by Kelly Long
In fact, every time she saw her grandparents, it seemed like someone was frowning. Most times it was her dat. He seemed to do nothing but glower at everyone these days. Glower. That was a gut word. She had heard her aenti Reba say that to her father the last time they all went over to visit. At the time, Constance wasn’t sure what the word meant, but one look at her father’s face cleared that right up.
“That’s enough, jah?” Hope asked, looking to Constance for approval. She was always looking at Constance like that with hope and trust in her eyes. Both of them did. That was her duty as the oldest: take care of her sisters. But it was hard.
They had been looking up to her for the past year. Ever since Mamm died in that terrible buggy wreck. But this fall had been especially hard. Their grandmother and aunt had stopped coming by the house every day. That left the washing, cleaning, and cooking up to Constance, her sisters, and their overworked father.
That’s when she came up with the plan to get a new mamm for Christmas. Well, the idea hadn’t come to her right away, but after overhearing the conversation between their father and Bernice, she knew. She knew that Bernice Yoder was the mother for them. She was pretty and nice and she smelled good, like lilacs after a summer rainstorm. Constance had taken one whiff of their teacher and almost cried with the joy of an answered prayer.
She had prayed and prayed and God had sent her Bernice Yoder.
From there the plan fell into place as easy as slopping the hogs. If Bernice was worried about them showing up for school a little messy, then they would go to school a lot messy. She would have no choice but to come out to the house again and talk to their father. And this time, if God was on their side, their dat would notice how pretty she was and how good she smelled. He would stop frowning and that would be that. They would get married, and everyone would live happily ever after like the stories in the Englisch fairy tales.
“Constance?” Hope’s voice brought her out of her thoughts.
“Jah?”
“Am I dirty enough?” Hope turned in a circle so Constance could see her from every angle.
“Mess up your hair a bit more and maybe put some of the jelly from your sandwich on your face and that should do it.”
“I want some jelly on my face, too.” Lilly Ruth bounced on her toes as she waited for her sister to smear her with today’s lunch. Constance hated wasting food. Surely it was a sin, but a necessary one. And Bernice would expect them to come a sandwich or two short for the noon meal. Just one more way to show Bernice how much the Schmucker family needed her.
Constance looked at both of her sisters, gave her nod of approval, and proceeded to muss her own hair. Her father had worked so hard to roll the sides and pull it back into a lopsided bob at the back of her head. But this was necessary, and all of their efforts would soon be worth the deceit they had made.
“Let’s go.” Constance picked up her cooler and together the three of them headed toward the school. Her heart pounded in her chest. What if today was the day? The day that Bernice decided that another visit was necessary. Her mouth went dry at the thought. They were so close to getting a new mamm.
But Constance’s footsteps faltered as she neared the schoolhouse.
“What’s wrong?” Hope asked. She and Lilly Ruth stopped and waited for their sister to catch up.
“Look.” She nodded toward the small porch at the front of their one-room schoolhouse.
“Aenti Reba!” Lilly Ruth made like to run and greet their sweet aunt, but Constance put out a hand to stop her.
“You can’t go up there like that,” she said, brushing at the mud she had so very recently used to streak her sister’s dress.
“What’s she doing here?” Hope asked.
“She’s probably our substitute teacher for the day. Remember? Bernice said her cousin was getting married today, and she was going to the celebration.”
Hope nodded.
Ach, how she wished she had a wet rag to wipe her sister’s face. There was no hiding the jelly mess on her freckled cheeks.
Maybe they should just go back home. Or hide out somewhere in town until school was over.
But it was too late. Reba had already seen them.
“Come on, girls.” She motioned them toward the school. “You’re holding up the lessons.”
Having no other choice, Constance, Hope, and Lilly Ruth trudged the rest of the way to school.
“What in the world happened to you three?” Their aunt plopped her hands on her hips and looked at each one of them in turn.
“We, uh . . . fell,” Constance finally said.
“All three of you?”
Constance swallowed hard and nodded.
Lying wasn’t gut. Wasn’t good a’tall. But she would take the brunt of the reprimand. As the oldest, that was her responsibility. She would tell the lie to protect her sisters and then pray all night that the Lord forgave her this sin.
“Onto a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” Reba wiped at the corner of Lilly Ruth’s mouth.
“Maybe,” the youngest Schmucker replied.
Hope bumped her with her shoulder to hush her up.
“Ow.” Lilly Ruth rubbed her arm and glared at her sister.
“Take these and wipe your faces.” Reba offered them the tub of Wet Wipes. “I’m not sure what to do about your hair.” She shook her head as she looked at them each in turn.
Constance knew they looked a sight, but the show hadn’t been for their aunt to see.
“Go on to your seats.” Reba sighed.
Constance dragged her feet as she followed her sisters to their desks. All eyes were on them, and Constance had never felt so bad. Her plan had somehow gotten all twisted around. And there was nothing she could do about it now.
