by Tina Smith
We walked after her.
“Were you in the group, Creseeda?” She stopped unsure of her name.
“Cresida,” Cres corrected. “Like in Shakespeare’s play, but with only one S.” She sounded like she was used to it.
Neither of us answered my mother’s comment on practice.
I helped her unpack a few things on the island bench and asked Cres if she wanted a glass of juice. We sat in the kitchen drinking from tumblers as I helped my mother with dinner. Cres sat on a stool and leant on the island countertop, while my mother cooked. These ‘normal’ family scenes were something I felt now, more than ever, were fleeting. Despite everything that simmered below the surface façade we stayed and ate dinner with my mother. Cresida seemed as glad as I was for some moment of normality.
Maybe it wasn’t Cresida I saw in my dreams, maybe it was I. I sat naked in my room tracing the healing cuts up my arm, which would become silvery scars, and the ink shape stained in my skin.
I wondered if Sky would be scared as well from the millions of pieces of glass. I thought about it, the shower of shards falling over the carpet like a rain of ice. The beautiful wolf teeth bared and snarling, gliding at us, throwing Sam down as she morphed. I could remember it clearly now, every detail like a video recording, only clearer and sharper. Feel the force with which I hit the glass-scattered carpet, as his side knocked me hard and yet I hadn’t been bruised from the hit or the fall. I had instantly struggled up and dragged myself on my forearms like a Navy Seal to the nearest cover and then after Cresida had dragged me into the room and locked it, I had immediately thrust it open and walked out despite the danger. In between I’d had moments of weak vulnerability but the changes were starting to appear and soon they would dominate. As I concentrated I could feel the texture of my skin, hear sharper and see clearer with more detail. If this is half of what the wolves felt or half as sharp as their senses, what must their world be like? I felt the energy surge in me then, again, but stronger now as though the conscious realization of what it was sped the painfully slow transformation like rain on a seedling. I got up and did more sit-ups and then something I’ve never done before. I went for another jog but it was dark and I climbed out my window onto the roof. I baulked at the jump down, when I saw a tree within reach. I backed up on the roof, which pitched up, and I ran towards it, determined. Jumping onto it, hitting the bark too hard, scraping myself on the branches and losing grip over the limbs and trunk, I tumbled onto the ground with a thump.
“Ouch.” I thrashed about in the dirt. As I looked up my heart jumped ten feet; a face was looking at me.
“It took me weeks to start doing that kind of crazy shit.” Cresida, laughed. She was dressed in black. I could see she had something strapped across her back as my eyes adjusted to the dim night.
“Let me guess. You saw me out tonight in one of your visions?” I remarked, recognizing the shape of a muzzle silhouette behind her shoulder. I tried to hide my surprise at seeing the rifle.
“Are you dizzy?” She peered into my face.
I lay in the dirt and shook my head; I was more amazed at my own brass stupidity than hurt.
“I’m like a stupid teenage boy,”I admitted shamefully, easing up.
“Welcome to the life of a hunter,” she said helping me up with a firm outstretched hand.
“What else can we do?” I asked unperturbed, examining the minor injuries to my elbow, brushing off the gravel.
“Please, don’t try to hurt yourself. You’re game for a non wolf, I only tried stuff as nuts as that after I was bitten.”
“I’m kind of shocked, myself.”
I imagined Cresida as a dog, jumping from the roof, gracefully.
“Since you’re out, let’s go hunting,” she said, smiling wryly, grabbing the strap around her shoulder. “Well, training anyway,” she added, eyeing me.
I wondered momentarily why I should, but it was hopeless. I had energy to burn and I was insatiable. If nothing else, this would burn off some of this insane electricity, which invaded me. I couldn’t fight it, I felt like I could do anything. We jumped about Parkourstyle, through the grey forest, though I couldn’t keep up with Cres. No mere mortal could. But I was a natural and I didn’t seem to tire easily.
“You know, I was just here to keep an eye out for Sam, just in case, and here you come, all GI Jane! Jumping from the roof in the night – you’re lucky I didn’t shoot you.” Despite the trash talk, I could tell she was glad I had become what she had waited many months for – perhaps hoped for, maybe even prayed for.
I learnt that with Cresida by my side the old me was disappearing, turning into a warrior, independent and bold. The child in me who was strange and used to being alone had found her niche. The scrapes and gravel rash I had sustained thus far, were nothing to a rough trained hunter; we were tough but not indestructible, just hard. Cresida made sure I warmed up and cooled down and my cuts and newly acquired bruises were treated, bandaged and covered. Cres was a half-blooded wolf; because of that, I was able to progress faster than others who didn’t have her blood around them - the blood of the enemy swarmed around me causing a more driven desire to overtake me. I was doing what I felt was right and it inadvertently drew out my hunter like a shark to bait. We discovered her presence seemed to be the trigger my hunter needed – or perhaps it was just the right time. She took me to the creek and morphed, shaking grotesquely as I witnessed the metamorphosis into a wolf, a more violent transition than I had witnessed from the pack.
