by Annie Walker
Most of the time, I’d learned to simply steer clear of things that led up to those questions or keep silent when faced with them, which usually had people thinking my parents was most likely dead and I didn’t want to rehash painful memories. That had been the case with Ben.
But the thought of someone as unfeeling as Jackson Riley knowing my secrets was almost enough to send me running back home to my grandmother.
I would have, too, had I not kept reminding myself that both Jackson and his nasty little opinion of me didn’t mean a thing. With any luck, he’d accomplish with Ben what I could not. He’d get him to leave me.
Besides, it didn’t matter what Jackson knew about me. My future was settled. I was going home to Santa Anna to join Lee’s practice and nothing Jackson Riley could do—no matter how powerful he was—would ever change any of that. The man could do whatever he wanted with the stuff in that folder. I didn’t care.
No matter how hard I tried to ignore the pain, it hurt more than I could ever have imagined possible for Jackson to know those truths.
Chapter Three
After my late night run-in with his uncle, I was almost certain I’d never see Ben again, yet two days before his scheduled flight to Paris Ben still didn’t have a clue about my past. I’d been expecting Jackson to actually gloat over telling his nephew all the dirt he’d found out on me. I certainly couldn’t imagine what he might be waiting for.
“Come have dinner with me. I need your help to figure out how I’m going to get my uncle to cancel this whole Paris thing.”
Ben barely into my apartment and announced all of this one evening.
“You have to go to. This is the chance of a lifetime. And I can’t have dinner with you tonight because I have to get ready for work.” I glanced at my watch and saw if I hurried, I might make it on time.
“Maggie, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you wanted me to leave.” Was this guy really this dense? Of course, I wanted him to go.
“Ben, you and I are friends—that’s all. And yes, I do want you to go because it’s the chance of a lifetime and I won’t have you giving it up for me or anything else. Now go, leave me alone. Go pack. Enjoy Paris.”
He turned and walked out my door without another word, looking more like a wounded puppy than ever before. But I knew I hadn’t gotten through to him. Ben would go back to his apartment and continue to work on his attempt at ruining his uncle’s plans. I might as well have been talking to the wall.
On the evening before Ben's departure to Paris, I couldn’t have been more discouraged when he called and told me he was determined to stand his uncle up. In my heart, I knew something bad was about to happen. It had to, because Ben was too determined to stay with me and his uncle was just as determined that he should go.
In the end, I agreed to have dinner with him that night simply, because I somehow hoped to make him see our relationship for what it was.
My doorbell rang while I was still dressing for dinner. When I answered it, Ben wasn't there but Jackson was.
Before I had to time slam the door in his face, he wedged his foot against the jam. "Nice try, Maggie, but we need to have a talk.” He took one look at me and guessed my plans for the evening. “And you can forget about going out with Ben tonight. You and I have things to discuss.”
“Are you crazy? He’s on his way over here right now.” I added the last part when he took my hand and walked me out of the apartment and down the stairs to his car.
“I’m not going anywhere with you, and once again we have nothing to talk about. It’s not my fault your nephew won’t listen to you.”
His gaze went over me. “Isn’t it? I’d say it’s exactly your fault. You’ve got him crazy for you.”
I wondered what exactly Ben had told his uncle was the extent of our relationship. I was still trying to sort all this out when I realized where Jackson was taking me. We were back at his place once more for our little ‘talk’.
My first instinct was to tell him to get lost, but I'd only be putting off the inevitable. Like it or not, I had to face this moment once and for all.
Inside Jackson Riley’s tastefully decorated, expensive, yet cold house, I faced him across the living room.
“Well? What do you have to say that's so important you drag me from my home? Let’s just get it over with so I can get on with my life.”
Anger and frustration fused deep within in his eyes. Too late, I realized I’d made a very dangerous enemy in Jackson.
Jackson came slowly over to where I stood and it took everything inside me not to back away.
He stood looking down at me, inches away, while I watched unable to do anything but stand before him speechless. Something changed in him. He was still angry, but curious as well.
He reached for me before I could react and pulled me into his arms. There was just a moment before his lips touched mine and I closed my eyes, a single second when I believed he was giving me my chance to run. I didn’t take it. I couldn’t because, God help me, I wanted this probably every bit as much as he did.
He lifted me up and carried me…somewhere. When I opened my eyes, I realized we were no longer in his living room. We stood facing each other in his bedroom.
My resolve shattered when his fingers slipped confidently over my body.
I forgot where we were. Forgot I was trying to hate him. Something deep inside of me splintered into a thousand tiny pieces the second he touched me.
I pushed him away, our gazes locked and it hit me once again that I was in way over my head with him.
Neither of us spoke. We watched each other in the semi-darkness and I was all too aware of his restless hands. There was no need for words. His hands and his eyes were telling me exactly what he wanted from me.
I moved closer and watched his surprised reaction. My fingers reached out to touch his face bringing him nearer. My desire for Jackson had taken on a will of its own now—there was no stopping it. My lips took control of his this time, slowly exploring, brushing back and forth against his. At that moment, I wasn’t sure who was seducing whom, not that it mattered. We both knew where this was going.
