by Eugene, Lisa
“You mean investigate Josh?” It was more of a statement than a question, but I watched his lips thin as his gaze flitted over my face.
He looked into my eyes. “Yes, Josh.” He sighed deeply, his gaze never leaving my face. “Have you seen him, Kay?”
Oh, God… My heart buckled in my chest as I shook my head. I couldn’t find my voice, couldn’t breathe. I looked away, afraid he’d see right through me. I reminded myself of all the reasons I couldn’t tell him the truth. After a minute, he continued.
“Both murders were remarkably similar to Roslyn’s,” he said. “Carlos is looking at her case in hopes of getting some clues about the recent murders.”
“Do you still think the murder the night of Kotobuki’s party had something to do with me?”
“I do, but Carlos doesn’t seem to think so. I just have a feeling.”
I wanted to tell him about the sense I’d had recently that someone was watching me, but didn’t want to worry him, especially when it could all be in my head. Besides, I was now extra vigilant whenever I went out.
“What happened with Roslyn’s murder?” I heard myself ask the question, and instantly regretted it. It wasn’t so much the look on his face that caused alarm, but the subtle change in his posture and the darkness that eclipsed his eyes. It was as though a door had banged shut and I could her the noise reverberate. His face appeared relaxed, but he had my hand in his, and the finger that was tracing a slow circle on my palm halted abruptly.
He straightened his back, a shadow crossing his face. He took a long moment then cleared his throat. I felt awful, a part of me wanting to retract the question. I could see that this was painful for him to talk about. Good going, girl! You’re on a roll tonight! But as much as I wanted to take it back, I also wanted answers—to hear from him what happened.
“Well, you already know she was strangled,” he started slowly, staring off into the apartment. “She’d gone to a party with some friends. She didn’t come home. Her body was found in a taxi cab under the Brooklyn Bridge early the next morning.” He sighed. “We’d had a huge fight before she left for the party. I didn’t want her to go. Things were still so…uncertain… between us. We were supposed to be having a fresh start.”
“You were having problems?”
He nodded. “She’d moved out. I think we both just had different expectations from the marriage. A lot changed after Livy was born. We tried to work things out…but then she was murdered.”
My stomach rolled thinking about the baby losing her mother and him losing his wife. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You must have been devastated.”
“Yeah, I was. I always hoped that we’d work it out. After her death, it took me a long time to live again, to realize that the grass was green and the sky was blue. But I had to keep going—for Livy’s sake. Roslyn had her personal demons, and I always felt I should have done more to help her.”
“She had a problem with drugs?”
I knew it was really none of my business, and hoped I hadn’t overstepped her boundaries, but the stark anger that flared in his eyes told me I had. His reaction, though, did answer my question when his body instantly turned to stone.
“Where did you hear that?” he demanded.
My heart almost catapulted from my chest. Flustered, I bought some time by unwrapping my legs from around his and pushing back into to the couch. My pulse was a deafening boom in her ears.
“I—I must have read it somewhere, or heard someone talking about it.” I shrugged nervously.
He stared for a protracted moment, then cursed violently. “I tried so hard to keep that out of the media. I don’t want Livy to grow up and find out. I didn’t want people talking.”
I had my tongue wedged hard between my rattling teeth, hoping to render it silent. I’d already said too much. I cursed myself for prying and cursed Josh for planting these rotting seeds in my head.
“She had a coke problem. She’d even went through rehab a few times, but it was hard for her to quit. It didn’t help that there was a ready supply at the parties she went to, where coke was handed out like candy. Roslyn had been a fashion model and very social. If not for Davenport Advertising, I would have packed us up and moved out of this damn city! But I was so wrapped up in getting the business going that I let things get out of hand.”
I took his hand in mine, seeing pain and guilt batter his conscience. I hated the haunted look in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter where you go. You can get drugs anywhere.”
“I failed her. I was her husband. It was my job to protect her and keep her safe. I failed her.”