Jess came out of the barn, blinking in the sun to clear his vision. It might be overcast and gray outside, but it was still darker in the barn. But with such heavy clouds, he wouldn’t be surprised if it started snowing again.
“There you are.”
He started at the sound of his sister’s voice. “Reba. What are you doing out here?” Dare he get his hopes up? Had she come back to help him get his house in order? Never again would he take her assistance for granted.
“Did I scare you?”
He shook his head, managing not to laugh at her crestfallen expression.
“Next time,” she promised. She had been trying to scare him for so long that he had gotten accustomed to the ambush attacks from her. Maybe one day. When he was in a more charitable mood, he would pretend to be scared just to make her happy.
She swung down from the wagon, her violet dress swishing beneath the hem of her black woolen coat. The purple was a shock of a color and Jess wondered if their conservative bishop had seen it. Most church leaders didn’t dabble so much in the everyday lives of their district. Bishop Daniel Mullet was not one of those.
“So, what brings you out here today, sister?” Jess managed to keep his hopes in check. Wouldn’t do to let her know how desperate he was for her help.
Reba’s normally impish smile fell. “Something happened at school today.”
“The girls?” Jess whirled toward the house. They had come home just a few minutes before and headed inside straightaway. He was slowly catching up on things, but there were still a lot of chores to do.
“Are fine,” she said. “But they came to school dirty.”
Jess slammed his hands on his hips. Never in his life had he felt this close to violence. He knew he was being unreasonable but he was working extra hard—extra, extra hard—and he didn’t need his sister coming over starting in like Bernice Yoder. “I’ve been wiping their faces before they leave the house, making sure their clothes are clean—” He let out a pent-up breath and tried to calm himself. He was overly tired, overly sensitive, and overly . . . everything.
Reba laid a gentle hand on his arm. “I know.”
“Would you like to explain that?” He managed to tame his voice to a smooth tone without
even the slightest hitch.
“I was at the school today as their substitute teacher.”
Jess nodded. “Go on.”
“Well, when they got to school they had mud on their coats and dresses, dirt and peanut butter on their faces, and their hair looked like they had been through a tornado.”
“Did you say peanut butter?”
Reba nodded. “And jelly.”
“You know I wouldn’t let them leave the house like that.”
“I thought so, but . . .”
“But what?”
Her blue eyes so like his sparkled with something akin to pity. “Losing Linda Grace cannot have been easy. I was concerned that maybe you had slipped a bit.”
Slipped? He wasn’t even going to respond to that. “I’m fine,” he said. He had lost count of how many times he had said those very same words in the last week or so. But was he fine? Had he slipped? He thought he was on the track toward catching up and getting things back in order. But he couldn’t work at this pace forever.
He needed to hire a hand to help him in the barn. Or a housekeeper to look after the girls. He needed a wife. The thought took his breath away. He wasn’t ready for that. Not by far.
“I’m fine,” he said again, but his voice had lost its earlier confidence. Or had it ever been there?
“So why did the girls come to school so disheveled?”
There was that word again. Bernice Yoder’s heart-shaped face popped into his mind. When would he be free of her?
“I don’t know,” he finally said. “But I plan to. For sure and for certain.”
Only Lilly Ruth came to dinner with a smile on her face.
Jess watched his daughters file into the dining area and take their places around the table. Constance and Hope looked as if the sky would fall any minute.
Jess didn’t say anything as they settled in and bowed their heads. Silently they said their prayers and served their plates.
“Anything interesting happen at school today?”
Lilly Ruth gave him a huge smile that held great charm even though her two front teeth were missing. “Aenti was our teacher today.”
“Is that so?” Jess took a roll off the paper plate in front of him and wished that he’d thought to put the butter on the table.
“Jah.” Lilly Ruth nodded enthusiastically. She bounced in her seat, and Jess knew she was swinging her legs under the table. That was his sweet Lilly Ruth, never still. “Bernice went to a wedding,” she continued. “So Reba came.”
“I see.” Jess chewed his dry bread and waited for his daughter to continue.
“We didn’t talk about much. Just peanut butter.”
“Peanut butter?” He stopped and waited.
“And—ow!” She glared at her sister.
Constance shot Lilly Ruth her own look, and Jess hid his smile. His girls were spirited, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. “Dat doesn’t want to talk about peanut butter, Lilly.”
“You didn’t have to kick me.” Lilly Ruth frowned.
“Constance, apologize to your sister.”
“But I didn’t kick her.”
“Did, too.”
“Constance.”
“Sorry, Lilly Ruth,” Constance said, but Jess noticed that his middle daughter had ducked her head, as well. Perhaps his firstborn was not the one responsible.
“Hope?”
“Sorry, Lilly Ruth.”
“All right then. Anything else interesting happen?” He looked at each one of them in turn.
“No, Dat,” they said in unison.
His daughters were tight-lipped now, but if their downcast eyes were any indication, he’d have a confession before bedtime.
“Dat?”
Jess looked up from his Bible, pushing his reading glasses farther down his nose to better see his daughter.
