I was all right until we reached Melior. Until the day, I think, that I looked across the river to the place where my love had lived and died. The holding was all deserted, in weeds, the cottage downtumbling, an abode of ill omen. For the first time in all my journey I sought Abas with my own mind, intent on cursing him, harrowing him with visions of my forthcoming vengeance. But I could not find him. I camped my army before the bridge that served Melior, blocking all access, able to do nothing more for the time. We had to wait for more men, for news or troops from Vaire or Selt or Tiela, for Abas to make a move. Really, I had no wish to touch one stone of my home or to spend one soldier’s life; I only wanted Abas dead for what he had done.… I began to have a whore brought to me each night.
I made no secret of it; I would stand at my tent flap every evening and roar for my manservant to bring me a woman. The soldiers took to laying bets on my punctuality, Oorossy told me. Frain and Fabron said nothing to me about it at all. I obstinately rejoiced in their averted eyes. I felt taut inside, stretched to the breaking point, because I refused to admit the change looming within me. Even as I lusted to shed my father’s blood I remembered—her, a warm, beating heart and soft lips, soft breasts.… To spite the goddess, I expended my warm thoughts in the coldest way I knew. Then Shamarra came back, and all that was in me turned to a hard, heavy black sword. The cutting sword of double edge.
She rode in one day on her white mare. The whole camp, to a man, stood and gaped at her. I saw her coming and fled to my tent. As commanding officer it was my place to meet her, but, before all the gods, I could not do it. I would have struck her as soon as speak to her. Frain met her, the good fellow, greeted her as a friend, and I think she returned the greeting with better courtesy than she had ever shown him. Peering from my tent flap, I saw her lay her hand in his as she slipped down from her horse.
Later she came to me as I sat in council with my officers. With many a courtly flourish she presented to me a banner patterned after my shield, the device being a winged black unicorn on a silver field. She gave me badges of office to match, and I was hard put to accept the things with even a scant show of courtesy. I could not look at her for rage. She had declared herself to be my lady with those gifts.
“Aftalun sends his greeting and his blessing to you, his rival and scion,” she proclaimed. “He would join cause with you if he could, but it is unseemly for the dead or the immortal to meddle in the affairs of the living.”
“Are you no goddess, then, that you meddle?” I asked harshly. If she caused trouble with Raz—
She shrugged with a pretty air of pathos and a liquid look. “I was immortal once. Perhaps I am not any more.”
I turned and strode away from her, out of the tent, all the angrier because she had routed me, made a fool of me in front of my men. That night I called for two whores and made sure the whole camp heard me.
The next week was a horror. From their ends of the stone spans over the Chardri the Boda watched us and watched us, never daring to move against us, the cowards. Their prying eyes enraged me. And there was no escaping the presence of Shamarra, her beauty or my men’s awe of her aristocratic presence. Frain had told her I was betrothed, but she pretended she had not heard. What was I to do with her when Raz came? Within a few days I felt fit to be chained in a pit, though I still maintained an outward semblance of calm and control. Praise be to Eala, on the third day Sethym of Selt arrived with four hundred men after having ridden all the way from Gyotte blindfolded for fear of rabbits, white birds, and the like. He brought news: Abas had been seen with his army in Vaire. He had lifted that siege and was marching northward. Good news! Wayte would be able to muster his forces and come to our aid, and I would be able to engage my enemy at last. Abas was likely to find himself trapped between two armies. I had only to hold the bridges to prevent his obtaining help from Melior. I thirsted for battle now; my pent anger had heated me to battle fever. In a day or two we would march forth from camp and I would be freed of Shamarra for at least a battle’s span. Damn the woman! Would nothing drive her away from me?
As it turned out, she herself offered me the way to be rid of her. When my man brought me my whore that evening, it was she. The poor fellow looked as if he wanted to hide. She had bullied him into it; I could see that in a moment. He scuttled away the instant the tent flap fell. Shamarra faced me in a queenly pose, her proud, pale face raised. “Take me,” she said, perhaps thinking that she could shame me. But I barked out a laugh and seized her, ripped off her flimsy gown before she could gasp. The haughty slut, I wanted to make her scream! But she would not scream, not the whole long night through.