My heart broke when his voice cracked, and stemming my own tears, I laid back and drew his head against my breasts, cradling his wide shoulders in my arms. I remembered how he’d talked about his tattoo, and thought I understood why he’d gotten it and what it represented for him. We stayed like that for many moments, submerged in a pool of clotted emotions and unspoken words. Words were superfluous. We were both overcome with feeling—a dense tangle of emotion that needed to be unraveled and sorted before it could be put into words. The quiet of the apartment lulled us into a dreamy tranquility. All that could be heard was the obstinate tick of a clock somewhere in the distance. Finally Luke sat up, pulling me up with him. He brought my fingers to his lips and kissed them gently.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to unload on you.”
“It’s okay. I asked the questions.” I shrugged, watching his thumb absently draw circles on the back of my hand.
“I understand your wanting to know. It’s just that this whole thing has dug up a lot of buried memories.”
“I’m sure.” I nodded absently, preoccupied with the progress of his thumb. He was making wider circles now, tracing the skin just under my sleeve, less than an inch away from my ugly purple bruise. I’d been surprised that morning to see it so discolored and tender, but then, Josh had been so brutal he’d almost broken my arm.
“It’s getting late. We should go to bed.” Luke sighed.
His words sent panic spiking through me. There was no way I could be in the same bed with him and not want to jump his bones. And even if the lights were off, what about in the morning? He was sure to see my arm at some point. What could I say? I’d fallen down the stairs? Ran into a door? Gotten a tattoo of a bruise on my arm. Look! Wow! They did a great job! How realistic! Ha ha, you thought this shit was real?
“I can’t stay,” I said softly, pulling my hand away. I saw hurt flash across his face, then his forehead creased as he tried to read me. I had to look away, unable to withstand the raw emotion in his eyes, the uncertainty, the disappointment. Grasping for some excuse, I said lamely, “I—I have to be up early in the morning. I—uh, have plans.”
“Plans?”
“I—I’m meeting up with Michelle,” I lied quickly.
He nodded slowly.
I hated this! It was ripping me apart to lie to him. I felt so wretched I wanted to throw up. I was ruining things between us and planting doubt in his head. I could see it in his eyes. But what else could I do? I couldn’t stay. I was a hot mess. I felt gutted, empty. I had nothing more to give and everything to lose. I’d been stupidly naive and Luke had tried to warn me. This was my problem now and I had to figure out a way to deal with it. Feeling tears prick the back of my eyes, I stood from the couch.
“I’ll get my coat.” I walked to his closet on shaky feet, aware of his gaze quietly following me. He didn’t say a word, and that alone was killing me.
When I was ready, he stood from the couch, his tall frame seeming drained. “Let me call a cab. I don’t want you walking around trying to get one.”
I nodded, my throat too full of emotion to speak. He called the taxi then turned to me. “I’ll walk you down.”
I nodded again, hating the claustrophobic tension between us. It was a stark contrast to our usual easy banter. Our relationship was often filled with laughter and teasing, and we were always touching and heady
with passion. It was crumbling before my eyes.
We walked to the elevator and got in, standing on opposite sides. Luke leaned against a wall, his hands shoved deep into his pockets and his legs crossed at the ankles. His head was tilted low, but I knew his eyes studied me as I faced forward. I could feel the impact of his unwavering gaze. Biting my lip, I forced myself to breathe in and out slowly, praying not to crumble into tears like I desperately wanted to. I shoved a hand in my coat pocket, twining the gold key-ring around my fingers.
You should just fucking tell him! Tell him Josh is blackmailing you. Tell him he’s threatening to ruin your life! Tell him he means everything to you!
I shushed the voice screaming in my head as I walked from the elevator, past the sleeping doorman, and out into the harsh night air. The cab was already in front waiting.
“Goodnight,” I said, my voice knotty with tension.
Abruptly he reached out and pulled me into his arms, wrapping them tight around my body. I felt his lips brush my ear, sending prickles along her skin.
“Thank you, beautiful. Thank you for coming into my life.”