Her hair wasn’t what I had expected; she was grey, a mix of black and white hair. She lunged at me playfully, I dodged her, she stopped and nodded, then again she lunged for me, catching me by the leg, and she phased back.
“I have never shown anyone,” she confessed before her skin had settled. I passed her a jacket, noticing the quiver. I was glad she’d shown me. I would have told her she was a beautiful beast, but I knew she would have denied the complement. She resembled less of a dog than the pack; the wildness about her natural colour made it seem like she was organic, like she had sprung from the Valley’s forests or from the mountains. Maybe somewhere inside I wondered what I would look like.
Smiling, we rolled in playful battle over the wet sandy mud and grass on the riverbank. Cresida talked to me about technique, my nose filled with the scent of mint, which grew wild along the bank. I was learning how to kill the creatures I loved most but this burning desire to learn the skills urged me on, that same insatiable need to burn the energy - and I had to take it as it came. All the while still thinking of Sky, Cresida was now the only thing keeping me sane. I had to trust her whilst she occupied my outof-control body and mind. There was little doubt in my thoughts that Cresida was there to protect me from myself and from running away to find Sky under the spell of my own new-found power, drawn by the strength of my feelings, which for some reason seemed more powerful than those that had existed between Cresida and him. I would have run all the way to him had she not tethered me to Shade, keeping my feet on the ground and then knocking them from under me, constantly it seemed and at times relentless. I grasped the movement of a warrior and rose to the occasion. After battle and weapons, she trained me to be elusive, like the wolf.
“Tell me about the first days of my arrival?”
“Sure, what do want to know?”
“I have so many questions. You said Angie had been taken, and Mrs Bealy? Where are they now?” I had remembered what Cres had said to me outside the school, so long ago. Angie’s picture remained posted in the cafeteria under the headline ‘Missing’.
“With the other pack, out of town.”
I was relieved they weren’t dead. I knew I couldn’t ask where– “Is it my fault?” -all the while knowing somewhere inside myself that I might have to kill them one day.
“No, you couldn’t have known.” She pinched her mouth.
“But I should have.”
“My priority was to protect you, Sam knew I was busy and she somehow organ
ized for the other pack to pull members from Shade, to inundate me. She was playing a game, toying with me. Sky came to me and we decided until you changed, if you did, it would be better that you went with them. Sam needed Reid to get you to join them, so she encouraged him to date you. Sky went along with it and I knew he wouldn’t let what happened to me - happen to you. That left me free to protect humans.”
“And they stopped?” I asked.
She nodded. “When Sam realized Sky was protecting you, she tossed you out; she didn’t think you would change into a hunter after so long.”
“So she threw me back to Tealy and Monica. Why did Sky want me to break it off with Reid?”
“He’d tell you it was for Reid’s own good, but really I think it was because he was falling for you,” she uttered and pursed her peach-coloured lips.
“Do you think Sam saw that?”
“I don’t know, I think she maybe figured out it was helping me by babysitting you, so she guessed you weren’t going to change. She never liked you,” she offered.
“Especially after I caused Lily’s death,” I thought aloud.
“I killed Lily, not you.”
Cresida claimed she was there to protect me from Sam, surely she knew I wasn’t that stupid. If Reid hadn’t even brought Sky back yet, what shape was Sam in? She certainly wouldn’t be well enough to launch an attack; though I was sure she planned it, perhaps with Bianca at her side.
I was sacrificing myself for the greater good. And I wished Shade didn’t have to come first. I lamented the thought of having to stay here when I wanted to run free and see the world.
29. Wing Clipping
“You will have to take over for me one day soon.” “Cres-”
She interrupted, “-Lila, I’m in no condition to do
this anymore.”
“That’s not true, Cres.” I didn’t want it to be. I
knew she couldn’t make me do it.
“Lila, I’m a hideous monstrosity.” Her head
seemed to slump, but her eyes blazed at me in the
dark. I knew she wasn’t, I wanted to be like her, but I
didn’t say it. That would have been a slap in the face. “No, you are not – that’s crazy, you do so much
good.” I stared at her. “I need you.” I knew what she
was thinking. I wasn’t going to lose her, too. She was
the shoulder I needed, the carer and the constant loving teacher I had never had.
“I’m doing a job and when it’s done – so am I,”
she replied sullenly. I didn’t want to believe her. “Cres, no.” My voice heightened with disbelief.
“What do you mean done?” I accused. But part of me
expected it; the fact that anyone cared for me almost
always bemused me and I knew it wouldn’t last. I expected to be left alone, that’s how it had always been. “Not for a while,” she comforted me. “But I really
believe in you, it shows the power that’s greater than
all of us that creates us – had a path when I failed.” “Cres, no, you don’t have to follow the path. You
can change it, look how useful you are, for me and
the wolves and your brother.” I knew she could do
anything if she wanted to. Part of me expected her to
abandon me, but not for death.
“I know I’m needed and as long as I am, I’ll be
here, it’s okay, it’s just sometimes, it’s hard you know?”
She said it to comfort me.
“Because you’re bitten - different?” I offered. “Yes, and no,” she admitted.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, you haven’t done anything, Lila.