The longest of nights, but I will not dwell on it. I do not care to tell how I made the act of love into a ritual of hatred. I paid dearly for that night afterward. The memory of it poisoned my pleasure for years. But when Shamarra left me in the dark dawn, bruised and disheveled, I knew quite surely that she would not face me again. I shouted taunts after her, gleeful with victory and satisfied malice. I could have spit on her departing back! I was willing to pay any price to see her go. But I had not thought of losing my brother. I had not thought he could be so angry.
I slept for a few hours and awoke sometime after dawn to hear a couple of soldiers whispering near my tent. I suppose they thought I would be snoring for hours yet.
“Prince Frain will be off, I tell you!” one said. “He’ll not bear it, even from Tirell.”
“The lady went to him of her own will,” protested the other.
“I know it. She’s as crazy as he. But Frain looks angry enough to weep blood. And it would have broken your heart, too, to see her go away with her head down and her hair falling over her face. She rode that white mare of hers at the slow walk all the way to Melior, and the Boda on the bridge made way for her without a word. She didn’t even look at them. She went on as slowly as a swan, and Prince Frain stood watching after her every step of the steep way up to the castle.”
“What does she want in Melior?” the other asked.
“I don’t know. Perhaps only that none of us can follow her there. But Frain has sworn he’ll follow somehow, Boda or no Boda.”
I burst out of my tent, routing the soldiers, and hurried to Frain’s. He was not there. I ran to look for his horse; it was gone. I got my own and went blundering and swearing off to the north. But I met that fool, Sethym, and he did me a wise man’s service. “That way,” he said, and pointed me along the south road toward Melior.
Frain was standing just out of sight of camp, beyond a rise and nearly within bowshot of the Boda who held the Gerriew bridge. Fabron stood there with him. He started to move away when he saw me coming, but Frain motioned him to wait, unbuckled his sword, and gave it into Fabron’s keeping. The gesture stunned me. As if he believed he might be tempted to draw it on me! I rode up and dismounted to face him, and I think I must have been ashamed even then, for I let him have the first words.
I cannot remember all that was said. I was dismayed by the force of his anger, passionate anger, and something more—pain? Despair? I did not know, I could not understand. His words scorched my soul, and I put up a cold, cold shield. Iron of hatred. After a while I stopped trying to answer him. I let my hard face be my shield.
I remember some. “She has left defeated,” Frain said softly, with a softness that struck me to the core; I could have stood it better if he had abused me. “She who is fit to fly with the flocks of Ascalonia and yet was snared by love of you, a mortal, and you defeated her love! You have dishonored her in her own eyes and all eyes that judge her. Are you proud, Tirell, to have bent the head of a goddess?”
“She came to me of her own accord,” I answered sullenly.
“She came to lift you out of your morass of hatred, to shame you into sense. But you had to drag her down with you, into your filthy wallow! She wept on my shoulder when you were done with her.” His voice went husky, and I had to shift my gaze; I could not meet his eyes. “She told me she had not believed y
ou could take her lovelessly. As I have never believed you have lost all love for me.… But I begin to wonder now.”
“Why, if it will please you,” I retorted coldly, “for the sake of your courtesy I will never bed a woman again.” I meant that as amends, in my twisted way, and as martyrdom. But Frain allowed for no martyrdom.
“It does not please me,” he shot back. “A woman who loves should be lovingly bedded. And even in her shame Shamarra loves and serves you better than you know. I would have followed her for pity, but she would not allow it. She rode through Melior to prevent it.”
“Why, you can follow her, for all of me,” I said coolly. “I will give you the badge of an emissary to earn you safe conduct into Melior if you like.” What demon was in me! But I never really thought he would go. I trusted his brother-love for me even when I would not acknowledge it or endure its flame.
“Give me the emblem,” he said grimly, and I flung the black and silver thing at him as I mounted my horse. Fabron came running up.