Unable to speak, I nodded into his chest, inhaling the scent of sandalwood. It brought the tears faster, and pulling away, I jumped into the cab and yelled at the driver to just go.
Inside the cab, I dropped my head in my palms and let the tears come. I didn’t care that the driver could hear my broken sobs, or see my shoulders quiver with anguish. I felt trapped in an impossible situation and the poison was leaching into my relationship with Luke. But I needed time to figure things out.
The more I thought of it, the more I became convinced that Josh had committed the murders. He would have known I’d run to Michelle’s apartment that night. He could have easily followed me to Sensations as Luke had theorized. He wouldn't risk his three year investment by killing me, but he didn’t mind inflicting psychological torture. He’d planted my grandmother’s earring in my shoe to torment me. He was probably following me too.
God knows what he’d planned on doing to me after we were married. Josh was a murderer, a blackmailer, and a repugnant human being. He’d ruined a fine man’s reputation and set him up for a murder he didn’t commit. I could not let him get away with this. I had to think of something—some way to bring him to justice. Wiping my wet nose with my sleeve, I groped around in her purse to find a tissue. My fingers instead brushed across something hard and cold and my hand froze.
Grasping the object, I withdrew it hastily and held it in the palm of my hand, watching the night shadows flick over it. My eyes widened and my body grew still as I stared down at the key to Josh’s apartment. I’d never returned it. This was what I needed. The idea that sprouted ripened to life and grew like a mustard seed. If I could get into Josh’s apartment, perhaps I could find some proof of what he’d done. Maybe I could find evidence that he’d committed the murders. A man like him belonged behind bars where he could no longer hurt or threaten innocent people. Curling my fingers over the key, I sank back into the seat, my mind suddenly calm and my spirit convicted.
Josh needed to pay for his crimes.
*****************************
Luke
I angrily paced the floor. At least I wasn’t pacing in front of Michelle’s office door as I wanted to. My employees would surely think I was crazy. And they’d be right. I was going out of my fucking mind. Since seeing Katie on Saturday, I’d been filled with confusion and nagged by apprehension. Dread had settled in the pit of my stomach and burned like acid. I didn’t know what was going on with Katie, but could tell something was wrong. She hadn’t been herself. Why was she suddenly so distant? Michelle was her best friend, and if anyone could give me answers, it would be her.
A glance at the clock confirmed it was nine a.m. Michelle was never late. I pulled the door shut behind me and headed down the hall. She was shrugging out of her coat when I entered her office and closed the door.
“Hi, Mr. Davenport.” Michelle glanced up.
I took a deep breath, taking time to straighten my tie. I didn’t want to pounce on her with my questions, but they were jumping like crickets inside me.
“How’s it going?”
“Good,” she answered, her brows crinkling slightly.
Okay, fuck it. Pounce.
“What’s going on with Kay?” I’d been stewing for far too long. I watched her lips tighten to a straight line, but otherwise her expression didn’t waver.
“What are you talking about?” she asked after taking time to drape her coat over the back of her chair.
“She’s been very…distant.”
“Distant?”
“She’s not acting like herself.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just…different.”
“Did you see her this weekend?”
“Yes.”
I was starting to get annoyed. Every question was answered with another question. It was obvious she knew something and was stalling. I shifted my weight and combed a hand through my hair. “Listen, Michelle. I really care about Katie. I can tell something’s wrong and I’m sure you know what it is.”
Michelle sat quietly behind her desk, her gaze cast down. I could tell by the stiffness of her shoulders and the firm slash of her mouth that she was having an internal conflict. Perhaps Katie had asked her not to say anything.
“Is it her parents? Is she having an issue with them?”
Nothing. Michelle sat quietly.
“Is it the foundation? The fundraiser?” I tried not to raise my voice.
Nothing. She sat quietly.
“Her staff?”
Still nothing. She wouldn’t even look at me.
I swallowed the bile climbing out of my gut. The room suddenly grew warmer and I rimmed a finger inside my collar as thoughts I’d suppressed all weekend pushed to the forefront.