Beneath my fingers, he tensed. He jerked me closer, his gaze never leaving mine.
“What kind of game do you think you’re playing? Are you your mother’s daughter after all?”
His words struck like a blow, but I didn’t move away from him even as his hands continued to roam over my body.
Jackson picked me up and carried me to his bed. Lowering me slowly back against its softness before slowly removing my clothing. Then he was there beside me taking his time. Suddenly, I was afraid—I wasn’t so sure anymore. I didn’t understand any of this. I had no idea why I was with him or why I was reacting to his touch the way that I was. I didn’t even like Jackson. I didn’t want to say the words that would stop this from happening either. I closed my eyes tight and put my head against his chest.
“Please—I, I need you." Those reluctant words escaped, surprising the both of us. My voice trembled from desire. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him—I’d never been in a situation so out of control as this before and I hated that he was the one bringing me to this point.
He pushed me back against the pillows, pulling the covers away from us. His gaze wandered slowly over me. All the while my conscience screamed just how sorry I would be if I went through with this.
He leaned over me, his hands on either side of my body, the tip of his tongue tracing the tracks of my tears. I trembled at his touch.
His mouth took possession of my body. He took his time, exploring every inch of me while I lay powerless in his arms hating myself, understanding my mother more than I’d ever wanted to believe possible and knowing that this guy was about to destroy all of my happiness.
My body shook with each touch, each stroke of his finger and he smiled at all my responses.
Jackson took control of my body with one single stroke and I couldn’t hold back the sob that escaped, that had him
frozen in place looking down at me in wonder.
Somehow, I managed to let go of all my tension then. I moved closer, clearing away all doubt in his mind. The need he’d created inside of me was nothing short of torment. When I opened my eyes and met his, I knew he felt the same way.
I shut the door on my conscience and that voice in my head that assured me I was going to live to regret this night very soon and let go of all my reservations at last. My final hope of coming out of this untouched disappeared when Jackson said my name before he came inside me.
Reality came to me slowly, bringing the world around us back into focus. Jackson rolled away from me his arms wrapping around me so that he took me with him. I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. I lay exhausted against him listening to the sound of his heart racing against my ear.
He suspected something, wanted to ask the question, but I was just as certain I could never bring myself to answer any of his questions no matter what it cost me.
Jackson shifted my weight away from him so that he could look fully into my troubled eyes.
A noise outside his bedroom door spared me the awkwardness of answering his questions. We both became aware of what we’d been too caught up in each other to notice before.
“Ben.” We said his name at the same time.
Ben had to be standing just outside the door. He said something angry and unflattering about me. I'd betrayed Ben in the worst possible way. I could not have felt more like my mother than I did at that moment.
Jackson sat up in bed and I tried to get out, but he held me in place.
“Stay here,” he told me when I tried to pull away. “Stay here and let me handle this, Maggie.”
He got out of bed and reached for his clothes giving me only a cursory glance before he left me alone feeling like the biggest cheat in the world.
I heard them arguing as they moved away from the bedroom door. Jackson had taken his nephew downstairs. Ben’s hurt was clear. Although I couldn't hear what he said, I didn’t need to. As always, Jackson’s voice came to me sounding calm and unmoved—lacking in any emotion at all. He didn’t feel anything by his nephew’s pain or what had taken place between us.
It was then that it hit me—the truth. This whole night had all been part of his plan. Very well played out and very precisioned. I’d fallen right into it without a second thought. Without any of the expected fight. This was all part of Jackson’s well-designed plan to get rid of me. He didn’t need anything from my past to defeat me. He’d accomplished it all in his bed.
I grabbed my clothes, my fingers trembling so much that it was impossible to fasten them. I heard the front door slam hard and knew Ben had stormed out without even waiting to hear my side.
When Jackson came back, he seemed surprised that I wasn't waiting quietly in his bed.
“What are you’re doing?” I finished buttoning my blouse and forced myself to face him.
“What does it look like? I’m leaving. You got what you wanted…”
He didn’t let me finish. Jackson pulled me close, his fingers threading through my hair, forcing me to look at him.
“You leave when I say you leave, little bit—not before.” And then he kissed me and picked me up and carried me back to his bed. And he was right. I did exactly what he wanted. Jackson Riley was like a drug for me.
Sometime much later, he leaned over me again, his fingers holding my chin still so that I didn’t miss the triumphant look in his eyes.
“I think you just accomplished what no amount of my arguing with Ben ever could. Congratulations, little bit, you are your mother’s daughter after all.”
While I tried to recover from that devastating blow, he got out of bed and tossed my clothes back to me. “Now you can get dressed.”
“What?” I was that little girl again, his words stunning and hurting me all in one fatal sweep.
“Get dressed. I make it a rule not to let any of the women I sleep with spend the night here. It keeps things—uncomplicated that way. Sorry to inform you, little bit, but you certainly aren’t going to be the exception to that rule.”
