pillows for her. He should have been a gentleman and given her a little space, but he couldn’t tear his eyes from the sight of her. Was there anything more beautiful? He doubted it. She cradled the baby to her, looking down at him with such love in her expression, Kane felt the welling of intense emotion all over again.
She swallowed hard and looked at him. “I want you to know, Kane, I wanted him. Never once, not one single time, did I ever contemplate an abortion. When I suspected I was pregnant, I was apprehensive because I was afraid for him, but not because I didn’t want him.”
He stroked tendrils of her hair away from her damp face. “I wanted him too, Rose. I will admit I didn’t like the way he was conceived, but I wanted you to have my baby. I know you think my attraction to you is all about Whitney pairing us together, but he can’t make me feel admiration and respect for you. He can’t control my other emotions through physical chemistry.”
“Thank you for that, Kane.” She nuzzled the baby’s mouth with her nipple.
They both held their breath while he rooted around unsuccessfully for a few minutes. Rose was patient, but he could see she was afraid he wasn’t going to take the offering. Without warning he latched on, and both of them let out a loud sigh of relief and then looked at each other and laughed softly.
“I have no idea how to be a mother, but I’m going to try, Kane,” she promised him.
“I have no doubts you’ll make a great mother, honey,” he said sincerely. “I wasn’t exactly raised with parents, but I had a few pointers from a couple of people. Between the two of us, we’ll figure it out.” Everything inside him went still, waiting for her reaction to his declaration.
Rose looked up at him, searching his face. “I don’t want you to stay with us because you think you’re supposed to, Kane. I might not look it, but I’m tough. And I’m capable of protecting him from Whitney once we get out of here.”
“I think you should know, Rose, for future reference, I rarely do anything because I’m supposed to do it. But I don’t want you to answer under false pretenses. I’m a soldier. Those in my GhostWalker unit are men and women I grew up with. We’re family and we trust one another. I know they’re coming for us. If you stand with me, they stand with you. They’ll protect you and our son just as I will.”
Her gaze shifted from his. “You worked for Whitney.”
“I was assigned to Whitney before anyone knew about the breeding program. He was already in trouble, hiding out, although he could use any military base in the world, and he was still considered to be of immense value. After the testimony of several of us, an investigation into his activities was launched. They can’t ignore what’s happening, and it’s driven him farther underground. Don’t get me wrong, he still has powerful supporters who believe in his work.”
Rose kept her eyes on the baby, her expression blank. Kane wanted to make certain she knew what she was getting into either way. He’d forced her once to do something no woman should have to do with a stranger, and he damn well was going to give her every choice he could. He wanted to make certain he disclosed everything to her.
“Sadly, there is another risk to any GhostWalker, both male and female. Now that some of us have children, I think that risk will grow, especially to the children. There’s a contingency in the White House, someone who wants us all dead. It’s no picnic I’m offering you, but those we can trust have banded together, and we look out for one another. We’re also preparing places we can defend with numerous escape routes. We’re pooling our resources to become powerful enough to stop both Whitney and the group who would like to see us all dead.”
“So you’re saying you will stay with the military in your present GhostWalker unit?”
“Yes.”
“What happens when they transfer you somewhere else?”
“Because we opted for the experiments, our contracts with the military are a bit different than normal. Without our agreement, they can’t break us up or assign us to anyone else. We try to go where we’re needed when they ask, but we have options.”
The baby appeared to have fallen asleep. She handed him back to Kane. “I don’t want him getting cold, and I’m suddenly so tired I can barely keep my arms up to hold him.”
Kane cradled his son close. “Rose, you have to know a few things about me. If you stay with me, I want a commitment. I want marriage, your word that you’ll stay and we’ll work things out. I’m not an easy man to live with, I know that. Jaimie and Rhianna tell me I’m bossy.”
She frowned at him. “Jaimie and Rhianna?”
“My sisters—of sorts. I told you about Jaimie. She’s married to Mack. Eloped.” He scowled, furious all over again that Mack and Jaimie had run off behind his back. “Rhianna’s off somewhere hush-hush, and none of us has any idea at the moment where, which will earn her a few harsh lectures when she returns home.”
A slow smile crept into her eyes. “Kane, you really are silly sometimes. You’re the kindest, most gentle man I’ve ever met. You’re not at all like you think you are.”
He knew his horror showed on his face. “Rose, you can’t think that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
“Nothing could be further from the truth. I kill people, and it doesn’t keep me up at night. If another man tried to touch you in front of me, I sure as hell wouldn’t stand there smiling at him.”
Rose studied his face as he once again looked down at their son. His expression had gone from shock and horror to something very close to tenderness and love. “I wouldn’t want you to smile if another man was touching me, Kane. What are we going to call him? I don’t exactly have family names I want to give him.”
“Any ideas?”
“I thought when he was born I’d think of something, but my mind is a blank. I did put a baby name book in the pantry along with all the what-to-expect books.” She turned her head more closely into the pillows. She’d never been so exhausted in her life. She wanted to stay awake and watch him with the baby, but she couldn’t seem to keep her eyes open. “I’m tired, Kane.”
“I know, sweetheart. Let me put the baby down and check to make ce
rtain you’re not bleeding too much, and then I’ll let you go to sleep.”
She loved the sound of his voice, especially when he called her sweetheart. She could almost believe they were a normal couple thrilled to have their first child together, instead of two strangers brought together by a madman. “I’m sorry you have to do all this.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
He sounded so sincere. That was one of the things she loved most about Kane—his honesty. He meant the things he said to people, even when they weren’t nice things. He often got the most endearing expression on his face when he looked at her, as if she confused him and he didn’t quite know what to make of her.
“You really are an exceptional man, Kane.” She couldn’t stop the words from slipping out. He was exceptional.
He bent and brushed a kiss down her face to the side of her mouth. “You clearly don’t know very many men, Rose.” He kissed her again, this time on her temple. “Which is perfectly okay with me. You did a great job, honey. Our son is beautiful. Thank God he looks like you.”
Her lashes fluttered while she tried to calm her wildly beating heart. She couldn’t let herself fall for him. She’d committed to being with him, but she didn’t want her heart involved. Hearts could break, and she was strong on her own. She had to be to survive. She knew nothing at all about relationships or family. She might be able to figure out parenting, but mostly she thought in terms of protecting her child, rather than raising him. Real feelings for Kane would be a complication. She was already infatuated with him. She told herself it was because he was the first good man she’d ever met, but she had a sneaking suspicion it was a lot more complicated than that—and maybe already too late.
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