Constance eased into the room as if it were filled with a den of poisonous snakes. “Can I talk to you?”
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for bed?” He wasn’t going to make this easy on her.
She ran trembling hands down the front of her plain white nightdress and took a couple more cautious steps toward him. “I’m ready.”
“What do you want to talk about?” Jess took off his glasses completely and used his finger to hold his place in the Bible. He gave his daughter his full attention.
“I’ve done something wrong, and I’m sorry.”
“Oh?”
She nodded, inching closer still. She was near enough to touch, and Jess had to resist the urge to reach out and pull her into his lap. She needed to face what she had done. There would be time for forgiveness and love later.
“I—When Bernice—I mean—” She shifted from one foot to the other as he patiently waited. “Hope, Lilly Ruth, and me, we’ve been getting dirty on the way to school. On purpose.”
Jess leaned back and pretended to think on the matter. “Ach, now, why would you go and do something like that?”
Constance shifted, studied the ground, then bravely lifted her gaze to his. “We—I thought that maybe if we were dirty enough, then Bernice would come back out here. And maybe if she did, you might notice how pretty she is. And sweet and kind.”
He had noticed, all right.
“And maybe then . . . she would make a good fraa, no?”
“No. I mean, Constance, you cannot go around dirtying yourself in hopes of finding me a wife.” Actually hearing her say the words was more painful than he could have imagined. Did his daughter think him that lonely? Or desperate? Or maybe it was that they needed a mamm far more than he needed a companion.
“I know, Dat, and I’m sorry.”
“I’m not the only one you should apologize to.”
She nodded.
“And what of your sisters?”
“They had no hand in this. Only did what I told them to do.”
“And you take all the blame.”
“Yes, Dat.”
Jess sighed. He had raised a noble daughter to be sure, but his younger two were not without blame.
“Tomorrow you will go to school and apologize to your teacher.”
“Yes, Dat.”
“All of you.” He bit back another sigh. He was too tired and confused to think about this clearly tonight. Maybe after a good night’s sleep it would all look clearer. “Go on up to bed now.”
“That’s all?” Constance’s eyes held a gleam of hope.
“I’ll decide what other penance you should serve tomorrow.”
“Yes, Dat.” She turned and headed for the stairs, her footfalls heavy. But before she climbed up to her room, she turned. “I truly am sorry.”
So was he. “I know. Good night, daughter.”
“Good night,” she said, then made her way up to her room.
Jess watched her go, his heart sad, his breath heavy in his lungs. The lengths his children would go to in order to see a plan through. It was admirable and disturbing all at once. And he couldn’t help thinking: She wasn’t the only one who owed Bernice Yoder an apology.
CHAPTER 5
Jess walked up the steps leading to the schoolhouse dreading what was to come. Two days ago he’d walked up these very steps never imagining that he would be returning so soon with his hat in his hands, so to speak.
Since the program, Bernice had placed a sheet of plastic over the door. It was decorated with a snowman and winter scene, across which she had written All ye who enter, come with Christmas cheer and a joyful heart. The message was surrounded by hand-drawn sprigs of green holly complete with bright red berries. The writing was neat and orderly, much like the woman herself, but seemed to have a flair that belied its tidy nature. Maybe there was more to the woman than he realized.
He snorted at his own thoughts. What was he, some sort of handwriting expert now? He needed to get a grip and soon. Maybe after this talk with Bernice, he would head over to the general store and see about putting an ad on the bulletin board. The sooner he got some help on the
farm and with the house, the sooner these crazy thoughts would abandon him. And that couldn’t happen soon enough.
Without another hesitation, he pushed his way into the schoolhouse.
Unlike his last visit, the desks were all in their proper place. Four neat rows ran the length of the room. Two large chalkboards covered most of the far wall and the one to the right. Various assignments were written there, waiting for the scholars to complete them. Paper candy canes hung from the ceiling on lengths of yarn. A chain of red and green construction paper looped around the perimeter of the room and added to the festive décor.
The children were reading and writing. The two eighth-grade girls were helping some of the younger children with their lessons, while Bernice worked with another group. None of them had heard him come in.
He cleared his throat and all eyes turned toward him.
“Dat!” Constance and Hope managed to keep their seats, but Lilly Ruth jumped up and flung her arms around him, dancing in place as she did.
Bernice straightened and nodded toward him. “Good morning, Jess. This is a surprise.” Her eyes were guarded as she studied him, as wary as a deer in late November.
“I was hoping that I might have a word with you today.”
She swallowed hard, but nodded. He could find no fault in her hesitancy. He hadn’t actually been receptive the last two times they’d talked. Which were the only times they’d ever spoken. It wasn’t like they had a good record.
“We have to sing first.” A girl he thought was one of the Miller kids stood up next to her desk, gaining the teacher’s attention. “We always sing for visitors.”
He knew that was one of the school traditions, but one look at Bernice’s face and he thought she might protest. Instead she gave a quick nod and the children all filed to the front of the classroom.