“My lords, no!” he pleaded at both of us, and then to Frain: “Dear Prince, you cannot leave him now! Not after all the miles—” He took Frain by the shoulders, and Frain stood like a red-hot poker in his grip. If I had found the courage or the sense to stay then, I think—but thinking is of no use. I spurred away. I risked a glance just before I crossed the rise. Frain had softened; Fabron held him in his arms.
Fabron would bring him back to me, I thought. I rode back to camp and slouched about for an hour, listless, waiting for Fabron and trying to pretend not to be waiting. Fabron came at last, with a look as if he could cheerfully skewer me.
“Frain has gone into Melior,” he said roughly, “to see Shamarra and your mother, if he can. He says he will return.”
I ignored the look and the tone. “Why, then he will return,” I murmured, fixing my mind on my brother’s faithfulness.
“Small thanks to you if he does,” Fabron snapped. Men were watching; I thought I might have to fight him after all. But a soft voice spoke from behind both of us. There stood Grandfather with the black beast by his side.
“Put away anger,” he said. “There is fear to be thought of. Abas is in Melior castle.”
“What!” I shouted with dismay that cracked my mask of a face; I felt it split. “My report is that Abas is marching hither from Vaire, at the head of his army!”
“No, Grandson,” Daymon said quietly, “he came back to Melior just before you did, secretly, for your mother lay ill and likely to die—and she lies dead now. It is his fault, so he keeps the news to himself—and the knowledge does not improve his temper. I cannot think how he is likely to greet Frain.”
I turned to the king of Vaire, shaking and, for once in my life, earnest. “Fabron,” I cried, “if I had known this I would never have let him go, I swear it! I thought there was no one in that castle who would harm him.”
He didn’t speak to me. Perhaps he couldn’t speak. He stood looking away toward the blood-red towers of Melior, and the black beast went and nuzzled his hand.
“What is happening to Frain, Grandfather?” I demanded. “Can you not see?”
Tears on his thin cheeks; his mind was with his daughter. “They’ve taken him now,” he said. “I can see nothing more.” He spoke gently. He has always been gentle with me when I find myself most clearly in the wrong.
I stared away at the glistening towers in my turn. “Why, then,” I heard myself say, “I will have to go in after him.”
Chapter Six
Within the hour I rode over the Gerriew under flag of trace. I took with me a small retinue, for show, and I had dressed myself to the last detail in the best clothing I could muster—all black, of course. I carried my iron sword and iron shield, again for show. Fabron wanted to come with me, but I persuaded him to stay behind. I believed his presence would only enrage Abas, and the other kings agreed with me. They stayed in camp for the same reason, and so did Grandfather, and the beast with him. Grandfather saw me off without even a word of advice. All advice seemed futile when dealing with Abas.
I went to Melior with some harebrained notion of having Frain released by offering myself in his place. All very noble and impractical—if Abas had taken Frain prisoner, what was to prevent him from taking me as well? But I knew well enough, paint him as black as I liked, that he would not harm me unless I drove him to it. And I knew, chillingly, that he regarded Frain in quite a different way. He would not hesitate to harm Frain if the mood took him. And that made my errand imperative.
It was an eerie homecoming, or at least I felt it as such. I wondered how Frain had felt, passing those hostile, familiar gates. I left the horses standing in the courtyard with my men to guard them and I strode alone into the keep. No servant dared to speak to me, and I was too proud anyway to ask my way to the King—to beg for an audience, forsooth, with my own father! But I found him soon enough. He was sitting alone on the dais in the great, gloomy main hall, hunched over a cup of something, some liquor. He was probably drunk, though he did not show it; he never did. He stared at me sourly as I entered, seeming completely unsurprised.
“You’ve been taking your bloody time getting home!” he snapped.
I strode across to him in silence, walked up to him and looked down where he sat, unable to believe that he had no other reaction for me. I was expecting wrath, rage, love, sorrow, guilt—anything except his ill-tempered acceptance. I believe I could have moved back into my old room, pretended nothing had happened, and he would have fallen in with the farce. He did not seem to mind my standing and staring at him; he simply attended to his cup. He had aged since I had left, but the process had made him leaner and tougher than ever.