Jackson pulled on his shirt and buttoned it, looking down at me. I couldn't keep the hurt from my expression. I could almost believe I saw his expression soften as he looked at me because he added, “Get dressed and I’ll call you a cab.”
To my utter shame, I was forced to dress with Jackson watching my every move. But I didn’t have to take his charity and I certainly didn’t need to see him again.
I walked past him with as much dignity as I could muster and should have been thrilled to hear the urgency in his tone when he called my name and asked me to wait.
I didn’t bother answering. I walked out into the rainy Austin night and away from him before I started to cry.
I'd embarrassed my grandmother and myself. I’d behaved exactly as he’d expected me to. Exactly like my mother. In Jackson’s opinion, there was not one single bit of difference between us.
I ran away from him just like the last time, but I didn’t go home. Not right away.
I walked the wet streets for hours, before making my way back home. And then I called every single phone number I had for Ben, but he wasn’t taking any of my calls.
****
The following morning, I woke up feeling sicker than I could ever remember feeling in my life.
I had a terrible cough and my body ached all over. I was certain it was all because of the long hours I’d spent out on the rainy streets.
I forced down hot tea and started taking just about everything I could find in my medicine cabinet without much luck.
By afternoon, I was no closer to feeling up to going into work than I was facing Ben again. I called in sick and prayed he'd just get on that plane tonight and disappear from my life, taking all of the mistakes I’d made since meeting him away with him to Paris.
I was not to be so lucky. It was still early in the evening when Ben knocked on my door. It took everything inside of me to answer it. In the end, I knew I owed him some explanation.
“Maggie, how could you do that to me?” He looked more hurt than I ever believed possible. “Is that really who you are—just another one of my uncle’s women? You know he has them falling all over him, don’t you? You won’t be anything special. You won’t be more than a number. Is that what you want? How can you let yourself be just another rotation in his weekly schedule of women to sleep with?”
That hurt. I didn’t know anything about those other women, and though the very thought of them hurt more than I could have imagined, I wasn’t really surprised. Wasn’t that was just the way I’d pictured Jackson. Cold and uncaring where women and relationships were concerned. Just liked he’d been with me.
“Ben, it’s not like that. I can’t explain it and I certainly won’t try to make excuses for my behavior last night. I don’t know how it happened.”
“Oh really? Give me a break, Maggie. You’re just like all the others. I only thought you were special. So how many times have you slept with him? I can only imagine how funny the both of you must have found all my fawning to be. Did you joke about it? I hope you’re happy, because you’ll never mean anything to him. I would have loved you. I cared about you. To me, you were special.”
At those heartbreaking words, Ben headed for my door. I realized he hadn’t said anything about Paris.
“Ben where are you going?”
His laughter sounded far bitterer than I could ever believe possible from Ben. He looked at me with contempt written all over him.
“I’m not going to Paris. And you and my uncle can both go to hell.” I was too stunned to do anything more than watch as Ben walked out of my life like I’d told myself for weeks now I wanted.
I paced my tiny apartment, not sure what to do. The more I thought about Jackson’s callous behavior toward his own nephew, the angrier I became. Forget the fact that he’d treated me like what he believed I was. How could any human being treat his own flesh and blood that way?
<
br /> Now, in my defense, if I hadn’t been hopped up on Nyquil I would never have gone over to his house that night. At least I had the foresight not to drive. I was out of control and I knew it wasn’t only because of the medication. I was angry and hurt and I wanted Jackson to feel some of the pain I was going through.
Even as common sense warned me to wait until I was feeling more rational, it still didn’t stop me from calling a taxi to take me to Jackson’s fancy mansion.
I paid the cabbie and sent him on his way not really considering how I was going to get home after I’d said what I came there to say.
I knocked on his door, actually, it was more like I banged on it not wanting to think about the fact that he might not be home—certainly not alone in there. I wasn’t sure which of those weekly women in the rotation would be in line for tonight, but I didn’t really care. I was angry and I was a woman scorned. The worst possible combination.
The second he opened the door and saw me standing there, it hit me through my medicine haze that he didn’t show any signs of surprise. In fact, he didn’t show any emotion at all. He merely stood aside and let me pass.
Jackson had been expecting me. Probably thinking I couldn’t get enough of him. I barely gave him time to close the door before I turned and faced him ready to give him exactly what I’d been rehearsing in my head all afternoon.
All those carefully thought out words deserted me in the face of Jackson’s very seductive smile. I stood before him trying to focus on why I was here in the first place and not the smile. Then I remembered I hated him.
“Do you have any idea how much you’ve hurt Ben?” I practically yelled those words at him but still no reaction. No emotion at all. “Let’s just forget how you treated me for the moment—I mean I wouldn’t have expected anything different from someone like you. But think about what you’ve done to your own nephew! How could you do that to him? How could you hurt him that way? You broke Ben’s heart. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
That, at least, brought him out of his complacency. I’d finally gotten a reaction out of Jackson Riley, but it wasn’t what I wanted. It was all anger. And he was coming towards me very purposefully. I didn’t realize, until my back actually hit the glass behind me, that I had been moving as well. Every step that brought him closer to me, I took a step away from him.