Without you I’d be lost.” She shrugged helplessly. Despite myself I wondered what it would be like
to die - to know it was coming and to allow it. She
knew it would be quick.
This wasn’t the Cres I knew - she would have
gone out in pain, fighting.
“No, you wouldn’t, you’d be out here kicking arse better than you would be with me holding you down.” I squeezed her; and in a rare show of affection
she placed her head against me.
“Thanks, L.”
“Okay?” I glanced in her eyes again, searching for
the confirmation that it was just a moment of sadness, that she didn’t really want me to do it. “Yeah,” she smiled limply. “Forget I said anything, I just get down about things sometimes,” she
shrugged.
I hoped she was just testing me. I couldn’t lose
her.
“Well, don’t ’cause I’m here, we’ll help each other,
I won’t forget how you have helped me Cres, you can
rely on that.” I meant it. She nodded. I handed her
a water bottle. “And you can bet your arse I’m not
going to let anyone hurt you, including yourself – or
I will hurt them personally.” I nudged her playfully.
“Cres, you are invaluable, I know it.” I nudged her
again and returned to our former topic. I tried to ignore her sadness. “Now teach me, master. How quick
do they heal? - Cres?”
She seemed a thousand miles away.
“What?” she said, finishing her water bottle and
wiping her chin with her shirt. “Oh, um I don’t know,
I heal half as quick,” she contemplated momentarily. Secretly I hoped she wasn’t thinking exactly why I wanted to know. As usual I was pretending it was for training purposes, when really I only wanted to
know when Sky might return.
“Um, breaks a d–” I heard her quickly correct –
“a few days, sprains, bruises hours, cuts half a day…”
She smiled and threw the bottle at me. I caught it
and she ran. I chased her over the rocks through the
scrub, I could hear the crackles of the underbrush and
then sound of sticks breaking. It was a dark night and
it was now quiet. I could hear the breeze gently ruffle
the top leaves. I stopped and before I could think it,
she descended from above.
Her weight knocked me to the ground – she didn’t
go easy on me even from the beginning. I hit my forearm along some jagged sticks and leaves. Thankfully
she wasn’t too rough because I wasn’t winded – that
brought back bad memories. She morphed back,
crouching. I rolled onto my back and felt the other bits of gravel and sticks poking my muscles. She
stood over me and leant forward. I put my hands up
and she leant on them, easing her weight and our fingers interlocked. I thrust my foot upward we flipped
over; I managed to land on top, my knee over her
throat, my gun pulled with one swift movement to
now rest against her temple. I squeezed the trigger. “Good – again,” she said cheerfully as I applied
the safety on the unloaded gun.
After a few hours practice tumbling and learning technique 101 How to kill a Werewolf, we sat and talked about guns, because until I was changed I knew it would be my biggest defence. Discussion
turned to what was really on our minds.
“We can’t be sure but we think Sam might try
to come back,” she confessed. Cres’s fingers pulled
blades of grass.
“For the pack?” I added.
“No, for you.” At least I knew she was being honest with me. She stripped the gun and began cleaning
it with a rag from her pocket.
“Were you keeping an eye on me from the start?” “Since your first night, I heard the pack howling.
I was reading in bed, I knew something had changed.
Those cries weren’t for me,” she said to the gun. “So you knew the hunter had arrived?”
>
“Yes, but we were never sure.” I knew she was just
covering herself, I knew she was sure.
“Was I so slow to develop?”
“Yes, but I think everything happens in its own
time.”
“Do you think it’s ‘cos you were here,” I said
thinking.
“Yeah,” she rubbed the barrel with the cloth. “When I went to the library you were following
me, weren’t you?”
“I was laughing at you being berated by the li
brarians,” she admitted.
“Cres! You mean you could have saved me!” I
joked.
“From them, yeah, but it would have spoilt all the
fun,” she laughed.
“Why did you hide from Angie, Tealy’s friend?” “She had the venom already, I wanted to protect
you.”
“But I thought as soon as you were bitten, you
changed instantly.” I recalled from memory that she
wasn’t yet luminescent – a sign of the poison. “Everybody changes differently. I think it depends on a lot of things, your age your body weight,
your metabolism…”
“You were unable to stop it?”
“I guess I was distracted.”She shrugged dejectedly. “It’s not your fault, Cres,” I soothed. I changed
the subject “Where’s your bite mark, Cres?” “-From the attack?”
“The one Sam gave you, the one that turned you?” She pulled up her jumper over her torso and in
the moonlight I made out a rippled dent in her side. I
imagined Sam lunging at her the way she had for me. “She got me there, because she wanted to change
me. She had no intention of finishing me off.” She
shook her head and pressed her lips together into a
hard smile.
It was obvious to me now that Sam had avoided
easier areas such as the hands and legs, which would
have damaged her also; I was taught they went for
the neck in an attack. I wanted to tell her it was cruel,
but I didn’t believe that, because I wanted that cruelty. “What does your aunt think of the scars?” I
picked a piece of grass and threw it.
“Signs of the devil,” she sighed.