“Out nattering with an old man,” he grumbled after a while. “Say hello to your mother, boy—she’s dead.” With a casual movement he indicated something beyond the table. One of those awful carved coffins lay there with the pale, blind eyes staring up at the rafters. I winced at the sight of it, and for a moment I could not move. Then I walked over—I passed right behind my father’s indifferent back—and I opened the casket lid. Mother faced me, already embalmed, loking very fair, even fairer than I had remembered. She had been dressed in rich, fine robes, laid on silk pillows, with no marks of any abuse on her that I could see. Her pale face seemed to float amid a ruff of ermine. Looking at her, I felt helplessness melt me down to a stump. I might as well have been a tiny boy again, no higher than her knee.
“She died to spite me,” Abas remarked sullenly, still turning his back. “She died of spleen. I never, touched her.”
Mother’s cloak of ermine and purple was gathered with a pin I recognized, Frain’s brooch. The dog, symbol of fidelity.… I unfastened it and held it up for Abas to see.
“My brother,” I said quietly. “Where is he?”
“You’re a fool if you think he is your brother.” Abas did not even look at me.
I circled the table to stand in front of him. “Where is Frain?” I asked again.
“In a dungeon.” He met my eyes absently. “Get to your chamber, boy.”
The arrogant—how could he think I would come back to him, after what he had done? And what mad whim had made him put Frain’s pin in a coffin? Perhaps Frain was dead too. The thought made me forget resentment. “I would like to see Frain,” I said, trying to steady my voice.
“Damn Frain,” he answered in dull anger. I had never heard such dead and heavy anger in him; it chilled me worse than any wind of his rage. “I am tired of Frain. Suevi loves Frain, Tirell loves Frain, everyone loves Frain. Let him stay in his kennel for a while. The damn puppy, I believe he would even love me if I gave him the chance.” He spoke with loathing—of himself? Ai, how very much I was like him.
“Sire,” I said softly, trying not to threaten, “you may have noticed that there is an army outside.”
He straightened and faced me, eyes glittering blue—poison blue. He did not speak a word, but I knew that I had gained his full and most dangerous attention.
“For a year and more I have planned revenge against you.” I kept my voice as dispassionate as possible; I had to be careful, very careful. “But if it will see Frain freed, I offer to lay down my arms.”
“So it was the pup that drew you in here.” That same deathly tone. “Well, let him keep you here. I’ll put a lock on him and a leash on you.” The leash of love; the same power he had always held over me.
I considered, skirting his words. “What are the conditions of Frain’s release?” I asked.
“None. There will be no release.”
I could have gone to my room, waited my chance to steal a word with Frain, plotted our escape. And Abas could have kept me waiting, hoping and despairing, for months, even years. Suddenly I was no longer too proud to beg. Trembling, I offered him my most precious possessions—my selfhood, my dreams—never thinking that my dreams might be his nightmare. I did not think at all; I only felt. I unbuckled my long iron sword, placed it with the shield on my outstretched hands.
“Sire,” I began, “for Frain’s sake…” My voice quavered. I had probably never spoken to him so ardently, or not since I was six or thereabouts—but he did not hear me. His adder eyes caught on the shield and sword and he lunged up with a shout that sent the doves whistling off the turrets. He screamed like Morrghu, like blinding, screaming wind. I believe that until then he had scarcely noticed my gear, but he saw it now, by Eala! He stood pulled back like a strung bow, and spume started down from the corners of his mouth. I stood stunned, a bird before the snake.
All powers be thanked for what the dragons had taught me. Somehow I found strength to turn and flee. I could not have stayed alive in his presence more than a moment longer; I am sure of it. Looking at him I had looked into the face of death. Stupid, stupid of me to have showed him dark iron of Aftalun, the likeness of the beast! I heard him gibbering after me, something about rutting in the night. Striding away, I heard guards running toward me, and I carried my sword unsheathed to fend them off. But none of them dared to attack me. They were all in confusion, and Abas was too convulsed with fury and terror to speak. I reached the courtyard, swung onto my black, and cantered away with my men after me. They looked parchment white, and so did the Boda we passed. I believe Abas’s cry must have been heard as far as the bridges.
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