“Is it Josh?”
Her dark lashes lifted slowly and she stared hard into my eyes. Her emotion hit me like a blast of heat and sweat beaded on my forehead. Oh, God…
“It’s Josh, isn’t it?”
I was certain of it now, I didn’t need verbal confirmation. Had she changed her mind again and was taking him back? She’d lied to me. I would bet she’d seen him since the holiday party. I’d known Josh wouldn’t give up that easily, whether he thought her a whore or not. The prize was too big. She’d always come quickly to his defense and she’d sounded strange when I’d called on Christmas. Perhaps she’d succumbed to continued pressure from her parents. Saturday she’d asked if I was going to call off the private investigator. Was she worried about Josh? She’d been nervous and aloof, repelling my advances. Last week she’d seemed so eager to be with me, yet she hadn’t wanted to spend the night, and made that lame excuse about having plans early in the morning.
“I understand if you can’t say,” I said, trying to mellow my tone. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to put you in an uncomfortable position.” Holding Michelle’s gaze, I asked, “How was breakfast with her parents yesterday morning?”
Her forehead wrinkled deeply and I could see her thoughts scrambling.
“What?”
“Kay said you guys were meeting her parents early for breakfast at Morley’s.”
Her eyes widened with fake recollection. “Uh…yes! Breakfast. It was great. Love Morley’s. It was nice to see her parents.”
I let a casual smile persuade my lips, but inside I was breaking to pieces. Of course she would cover for her friend. I’d made that up. Katie hadn’t said what they’d be doing, just that she was meeting Michelle. I knew she’d been lying, and would bet she hadn’t met Michelle at all. Why would she need to lie unless she was going to be with someone she couldn’t tell me about? Josh. Why couldn't she just be fucking honest with me? But then, I’d asked that same question of my wife time and time again. I’d been a fool to trust—to hope again.
She shouldn’t have come to Livy’s recital. Why steal a piece of my little girl’s heart, and a
giant chunk of my own? I would rather her tell me up front that she was taking Josh back than be strung along. I didn’t have time for games. She’d once said she had feelings for me, that she wanted to get to know me, but maybe her feelings weren't strong enough to tear her away from Josh. Obviously she still loved him.
Josh was dangerous! Hadn’t she realized that by now?
I blew the breath from my body, hoping to expel the ache gnawing a hole in my chest. I needed to leave. Now. I needed to be alone. Because I was sure I was going to fall apart.
“Thanks for the chat, Michelle,” I said, then quickly left the office.
I was on auto-pilot for the rest of this damn dismal day, running my business like a robot. I was afraid what might happen if I unleashed any emotion at all, afraid of the geyser that might erupt. Things only got worse after my conversation with Carlos. Carlos had someone tailing Josh. During an account of Josh’s activities, he mentioned Josh visiting the Vandercamp Foundation the day after Christmas. Something Katie failed to mention, but further proof of what I already knew. I had asked her outright if she’d seen Josh, and she’d lied to me. Carlos didn’t yet have a report of Josh’s weekend activities, but I wouldn’t be surprised to find out who he’d been with Sunday morning.
I was glad I had enough work on my desk to keep my mind occupied. There was a lot of catching up to do after the holiday, plus I’d hoped to reach out personally to some of the clients who still hadn’t returned Steven’s calls. I definitely needed the distraction from the clamor in my head and my black mood. I had no idea letting her go would hurt this much. It was perhaps because I’d stupidly allowed myself to think there could be something between us. But I had to face the fact that she was never mine to begin with. From the beginning she’d said things were complicated. I guess she’d been right.
*************************
Katie
I took a deep breath, ignoring the urgent pounding in my chest. Issuing a prayer, I pushed the key into the lock of Josh’s apartment door. I blew out the breath I’d been holding when it turned and I heard the lock release. Slipping inside, I closed the door and melted against it. Thank God! I’d been afraid that he’d changed the locks.